Monday, June 30, 2014

Reasons I'm A Different Kind Of Chick

I've noticed that I don't always act like the women around me.

It's okay though. I like that we're all different.

I actually have friends who do almost ALL the things I've listed. And again, it's okay.



Here are reasons I'm a different kind of chick (peep!):



--Shoes are just things that I wear on my feet. Some women get excited about them. I hate wearing heels. How am I supposed to have a good time if my feet are killing me? I mainly live in sneakers. Or flip flops. If I have to wear heels for a special occasion, I do so with a pinched, uncomfortable expression on my face.


--I don't have an urge to do crossfit. Or run. Or Zumba. Or Yoga. Or Kale.


--I'm not touchy feely. Growing up I'd notice other girls playing with each other's hair. I didn't want anyone messing with my hair. I didn't need to hug when I said goodbye. If a friend was upset, I'd get uncomfortable and try to crack a joke. I remember thinking, "I hope she's not expecting a hug because I don't wanna.."


--I don't use cutesy names. I notice on Facebook, women will go, "Hey girlie!" or "Hey lady!" I just say "Hey." Or use their names.


--Name brands do nothing for me. A lot of women like Michael Kors and will gush over their new purse. I want to say, "You paid $200 for a bunch of MKs all over the dang place?" Most of my purses come from Kohls or Target. From the clearance bin.


--Fifty Shades of Gray grossed me out. Women were fawning over Christian and all I could think was, "He had period sex with Anastasia. He removed her tampon. He's controlling and yuck."


--I wear basic sweatpants. I notice a lot of women around me want to rush to Victoria's Secret to buy overpriced sweats with PINK down the side. Why would I pay double (or triple) the price for sweats with writing on it?


--I don't feel the urge to post multiple photos of myself sitting in my car. Or I don't care to share to the world my legs and toes as I sit near the pool or beach. I'll just post a picture of the pool or the beach. My lower half does not need to be included.



So.

How are you a different kind of chick?

Friday, June 27, 2014

In Which Natalie Saw Hook For The First Time

I've written about how I like to have movie nights with the kids when my husband is gone.

This time, we watched Hook.

Natalie takes her viewing area seriously and brought down most of her bed.



And added a carpet walkway.

Tommy had already seen the movie. Natalie had not. She knows all about Peter Pan and Captain Hook though. And Tinkerbell, of course.

But before I get into the movie, did you guys know this?


The Goblin King as Hook? I'm not sure I see it.

Anyway...

Natalie was concerned because Peter forgot everything. 

"Will he ever remember again? What is going to happen to his children?" 

She thought the Lost Boys were going to kill him.

"Does the movie end here?" she asked.

"No, stupid. That would make no sense," Tommy grumbled.

Natalie whacked him with one of her many pillows. "Don't call me stupid, you rude boy!"

"No name calling. Let's watch!" 

Natalie was like, "Phew! Someone likes Peter," when this happened:


She wanted to have a food fight when this happened:


(I said no.)

Natalie liked when Peter remembered and began to fly. 

"He's in his green outfit!" she shouted happily.


She was not happy when (spoiler alert) Rufio was killed. 


"He's not really dead IS HE?" 

"I'm afraid so."

But she WAS happy when Peter's children were saved. And when Captain Hook was eaten by the crocodile. "He deserved it for being so mean!"

I love this movie. If you haven't seen it, you're probably super young, and I feel incredibly old.

Bangarang!

But that's not my favorite line in the movie.

No.

This is:



I always crack up and when it's snowing outside, I think of Toodles shouting his line and slamming the door. 

When the movie was over, I asked Natalie if she liked it. 

"Yes. But Maggie's happy thought was her Mommy. No offense, but mine would be Daddy."



Somehow, I'm not surprised.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Finishing An Awesome TV Series

I love history.

I especially love anything that has to do with the Tudors. Of course most people know about Henry VIII and his love of chopping off heads.

But what happened BEFORE Henry VIII?

I checked out The White Queen on Netflix. It's based on Philippa Gregory's books. If you haven't read her books, you need to.

The series is about two sides who want control of the crown. It reminds me of two children bickering and whining "I want the crown!" "No, I want the crown!"

It's the House of Lancaster versus the House of York. Someone is crowned--and then the crown is taken. Crown is back. And taken again.

It would have been a pain in the ass to live back then.

Meanwhile, Henry VIII's grandma is certain that her son, the heir of the house of Lancaster, will one day be king. We know it happens, but this lady seems a bit nutso when she spouts this out.


She keeps saying it! Even when the house of York pops out boys. Her husband is even like, "Lady, how is your son going to get on the throne with all these boys?"

Well, it turns out those boys start dying. You've heard of the Princes in the tower, yes? Well, the boy who was SUPPOSED to get the crown disappears, along with his brother. His uncle takes the crown for himself, saying that the boys were bastards.

It's just...a giant medieval soap opera, and I LOVE IT.

A lot of the people of England were like, "WTF?" when King Richard took the crown for himself instead of giving it to his nephew. So that gives an opening for Henry VIII's granny! A war ensues. The House of York against the House of Lancaster! History calls it The Wars of the Roses. Or, in that particular fight, the battle of Bosworth. It's like an insane football game--only this one includes swords and armor.

The series is amazing and I was bummed when I had watched all the episodes.

I wanted to see Henry VII's reign! See, he marries a York girl, because they want to have peace. You can imagine some drama comes from that. Henry VII's mama, who knew her son would be king, is...well...not the nicest mother-in-law.

It turns out, there MIGHT be a series about Henry VII's reign. Of course England will get to see it first, and I'm incredibly jealous. You guys have some fascinating history.

So yes, I always hate when I finish an awesome series.

Go see it, if you haven't!

(Someone even gets drowned in wine since he was guilty of treason. It was the king's brother, actually. Oops. Apparently this was only a RUMOR of really happening in the 1400s though. Still. Yikes.)

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post. Grab the button if you'd like!
-----------------

To feel better about myself when my meat comes out raw when I'm cooking because most of the professional cook people on Hell's Kitchen do it all the time. (Note to self: don't order the fried chicken if I ever go there.)


To like the word slacks. It just sounds so fancy. "Are those new slacks?"


To miss Tom. We won't be able to see him again until after his military class.


To be excited to do a pirate cruise today. You get to go on a ship that looks like a pirate one, plus there are all sorts of pirate activities. I'll post pictures on Instagram.


To have a giveaway for a copy of The Lego Movie here.


To hope I can still get online while at the beach--sometimes the rooms don't get a WiFi signal very well. But I have my phone to update Twitter at least.


To be ready for Big Brother to start again! I'll have to DVR it as I'm at the beach right now.


To have finally found the cotton candy grapes at HEB. They are good and yes, they do taste like cotton candy! I love HEB! (And the nicotine stuff is my Dad's. When I posted the photo last week some people thought they were mine. Nope. The ice cream isn't mine either. It's dairy free. Ick!)






Airing My Dirty Laundry


Monday, June 23, 2014

I Partied With Goats!

Good news!

Tom was able to join us on my birthday! (Which was June 19th.)


I'm kidding.

Clearly it's an angry antelope. Or deer. Or something. But the face reminded me of Tom's. I'm sure it really was happy on the inside. It just has a bitch resting face.


We went to the Natural Bridge Wildlife Ranch on my birthday, and yes, it was fun.

There were all sorts of interesting creatures to see.


"Someone best feed me now!"

Yeah.

You could feed the animals as you drove past.


A lot of animals just stared, which was slightly unnerving. Were they debating ramming the vehicle? Or flinging poop? But wait, monkeys did that. Not...deer. Or antelope. Or whatever these things were.


Some animals stuck their faces right in the windows and were like, "Someone in this here car better feed me.."




Natalie loved feeding everyone.

Tommy?

Did not.


"Ahh!"


Natalie was like, "I'll feed everyone!"


We discovered ostriches don't tolerate any nonsense. Much like Mary Poppins.


This one almost pecked Natalie's eyes out.


"I see all you human beings in here. Someone is going to feed me."


"Did you not hear me?"

Natalie tossed a bunch of food out to get it to leave.

Don't mess with the ostriches.

We interrupted bath time for this fuzzy thing. An alpaca, maybe?


Natalie tossed food at it and it was all, "I don't eat such garbage. Move along."

And then there was a petting zoo. We had extra food, so we gave it to the goats, who behaved like a bunch of pigs.


"Food? Food?" I get it, goats. I'm the same way when someone presents McDonalds.


"Should the goat be doing this?" Tommy asked, panicked.


I told Natalie these goats were fighting for her honor:


"I don't know what that means, but okay," Natalie answered.

I recommend the Wildlife Ranch if you're ever in Texas. They do a military discount as well and you get one bag of food free (extra is $2.50 a bag.)

When we got home, I had a surprise waiting for me: a vase full of flowers sitting by the front door, sent by Tom.



I love them. I love that Tom was thinking of me even though we couldn't be together on my special day.

But that wasn't the end of my birthday.

No, we also went to downtown Texas for dinner. At the Rainforest Cafe. I wanted to pick a place where I knew the kids would be content, so I could fully enjoy my birthday meal.

Thank goodness we didn't go the day before. The day before all these Spurs fans were out, celebrating the fact that tall men are able to shoot a ball into a basket. It confounds me, but okay Texas!

I ordered an alcoholic beverage because A) it was my birthday and B) Tom wasn't around to help me take care of the kids, so I felt I EARNED the booze.


The Rainforest Cafe, for those who don't know, is this place that is set up like the...well, rainforest. You'll hear animal sounds and every half hour a thunderstorm goes off--flashing lights, and water--I'm kidding--no water. Just the booms and the lights. It's not overly scary, and the kids seem to love it.

Natalie pretended to be afraid of this snake:



I ended up having a fun birthday. I did miss Tom a lot, but I'm glad I went to Texas to spend it with my parents.

I'll always remember this birthday as the one with feisty animals....



**I'm at the beach until the 29th. I'm not sure how the WiFi situation will be. I have scheduled posts and I hope to be able to reply to comments. I can read them all on my phone, but in case I don't have WiFi, I might not be online as much. You can read updates on my Twitter account.**

Friday, June 20, 2014

Why I Don't Do Yoga

Yoga.

It seems everyone around me loves to do it.

Some have even asked me to join them.

I always decline.

Why?

Let me share the reasons.







1. I would laugh seeing everyone fold or bend in different directions. Butts waving in the air is hilarious to me. Feet dangling in the air is hilarious to me.





2. If someone farted while in a hilarious position, I'd die laughing. I'd disrupt the class and the instructor would ask me to remove myself. Farts are funny. I don't understand people who don't react when someone farts. It's not natural.






3. I am not flexible enough. I'd fall over. I'd probably make the person next to me fall over. The entire CLASS could fall over.




4. If the instructor asks everyone to find their inner tranquility or starts with the "ohhmmm" chanting, this would make me explode with laughter. The only time I find my inner tranquility is when I'm devouring chocolate. Or a giant piece of cake.






So no, I could never do Yoga.

It's just not my thing.

Is it your thing? (Ohmmmmmmm)

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Flying On Airplanes

I hate flying.

I had to fly to Texas yesterday.

I hate going through the security line. I try to move as quickly as I possibly can, yet there's alway someone behind me huffing and puffing impatiently.

"Go ahead," I'll urge, and the person will go, "It's FINE," in a voice that conveys IT IS NOT FINE. Dude! Just GO AROUND! I have CHILDREN! I don't have a husband to help.

Going through a security line with kids can be tricky. Tommy gets overwhelmed easily and the fast pace of it all makes him nervous and on the verge of a meltdown. I'll remind him to take deep breaths. Natalie will worry about the toys in the backpack.

"They don't want to go through that scary, dark tunnel thing!"

"Well, they have to. Sweetie, stop arguing, there's a line."

By the time we've gone through, it feels like I've run a marathon. Not that I know what running a marathon actually feels like, I'm just guessing.

Being on the actual airplane is scary. I immediately think of the show Lost. I always stare at my fellow passengers, wondering who will have what role if we crashed. Who would be Jack? Sawyer? Kate?

But then I panic, thinking of what all the people on Lost went through:


I don't want bits of the plane exploding behind me!

Taking off makes me nervous. I'll grip my armrests, if I can. Sometimes I'm beside a person who won't share, aka, my children. 

If there is any sort of turbulence, I panic.


"Why did the plane jump like that?"

"What's that strange sound?"

"It's nothing. Relax," my children have to tell me. Yes, my children. They like to fly. 

I might even say this:



I also keep a close eye on other passengers. If someone is acting or looking suspicious, I panic. 

Landing isn't fun either. I have to hope that everyone in the tower is directing planes safely. Have you seen the stories where planes have almost collided?!

Or stories where a wheel has popped off upon landing?


Flying scares the dickens out of me. 

Thankfully Tom is picking me up after he finishes his military class so we'll just drive home. 

Do you guys like flying in airplanes? Or do you flip out like I do?

(By the way, today is my birthday! Follow my adventures on Instagram!)

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The Lego Movie Giveaway! **CLOSED**

**CLOSED**

I used random.org to pick a winner and it chose...number 16, which is Blissed Out Grandma! Congrats!


Everything is awesome!

I dare you not to sing this after seeing The Lego Movie.



Here's some info about the movie that I received in the e-mail:

The LEGO® Movie, the first-ever, full-length theatrical LEGO® adventure, directed by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller is an original 3D computer animated story that follows Emmet, an ordinary, rules-following, perfectly average LEGO minifigure who is mistakenly identified as the most extraordinary person and the key to saving the world. He is drafted into a fellowship of strangers on an epic quest to stop an evil tyrant, a journey for which Emmet is hopelessly and hilariously underprepared.

Chris Pratt (Moneyball) stars as the voice of Emmet. Will Ferrell (The Campaign) stars as the voice of his primary adversary, President Business, an erudite, anal-retentive CEO who has a hard time balancing world domination with micro-managing his own life; while Liam Neeson (Taken) voices the president's powerful henchman, known as Bad Cop, who will stop at nothing to catch Emmet.

Starring as Emmet's fellow travelers are Oscar® winner Morgan Freeman (Million Dollar Baby), as Vitruvius, an old mystic; Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger Games, Emmy nominee for 30 Rock), as tough-as-nails Lucy, who mistakes Emmet for the savior of the world and guides him on his quest; Will Arnett (Emmy nominee, 30 Rock), as the mysterious Batman, a LEGO minifigure with whom Lucy shares a history; Nick Offerman (NBC's Parks and Recreation) as a craggy, swaggering pirate, obsessed with revenge on President Business; and Alison Brie (Community) as a sweet, loveable member of the team, with a powerful secret.


I've seen it before, and I really liked it. Uni-Kitty is the best.


You guys can create your own Lego Movie GIF videos! They are instantly put on YouTube for everyone to enjoy.



Also, listen to Everything Is Awesome.


A lucky reader can win a copy of The Lego Movie on Blu-Ray!


Giveaway Rules:

--Must live in the US


Mandatory Entry:

Answer the following question:

--Have you seen The Lego Movie? If so, who was your favorite character?


To learn more about The Lego Movie, tweet about it using #TheLEGOmovie


I will pick a winner on June 30th.

Good luck!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your blog. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either. Just make sure you link up and that the post you link up is a Hey, It's Okay Post. Grab the button if you'd like!
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To not watch Pretty Little Liars. I just couldn't get into it. I tried, since I kept hearing about it. Oh well. I watch enough TV.


To hate packing. I rant about this a lot. I'm leaving for Texas tomorrow.


To not fold things neatly when I pack. I sort of ball them up and toss them in the suitcase.


To be glad I won't be alone on my birthday. It's Thursday. Tom will be at his military class. I mean, yes, I have my kids, and as fun as they are, it's nice to be around other ADULTS. Luckily I'll be with my parents, who rock. (Literally. The rock out to their rock music.)


To be ready to relax at the beach. We leave for that on Sunday! My Grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousins will be there too. I'm still bummed Tom won't be able to make it. Darn Air Force. Taking him the one time we had plans. *Le sigh*


To have started watching Orange Is The New Black. Finally! I kept hearing about it and decided I needed to see what all the fuss was about. I'm liking it, so far. Another reason why I didn't mind liking Pretty Little Liars. I have enough to watch!


To think it's cool that Natalie loves snakes. I am not a fan, but she thinks they are fantastic. She sort of just took this one from the lady. I'm not sure if she was really allowed to hold it.




Airing My Dirty Laundry


Monday, June 16, 2014

Father's Day and Texas Roadhouse Rolls

My Dad rocks.

He lets Natalie do this.



She loves his hair.

He was a stay at home Dad, before it became the norm. I loved having him home with me. He was the cool parent on the street and I thought it was odd that other people had their mothers home. My kids adore him.


They also adore their Daddy.




Of course Natalie wrote that Daddy was her favorite. "But don't worry. I still like you too," she promised.


We got Tom a pocket hose, because he had been wanting one. Plus a shark with a laser beam attached to its head. A mini one, obviously. ThinkGeek.com rocks.

And this t-shirt:



Then Natalie wanted to take some photos for her Daddy:




"Chewbacca needs to take a photo too!" She loves Chewbacca.

And then I told her that I was going to give Daddy a kiss when we went inside:



Tom picked out Texas Roadhouse for lunch. Rolls! (I had 3.)



Unfortunately, soon after we ate, Tom had to leave for his military class.


"Don't go, Daddy! I love you too much!"


Still, we were able to have a good day.




I hope all the Dad's had a fantastic day!


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