Natalie came home from school and I found a can in her backpack.
"Um," I said, lifting it out. "Did the boy who likes you give you a CAN?"
One never knows with children.
"No," Natalie answered and looked at me like I was an idiot. "It's for my character can project."
Immediate dread filled my stomach. Project? No. NO.
"Here." Natalie handed me the paper about it.
"This is crap," I said while reading.
Natalie shrugged. "Blame my teacher."
I hate projects like this. I detest crafting.
"SIX TO EIGHT SENTENCES?" I shouted, because the paper said the kid had to write six to eight sentences about the book. You have to understand, getting Natalie to write is difficult. She whines. She moans. And I had to ensure that she did it SIX TO EIGHT TIMES. And it had to be neat writing and Natalie's writing is not neat.
I sighed and massaged my temples. Why does this nonsense have to happen when Tom is deployed? Tom is good at putting things together. I am not.
"What character do you want to do?" I asked in a defeated tone.
"Little Red Riding Hood. I like how she wears red. I like wolves," Natalie said. Maybe she forget the part in the story when the wolf ATE Little Read Riding Hood? I don't know.
"Okay. Well. Okay. You'll be doing it all. I'll hot glue everything to the can, but the rest is all you."
Natalie looked insulted.
"This is YOUR project. I'm not one of those parents who takes over because of OCD issues. Sorry. You got a non-crafting Mom who curses more than she should," I said.
Natalie did cut out everything. I did hot glue it all. (This was before the thing had hair.)
It LOOKS like a child put it together as it should. It upsets me when I see kids with projects and you KNOW the parent did like 90% of it. Those projects should immediately fail. Or maybe I'm just bitter that some people can create awesome things.
Then came time to write the sentences and guys? I DESERVED the King Sized Twix bar I ate when it was all over. Natalie whined after the second sentence. She messed up after the third sentence so I had her start over again because the project paper stressed that the sentences had to be NEAT.
"I hate this. I hate ALL OF THIS!" Natalie shrieked, banging her fists down on the desk.
"It's only going to get harder as you age. Welcome to life," I replied.
Finally, FINALLY we were done and I made Natalie practice presenting, because a lot of the grade counted on how they presented to the class.
"Enunciate," I reminded Natalie, settling on the couch.
"I don't know what that means," Natalie said, wrinkling her nose.
"It means speak clearly. Don't blend your words together. Don't talk like Six from Blossom."
"I don't know WHO that is. You always CONFUSE me," Natalie replied in a haughty tone.
She presented, and she...well, she stumbled over words in her sentences and claimed her tongue didn't want to say them. So I don't know if she'll get the full amount of points for presenting. At that point I had enough of the character can and wanted it the F out of my house.
So please. NO MORE PROJECTS for the rest of the year. I beg of you, second grade teachers. For my sanity.