So, as most of you know, my husband is deployed.
This means I get to mow the lawn.
I decided I ought to tackle this chore because our backyard looked like a forest. Natalie loved it though. I told her I had to mow and she was like, "Don't destroy my flowers and tall grass! It's my MEADOW!"
(The flowers she was talking about? Weeds.)
I took the cover off the mower and filled it with gas. Tom had drained it before he left. Something about old gas not being good. I don't know. He had put it in a red container, and you had to flick it to POUR in order for the gas to come out. I didn't realize this at first, so I tipped it, and when nothing came out, I went, "The hell?"
Then I realized what needed to be done and all was well again.
Until I went to start the mower.
I held down on the handle and tugged the string.
"Hello!" I shrieked, as I pulled the string. "Start!"
I did this a few times. Nothing.
"What do you want?" I yelled, because I talk to inanimate objects when they won't work.
I added more gas.
I tried again.
"Come on, motherfu*ker!" I shouted. I kicked the wheel. I also curse at inanimate objects when they won't work.
I tried again.
And then...it roared to life.
"Finally!" I yelled over the noise.
Then I got to work. I got rid of Natalie's meadow. Boy, was she pissed when she got home from school.
"I would LAY in the meadow and THINK!" she snapped at me.
I told her to lay in the freshly mowed grass.
"It's not the SAME!"
The backyard looks nice again. I won't get a citation from housing because yes, they do check.
And when I say nice, I don't mean perfect, because something I don't do is weed eat. The grass on the edges will have to wait until Tom returns. I'm too short to hold a weed eater. I tried once and toppled over. I was worried I'd accidentally weed eat off my toe.
"Are you doing it BAREFOOT?" Tom asked when I told him my worries.
"No but...can't the string thingy go through my shoe?"
He was just like:
At least the rest of the yard looks nice!