I hate to run. I've mentioned this several times. I know some people love it. Some of those people are even my friends. They like to try and get me to join them for marathons and it's not going to happen.
I run because I like to eat food like this:
I won't give up eating food like that, and I'm too cheap to buy new clothes, so I run. I generally run through the neighborhood and people have glanced over at me a few times. Perhaps this is what they are thinking?
1. Why is her face bright red?
Answer: Because I'm in intense pain and just want to sit down and eat chocolate.
2. When was the last time she shaved?
Answer: 1997? Kidding. Maybe last week. Perhaps I shouldn't be in shorts, but this is Texas and it's hot. Also, why are you looking at my legs?
3. Why is she breathing so hard? It's not that difficult.
Answer: I'm breathing hard because I'm IN INTENSE PAIN.
4. She looks like a tomato with hair.
Answer: You can kiss my pale white ass. I am in intense pain.
5. Is she cursing?
Answer: I am. I curse because I'm in intense pain. I curse because I'm upset that my metabolism is going and that I have to run in the first place. It's not fair.
6. Her outfit doesn't even match.
Answer: Yup, I'm usually in purple shorts and a yellow top. Or a red top. I don't give a crap. All my "workout" clothes were bought on clearance. I'm not paying full price to do something I abhor.
7. Is that music from The Beach Boys coming from her headphones?
Answer: It is. I can't listen to much music of today or else my ears will bleed.
8. Is she diseased? Is all the sweat normal? Should I call 911? Answer: I am not diseased but in intense pain.
9. Are you okay?
Answer: Yes. I'm obnoxiously dramatic after I run. But hey, this is one outfit I have that actually matches. So there's that. (Someone actually asked if I was okay when she saw me doing this in my yard. Sometimes I behave like I've just finished defeating Darth Vader in long ass lightsaber fight.)
So, do you like to run?