Wednesday, March 1, 2017

He Taught Me Patience





It's weird.

When I found out I was pregnant, I thought of that scene in Beaches, where CC is talking to Victoria, her best friend's daughter. Her best friend, you see, has died and has left CC to raise her daughter.

CC says:

"...I don't know what kind of mother I'd make. You wouldn't believe the things that go through my head sometimes. And I'm very selfish too.."


I didn't know if I could do it. I was 19 and in college. I was an only child and didn't know what it was like to be around a baby. I never babysat because quite frankly, children bugged me.

But things worked out, as they often do. When Tommy was born, I loved him. I knew I'd do anything for him.




I know he taught me patience. He didn't talk until he was three, but now I'm grateful for it. When the words started to form, I celebrated each and every one. Had he spoken at one like a typical kid, would I have celebrated so much? Probably not. I knew Tommy struggled as his lips would twist. His brows would furrow, and I'd go, "It's okay, Tommy. Take your time. You can do it," and he'd smile and garble out a new word.





Later I'd find out he had autism, and in the beginning I blamed myself. I knew my diet hadn't been the greatest while I was pregnant. I was still in college so I ate a lot of fast food. I swallowed down caffeinated beverages without a thought. I remember after I found out he had autism I thought, "I did this. I did this to him." I'm not terribly religious, but I remember looking up and making a deal with whomever is up there. "Please. Please give me the autism. I can take it. Don't do this to my boy."




It took me a long time to realize that having autism wasn't a setback. It was something my son was born with. It was something that taught him--and me--patience. It was something that allowed us to celebrate each and every achievement. While some parents wouldn't think twice about their kid shoving macaroni and cheese into their mouth, it was a dance party when my son finally could grasp the noodle between his thumb and forefinger. He struggled with fine motor skills, you see, so when he finally took hold of that noodle, it meant something.



Today my son is 15. Life doesn't always come easy for him. But he won't ever give up. He even made a YouTube video about not giving up.




I'd like to think that maybe he remembers me cheering him on when he was tiny.


"Think about what you want to say, Tommy. I'll wait. I'll always be here for you."





He knows I'll always be in his corner, cheering him on, no matter how old he gets.




Happy Birthday, Tommy. Thank you for choosing me as your Mom.

149 comments:

  1. He is pretty amazing! :) Happy Birthday, Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awww, Happy Birthday Tommy! He sounds like a great kid.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy Birthday Tommy! what a blessing to have such a loving mother. He sounds like an outstanding young man!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy Birthday Tommy! You're raising the perfect young man. I'm sure he's beyond happy to have you as a mom as well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Whenever we face a struggle, we are pushed to a limit that forces us to learn from and see the light within any circumstances. You were positioned as Tommy's mother for a reason. Happy birthday to your son!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I agree with you that autism is nit a setback. Sometimes it can be difficult, but he is your son. So that alone makes up for everything. He is amazing by the way!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aww this is beautiful! Good on both of you for being so strong. He's such a cutie. "_

    Christie's Take on Life. x

    ReplyDelete
  8. You made me well up. And he made me laugh! Happy birthday Tommy!! Lots of love to all your beautiful family..

    ReplyDelete
  9. He's adorably cute. Ohh those cheeks! Happy Birthday Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hope your son celebrates well. :)
    He seems to be doing great, the girls will knock on your door soon, he is already handsome.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Awww, I love this post - and your tribute to the positive side of what Autism has brought into your life through its effects on your son. I hope his birthday is an amazing one - and Happy Momiversary to you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love this story! Things always seem like the end of the world until we figure out that we are stronger than we know!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Happy Birthday!!!!! This post was so amazing. And I love/d the movie Beaches!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Aw, this made me tear up. I often think that I am nowhere near ready to have a child of my own. But, I guess when it happens, you're ready. That mama instinct is just in us, I suppose!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Happy birthday Tommy, what a brilliant post!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Your mother/son connection is something I aspire to with Des. You and Echo are blog twins today! Also, Happy BIRTHday to you, and Happy Birthday to Tommy. We're all here waiting to see what you'll say!

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a sweet post. My daughter has taught me patience as well. We think we are teaching them, but really we learn so much from our children

    ReplyDelete
  18. This brought tears to my eyes! I will have to show my son his YouTube video for encouragement, as he sometimes get down on himself. You are a great role model for your son.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This is a beautiful blog post! Your son is a blessing in your life, just as you are to him :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Happy Birthday, Tommy. You've got a great mom!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Aww, I can relate so much to this! Happy birthday to him!

    ReplyDelete
  22. First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOMMY!

    This was a beautifully written post--on that had me bawling from the start.

    ReplyDelete
  23. 15! That is a big year! Great heartfelt, true post. He looks like he is going to be great and you have done a great job thus far. Congrats to you both! <3

    ReplyDelete
  24. Happy birthday! your pictures are adorable!

    ReplyDelete
  25. My oldest son is 22 and he had developmental delays. He has taught me patience too.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Happy birthday to Tommy. He's a lucky boy to have such a loving Mum. Enjoy the celebrations. You both deserve them. 🎂🎂

    ReplyDelete
  27. Happy Birthday Tommy. Like you said things happen for a reason and his autism is definitely not a setback and it helped you discover your own identity x

    ReplyDelete
  28. This is absolutely beautiful. I am so grateful that you both have each other. Happy birthday Tommy.

    ReplyDelete
  29. This is a beautiful story. I am still learning patience with my two little bubs. I am a anxious sort of person and patience is something I am really working hard on. For my children and myself.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am so glad that he has learned to never to give up! What a beautiful boy!

    ReplyDelete
  31. wow, sounds a lot like my story, pregnant at 19 dropped out of my first semester of college (i was too sick), single mom and only child. I did love babies though and couldn't wait to have one. My guy will be 18 in may and he has Autism, Bipolar, Adhd, and all kinds of other dx. It is totally amazing how much strength you have when it comes to your child. If it wasn't for him I would not be the mom I am now and wouldn't have been able to get more help for his younger brother who also has Autism, Bipolar, Adhd and a very bad cognitive learning disorder. Happy Birthday!!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Happy birthday, Tommy!! You totally rock!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanking him for choosing you to be her mother was so sweet. He was a wonderful kid and I know he will always be there for you and Natalie no matter what. Happy Birthday Tommy! Thank you for that video of inspiration to everyone, always be a good boy to mom, keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Thank you for sharing this with us. Your son Tommy is awesome. Love his baby pictures. :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Happy Birthday Tommy! Awesome video, loved it!!

    ReplyDelete
  36. He's amazing and so are you. Kids know how to bring out the best in us.

    ReplyDelete
  37. You are a great mom and I'm sure he feels the same way. He was a cute little boy!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Your son sounds just as lucky to have you as his mom as you are to have him as your son. It's funny how even though we may think we're not ready for motherhood, the minute we hold our kids for the first time it's like we can't imagine a life without them.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Awwww! Happy birthday to Tommy! None of us know what kind of mom we will be, but isn't motherhood amazing? He's beautiful and perfect just how he is.

    ReplyDelete
  40. This is so sweet! I can relate to what you've been through. I also thought I was not prepared to be a mom, but once I held that baby in my arms, everything else came naturally. Wishing your son Tommy the happiest of birthdays. He is so lucky to have you as his mom.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Very cool post. I can't tell you how many things my daughter has taught me. Patience is definitely one of those lessons.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Happy Birthday, Tommy! Good luck with your Youtube chanel!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Your journey I know was never been that easy. But I love how you show your love to your son. Tommy is so lucky to have you. Well I guess both of you are lucky to have each other. Be an inspiration to other, good luck on your channel Tommy! -Anosa

    ReplyDelete
  44. I like his journey, he also handsome! Happy Birthday to him!

    ReplyDelete
  45. I love this so much. I have a special needs child as well and have come up with 100,000 ways that her disease could be my fault. I cried when I found out I was pregnant with her, I was done and had two kids already. I lost two grandfathers during my pregnancy, maybe it was my grief. Logically I know none of this is true, but it's so easy to blame yourself. Thank you for this post, it inspires me.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Such a beautiful article! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  47. "But you should give up on drugs." You go, Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Happy Birthday to Tommy! What a sweet boy you have raised. He is lucky yo have you as his mom :)

    ReplyDelete
  49. Happy Birthday Tommy! So sweet and honest that you can share this inside glimpse into autism. I've really been around autism so I would have no idea. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  50. He was such a beautiful baby and has grown into such a handsome young man. I hope that Tommy had an amazing birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Tommy is lucky to have such a patient mom. My niece had two cleft babies and she blamed herself at first even though she couldn't have known or done anything differently. I know it's not the same as autism but having a child born that is different is still a 1000x's better than not having one at all. Richard B

    ReplyDelete
  52. You are an amazing MOM!!! Thank you for letting us be a "part" of your lives one post at a time! Happy B-Day Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Happy Birthday Tommy! You are amazing and I love your energy! You are right, we should never give up what we are doing especially if we love what we are doing. You have an incredible mom who knows how to love well. Always be happy Tommy you are a gift to the world! Thanks for sharing him with all of us!

    ReplyDelete
  54. I admire you for your unconditional love to your son. I know it's not easy to went through all that but you made it. You are amazing! Happy birthday Tommy :)

    ReplyDelete
  55. When you do have children you for sure learn to stay calm. Thanks for sharing your beautiful article.

    ReplyDelete
  56. This is such a sweet post! I admire your strength and your love for him, Amber. Happy Birthday Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  57. ❤ Happy birthday! I know what you mean about milestones. I remember my eldest ,E, finally speaking. She didn't speak conversationally until she was 4. Before that it was only a few words. I was so thankful when it finally clicked for her. It's so difficult when our children struggle. Wonderful that he's come so far. - Elysia

    ReplyDelete
  58. Happy Birthday to him!! What a special connection you guys have :)

    ReplyDelete
  59. Happy Birthday Tommy! Amazing post and beautiful pics. I hope that Tommy had an amazing birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Happy Birthday Tommy! You are an excellent mother. Remember that always. I would love to hug you. I am not a mother yet but I can relate to what you said. We all have strength in us and we should not underestimate what we can do for others.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Everyday. Children are good at doing this!

    ReplyDelete
  62. awww happy birthday Tommy! It's amazing how much we learn from our kids when we are trying to teach them!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Children are as much teachers as they are students...maybe more so. Happy birthday to you dear one!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Awww happy birthday to Tammy. My niece taught me a lot about paitence so i know what you are say. xx

    ReplyDelete
  65. I love this piece so much! I think Aven has helped me too! I love watching our boys grow and we are so lucky to have them.

    ReplyDelete
  66. What a heart warming birthday greeting! Happy Birthday Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  67. He is a blessing. Happy Birthday, Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  68. So cute! I hope he had a wonderful birthday!

    | diaryofasouthernmillennial.com

    ReplyDelete
  69. This made me tear up. There are plenty of new things that we discover about ourselves the moment our child enters the world. You should be proud of the mother that you have become. Happy Birthday, Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  70. This is so heartfelt. He sure is just as lucky to have you as his momma! I love that you both guided each other through the whole parenting thing. Happy Birthday to your awesome son!

    ReplyDelete
  71. Love his energy, he is so adorable :) Happy birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  72. he is toooo cute. happy birthday...so much amazing energy

    ReplyDelete
  73. Wow! I can't imagine what was going through your head when you found out your were pregnant! Happy birthday dude!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Happy Birthday to your sweet son. He's an amazing young man!

    ReplyDelete
  75. Happy Birthday to Tommy. This is such a sweet story. He is so cute!!

    ReplyDelete
  76. This is so amazing. His video is so inspirational.

    ReplyDelete
  77. My story with my son is so similar to your own in so many ways (I thought maybe I did it during pg, too!). I enjoyed reading your story. My son is now 13. We struggle with schoolwork and social cues, but he has come such a long way since he was 3 and was almost nonverbal and couldnt go in public without having a meltdown, and would barely eat because of food aversions. You are so right about celebrating things more. We were so excited when our son finally started eating foods mixed together, which was a huge step for him (milk/cereal, spaghetti/sauce, soups, etc.). Best wishes to you and your family. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same to you! My son has never liked milk, but he can handle spaghetti and sauce. And he can take certain soups without chunks. The chunks freak him out.

      Delete
  78. Happy birthday, Tommy! I am an only child as well and, even at 30, I'm scared to be around babies. Glad to hear that you were able to do it!

    ReplyDelete
  79. This is a really beautiful post. I don't know if I will ever have kids, and I have alot of the same doubts about myself. But this is an amazing post, and I am sure that he appreciates you always being there for him. Happy birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  80. One of my nephews has autism and whilst it's not always easy for him, he has many skills that we don't.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Happy Birthday Tommy! I hope you had a wonderful day and I wanted to let you know you have a pretty cool mom; I really enjoy learning about your amazing family

    ReplyDelete
  82. How time flies so fast and now he's 15! Belated happy birthday and enjoy being you!

    ReplyDelete
  83. You are a great Mum. I can sense it through your writing and the happiness within your kids' faces. I love the movie Beaches too :)

    ReplyDelete
  84. You're such a wonderful mother, Tommy was truely picked out for you. I always look forward to reading about him.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Awww this is adorable! Happy Birthday to him!

    ReplyDelete
  86. I almost teared up! Really loved reading about yours and Tommy's story.

    "...having autism wasn't a setback. It was something my son was born with." - I'm really glad you stopped blaming yourself. Yes, Autism just IS. It is no one's fault that Tommy was born with it.

    After being in mental health recovery, I've grown a compassion toward invisible illnesses like Autism. It's really great that you are openly blogging about it :) More people need to know what it is or is not about.

    First time I'm watching Tommy's videos. I can't really understand him when he goes too fast, but his enthusiasm really shines through :) I look forward to reading more about him.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Happy Birthday Tommy! I can feel that he is a nice boy. Both of you are very lucky to have each other. May Tommy reach all his dreams in life.

    ReplyDelete
  88. I remember reading you when Tommy was a little baby. I thought of you the other day and decided to see if you were still blogging. I am so happy you are. Happy Belated Birthday Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  89. This is truly beautiful! Thanks for sharing something so personal. :)

    ReplyDelete
  90. How incredibly sweet! My son is getting bigger and I am in awe of him.

    ReplyDelete
  91. It looks like you've turned into a great mom and I'm sure your son loves you for it!

    ReplyDelete
  92. Hats off to you, I couldn't imagine having a baby at 19. I think motherhood really makes us ladies reach our potential and step up when perhaps we otherwise wouldn't.

    ReplyDelete
  93. That was such an emotional post Amber, I really had tears! Motherhood has indeed instilled lots of patience and I could so very well understand your struggles. God bless Tommy with a great life.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Awww...wishing Tommy a happy birthday! What a beautiful story. Children can definitely teach us patience.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Patience is one thing that is a work in progress for me. I have heard many moms of autistic kids applaud their child for speaking at 3 versus 1. I complete get that. I have a friend now who's child is speaking and it's a beautiful thing!

    ReplyDelete
  96. This is such a sweet post! Happy Birthday to Tommy! And you are such a good mom. What a beautiful story.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Kids really do have a way of teaching parents patience, don't they?! Happy Birthday to Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  98. What an absolutely beautiful post, happy birthday Tommy I hope you had a lovely one.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Happy birthday Tommy! This is such a wonderfully written post. It's funny how things work out, even when we think we'be been given something we don't want/aren't ready for, like with your sons autism.

    ReplyDelete
  100. As the mom of a son on the autism spectrum, I can not tell you how much I both love and relate to this post! From the stress, to the guilt, to the unconditional joy, I get it. Thank you for sharing such intimate feelings and I wish Tommy the best birthday ever!

    ReplyDelete
  101. I'm sure it was really hard on you being a mom at 19 and then finding out about the autism, but I'm sure you wouldn't trade your journey for the world! What an awesome kid :)

    ReplyDelete
  102. We were so young and I really didn't know what I was doing. Somehow we all survived and learned. Now my baby is 30 years old. Been a wonderful journey.

    ReplyDelete
  103. This is a great journey! Happy Birthday Tommy 😊

    ReplyDelete
  104. He has come along way, and so have you. I think your journey together is amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Awww! He's so precious! As the mother of three teens I can testify that they definitely teach you patience. A happy and God blessed birthday to you, young man! :)

    ReplyDelete
  106. He is lovely and so are you! Like you said there are no stebacks, just different ways to live your life and work with what you got! Never give up!

    ReplyDelete
  107. Happy Birthday Tommy! Motherhood is a wild ride, isn't it? I love the patience that you show him, and the hope that you're showing others with young autistic children <3

    ReplyDelete
  108. Well, Happy Birthday to Tommy. He looks like he is a fine young man. And you sound like a great mom.

    ReplyDelete
  109. He did a fantastic job on the video. My friends Daughter has Autism and is non verbal. She has taught me so many amazing things. She has found other ways to communicate with us and is such a happy girl.

    ReplyDelete
  110. This post gave me chills. You care so much about your son! Happy birthday to Tommy, I hope you had a great one!

    ReplyDelete
  111. I really enjoyed reading your post. I'm a mother of two boys, my youngest is almost three and had viral meningitis which effected his development. He too was delayed in speech. Many don't understand how real a struggle is for both a parent and even more so the child who can't communicate. Love and blessings to you on your journey of parenting.

    ReplyDelete
  112. It's so amazing how children can completely transform our lives for the better. What a beautiful post!

    ReplyDelete
  113. Wishing your son a very Happy Birthday! Yes parenting teaches us a lot of things and patience ranks high on the list. It's such an amazing journey!

    ReplyDelete
  114. Your kid looks so adorable...Wishing him many many happy returns of d day..:)..We need to patience to deal with kids..:)

    ReplyDelete
  115. Happy birthday Tommy ! I guess both of you are lucky to have each other. You are right, we should never give up ! Thank you for this lovely post, it inspires me :-)

    ReplyDelete
  116. LOOOOVE your son's energy! Such a cute video. I completely agree that Autism is not a setback. Thank you for this post!

    ReplyDelete
  117. What a beautiful baby and now a handsome young man! I can tell that you are an awesome mother with a lot of patience. Your son is very lucky!

    ReplyDelete
  118. I remember feeling the same way you did before I had children. You're definitely right, they bring some of our better qualities out that we might not expect.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Aww Happy birthday tommy firstly. He seems like such an amazing kid! You should be so proud! You and tommy chose each other. Am sure he'd learnt a lot from you as have you :) patience is definitely a valuable skill to have <3

    ReplyDelete
  120. What a proud mommy you are and you have absolutely ALL the REASONS in the world to be proud of that handsome and happy boy. He seems like a super smart kid. He's learned a lot from you too. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Becoming a Mom can really change you. I was 32 when I had my first born and I wasn't sure If I can do what Mom does but you learn as you go.

    ReplyDelete
  122. He looks a samrt and he is a handsome guy at 15. I will see his Youtube video. Happy birthday Tommy.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Aww I love it! You are such a good Mom! M son taught me patience so I can imagine how patient you are :) It's good that parents like you say at loud that autism is not the end of the world

    ReplyDelete
  124. Aw! Such a beautiful piece of writing! Happy Belated Birthday Tommy! Thanks Amber for making a difference and creating awareness about Autism! You're awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  125. CC is indeed an epitome of patience. And her never say die attitude is so inspiring. Her patience and grit has rubbed off on her kid who is a living testimony to her patience.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Your post is lovely, it echoes so many things that I think of my son, I know I am a better person for having him.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Happy birthday Tommy! This is such a beautiful heartfelt post I really enjoyed the read. Motherhood really does change you I'm a better person for having my kids

    ReplyDelete
  128. Happy birthday to your precious :) I don't have kids nor want any but this is still so beautiful to me. I'ts amazing what motherhood can teach you.

    ReplyDelete
  129. It's tough to be a parent of autistic kids. From time to time, my patience is still being tested and I ask some similar questions as you. I learned how to cope and tried to focus on the positives.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Patience is something we all need to learn. Some days are better than others. You have a great teacher

    ReplyDelete
  131. Happy Birthday, Tommy! Love the video! You're such a great mom and I applaud you both for not giving up.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Oh my heartstrings. This is so sweet. Motherhood definitely refines us as human beings. Happy Birthday Tommy!!

    ReplyDelete
  133. OMG maybe my little dude will teach me patience!! I need to be taught it, badly!

    ReplyDelete
  134. That is one pretty amazing kid! I have a niece with autism and I'm always amazed at how much they can do and how much they can retain. She is very much into the Civil War and everything you need to know about Civil War she can probably tell you. I am always amazed at these kids.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Parenthood requires patience. Our children are often the vessel in which we learn so many of life's lessons. Tommy has taught you well. Happy Birthday Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  136. You are such an amazing Mum! I am sure parenthood teaches you so many different things for so many different reasons. I hope Tommy had the most amazing birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  137. This is so sweet! I hope he has a wonderful Birthday! When it is my kids birthday I always use that time to reflect on the past year and also look at how far was have come together as Mother and Child. It is such an amazing journey!

    ReplyDelete
  138. I love this post. This is such a sweet birthday post for you son. I hope Tommy has a great day,

    ReplyDelete
  139. Being a parent is so stressful at times. My kids have taught me a lot!

    ReplyDelete
  140. Tommy, happy birthday! You picked a great mom! I loved this post, so heartfelt and personal.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Oh I absolutely love this! Happy birthday gorgeous boy, what an amazing mummy you are. I heard every word.

    ReplyDelete
  142. 19 is so young!! Kudos to you for having raised a sweet, wonderful man. May his YouTube videos be a success and help many other teens through their own issues. :)

    ReplyDelete
  143. Happy birthday Tommy! What a great post with wonderful photos. Kudos to you for being a mom at 19

    ReplyDelete
  144. Happy birthday to Tommy. My daughter also didn't start speaking until she is 3. she is still struggling with her speech. I know what you gone through. Tommy is amazing young man.
    You are great mom.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Happy Birthday to Tommy! I love that he was able to give you such an amazing gift. We are truly blessed Mama's. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment!

Share This

 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...