Sunday, April 2, 2017

Strong Like Mom?

I remember hearing about the shirt on Scary Mommy. The shirt was a big deal because mothers were being recognized, finally. Normally it's all about Daddy. It was available for girls and boys.

I bought the shirt at Target.com.

But when it came, I hesitated on giving it to my daughter to wear. I hesitated.





I hesitated because I doubted myself. Was I really strong?


I mean...I got knocked up at 19. I was a statistic.


I don't have a career. I mean, I write, and I get paid for it sometimes, but I don't get up and go into work. I've always been at home with my kids. I am not walking around in heels while grasping a briefcase. I am not changing the world.


My mother, she helped change the world. As an officer in the Air Force, she endured sexist remarks. But she kept going. She showed me what a strong woman could be. She was a commander at countless bases and left her mark. I'd like to think that she left each and every one of those bases better than when she arrived when it was time for her to move on. In fact, I know she did.

My Grandma, my Nana Jo, she went to college in a time where women were expected to get married and pop out kids.

Me? I found out I was pregnant in college.

So what have I done? What am I doing for my daughter? What am I showing my daughter?

I hesitated. I had the shirt in my hands, and I almost put it in the give away pile. I was seconds away from it.

But then my daughter came into the room.

"What's that?" she asked, nodding towards the shirt.

I showed her.

She smiled. I nearly expected her to say, "But how are you strong?" Instead she went, "Cool." She turned to leave.

"Natalie," I called out.

She paused.

"Am I...well...do you think I'm strong?"

I've always told her about my mother, her Grandma. How she rose through the ranks in the military. How she didn't let some gross men get her down. She knows about her Nana Jo. It's hard to not know about Nana Jo. Nana Jo is strong at 95. If you want an honest opinion, go to Nana Jo. Nana Jo let me know how disappointed she was when I got pregnant at 19 but also lets me know how proud she is of me now.

"Well, yeah. You took care of us when Daddy left."

I thought about it. My husband went on countless deployments. He did a year in Korea. I stayed behind with the kids. It was tough. There were tears. Lots of tears. But I got through it. I taught myself how to fix things. I put things together on my own and you have to understand, I'm terrible at putting things together on my own.




I also helped Tommy when he was diagnosed with autism. Even before he was diagnosed, I was the one taking him to appointments, trying to figure out how to help my little boy. I wouldn't give up on him, never. He be writhing on the floor screaming, and I'd vow to help him. (I'd later discover it was a tag in his shirt that was causing him grief. I would learn that he felt things more than I ever could. He'd hear things that I would never hear. The world around him was constantly at an increased volume.)




So no, maybe I don't have a career outside the home. Maybe I'm not walking around with a briefcase and heels.


But I'm here.



Doing the best that I can. And I hope one day Natalie will look back and think, "My Mom never gave up on us. She was always there when we needed her."

Maybe I won't change the world.



But if I can change my children's world for the better? Well. I've done my job.

59 comments:

  1. As long as you raise your kids to be awesome adults, that is all you can do :) Good job, mama.

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  2. Us moms are so much stronger than we believe. I think that this shirt (and post) are a great reminder of that. I know there are days when I struggle as a mommy as well...but having a good tribe around you whether online or in person will always remind you how wonderful you are!!

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  3. Your daughter is adorable! Every woman in some way or another is strong! I got pregnant at 17, I had my daughter. I stayed home to raise her with my mother's help. I met my husband after having my daughter, I worked here and there, I was a GM for a food court restaurant at a mall, but my main concern was always my daughter. Now I don't have an outside job, I do the blog, I recently got hired to help someone as their VA and to help them with their business on ShareASale, so I feel great about myself. One question I never asked my daughter, but now you have me curious about what my daughter thinks of me? Does she think I'm strong?

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  4. Girl please. You're strong as hell. And a great mom, writer and woman. I've been in the corporate world, have college degrees...it doesn't mean anything if it doesn't resonate with you as meaning something. I get more satisfication out of taking care of my pugs than I did practicing law lol. You're amazing. Don't forget it. And so are your children!

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  5. We have this Asian proverb -- "Women are week, but Mothers are strong." And that proverbs applies in any aspects. Kudos to you for bringing awesome kids :)

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  6. The last sentence says it all! You don't have to have conquered a mountain, don't have to be a CEO, and don't have to do it all or be it all to be a strong mom.

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  7. You ARE strong and you are amazing!

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  8. This was a great read. Everything you shared represented strength. I appreciate your willingness to be transparent, we all have or had moments of uncertainty. Continue to be you and a force for good!

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  9. Your daughter is adorable! You are amazing and a great mom. I love the post and reminds me of my mom.

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  10. Of course you're strong! Glad Natalie sees it!

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  11. I've been reading you since the beginning! And I've always admired your strength. You keep your family moving forward even when you are doing it by yourself, sometimes in different countries, away from loved ones. You fight for Tommy even when he was misunderstood. You do everything you can for Natalie and show her that it's okay to love Star Wars, princesses, and anything cute. You are a writer and a damn good one. You are strong in all the ways that matter. Your writing is honest and open and shows other moms like me that it's okay not to be "perfect" in society's terms!

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  12. I love what she said. It's so wonderful how kids see through everything and their honesty astounds. "Well, yeah." It's true! You are strong!

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  13. Aww wow. What a great post. You go, you strong momma! Sounds like you're a wonderful mom!

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  14. Beautiful post! Love the shirt! I need to get one for my daughter.

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  15. She clearly knows hpw strong mommy is! We are always stronger than we think and when we have to we do absolutely anything and everything to rise to a challenge

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  16. We moms are very strong! Strong does not always mean big muscles.

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  17. This is so sweet! Isn't it funny how kids are so profound?! You ARE strong!!!

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  18. You are stronger than you think my love. And who has to be traditional anyway? You say you don't have a proper career but you do, you are a writer, a blogger and a parent xx

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  19. Your strength is inspiring and undoubtedable!!

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  20. I love that shirt! I feel like as moms we doubt ourselves too much at times. We are strong, and we do a lot that we don't even think about really.

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  21. "I've always been at home with my kids. I am not walking around in heels while grasping a briefcase. I am not changing the world."

    YES you are!! Raising children is WAY more valuable than dropping them off at some day care for someone else to take care of while you go work a 9-5. Being home with them makes a huge difference! My mom quit work so she could stay home with us and today, even 30 years later, we are VERY close!

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  22. As another stay at home parent, I would say that being a full time caregiver is actually harder than going into work each day! And, as far as changing the world, you are because it's the kids that are the future! You are investing in them in ways that no one else will! You are stronger than you think!

    I've heard from many other dads that they don't envy my staying home with the kids due to how tough it really is! Keep up the great work and incorporate your kids in there whenever possible!

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  23. My mom is the strongest person I know, able to withstand and endure anything. You are so right, usually things are about DAD and I am SO happy FINALLY there's a t-shirt! And a pretty t-shirt at that! Love that your little one is wearing it!!

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  24. Your strength shows incredibly through this post, thank you so much for sharing this with us. And yes, I hope your children grow up to be strong like their mom!

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  25. Your strength shows incredibly through this post, thank you so much for sharing this with us. And yes, I hope your children grow up to be strong like their mom!

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  26. Your kids are so adorable. I love the t-shirt design as well. I would love to wear that too! Proudly wearing I am strong because of mom. - ANOSA

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  27. There is so much more to the word strong..if you are raising your kids and taking care of your family - that makes you one strong woman in my books.

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  28. I saw this post at such a timely moment - my family has had so much going on recently, and I haven't felt very strong at all. But like you, I advocate, and I stand up and get things done, and I don't back down, and I don't quit or leave or take the easy way. I'm here, and I'm giving it my all.

    Thank you for reminding me that that's enough.

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  29. Your family is beautiful! I got pregnant at 19 as well. I don't think I am that strong, but my girls quickly tell me how strong I am.

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  30. You have done an amazing job with your kids and dealing with things when your husband was away. You definitely deserve that T-shirt.

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  31. Girl, don't you ever doubt yourself or I'll come and kick yo a$$! You're doing an amazing job as a mom, I would love to be your kid!! ;)

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  32. You are such a strong mom!Don't think you are not strong or you didn't change the world simply because you don't work full time.You change the world by raising happy kids!

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  33. You don't have to change the world to be a strong woman. You already are and I'm glad that you've realized that. What you're doing is all for the kids and if that's not greatness, I don't know what is.

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  34. For me, all moms are strong in their own way. You don't have to be a soldier or a corporate slave to make a difference, you just have to be there for your kids!

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  35. To even second guess yourself shows me you're a committed mom. I love that shirt and will have to find some for my grand kids.

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  36. I'm in a puddle of tears over here! I have totally felt like you, doubt, and then finally realization. Strong isn't one size fits all, we all have our own strengths, and being a mom is a tough job (with the best benefits). ANNNND deployments!! You know that takes strength.
    XO
    -Dean
    www.mrsaokaworkinprogrss.com

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  37. Awesome shirt! Never compare yourself with others. You are doing absolutely wonderful in being a mom, blogger, and more.

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  38. I think it sounds like you're superwoman! You turned the negative of getting pregnant at such a young age into a positive and have been there fro your family through are the hard times. Definitely a strong mom!

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  39. This is an awesome shirt! I would love to have this for my daughters.

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  40. I love what it says on the shirt. My mom would of worn it well, she was the strongest person I have ever known.

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  41. I love that t-shirt! Your daughter will be proud to wear it. She knows you're a strong mom.

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  42. This was really beautiful! I teared up reading this. Sometimes it's about changing the world of those you love not changing the world. You're clearly doing an amazing job!

    Ellie

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  43. It takes an extremely strong woman to keep her family in tack while her husband is away for any amount of time. I know I couldn't handle that well.

    I also think moms are strong PERIOD. We have to handle far more than many may realize on the home front. Plus, our kids rely on us in ways that they don't with their fathers (and it's vice versa, but it's still different.)

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  44. You are definitely strong! Maybe not in the way you see strong in others, but every mother is strong in some way. Whether we work, stay home, or do both, never giving up even we want to, makes us strong.

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  45. Just by writing this and doubting yourself, you're proving how strong you are. Congrats on being an amazing mom and not letting the fact you were pregnant at 19 prevent you from getting where you are today!

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  46. This is such a sweet post. I think moms are the strongest humans out there. Never doubt your strength!

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  47. I think if you teach your kids as much as you can before they become adults out in the real world and are there for them when they need you, you're a strong and great mom! In my opinion, it takes a strong person to do what is right by your kids and family. It sounds like you have it down!

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  48. ..you should paired it with "cute like daughter" and wear have a twinning photo :)

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  49. Agreed! We don't have to change the world, we just have to make sure our kids' world is the best it can be!! :)

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  50. Everyone has their own life with their own struggles and they are strong in different ways than others. Yes, some are strong because they went to university, some are strong because they were in the army and some are strong because they raised a beautiful family, with nothing but love.

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  51. You seem to have raised your kids well and in my books that's the strongest thing you can do

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  52. I absolutely love this post, and you know, because we have chatted, that I often doubt myself as well. Often, like everyday, but my husband and my kids tend to remind me of my strengths and what I am capable of. There are a lot of ways to be strong and being a mom is one of them.

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  53. Isn't it exciting and reassuring that our children teach when we are unaware of their ability to lead. I am happy that Natalie was able to help you see the truth. You are strong courageous and wonderful. You are helping day by day to change the world. One little mind at a time.

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  54. Aw this is so inspirational! And your kids are the cutest! My little one isn't born yet, but I'd love to get a little jumpsuit or something with this message on it :)

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  55. What a good post I really love reading this and such a good inspiration to us.

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  56. I really loved this, Amber, like REALLY! Because success and strength is measured for us when really it should be measured by us. Your children are so lucky to have you and it's obvious by Natalie's remark that she knows that. That's how you're changing the world. By being their hero and mom. I'm so glad Natalie told you :)

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  57. yes exactly you picked up the many pieces time and time again and that makes us supermums and incredibly strong

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  58. I love the shirt AND your story! You absolutely ARE strong. I missed the bandwagon with this shirt, and now it's sold out, so I'm on eBay contemplating paying way too much for one. Blah.

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