Wednesday, November 8, 2017

7 Things To Do Besides Cry During A Deployment

Let me start off by saying that I cried when my husband deployed. He's done it about 4 times now, plus he's done a year in Korea. Things got tough. It seemed everything was breaking at once. The car. The house. The kids.






But it took a lot of energy. And quite frankly, I didn't want my kids to see me constantly in tears. So I decided that I was going to pull myself together and focus on the good. (The bed to myself. The remote to myself. Cereal for dinner without a husband going, "Really? It's Trix for dinner?") I needed to remember that I was an individual, that even though I loved my husband, I could be fine on my own.

Here's some ideas of what you can do besides cry when your spouse deploys.







1. Start a new hobby. Honestly, I stuck with a hobby that I've been doing for years: collecting books and reading them. I would splurge and buy new books because they made me feel better. I had a friend who started to crochet, and she got really good! I'd accidentally poke someone's eye out if I tried, personally.



2. Hang out with friends. I would do this now and again but I'm a bit of an introvert and sometimes I found myself annoyed being with other people. Especially if they were like, "Oh my GOD, don't you just want to DIE having your husband gone?" Uh, no, because I have my own life, thanks. I find I'm tough to get along with at times because I'm quite blunt, but I don't have the patience for constant tears and dramatics.






3. Focus on things that make you happy. For me, that's Disney. I joined Disney groups on Facebook and even planned a Disney trip. This also included reading and watching marathons of Real Housewives.



4. Do things with your kids if you have them and if they don't behave like mini monsters. I mean, okay, sometimes my daughter was a pain in the you know what. With my husband gone, she thought it was time to act out, and she embarrassed me on MANY occasions. But sometimes my kids behaved like proper human beings, so I'd take them into the public. (Here's a time where my daughter embarrassed me. It was time to go to dance class to practice for the recital and she kept running from me. I was all, "I will CALL your father!" Some people walking past kept looking over and I waved and said, "Hi, what's your name, I'll get her to autograph something for you.")





5. Work out! Some find this a way to burn off steam. I personally hate working out, but I do try to jog daily so I can eat donuts. I curse while doing it, but I feel good when I'm done. I feel like I've EARNED that donut, dang it. I tried Zumba with a friend once and looked like Left Shark.





6.  Start a deployment notebook. This is where you can put all the info about your spouse's deployment in case you quickly need it. I probably should have done this. I had papers all over the place. The power of attorney was in one corner. His orders were in another. A rant that I had written when his return date changed for THE THIRD TIME was in another. (Didn't really need that with everything. But I was pretty livid. I remember snapping, "Just freakin' call me when you're at the airport, okay? I'm tired of playing these Air Force games.") (You can get a cool deployment binder from Lauren over at The Military Wife and Mom here.)


7. Pig out. I mean. Don't eat your feelings every night, but once in a while is fine. I ate so many fries from McDonalds, and so many chocolate candy bars. Dr. Phil would be all, "Don't eat your feelings," but dude, sometimes you gotta.


(You're welcome, Dr. Phil!)




Is your spouse in the military? Have they deployed before? How did you cope? Or if you don't have a spouse in the military, how do you cope if your partner goes away for months at a time?



41 comments:

  1. I love this. I did my best to stay busy during both deployments and it really made all the difference.

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  2. Don't pig out too much without extra workouts, that caused a problem when he got back. LOL. A friend started a hashtag for deployment month, its #ThisisDeployment... hope you use it.

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  3. Omg Zumba is not for me girl. Lol no coordination for dance!!

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  4. Yes to all of this! Cass is doing a year in Korea and I'm dying. I've been staying as busy as possible, but time is still going by way too slow.

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  5. My partner is not in the military no but I can get how hard it can be. Keeping yourself busy is the the best way to not think about it and start aside. So a new hobby is a great idea!

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  6. Life does not end because my husband is deployed. Kids go to school, have games and practices. House still needs cleaned, laundry done and everyday life still goes on.

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  7. I don't know how you do it!!! My husband was out golfing yesterday and come the evening I texted him to see how it was going and he didn't respond within like 30 minutes and I started freaking out in my head wondering WHHEERREEEEEE is he? LOL! A little bit mental on my part, but I love the man so much. YOU ARE A STRONGGGG woman for sure!

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  8. These is great advice. I can't even imagine how emotionally draining it is and being productive sounds like the key.

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  9. first of all I want to say thank-you to all those that defend our country and families. It must be so hard to leave and I can see why you must try to stay busy during those hard times
    come visit us if you find a chance http://shopannies.blogspot.com

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  10. I do not have a spouse in the military, but I know a lot of families that sacrifice. I think you have a lot of wonderful tips here and I hope it helps those that have spouses that are deployed. I know if I were in their shoes I would be so upset that he was not home. Stuff like this will help keep your mind off of it.

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  11. My friend who is a military wife always tried a new hobby when he gets deployed. Exercising is a good option too, keeps you busy.

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  12. Disney makes everyone happy! We are headed there in February. My girls have no idea we are going! We are going to surprise them!

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  13. Bless your heart!! It's wonderful that you have a sense of humor about everything. You're right, women can get along fine without a man. I've done it for years!! Hang in there and keep your chin up!

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  14. I’m sure it’s difficult having a part of you in a different part of the world! I like your idea of learning a new skill :) Learn it and master it and make something for your spouse!

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  15. I don't even know how you do it! Thank you so much for your strength and your families service to this great country. Keep on smiling and doing what you do!

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  16. Thank you for your service and please thank your husband too. I'm very thankful for families like yours that make our country safe. I can't even image how hard it is and I can't thank you enough.

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  17. It must be so hard to have your Spouse deployed. I think it would be helpful to keep busy. Going to the gym is a great way to work off some of the stress.

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  18. I don’t have a spouse in the military but have lots of friends who do. This is a great list!

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  19. Focusing on your favorite things like Disney is a good idea. I would probably marathon a few Disney movies to start with!

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  20. I like keeping myself busy. I think it's a good time to try something new, whether it's a zumba or kickboxing, playing guitar, learning a new language, etc. I try to push myself to do something with my time instead of focusing on my spouse being away.

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  21. I haven't personally dealt with this, but several friends of mine have. I always offer up for them and their kids to come on over for a sleepover (adults can have sleepovers too!) so the kids entertain themselves while the moms have one on one time to talk it out

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  22. Your family is so strong! <3 I would cry if I had a husband who deployed but you're right, you have to stay strong for the kids - they would hate to see you in tears all the time. These are great tips! Keeping busy is definitely key!

    Christie's Take on Life. xx

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  23. I know it is really hard that your are only the one to face all the challenges while your husband is away. It really needs a lot of courage and I am sure you also misses him. I admire your strength to overcome this. Salute to you and to all the couples who are in long distance relationship.

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  24. Focusing on things make you feel happy is a good choice. Love your new hobby, 'collecting books and reading them' Inspiring post!

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  25. This is great and can apply to all of us at some time or other. Not that it can compare to a deployment, but who doesn't have a bad day - week? I really try to remember there's always those who are worse off than me.

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  26. I can imagine how hard must be, so do whatever makes you feel good and happy, my cousin brother was in Indian air force few years back. Stay happy and blessed !

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  27. Can't imagine what it'd be like to have a spouse in the military - but these sound like great tips for people who are going through the same thing. Sounds like a challenge for everyone really

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  28. My husband moved due to a job and we where separated for months while I was pregnant. It was difficult but having a great support group of friends and family helped me so much!

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  29. I now appreciate the challenges that comes with being a military wife when your husband is deployed. You are doing a good job and I am sure you are encouraging other military wives going through the similar experience. Keep up the good work.

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  30. I think it's funny that you listed both pig out AND work out! LOL. I can imagine a hobby would be my way to go, as well.

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  31. I don't have a spouse in the military but my brother was so my sister and law went through this. It must be really tough, I can't even imagine. It's nice that you are able to stay positive.

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  32. Awww come on, give crochet another chance! You'd be great at it! Books are ok too though :)

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  33. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have your husband deploy so many times. I love that you have such a list of things to do instead of cry!

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  34. This is exactly why I would never date anyone in the military. I would go crazy. You're very strong and this article proves is. Great tips especially the getting a hobby and working out.

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  35. Thank you so much for the sacrifice your husband and your family has had to make for this country. This was a wonderful article and I'm certain will help many families facing deployment as well.

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  36. These are helpful tips for military families. I was fortunate enough to be where my husband during his deployment.. Even that was tough. Thank you for your husband's service and for your sacrifices as well.

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  37. It must have been tough! These tips will help many. If I will be in the same situation, I might also buy lots of books and read for many hours.

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  38. Those are some great suggestion. I am glad you and your family have found ways to cope. Happy Veterans day to your family!

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  39. These are great tips! During my Hubby's deployment I think my Kiddies and I did every community activity I could find. It helped keep them to busy to worry about missing him and kept my mind busy.

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  40. These are some great tips... The best one was to do what makes us happy :D

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  41. No spouse in the military as you know, so I can only compare it to when he goes away for 10 days. Which I realize is NOTHING. And I actually enjoy it - all those Hallmark movies and ice cream pints to myself.
    I think you rock.

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Thanks for the comment!

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