Sunday, March 11, 2018

Your Son Has Autism

When Tommy was first tested for autism, we were told he didn't have it.

"He has excellent eye contact," we were told by the military doctor.


But a mother knows when something isn't right with her child. Of course my husband was all, "You see? He's fine," because I think he was hoping it would be fine. When men find out they are having a son, a lot of them picture them in sports or as hunting buddies. But what if the child has terrible fine motor skills and breaks down at sudden noises? Then what? I wince whenever a father says, "My son is going to play all sports," and then I say, "But suppose he can't or doesn't want to?"

I'm met with blank looks.

Tommy was tested again for autism when he was in kindergarten. I began to dread whenever my phone rang because I knew it was his teacher.

"Tommy had another meltdown.."

"I had to take Tommy to the office again because I couldn't get him to calm down..."

"I can't get Tommy to stop crying.."


This time, it was determined that Tommy had autism.

"Your son has autism," I was told, and I already knew it. Still, I felt heartbroken, because I didn't know what it meant for my boy. Would he have friends? Would he be able to ever live on his own? Would the meltdowns ever stop?



He was already in speech and occupational therapy, so they continued. He also started to get extra help at school. The meltdowns still happened, but they were few and far between.

I might not have a typical son. He didn't ever care to play sports. He doesn't really talk to a lot of people. He's not in any clubs at school. Most of the people he considers to be friends are his teachers. He probably won't ever drive.




My son has autism.

But he also has a lot of intelligence. He's sweet. Right now he's saying he wants to be a video editor when he grows up. He's my Disney World buddy. It's one of his favorite places to go. If your son has autism, I know it'll feel like you're on a never ending roller coaster ride. Sometimes you'll feel good. Other days you'll feel lost. But autism means you get to celebrate the things that some people might take for granted, like when your son utters his first clear sentence at the age of three, or when he finally masters tying his shoe at ten.



My son has autism.




But it's not all he has. And I know he'll continue to make me proud. And your child with autism will too.




40 comments:

  1. I know couple autism children who are now adults. They are living on their own. Neither drive but take the bus to work. They have many adult friends now. They are very much lived.

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  2. It's really heartbreaking to have kids with autism. I saw my friends struggled and sacrificed a lot kust to see them live a normal life.. But parent struggling with these are tough and strong..You never see them give-up!

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  3. I love that you have this positive outlook for him, that will only help him. I am sure there are good days and bad days, and like you pointed out people react very differently to this as parents. We all want what is best for our kids and your son seems very lucky to have the Mom he does! All kids deserve to be celebrated!

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  4. I appreciate your positive outlook for your child. But the parents of those kids are suffering the most.

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  5. My son has ADHD and we went through a lot when he was younger. They can't diagnose them early with that, so he struggled for year before he got the diagnosis.

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  6. I know what seems like a metric ton of people who have children with autism, our area has become one where people actually moved to it for services. My youngest has special needs, I don't consider them to define who he is.

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  7. Very well said. There really is nothing better than a mother's instinct. I think it's awesome that you're posting this, because a lot of parents out there are clueless sometimes unsure of how to deal with the news and your post will definitely give them more confidence.

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  8. I love how you closed off: "It's not all he has." Absolutely! You have described him with so many wonderful characteristics. How inspiring that he wants to be a video editor! If only I had half the talent!

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  9. I had a dear friend whose daughter had autism. She struggled to comprehend what that might mean for her daughter as she became an adult. I really love your positive outlook, and you're right, it's not all he has!

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  10. Autism is not something that parents talk about openly and that's why I appreciate your post so much. It's good that you're sharing how you dealt with the news and how you supported your son through the years.

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  11. My niece has autism and she was diagnosed when she was seven I think. She is now in her mid-20s and although she does need help with a lot of things she is doing some things on her own. Autism is definitely hard but as long as they get the support they need it can be something to live with.

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  12. Not many people talk about autism and it's nice to see you being open about it and also how you got to cope with it and handle it too.

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  13. I think autism is one of those things that some people have, but like you said it is not all there is to know about him. What a great post.

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  14. I love this so much and I will tell you why. Because you talk positively about it. You know that he will struggle but you don't let that define him and you aren't going to let him define himself that way.

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  15. This was so beautifully written. I was the nanny for a beautiful little boy with autism and he had such a kind soul. I wish that the world could see things like mothers do. Sending you a big hug, because I know topics like this can sometimes be hard to put out there!

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  16. Aw, I love this so much! I'm so glad you love and support him for exactly who he is. All kids need a mommy like you.

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  17. Not every parent will admit to this and I admire you for doing so and for sharing how special Tommy really is. He's a bright young man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

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  18. I have a cousin who has autism. He went through many therapy sessions, between speech and horse back riding. He is doing great and I couldn't be more proud of him.

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  19. Thanks for spreading awareness to autism. Early detection is the key to seeing a child with special needs grow into their full potential. Great article.

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  20. I can't imagine what you're going through but I can tell that you are doing a great job. He is lucky to have you.

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  21. It is very easy to see how ought it can be. I think what makes it easy is seeing how amazing he is, regardless.

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  22. Your story is a really inspiring one. Seeing him grow up is a really exciting story.

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  23. This is such a heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing your story with Autism. Your son is so driven! So rad that he wants to be a video editor!!

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  24. U r a great & inspirational mom to all mothers out there . God bless ur family .

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  25. It is always a moment of reckoning when the truth is spelt out even when you know it. But you shown remarkable resilience and have a great hand in ensuring that your son is a rockstar in spite of Autism. Keep inspiring the rest of the world.

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  26. Nancy at Whispered InspirationsMarch 13, 2018 at 6:11 AM

    This is such a real post! Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. It's so important.

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  27. This is such an inspiring story. It's uplifting to know that he doesn't let autism define who he truly is!

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  28. Children with autism might be a little different from other kids, but that doesn't mean they are weak or can't do anything. Your son is intelligent and can do more than other can.

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  29. Mother's really know, don't they?
    Scarlet is friends with teachers too! And summer camp counselors.
    No matter the diagnosis, Tommy is amazing!

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  30. Mother's really knows best and we are the one who can give unconditional love to our children. We appreciate you for sharing your journey with your son who has autism.

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  31. Mother always knows best. I'm glad you were able to get him the help he needed early on. I know someone who was in denial and didn't get their child to speech therapy soon enough.

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  32. He most definitely will continue to make you proud. Why? He has amazing parents and he will be just friend. Thanks for sharing his story!

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  33. A large number of my students have autism and other mental disorders. I am happy that you are willing to talk openly about it

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  34. The doctor I worked for has a young son with autism. I know how wearing it can be but he's just the sweetest thing ever. I'm sure your son is too. I love his long hair.

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  35. Was such a moving post. People always forget to look beyond labels and appearances and miss out on so much! Thank you so much for sharing your story, it's inspiring and will be helpful to other parents in the same situation

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  36. This is such a beautiful post. My niece has autism and she is one of the most amazing people in the entire world.

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  37. My mom went through many of the same things you went through with my brother in the late 80s and 90s. He is currently 30 years old with autism and he is an awesome person and your son will grow into an awesome man too.

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  38. I love your positive outlook. I have taught several autistic children as a teacher. And they were some of the smartest most insightful children I have had the pleasure to work with.

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  39. Your son is beautiful inside and out. Life is all on how you deal with things. xo, Suzanne

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