"This morning Tommy told me that he had to show me something. Then he pulled down his pants and mooned me!"
"I told you that mooning was his new thing."
"Well, you need to be careful about what you're teaching him."
My eyebrows shot up. "Wait a minute. You think I taught him to moon people? Do you think I spend the day pulling down my pants and mooning our kid? Because Tom, I think that's borderline abuse right there. I didn't teach him, he just did it one day and he liked my reaction of laughing so he's done it ever since. Of course now when he does it I tell him that it's not proper.."
"I told him if he did it again he'd be getting his toys taken away. What if he does it in public?"
"Let's hope he doesn't.."
Tom is back.
He returned home around 5:30 last night. Tommy was watching out the window for him.
"Where's my Daddy?" he kept asking.
Then finally he spotted the truck coming down the street.
"Daddy is home! DADDY! DADDY!"
He grabbed his Lightening McQueen car and rushed outside. "Daddy lookit, Daddy LOOKIT!" He bounced up and down as Tom emerged from the truck.
"Hi Tommy," I heard Tom say as he went around to the trunk and started pulling out some bags.
"Daddy is HOME!" Tommy said cheerfully as they walked into the house.
I fell into Tom's arms when he entered.
To be honest he reeked of BO.
But then again, driving for fifteen and a half hours will do that to you.
Tom gazed around the house.
"Wow it's clean in here," he observed.
I had to bite my tongue from saying, "Yes and let's keep it that way."
In the bag he had brought in were gifts for Tommy and Natalie.
He got Tommy a BDU uniform. Tommy had to put it on right away.
"I'm like Daddy!" Tommy told me.
In fact Tommy followed Tom around everywhere. When Tom went outside to bring in his suitcase Tommy went, "Daddy where you going? Daddy??" He was so panicked that Tom was leaving again.
Then when Tom went upstairs to take a shower Tommy followed.
"Daddy come back!"
Then when we ate spaghetti Tommy copied how Tom ate his spaghetti.
Tommy also got this from Tom:
And Natalie got this:
Then Tom brought in a box.
"From your Mom," he said.
See, a few days ago Mom asked if I wanted these nature cups.
I had no idea what she was talking about but didn't want to insult her by saying no.
I know, I know.
My Mom is a bit of a pack rat too and it's difficult for her to get rid of things. So she passes them onto me because then she knows that at least they're still in the family.
So she was was all, "I have these nature cups, would you like them?"
I should have said no thanks. I mean we don't need anymore cups.
But instead I found myself saying, "Sure.."
When I lifted them out of the box I made a face.
I mean seriously, what am I going to do with these???
What the heck kind of animal is to the right of the rabbit?? A deer??
Here, have a glass with a mysterious animal on it...
Where in the world did my Mom find these?
And worse, did she actually pay for them?
Tom noticed my expression.
I waved a cup in the air. "Look! Are we expected to use these?"
Tom shrugged. "Amber I just took the box, I didn't ask questions."
I could see Tom was a bit tired. His eyes were half shut, which was to be expected as he had woken up at two in the morning to get on the road.
He kind of shuffled around the house. Tommy kept showing him all his new birthday presents.
"Daddy look at this," Tommy said and would show him the wrestling belt.
Tom lifted the belt. "Oh..nice.."
He just couldn't muster any enthusiam.
At eight he said he was going to bed.
I had just put Tommy down and then I started to worry, "Oh crap, suppose he wants some sex?"
Because usually when Tom is gone and he comes back we usually do.
Have sex I mean.
But I was so not in the mood.
I don't know, maybe it's the whole carrying around a human being thing.
And the whole my back hurting, not being able to breathe thing.
So when Tom said he was going to bed I started to think of ways to let him down politely.
"Tom, look, I'm flattered but I'm exhausted.."
"Tom, look, I wouldn't be any fun.."
"Tom, look, your daughter keeps poking at me, do you see that? That's her sweet little foot kicking at my ribs.."
Turns out, I didn't need an excuse.
Because he got right into bed and closed his eyes.
Then I found myself insulted that he didn't even try to get some sex.
Tom did get a little frisky at six in the morning.
SIX IN THE MORNING!
I felt him kissing me and saying, "I missed you so much.."
I may have muttered, "Missed you too," but I can't quite be sure.
All I know is I rolled back over and went to sleep.
Then when I woke up I found the house a mess.
Apparently Tom decided to do his unpacking downstairs.
So his suitcase was opened with various clothes out.
Then his garment bag was laying in the middle of the living room.
And he had cleaned out his cooler and all its contents were now all over the kitchen.
Oh yes, and his dirty socks were in a pile beside the couch.
There went my clean house.
Still, it's been nice having him home.
He chastised me when he saw me cleaning up though.
"I thought I told you to sit!"
"But the piles of stuff!" I argued.
"SIT! I'll get it.."
Erm. Yes but WHEN?
He doesn't have to return to work until Sunday. Which is fantastic but I have to get used to sharing the computer again.
While he was gone I was used to plopping down and quickly checking my mail and notes whenever I wanted.
Now when I head off to the computer he's on it.