Friday, June 18, 2010

On Zumba and Sexy Moves

Look, I fall down and spill stuff.

A lot.

I’m uncoordinated and I admit that.

So it’s no wonder why my husband Tom looked bewildered when I told him I was going to Zumba class.

“Isn’t that like....dancing?” Tom scratched his head. I know he was probably picturing me smacking into a wall the other day and then spilling my water all over the kitchen counter.

“Yup. It’s a good workout,” I said. And Lord knows I need a good workout with the way I eat. I can’t help it though. Junk food tastes so good. I try to get just as excited over a carrot but it doesn’t work.

“Um....okay,” Tom agreed. He was still baffled. He was probably picturing me running straight into a stack of boxes in the garage. I had been talking to Tommy so I was distracted and I took a few steps and them BAM, box in face.

My friend Amanda, who I was going to Zumba with, mentioned that during one point of the class that the teacher asked everyone to do a sexy move.

“A sexy move?” I repeated. I really don’t do sexy well. I try but apparently my idea on what sexy means is different from most men. Like I flutter my eyelashes when I’m trying to be coy and sweet.....sort of like a come hither look....but most men just ask if I have something in my eye or they think I have Tic.

I decided to practice a sexy move for Tom so that I wouldn’t look like a fool in class.

I did this:



“The hell is that?” Tom demanded.

“I’m being sexy!”

“How is that sexy?”

Well. I don’t know. I was going for a sexy Egyptian look or something. And ugh, I certainly don’t LOOK sexy there as Tom insists on taking my pictures while sitting down which just makes my face look fat. Or maybe my face is just fat. But still, can’t he, I don’t know, STAND UP, and take my photo?

When Amanda picked me up I still had no idea what my sexy move would be. We took our spots in the back—yes, the back because the thought of someone standing behind me watching me attempt to do the dance moves made me shudder—and then the teacher walked in. And the teacher, good gracious, was in SHAPE. I mean, obviously she should be since she teaches a class. Her arms were buff, she had ABS—real abs!—and her legs were lean. Not an ounce of fat was on the chick. In other words, she could have definately beat up Tom.

“She probably doesn’t eat processed foods,” I said to Amanda. I would love a body like that but the thing is, I love processed foods.

The teacher just started the class abuptly. She just started moving and I was all, “Holy crap!” Not out loud, but in my head. I quickly tried to keep up but this chick could move. She went left, she went right, she dipped, she spun around, she did lunges…

I could feel my face grow warm. Whenever I work out my face gets bright red. It is not attractive. There were women up front who didn’t even look winded and their faces were a normal shade of color.

It was an hour long class and let me tell you, I felt like I was going to die a few times. And yes, I got lost in a lot of dance moves and almost punched the woman in front of me when I was trying to do an air punch. But in the end I enjoyed it.

And as for my sexy move?

I shook my hips and twirled my hands in front of me. You know when you sing The Wheels On The Bus? and you sing the part, “The wheels on the bus go round and round..” and twirl your hands? Yeah, I did that even though some women shook their butts—and it didn’t look ridiculous as it would have looked had I attempted it—and other woman shook their hips seductively—and I....well, I twirled my hands as though I were singing a children’s song.

Go me.

73 comments:

  1. I don't do "sexy" either. And that's why I don't do zumba.

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  2. I have wanted to try Zumba for FOREVER now. I think you've just convinced me. :)

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  3. I've never tried Zumba!

    I'm scared.

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  4. LOL! this is funny, thanks, I needed it :D

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  5. hahah too funny! At least you tried something to get a workout! :) That's awesome!

    Btw...That pink is a good color for you :)

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  6. My face gets bright red whenever I exert myself as well. Like when opening a jar. And I don't do sexy moves either. Someone once told me I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld. Nice. Needless to say, I have to be really drunk before I dance, and I'm pretty sure they don't let you drink in Zumba, so... guess I won't be taking that class.

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  7. I'm holding out on Zumba.

    I don't really exercise as a rule, other than the occasional walk I take with a friend while we talk about other people in our program and judge them accordingly.

    If they started doing that during Zumba, I'd try it.

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  8. Hehe - I love love love doing Zumba at college after my classes! One of my favourite ways to unwind. So glad you're getting out there and dancing.

    What I like about the classes it is no one seems to care that I look like I'm 15 and hence, don't have an ounce of "sexy" in me. That's not what I'm going for. I end up laughing for most of it...

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  9. Buses can be sexy!

    What about the Rock of Love bus?

    . . .I guess that's more skanky than sexy.

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  10. The bird drying its wings pose of yours isnt really sexy, but you are very beautiful (and really hard on yourself).

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  11. Hey, buses are sexy. Kinda. Props to you for actually DOING any physical activity. I've been putting it off until work gets out at the end of June...

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  12. Omg...too funny! I would totally be peeing my pants laughing at everyone..I so don't do sexy.

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  13. I would probably just stand there and do nothing, with a look of shock on my face if I was asked to do a sexy move. I don't even know what those are any more. So, you did better than me.

    I think I'd probably injure someone in zumba. I'm a total klutz.

    Are you going back?

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  14. My idea of sexy is putting on something that isn't sweat pants..so yeah, I don't do sexy...!

    I had never heard of Zumba until about 3 months ago..and it just sounds painful(since this body has not seen a workout in ages)...

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  15. These classes sound so fun...but I would likely trip over my feet and fall flat on my face.

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  16. I'd not heard of Zumba, but I have now. Sounds like you had a ball. And your wrists are going to be lovely and slim if you keep doing that Wheels on the Bus sexy move.

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  17. I get excited every time I see that you've posted, and you never disappoint.

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  18. LOL!!
    I'd love to try zumba some day. It's too bad we don't live closer...I'd love to go with someone!

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  19. i'm very proud of you for doing this! a lady began a class in our town.. she tried to talk me into coming and i refused... i HAVE NO RHYTHM... at all!!!

    have a great wkend!!

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  20. You have a lovely fresh face and it's not in the least fat. As for your sexy egyptian move, I like it! It's unique! It's uhm, wholesomely sexy. I am glad you are doing this, but don't really want you porn star sexy if you get my drift and I think that you do.

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  21. I'm thinking of trying Zumba next week....I better start practicing my sexy move ASAP!!

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  22. Hehe. I took a Zumba class a couple of times. I loved it, but I looked like a lobster afterward. I think the gym was about to call 9-1-1 because I looked like I was about to keel over. Thank goodness I didn't have to do a sexy move! Great post, only I was able to relate to it a little too much.

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  23. Go you. I can't do sexy either! lol

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  24. Don't be ashamed, we're all sexy in our own way.

    You're sexy in a kindergarten song way. Just embrace it.

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  25. *giggles* That's all I can say...

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  26. Hehe That must have been real sexy. I want to go to a Zumba class but I think I'd embarrass myself.

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  27. Good for you. Just keep going. The sexy will come to you eventually! :)

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  28. Ive seen zumba dvds advertised on the shopping channels but the classes themselves have yet to reach us here in the north east of England.

    You go show 'em - you can do it.

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  29. Ugh, my face turns bright red when I attempt exercise, too. People in my yoga class look at me like they're afraid I'm about to have a heart attack.

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  30. I have a friend who wants me to take Zumba with her. I'm afraid. Very afraid.

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  31. Good for you for trying something new! AND for not backing out when you learned you needed a sexy move!

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  32. How nice to finally see your face! Mine turns bright red when I exercise as well. I thought about trying Zumba, but I didn't realize "sexy" was involved. Maybe I won't after all...

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  33. Wait. You survived a ZUMBA class? There is DEFINITELY no hope for me. I'm real clutzy, too. I've been wanting to do Zuma. So I finally broke down an BOUGHT the video. Haven't gotten it yet. I told my husband that he has to leave the trailer while I try this. Hopefully the trailer won't be on a hill when I'm shakin' and a groovin'.

    But I still don't think I can do ZUMBA. I can barely walk 1/2 mile, let alone do some sexy dancing. Sheesh.

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  34. Red face and the wheels on the bus move all at once? Whew. Is it hot in here or is it just me?

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  35. I have always considered "Wheels on the Bus" one of the sexiest songs ever.

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  36. There should be a rule that every photo taken of us should be in candle light at eye-level with perhaps a tilt of the head to our good side. I would have a lot more photos taken if that were the case.

    I am definitely going to try Zumba. I am just waiting for birthday celebrations to cease and then I will have a compelling reason to do it. Actually, I will have five compelling reasons: the five kilos I will have gained from all the eating.

    "Whenever I work out my face gets bright red. It is not attractive." Snap! I look like a beet after a workout.

    I wish there was video of your "sexy move" that would have been good. ;)

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  37. I would love to try Zumba, but I'm too cheap to join a gym. My face gets crazy red when I workout/run or exert any form of energy...so don't feel bad. I think that as long as I'm sweating it means I'm doing good!

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  38. You have to be sexy to do Zumba?? I knew there was a reason I haven't done it. It's a bit of a cruel joke-if I was sexy, maybe I wouldn't feel I NEEDED to do Zumba, but that's the very time I'd be qualified to jump on the bandwagon (you know, the one where the wheels go round and round...)

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  39. You just reminded me why I haven't tried Zumba! Hand twirling sounds off the charts sexy to me. Maybe I need to get out more. I, too, turn incredibly red in the face when exercising. I once finished an aerobics class and people were asking me if they should call the paramedics. I wasn't even breathing hard and happened to be in semi good shape at the time. For crying out loud!

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  40. I love Zumba but I'm frighteningly un-sexy. It's still a good workout though.

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  41. LOL!!!! You're awesome!

    Anyone that can do an hour long class of anything gets my respect! You go girl!!!!

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  42. I'm going to count laughing at this post as exercise, okay?

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  43. :)) YOU are too funny!

    I am not "sexy" either.. at least not when I try to be!

    I just end up looking ridiculous!

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  44. Go you!

    The reason your face gets so red is that your skin is so fair.

    I'm what they refer to in the blogospere as a cheerleader and dispenser of wisdom.

    I think your choice of a sexy move was appropriate given your lack of support at home. Boo Tom.

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  45. Too funny! I started taking zumba this spring.... feeling exactly like you did! Amazingly, I felt almost as if my hips did start to learn to go shakety shake.

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  46. Keep that up and you'll be looking pretty hot in those videos you send him.

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  47. First off, yikes, you're cuter than pie.
    Second, I turn magenta when I work out hard. And my face kind of throbs. I'd mention boob sweat, but that'd be TMI and quite gross.
    I don't so Zumba, but I do spin class (because my gym is located in 1993.) ((Still waiting for Tae Bo to be instituted.)
    Given Tom's ready-at-all-times status, it'd be foolhardy for you to do "sexy".
    Just saying.

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  48. OMG! You crack me up! My face is turning red from laughing. And btw, I look like a turnip when I exercise! I feel your pain.

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  49. Oh, I want to say one more thing. I have this conspiracy theory...

    I think that all instructors from just plain aerobics to pole dancing, take advantage of their position. I imagine them buying a bottle of wine and laughing themselves to sleep at night like, "YOu should have seen these idiots!"

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  50. You get props in my book for just showing up for Zumba! think I'd be "wheeling" right next to you when the sexy move part happens.

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  51. First you camp out and now you go to Zumba! I went to aerobic dance years ago, and at first I felt so out of it, but after a while it's just fun. And eventually I felt like I was dancing well. I have no idea whether I really was, but it didn't matter! Go Amber!

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  52. Bus wheels are totally hawt, EVERYONE knows that...

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  53. Well, at least you had the guts to do it! I would have pretended to get an itch on my calf or something to distract myself from that particular requirement, and then I'd dive back in when sexy was over. Go you is right!

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  54. Good for you. I'm sure they all went home and did "the wheels on the bus" for their husbands. You know they did!

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  55. i love zumba. i just have a really hard time not hating the instructor, who has twins (!) and looks like a female jillian michaels. i'm sure all that hate is just collecting around my abdomen, so i usually stick to running and weights.

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  58. I'm starting Zumba in a little over a week, and now will be thinking neurotically about my sexy move! Glad you had fun! I'm excited for it.

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  59. Oh my... wiping tears! I could totally picture the "Wheels on the Bus"... I did that move years ago when my guys were little. I don't do sexy either, never did. Not that I didn't try. Lol!

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  60. Happy Birthday! Hope you had a great day and lots of cake!

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  61. Egyptians are sexy. Look at Cleopatra. Well, not literally, cause shes dead, but like in the movies and stuff.

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  62. Zumba...hmmm that was on my list of things to try....last year. LOL I still want to but there are no local gyms that offer it so I can try a sexy move...ah well :)

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  63. I love Zumba. Though Belly Dancing is my passion.

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  64. You crack my shit up Amber! Go you for at least trying it. I only do things like that in the privacy of my own home. Only my family gets to laugh at me for free.

    Hope you had an awesome b-day. And your face does NOT look fat.

    ♥Spot

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  65. You're adorable, I think Zumba is SO much fun, and sexy is a state of mind, or something else motivational like that.

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  66. Well, I think you look absolutely adorable in that picture...you do NOT have a fat face!

    And sexy is in the eye of the beholder!! You're Mom Sexy!!!

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  67. Your blog always makes me laugh! Yes, I like Pringles too!

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  68. I so want to do Zumba! If only there was another day in the week...

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  69. Great Post...Funny! That picture is so cute! Good for you for doing the Zumba classes! My face turns red like a tomato when I exercise too! I don't like anyone to watch me exercise, just cuz of that.

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  70. OMG, I love that your sexy instantly is compared to wheels on the bus. What have our lives become?

    FWIW, I would totally do a Zumba class with you. Then go out and get a burger to celebrate not giving each other black eyes.

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  71. I love Zumba, and I have to say that I can sexy it up with the best of them, HOWEVER the impending thought of peeing myself for the entire class time will take the sexiness right out of you!!

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