Tuesday, August 3, 2010

An E-mail to Tom

Dear Tom,

I miss you even though it’s only been a couple of hours since we’ve said goodbye. I’ve probably missed you ever since you found out that you’d be going to Korea for a year.

At the airport I was trying to be strong. I didn’t want your last memory of me to be that of a sniffling mess. When I hugged you that last time I shut my eyes and breathed in your Old Spice scent. Whenever I smell it, I think of you.

It was hard to stand there as you walked through security. A part of me wanted to call out, wait, stop, it’s too soon, you can’t go now. But the other part knew I had to be strong, that breaking down would just make things difficult for you. And so I put a smile on my face and watched as you walked away from me.

Driving home I felt numb, as though I couldn’t fully believe what had just happened. When we got home I walked in the bathroom and it hit me all at once that you weren’t coming back for a long time. The spot where your razor once sat was empty. Your toothbrush no longer rested against mine. I ran my finger along the spot where your wallet would usually sit when we didn’t go anywhere.

I grabbed the shirt that you had worn yesterday and held it to me and there it was, Old Spice. Maybe I’ll always hold the shirt when I really miss you. I don’t know. I suppose that it would be a bit strange but as I stood there, your shirt cradled against me, it gave me a sense of comfort.

You take care of yourself.

We’ll be okay.

I promise.

I love you,
Amber

76 comments:

  1. oh honey..
    even though i didn't have kids.. i know how you feel.. apart for a year is NOT cool...

    i am thinking of you today.. and will be for a while yet... i had friends and family that made sure it was all good when doug left for iraq... so let a friend entertain you... and take care of yourself...

    thinking of ya..

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  2. This is so hard, for both of you I'm sure. So much can happen in a year. I go a bit crazy when my husband has to go out of town for work for just a few days. From what I see, you've already proven yourself to be very strong. You will be ok. You always have the internet ;).

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  3. Will keep you in my prayers. You're all going to be ok. I admire what your family is doing, and I know you'll be blessed for it, hard as that is to hear right now. Hang in there.

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  4. Awww... my heart hurts for you. Take care of yourself and your babies.

    I used to have my husband mail me shirts that smelled like him.

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  5. Amber, I can't imagine how you're dealing with this. You are an unbelievably strong woman! I'm not sure I could be as stoic as you. Our family will keep yours in our thoughts and God bless your husband for keeping us all safe and free!

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  6. That was so sweet. Now you've got me crying...

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  7. My heart ached for you reading this. Hold on to the shirt, as you already know, you will find comfort in his scent. You and your family will be in my families thoughts and prayers.

    Now I want to say Thank you, for the job that your husband does and for the sacrifices your family makes.

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  8. I can barely type this through the blur of my tears. You are such a strong woman. Tom is a very lucky man. I have no doubt you'll be ok, but I also know there is nothing wrong with clinging to that Old Spice scent for as long as you can. My thoughts are with you. Hugs.

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  9. I can't imagine how hard that must be. I'm so sorry! Beautiful post!

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  10. Oh noooooo! I'm tearing up over here *hugs* :(

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  11. Oh how hard. You can do it. you can do it!!

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  12. Oh, I'm sooo sad for you. I could never do it, ever.

    :(

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  13. I can't imagine how hard it must be to say goodbye to a husband you really like.

    Big time hugs. I'm not really a hugger, but I think this deserves an exception.

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  14. Wow. Such a simple email brought tears to my eyes. I know what you're going through is hard, especially having natalie and tommy to take care of, but you're an incredibly strong woman and I know you'll make it through this year in one piece.

    ((HUGS))!!!!

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  15. I can't imagine how hard this is.

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  16. Oh gosh honey. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must have been to say goodbye to him. I will be keeping all of you in my prayers.

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  17. oh girl you have me in tears. I don't think I could have been so strong! I would have been the one wife that was a blubbering idiot with black streaks all down my face and snot dripping to the floor.

    Chris and I have spent 7 months apart when Kyle was 2 and then 9 months apart just this year. And we were just a few counties away from each other, I could not imagine having an entire ocean!

    But isn't funny how it is not the big things that you miss while they are away? Like the car being fixed or the lawn mowed or the trash taken out. But it's the little things that you miss the most.

    You hold on to that shirt girl(and re-apply Old Spice as needed). Use it as a pillow case and you will have him next you every night!

    Many thoughts and prayers to you and Tom!

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  18. You are so brave! Praying for you, your kids, all of the heroic troops and their families for sacrificing so much. We are grateful!

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  19. Goosebumps and tears! You are in my thoughts and prayers as well as your whole family!

    Stay strong, and no that we are all here for anything that you need!

    take care of yourself beautiful!

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  20. I'm with brittany, goosebumps and tears! I am sure you will be fine, he did teach you where the jack is for the car. HUGS!

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  21. Oh, Amber, I am crying for you because I am a mess. I knew the day would come and Hugs and love for you and the kids.

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  22. This made me tear up. I am sad when Adam is gone for the weekend. You are in my thoughts.

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  23. :( I will be thinking of you every single day!

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  24. Awwwwwwwww. Put the shirt in a zip lock baggie so it keeps it's scent. That way it will be there when you need it.

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  25. You hold onto that Tshirt all you like!

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  26. Don't make me cry so early in the morning. I am sorry that he has to be gone like this. At least you have email and such that you can keep in touch. It is good that you have the kids around and friends around to help you. Stay busy and the time will go fast. Sending big hugs to you.

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  27. ****tears*****
    i feel for you...and i'll miss the posts of Tom taking advantage of you bending over to pick up a sock, and the wiggling of the eyebrows.
    But you're a strong person! lots of e-hugs!

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  28. Well, this sucks. No way around it. Take small comforts where you can.

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  29. i'm used to crying after reading your posts...but normally it's from hysterical laughter. i'm not used to this....i hope this year goes by as quickly as possible for you and that tom is back home before you know it.

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  30. So sorry, doll. Hugs for you. You keep hugging that shirt.

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  31. Oh man, now I'm crying at work.

    Sweetie, put his shirt under your pillow (that's what I did when mine left for his year in Iraq). It helps.

    You're so strong and even though the year will seem to drag, once he's home and his dirty socks are laying next to the hamper you'll be thinking, "wow, that year went so quick!".

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  32. I can only say a quiet thank you.

    Someday, perhaps, the world won't need such sacrifices...

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  33. That was so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. Make a pillow out of his shirt. That way you can hug it when you need to put your arms around him. big hugs from me

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  34. Amber, that was so touching. You keep that shirt. It'll get you through. :) X's and O's.

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  35. wow... (((HUGS))) I have no idea what you're going through, but please know I'll be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts, as well as Tom.....

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  36. good for you for being strong for him. It is so hard to leave home especially when you think your breaking someones heart by doing it. You will all get through this. Chin up!

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  37. I totally teared up reading this. ((hugs))

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  38. Oh Sweetheart, I know how you feel. I felt kicked in the gut when Alex would leave. Still, it's what they do. And the times does pass more quickly than you would think. You can do this just fine. Take care of you today, Amber.

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  39. It takes such a special, unselfish woman to be a military wife. I couldn't do it.

    Get Tom to mail you worn t-shirts if he can. When Michael and I were a long-distance couple before we were married (all two hours long-distance but I was such a baby about it) he would leave t-shirts with me, and I'd sleep with them like security blankets. The smell really is comforting.

    And you deserve all the comfort you can get. Your family is making such a sacrifice. Thank you.

    Sending lots of hugs and tears with you.

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  40. I can't even imagine. I'm crying at my desk.

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  41. I can't even imagine. In law school it was hard enough to have my boyfriend (at the time- now husband) away for work Monday-Friday every week. At least I got to see him most weekends.

    Hugs from afar!

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  42. We are all here for you. I hope that you hear from him soon!

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  43. I am crying for you as I read this. Tom will be well, and you will be ok, Amber. I envy how strong and brave you are, and from reading your blog over the past year, I know Tommy and Natalie could not have a better Mom to take care of them.

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  44. This brings back so many memories...and tears. Saying goodbye to the love of your life is heartbreaking, and never gets any easier.

    Sending a big hug your way!!

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  45. Thank you all for your support. It'll help the year go faster.

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  46. Oh Amber! You've got me in tears over here! I can't imagine what you must be feeling. Many hugs to you.

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  47. What a lovely letter! I am so sorry you have to go thru this separation, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  48. Amber you have me in tears. My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope that the time passes quickly for you.

    If ever you need comfort or company we are here.

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  49. Honey,

    I can't imagine.

    Hugs.

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  50. My heart aches for you. I hope this year flies by and you have Tom in your arms again before you know it.

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  51. DO NOT under any circumstances wash that shirt-- keep it, sleep with it, wear it when you want to. Olfactory memories are the strongest, so it will really be good to hold onto!

    My heart goes out to you, and I'm not even going to say anything funny! Hang in there, kiddo!

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  52. Look at the torrent of tears you unleashed with that beautiful email to Tom. What would he think of all these crazy women typing to you thru blurry, wet eyes. Damn, girl; that was beautiful. Hugs to you and your family.

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  53. Beautiful email - I hope you two are able to talk a lot while he's gone. I hope the time passes quickly for you guys!

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  54. Ohhh. I feel so sad for you. I hope this year flies by quickly for you. Hopefully before you know it you can sit down with your husband and say "remember that time you were gone for a year?" HUGS!!

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  55. Seriously, that made me cry. Wishing Tom safe journeys, wishing you peace of mind while he's gone.

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  56. Oh, Amber... What a year this will be for all of you guys. I am sending you tons and TONS of cosmic support, babe. And tons and tons of safe travel and return vibes for Tom.

    Take care.

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  57. You made me cry a little. God Speed to Tom.

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  58. Oh, I am so crying for you right now. I hope I can help even in the smallest way be being one of your readers and commenters, to help the year go by.

    Are you working on a book while he's gone? Just saying, the inspiration sure is there...

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  59. i know when I am going through something hard it seems like everyone has advice and words of help like it's all going to work out and hang in there. sometimes i just want someone to say "that sucks". so this is me just saying it to you "that sucks" ;)

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  60. This is beautiful Amber. It is so full of love and honesty. Saying goodbye is always hard, but as the days go by it will get a little easier. You are a strong women. We are all rooting for you, AND TOM!

    Take care.

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  61. I've been thinking of you all..sending hugs and prayers that you can stay strong!!

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  62. I'm so sorry!! I have no idea what that would even be like, but you seem like a very strong woman who can make it through anything! My prayers are with you and your cute family!!

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  63. You just brought a tear to my eye....

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  64. That sounds so hard.

    I know you're a tough lady and you'll be just fine!

    And hey, maybe Korea will close in a few months and Tom will come home early?

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  65. My heart breaks for you. Stay busy (easy to do with kids) and hopefully it will fly by and you'll be able to hold him instead of an old shirt.

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  66. Put the shirt in a large zip lock baggie when you're not snuggling it. It should keep the scent longer.

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  67. I would so not wash that shirt just so I could smell it when I needed to feel closer to him!

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  68. This made me very wistful. I hope the year flies by, and that you keep his shirt as is during that time. I also hope I can stop feeling bad about the short trips my husband has to make out of town for work, because I have no business feeling stressed or sad when your family will be going a year! You can do this, and the reward will be great!

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  69. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. I've done this three times and it's always hard. But it will be "normal" sooner than you'd imagine. Have fun, do new things, stay busy and keep positive people around you!

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  70. I know how loneliness and missing someone feels and my heart breaks for you. Try not to let yourself sink too low! Because to a small extent, you can control how much you let yourself suffer. And I have a bad habit of doing that, so I want to advise you not to do the same.

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  71. Sending hugs and positive vibes your way. I would so keep that shirt wrapped in a ziploc baggie so I could open it and take a whiff whenever. You are so brave!

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