Monday, January 9, 2012

So I Finally Saw Rocky

I think it was a reference made on Family Guy that made me say it.

It was something about the Rocky movies and I said to Tom, “I’ve never really seen any of the Rocky movies. I’ve seen bits of the first one but that’s it.”

Tom was horrified.

I think his mouth even dropped open in shock.

It was like I announced that there was no such thing as Megan Fox.

“You’ve never,” Tom said, scrambling to find the proper words. “You’ve never seen the Rocky movies?”

“Um. No?”

“Why?” he breathed. He seriously seemed concerned, as if a person could not function without ever witnessing Sylvester Stallone boxing.

“It’s not my type of movie,” I explained with a shrug. A lot of my movies involve a man and a woman getting together, splitting up, walking down the street while a depressing song wails in the background, and then getting back together.

Tom wasn’t the only guy baffled as to why I had never seen Sylvester Stallone shout, “Yo, Adrian!” When we came through the military base, Tom said to the gate guard, “My wife has never seen the Rocky movies, can you believe that?” as he handed over our ID cards.

The gate guard had that same stunned expression that Tom did when he found out this news. “You haven’t seen Sly as Rocky? What’s wrong with you?”

“Don’t worry, she’ll watch the movie, dude,” Tom assured him and the gate guard visibly relaxed. (!) “She’ll watch them all, except for part 5, which sucked.”

The gate guard shook his head. “No, dude, you can’t say that about Sly.”

“I love all the other movies but part 5 sucked,” Tom repeated. “I won’t have my wife watching such crap.”

It was like I was no longer there. I wanted to wave my hand and go, “Hi! When did I even agree to watch part ONE?”

“Part 5 wasn’t as good as the others, I give you that, but it’s still entertaining. She needs to watch Part 5, it’s important,” the gate guard said solemnly.

It is?

As we pulled away Tom went, “You don’t need to watch part 5. Trust me.”

Anyway, I made the mistake of buying Tom the entire Rocky collection for Christmas and guess what he said after he unwrapped the DVDs?

“Now you’ll get to see the magic of Rocky!”

Oh. Fun.

I mean, I guess it’s payback since I made him watch Bridesmaids with me. I still find the movie hilarious. Tom did not. Several times during the movie he was like, “When does this get good?” Being that he’s a cop, the only bits he liked involved the cop.

We settled down to watch the first Rocky movie on Friday.

“Does someone die in this?” I asked. I like to be prepared if someone is going to die. I did watch Million Dollar Baby and was stunned at the end. Why did no one tell me? I’m one of those people who wants to know what’s going to happen so I can PREPARE MYSELF. I am incredibly emotional and probably get too tied up in the characters.

“Not in this Rocky,” Tom responded.

“So someone eventually dies?”

“Maybe,” he said mysteriously.

Oh for—I could Google the answer if I wanted. But I won’t. I promised Tom that I wouldn’t. (Still, I think Apollo dies because he let it slip. But then he was like, “Oh, DOES he die?” and I went, “You just said he died!” and he went, “Does he?” Honestly, it was like conversing with Anne Heche when she went through her meltdown about being an alien.)

The movie was...

...well, honestly it wasn’t bad.

It turns out there WAS a love story entwined in the plot.

Rocky had it bad for a woman named Adrian who wore awful glasses but then shed the glasses halfway through when she started believing in herself. Just as Rocky started believing in himself.

“Adrian doesn’t die does she?” I wondered.

“I don’t know. DOES she?”

Ugh, why did I even bother?

Towards the end of the film Rocky is all ready to box the champion Apollo who is like the Michael Phelps of boxing. Before the big fight he finds out that he’s basically just there to fight Apollo for a show because no one believes he’ll actually win so he walks home with a sad song playing in the background—just like in the movies I like!

Then it was time for the big fight and I said, “Adrian must be worried sick!” and Tom gave me a Look because I guess one isn’t supposed to speak during the Big Fight.

But really, I’d be terrified if Tom went to box a champion.

Rocky actually does pretty well in the Big Fight. He even knocks Apollo down and Apollo is all shocked like, “WTF? This guy was just supposed to be a show!”

Man, by the end of it all, both guys looked like I do when I’ve only had a couple of hours of sleep.

The press kept trying to interview Rocky at the end, asking how he felt (which was a dumb question, it looked like his face was melting off so how did they THINK he felt?) and all Rocky was doing was shouting, “Adrian! ADRIAN!” and I said to Tom, “Aww, it’s like an ending to the movies I like. Would you ever shout for me like that?”

Tom gave me another Look.


It’s romantic.

Adrian pushed her way through the crowd and she got to Rocky and they embraced and were like, “I love you, I love you!” and you think that the next scene will be of them getting married...

...but no, the movie rudely just ENDED.

“So, I’m confused,” I said to Tom as the credits rolled.

“What’s there to be confused about?”

“Do they get married?”

“Amber. Rocky, who was the underdog and who got ready to fight in only FIVE WEEKS, totally beat a champion’s ass and you’re concerned if he GETS MARRIED?”



Isn’t that what most people were concerned about?

I mean, when a man shouts a woman’s name like that, it would be the honorable thing if he married her.

We’ll be watching Rocky 2 soon because I need to make sure Rocky did the right thing by Adrian.

And, you know, to see if Apollo dies.

Or becomes Rocky’s best friend because Tom let it slip that this is what happens and I don’t understand how.

Oh no. I think I like the Rocky movies.

(Except part 5. Apparently...)


  1. funny! I've never seen it either. my husband is a movie fanatic... and I've hardly seen anything he considers "noteworthy" it drives him NUTS :)

  2. Never seen them either.

    But Tom's reaction was the same as Tony's when I revealed that I'd never seen any of the star wars movies.

    Game on.

    I became the "experiment" for all things Star Wars related. Do we watch them in order, or in the order they came out? Do we tell her what's going on or let her figure it out?


    I can now speak Yoda, and often make cookies for the dark side.

  3. I had never seen Rocky until a few years ago myself. (my husband had the same kind of reaction) I cried at the end - it is a love story.

    But now I can't remember if I watched the 2nd one...

  4. There were 5 Rockies?!?! Lord, I stopped watching after the Russian one. Now he's hot.

  5. They're not really my type of movies, either, but I've seen all the Rocky's. Even 5. Multiple times. So yes, I could completely spoil it for you, but I won't. You have to watch it! I say with an evil laugh.

  6. Rocky 1 was just on T.V. a few days ago. I don't want to sit through the whole thing but you have to find a guy who can look like that (those abs!) inspiring.

  7. i think the rocky flicks are like the godfather flicks. you know. like that scene in you've got mail, when tom hanks' character's shocked and appalled because meg ryan's character's oblivious to the importance of the phrase "go to the mattresses."

    contrary to your husband's opinion, the world will not end if you don't see all the rocky films.

    you do, however, need to see number three. it has mr. t. :]

    and oh, i so didn't mean to make that rhyme. shame on me. hah!

  8. i can tolerate Rocky Movies. they are WAY better than his Rambo movies.

  9. My husband is always amazed by what movies I haven't seen. He feels it is his duty to educate me by renting movies like Casino and Scarface.

  10. Wait - you haven't seen Rambo either?

  11. There are actually a COUPLE of the Rocky movies that sucked. The first one is far and away the best, unfortunately for you. The next three are sort of blockbuster hollywooded up versions, and the fifth one is with Tommy "Gun" Morrison, and is pretty much universally reviled.

  12. Crap, I meant to mention. . . your reactions during the movie. . . and Tom's reactions to your reactions. . . made me laugh.

  13. The only reason I ever saw any of the Rocky movies when I was younger was only because I had a huge crush on Sylvester Stallone.

    I know...totally gross, huh?

  14. You are not alone. I have seen none of the Rocky movies, none of the Star Wars movies, Ghostbusters, Gremlins, or that Kevin Costner movie about baseball.

    I am some kind of freak.

    I will just have to live vicariously through your movie reviews, because I'm busy watching Bridesmaids and Hangover 2.


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  16. I've only seen about five minutes of Rocky, when it was on TV one night. It seemed really...boring.

  17. I've seen them but I don't remember much. :)

  18. Eh I've never seen them either. And I don't want to.

    I got a similar reaction from friends when I announced I had never seen Top Gun...

  19. Your a brave woman!! I watched one and two with Farm Boy and that was enough of Stallone for me.

    I've kinda won Hubs over to the chick movies over the last 40 years or so. Heeehehehe!

    God bless ya and have an awesome week sweetie!!! :o)

  20. I think I've seen the first and I know I've seen the last. If he talks in the middle ones the way he talks in either of the others, I don't think my central nervous system can handle me watching them!

  21. Since you are recapping them here, now I don't ever have to see them. You have my eternal gratitude.

  22. I've seen the first 3 of them. They're ok but I liked Bridesmaids better!

  23. It would be hard to deny how Stallone became so famous after seeing "Rocky." It also seems to embrace so much of what we think and feel about living the "American Dream." Rocky really fights for what he believes in. The dainty woman with guts stands by her man and we all feel like winners at the end.

    After all these years, I still love Rocky.


  24. Yes, it would appear that you do like Rocky movies. Tom would have a heart attack if he met me....mainly because I have seen some of the Rocky movies and have absolutely no recollection of any of them.

  25. I have never seen them, but will now be able to act like I have successfully by keeping up with your run downs :) THANKS!

  26. I am pretty sure this is how it would go if I watched it.

  27. The only one I've seen is when he fights the russian. I liked it, but never saw any of the other ones. I venture to guess you were in good company before you bought those movies.

  28. I too cannot believe you had never seen the Rocky movies!! I am a huge fan of them (except #5, I agree with Tom that it sucked). The first and second ones are the best though, I love them and can watch them over and over.

  29. Okay, I nearly laughed out loud at the guard saying Rocky V is "important." Then I really did LOL at the part about Anne Heche being an alien. Too funny!

  30. Ok...first of all love Rocky 1-3 after that, not so much.

    As for never seeing a movie. I have never seen ET. People look at me like I am an ET when I say that since I was a kid/teen when it came out. Whateves...not my kind of movie. Hmmm what does that say about me?

  31. I've only seen parts of them. My hubs was SHOCKED that I have never seen the Godfather movies. Boys!

  32. Too funny! I've seen the first 2 or 3 I think but yeah, totally not my kind of movie. And I totally made my hubby watch Bridesmaids too! haha He was less than amused. ;)

  33. I love Rocky! I had all the dvds then I made my family get me the box set cos it came with a Rocky robe!

    #2 is the most romantic (I think)

  34. Oh no, now I kind of want to watch Rocky. I was too young when tons of great movies came out and I am slowly seeing them now as an adult.

  35. I have seen all 5 a couple times...Hes right the 5th was pushing it...a tad...A desparate attempt to keep the Italian Stallion alive

  36. Come to think of this, I think I've only seen 1 and maybe 2...maybe someday I'll sit my kids down and have a 'Rocky-a-thon' just for the cultural literacy!

  37. Never seen Rocky - any of them - or Star Wars, or Star Trek --Although I did see the latest Star Trek...

    My husband is now making me watch Lord of the Rings - ALL of them.

    I have enough trouble sitting through one movie let alone a bunch in a row!

  38. I lived in Philly for a number of years and STILL haven't seen Rocky. My husband made me watch Jaws, Indiana Jones, Lord of the Rings, etc. because he said that there was something wrong with my childhood.


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