I knew it probably wasn’t a smart idea to go see The Conjuring when I’m home alone.
I mean, I jump when the fridge clicks on for God’s sake. I’ve always been jumpy. Tom finds this hilarious. He’ll pop out from various places and collapse in laughter when I nearly have a heart attack.
“It’s too easy!” he’ll say, clapping like an over enthused seal. “Too easy!’
But I thought to myself, self, you’re a grown adult. It’s time to get brave. You’ll be okay. Remind yourself that it is make believe.
(But. But. The movie is based on a true story, a tiny voice whispered inside my head. Hush. Hush, you.)
I’d be okay.
Yes, I was alone in the house. My Mom took my kids. My husband is deployed. But I did have the cat. My cat would protect me. (Unless he became distracted.)
My friend Jennifer and I got balcony seats to see The Conjuring because if you’re going to be freaked out, you might as well do it in style. We ordered cheese fries. Pepsi with grenadine. I could have had an adult beverage but I did not think it wise to be intoxicated and frightened.
So the movie began and I learned the following:
--if your pet refuses to go into your new home, it means something. Listen to your pet.
--if you find a blocked off cellar, do not, I repeat, do NOT investigate.
--if you suddenly get bruises all over, it might not be anemia. It could be an angry ghost wanting to possess you.
--if you purchase a home through a bank auction, do research on it. For the love of all things sacred. DO RESEARCH ON IT.
--Dolls are creepy. Do not collect them. They will frighten your guests.
Anyway. Yes, I jumped. I screeched. I covered my eyes.
I won’t spoil the movie but I will say that it was entertaining. Go see it.
Because really, I did okay when I got home to an empty house. Yes, I turned on all the lights. Yes, I watched a happy movie. (Bridesmaids.) Yes, I might have said out loud, “This is my home and evil spirits are not welcome here. If you want to bother someone, there’s this boy who seems to forget what belts and clothing in general are. His name is Justin Bieber.”
Yes, I hid under the covers when I went to bed but NOT until I realized I had woken up at 3 AM. In the movie, crazy shit happened at 307 AM. My heart immediately began to pound. I swore I saw a ghost hovering in the corner. It turned out to be the fan, but still. Under the covers I went. No ghost was going to possess me. I did not have time for that. I had a week of peace to myself and I planned on enjoying it.
I’m doing better now.
Go see The Conjuring.