I love our tree.
It's fake by the way.
And it's fantastic.
Look, we can be a lazy family so we would not want to go out and have to chop one down. Someone would probably cry. Natalie, most likely. She'd be like, "It's cold out here. I can't feel my fingers. Someone looked at me funny." Then we'd have to haul the tree home. Something would go wrong. We'd probably shove it in the back of Tom's truck. Tom would be worried the needles would scrape his truck. He would not be happy on the drive home.
"I swear, if that tree messes up my truck, I'm not going to be happy," Tom would grumble the entire way home.
Then we'd have to carry the tree inside. I'd have to help Tom and I'd hold the tree wrong and Tom would shout and go, "No! Hold it up! Turn left! LEFT NOT RIGHT!" and I'd joke and go, "Pivot, pivot, pivot! You know, like Ross on Friends?" and he'd go, "It's not time to make jokes!" and I'd say in a snarky tone, "That wasn't a joke, it was a quote, thanks."
Then we wouldn't speak to each other for a couple of hours. This is also because we couldn't get the tree to stand properly in the stand we got for it. Needles would be falling all over the place. Natalie would shriek, "Is my tree DYING?" In the end we'd have managed to prop it up with a phone book.
Needles would continue to drop because that's just what real trees do. They would clog my vacuum. I'd curse. Natalie would continue to yell, "IS MY TREE DYING?"
So no. We aren't real tree people. We love our fake tree. It doesn't shed.
Oh, and it's pre-lit. If we had to put lights on a tree, there would be more cursing and shrieking. They'd get caught on a branch as Tom tried to wind them around. He'd be like, "Amber, stop checking Facebook and HELP ME!" and I'd probably make a comment like, "I had to pull out and set up all the Christmas stuff when you were in Korea. Alone. With NO help."
Some people are all, "But don't you want that pine scent?"
Yes. That's what candles and Scentsy are for, yes?
So are you a fake or real tree person?