Friday, February 28, 2014

Why I Could Never Be On That Real Housewives Show

Yes, I admit it.

I watch those Real Housewives. Only they aren't exactly real. Many of them have fake mouths, breasts, faces, etc. Sometimes to the point where it's distracting.

I'm talking to you, Taylor Armstrong.


I could never be on the Real Housewives show because of the following:

--My husband wouldn't tolerate the cameras. I'm always amazed at the husbands on the show who go along with the nonsense. If a woman tried to verbally attack me, my husband would immediately jump up and go, "That's ENOUGH. Have you been to war? No? Then all this BS is NONSENSE. And also, your face is scaring me." His expression would be like this whenever a camera entered the room.

He'd shout, "Can't a man take a dump without a camera wondering what's going on? I'm shitting. That's what's going on."

--My son wouldn't understand why the cameras wanted to film us. And then he'd want to know how the cameras worked. "Can I see the inside of one? Please? Can I see the inside of one?" Or he'd ramble on about his Animal Crossing game. "If you have the game, can I have your friend code?" He'd be very matter-of-fact, like that kind from Kindergarten Cop, which would not interest the producers, who are looking for bratty kids a la one of Teresa Guidice's girls..

--My daughter would want to perform the entire time. They'd remind her to just act like the cameras weren't around but she'd say, "I can't. I see them. All around me." And then she'd start singing songs from Frozen. In her Elsa dress. At the top of her lungs.

--My hair looks like this most of the time:

I always marvel how put together everyone looks on the show.

--Our house is the size of a bathroom in Lisa Vanderpump's home. Seriously. There isn't a lot of extra space.

--Our cat would not tolerate being a dressed up prop like Giggy the dog. We tried putting him in antlers over the holidays and he was not pleased. He promptly puked near my slipper. I think he was aiming to puke IN IT but missed.

So no. I could never be on The Real Housewives of Texas.

We'll stick to a no-camera life, thanks.


  1. We don't have cable anymore, but when we did I watched from time to time. I loved the first season of the Real Housewives of OC because it did show a bit of real life in the "other" world.

    These days it is so over acted and scripted that there isn't anything real about it!

  2. I couldn't do it either- not just for the reasons you mentioned, but also because my house is in a constant state of disaster. I'd lose the camera men in the mess.

  3. I am laughing out loud at the photo of Helena Bonham Carter's hair.
    And I bet she did that on purpose.
    I used to joke about making a real housewives of the Pioneer Valley (where I live) show.

  4. SO funny! I wouldn't be a good RH either .. because I can't hide my emotions and plot like they do. If I think you're an evil bitch, I wouldn't be able to save it for the interview. My RH tagline would probably be, "Hi, my name is Jodi, and I'm a blurter."

  5. And I can't either for those same reason....except add
    My dog would pee on every piece of lighting equipment, and minus the husband but keep everything he would say.

  6. I couldn't either....It seems so staged anymore. Who are these people not very real to me!

  7. I think I'm with you on that. I couldn't even act like Honey BooBoo on TV either. You made very good choices of clips to represent what you meant *applause*

  8. It would drive me crazy, too, but some people are just attention hungry.

  9. I agree, those housewives are so fake. I don't get men really find that attractive????

  10. "The Real Housewives of Orange County" is one of my guilty pleasure shows. I've watched it from almost the beginning of the series, so now I just want to see what happens!

    You're so totally right though, it's funny to see how the ladies change season to season from all their plastic surgery. "Oh, Gretchen got new lips!"

  11. Bwahahahaha. Helena Bonham Carter is my hair inspiration, too! I'd never make it on one of those shows!! (and I love that GIF of the over performing singer so much, I'm thinking of marrying it.) --Lisa

  12. My favorite are the housewives of New York - funny since most of them aren't even wives!!!
    I'm definitely not "classy" enough to be on one of those shows!

  13. This is a great post, made all the better by the great gifs to go along with it!! Especially Dean...mmmmmm.....

  14. I think we're entertaining enough to have a show, but I don't have the energy to look good and keep our house looking good for the cameras. I agree with you, we'll stay off camera.

  15. I feel weird enough with the blog. I care way too much what other people think- no way could I be on TV.

  16. Your post made my day!!!! I am glad you are not on the show but you ARE writing this blog:)


  17. Love the gifs!
    gifs make my Friday happy.

    cameras in my home would not.
    We are entirely too normal, and thus uninteresting.
    Gee, I can't even be a train wreck properly. *side-eye*

  18. Not just the Housewives being scripted, but I couldn't ever be on a show like Wife Swap either. I think they purposefully swap the most opposite couples they can find for the reason of creating drama. Drama brings viewers and that's what sells. I don't think society tries to keep up with the Joneses anymore. Sometimes we are just glad we Aren't the Joneses...

    No cameras here either.

  19. Agree with you on the size of our place... it's a one bedroom apartment. I meannnn... no one is going to be featuring us in Architectural Digest anytime soon.
    Okay, those lips... they're out of control. And she'd be pretty if she'd left them alone. I covered up the bottom part of her face with my hand to check, hahaha

  20. This is perfect, LOL.

    I wouldn't want cameras in my house but, I think they wouldn't want to be here either.

    We are unkempt, I guess you could say. Our house is tiny and we share it. My kids do not react well to cameras and they would have to bleep out 95% of the shit I say anyway.

    Nope, no Real Housewives for the Mad Mommy.

  21. I lost it laughing at your kitty in the antlers, Amber!!! LOL! And the new season of "Dallas" just started and I LOVE it. Guilty pleasure tv. Great post! :)

  22. I've never watched any of the Real Housewives shows but I enjoyed this post. Made me laugh :)

  23. I've honestly never watched any of those shows. I watch plenty of garbage TV, just not that particular brand. Those women scare me...their faces look like melted Barbies.
    My husband wouldn't tolerate it either. They wouldn't know what to do out here, with my husband trying to shoot hogs and deer out of the kitchen window. Culture shock!

  24. I wouldn't be able to be on a show either... but I would like to see Natalie with her own show...I think it would be entertaining =)

  25. Lol! I love this! The GIFs always get me, especially when they are well placed within a story like this. It was wonderful chatting with you today during the SITS chat on Twitter!

  26. Hahaha I laughed out loud the pictures did me in! I couldn't do it either Id get annoyed by the cameras and I wouldnt deal with the drama

  27. I have to agree with you on this one (at least for me!) I know filming our family would be so awkward for the kids. And let's be honest, who acts the same when the cameras come on?

    I know I'd censor myself a bit just because half the things I say aren't worth repeating.


Thanks for the comment!

Share This

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...