Friday, February 28, 2014
Why I Could Never Be On That Real Housewives Show
Yes, I admit it.
I watch those Real Housewives. Only they aren't exactly real. Many of them have fake mouths, breasts, faces, etc. Sometimes to the point where it's distracting.
I'm talking to you, Taylor Armstrong.
I could never be on the Real Housewives show because of the following:
--My husband wouldn't tolerate the cameras. I'm always amazed at the husbands on the show who go along with the nonsense. If a woman tried to verbally attack me, my husband would immediately jump up and go, "That's ENOUGH. Have you been to war? No? Then all this BS is NONSENSE. And also, your face is scaring me." His expression would be like this whenever a camera entered the room.
He'd shout, "Can't a man take a dump without a camera wondering what's going on? I'm shitting. That's what's going on."
--My son wouldn't understand why the cameras wanted to film us. And then he'd want to know how the cameras worked. "Can I see the inside of one? Please? Can I see the inside of one?" Or he'd ramble on about his Animal Crossing game. "If you have the game, can I have your friend code?" He'd be very matter-of-fact, like that kind from Kindergarten Cop, which would not interest the producers, who are looking for bratty kids a la one of Teresa Guidice's girls..
--My daughter would want to perform the entire time. They'd remind her to just act like the cameras weren't around but she'd say, "I can't. I see them. All around me." And then she'd start singing songs from Frozen. In her Elsa dress. At the top of her lungs.
--My hair looks like this most of the time:
I always marvel how put together everyone looks on the show.
--Our house is the size of a bathroom in Lisa Vanderpump's home. Seriously. There isn't a lot of extra space.
--Our cat would not tolerate being a dressed up prop like Giggy the dog. We tried putting him in antlers over the holidays and he was not pleased. He promptly puked near my slipper. I think he was aiming to puke IN IT but missed.
So no. I could never be on The Real Housewives of Texas.
We'll stick to a no-camera life, thanks.