It never fails.
I go into Target thinking that I'll spend less than $20--after all, I only need a couple of things.
Then at the checkout I'm told, "That'll be $102.52."
"How did that happen?! I came in to buy a HOSE and WRAPPING PAPER!"
As the cashier shrugs in a manner that tells me she does not care, I gaze at all my bagged items. Did I black out? Where did all these things come from?
I had to think back to everything I looked at as I paid with my Target Red Debit Card (I mean, duh, of course I'd have one of those. You save an extra 5%!)
I believe I know what happened.
It all starts with the Dollar Spot.
You know, that area that has a bunch of stuff for a buck? (Or $3. But I gravitate towards the dollar items.) Before I know what has happened, I have 5 things in my cart.
Then I think, books! I'll go look at the books.
I should never go look at books, because then I'll find 3 that I feel like I must read.
I will probably wander into the toy section next, just to see if they've finally got some Frozen toys in. There's only one Frozen toy present.
This is when I probably look like a crazy person, because I have the toy in my hands and I'm like, "But Natalie already has an Anna and Elsa." Then I'll go, "But not in these outfits. Why can't you just buy the outfits? Should I spend $24.99 for the outfits?" On this day, I put the toy back, because Natalie has so many Barbies. But sometimes I'll buy a toy and say I'm going to set it aside for Christmas. It usually doesn't happen that way.
Since I looked at things Natalie enjoys, I decide to look at stuff Tommy likes next.
He likes Minecraft. So does Natalie. They'd love those Minecraft animals. Oh, and the sword! But the sword is $24.99? What? It's just a little bit of foam, am I right? Is here gold in the foam? I probably spent like 10 minutes trying to figure out why a foam sword is so much money. (I not only lose track of money in Target, but also time..)
I'll check out housewares next, thinking that it's time that our house begins to look more grown up. I mean, most of our stuff doesn't even match! I marvel at the decorating blogs and wonder why I don't have the same decorating gene. Wasn't I supposed to get one since I have a vagina?
I'm not going to lie, I buy something like this, and then it sits around for ages because I can't get Tom to put anything up. I'd do it, but my things come out crooked. Even if I use the laser straightener thingy. I mess it all up. We have a pile of house stuff in the garage.
Weirdly, I'll suddenly get a craving for cake and end up in the bakeware area.
Even though I don't even like to bake. But I think, "Maybe I like to bake now. Look at all these things! And from the Cake Boss!"
It'll occur to me that I'll never create fancy cakes or like baking, but I think, "Hey, I can still have my house smell like a cake!"
And I end up in the scent aisle. I don't know why these things excite me. They confuse my husband. He'll come home from work and be all, "Mmm, are you making cookies?" and I'll say, "No, I just pooped and used a spray that smells of sugar cookies. Sorry."
After loading up with new scents, I'll check out Natalie's section. There is always something I want for her. Girl clothes are adorable. I mean, look at the crown of flowers! Perfect for the summer, no? Although, what if a bee lands on her head when she's wearing them? She'll freak. I'll freak. She'll be running for me to help, I'll be running away from her because bees are horrible, horrible things, and they killed Thomas J.
I'll feel like I've burned a lot of calories while shopping, so I'll end up in front of the ice cream.
I'll probably get two tubs.
So really, it's no wonder why my bill is so high when I go to Target. I need to stop looking everywhere. If I need to go to the store, I should focus on only going to the place where the items I NEED live. I can do this, right?
No. I cannot.
Target, you'll win every time, much to the confusion of my husband.