It never fails.
I go into Target thinking that I'll spend less than $20--after all, I only need a couple of things.
Then at the checkout I'm told, "That'll be $102.52."
"How did that happen?! I came in to buy a HOSE and WRAPPING PAPER!"
As the cashier shrugs in a manner that tells me she does not care, I gaze at all my bagged items. Did I black out? Where did all these things come from?
I had to think back to everything I looked at as I paid with my Target Red Debit Card (I mean, duh, of course I'd have one of those. You save an extra 5%!)
I believe I know what happened.
It all starts with the Dollar Spot.
You know, that area that has a bunch of stuff for a buck? (Or $3. Or $5. But I gravitate towards the dollar items.) Before I know what has happened, I have 5 things in my cart.
Then I think, books! I'll go look at the books.
I should never go look at books, because then I'll find 3 that I feel like I must read.
I also decide to check out the toys, just in case something new is in.
I think, they'd love those Minecraft animals. Oh, and the sword! But the sword is $24.99? What? It's just a little bit of foam, am I right? Is there gold in the foam? I probably spent like 10 minutes trying to figure out why a foam sword is so much money. (I not only lose track of money in Target, but also time..)
I'll check out housewares next, thinking that it's time that our house begins to look more grown up. I mean, most of our stuff doesn't even match! I marvel at the decorating blogs and wonder why I don't have the same decorating gene. Wasn't I supposed to get one since I have a vagina?
I'm not going to lie, I buy something like this, and then it sits around for ages because I can't get Tom to put anything up. I'd do it, but my things come out crooked. Even if I use the laser straightener thingy. I mess it all up. We have a pile of house stuff in the garage.
Weirdly, I'll suddenly get a craving for cake and end up in the bakeware area.
Even though I don't even like to bake. But I think, "Maybe I like to bake now. Look at all these things! And from the Cake Boss!"
It'll occur to me that I'll never create fancy cakes or like baking, but I think, "Hey, I can still have my house smell like a cake!"
And I end up in the scent aisle. I don't know why these things excite me. They confuse my husband. He'll come home from work and be all, "Mmm, are you making cookies?" and I'll say, "No, I just pooped and used a spray that smells of sugar cookies. Sorry."
After loading up with new scents, I'll check out Natalie's clothes section. There is always something I want for her. Girl clothes are adorable. I mean, look at the crown of flowers! Perfect for the summer, no? Although, what if a bee lands on her head when she's wearing them? She'll freak. I'll freak. She'll be running for me to help, I'll be running away from her because bees are horrible, horrible things, and they killed Thomas J.
I'll feel like I've burned a lot of calories while shopping, so I'll end up in front of the ice cream.
I'll probably get two tubs.
So really, it's no wonder why my bill is so high when I go to Target. I need to stop looking everywhere. If I need to go to the store, I should focus on only going to the place where the items I NEED live. I can do this, right?
No. I cannot.
Target, you'll win every time, much to the confusion of my husband.