Friday, February 19, 2016
If You Take A Girl To Toys R Us
When your daughter gets money for Christmas, she'll want you to take her to Toys R Us.
She'll probably convince her Daddy to take her, because she has her Daddy wrapped around her little finger.
Toys R Us has Claire's merchandise in it, so your daughter will spend a lot of time trying on the various items. Necklaces. Headbands. Purses. Glasses. At this point, the men in your family have escaped to the video game section so it's just you.
She'll also want to check out the decor. "Should I hang this up in my room?"
Then she'll get offended when you aren't mustering the proper enthusiasm.
"I just feel like you're not caring...OH, should I get this Chewbacca chair?" *Checks the price* "Oh. Never mind. It's too much money."
She'll always find the Beanie Boos. Always.
"I already have a lot of these."
Then she'll be all, "Check out the Chubby Puppies," and you're inwardly like, "WTF?"
She'll decide she wants a new baby doll. The faces will traumatize you.
Meanwhile, your daughter is like, "Look how adorable!" and you're thinking, "Please don't get that one or else I might not ever sleep again."
"I should get accessories for the baby!"
You remind her she has enough crap in her room. There are bottles. Blankets. Stuffed animals.
She has the attention span of a gnat, so she'll suddenly go down ANOTHER aisle and get excited when she sees a Fur-Real Pet pug. Why? Because Dan, a popular You-Tuber, has a pug and she has decided she NEEDS a pug. She's been pressing the iPad in your face for a week.
"Look! Look at Dan's pug! Look! Look, Dan fell asleep in the pug bed."
You tell her the Fur-Real pet is probably the only pug she'll ever have.
She will not be amused.
One hour later, she's decided on a doll she wants. The face does frighten you.
And the cat.
After all of this, you think she'll love the baby doll, whom she's named Emily, and it'll be around her all the time. But after a week, poor Emily has been abandoned under a mountain of other toys.
But then you remember that she's spent all her Christmas money, so it'll be a while before you have to go back to Toys R Us.
Until you recall that her birthday is in March....