Monday, March 7, 2016

Embarrassing Things That Happened At A Military Base Gate

To get onto a military base you have to pull up to the gate. Then you show your ID card to the security forces member. (Or MPs--military police.) (Or Daf guards, which are civilian police.) It seems like a simple process and most of the time it is. You hold out your card. They take it. Look at it and/or scan it and then hand it back.

But.

I've had moments when embarrassing things have occurred because, well, it's me.







1. I've dropped my ID card onto the ground when holding it out. Multiple times. Sometimes the person picks it up. Sometimes I get one that stares at me like, "Am I supposed to get it? Am I your personal servant?"


2. Handed over my credit card instead of my ID card. The MP was like, "Cool, thanks!" in a joking manner.


3. Smacked my hand against the window. I thought it was rolled down. It wasn't. I was laughed at, naturally. And I hurt my hand.


4. Replied, "The cheese is great," when asked, "how are you doing?" I've no idea why I said this. It was before I had any caffeine and well, I do think about cheese quite a bit.


5. Accidentally flung my ID card into the back seat. I had to actually pull over and find it. (I wrote about that here.)


6. Had a coughing fit and the gate guard looked at me like I was diseased. I tried to explain that I just inhaled some dust, but I was coughing so much and couldn't get it out so yeah, he thought I was diseased.


7. Pulled up right when the "give it to me, baby!" part of Pretty Fly For A White Guy came on. I think the security forces woman thought I was coming onto her from the expression she had on.


8. Replied with, "I will after lots of Diet Coke and chocolate," when asked, "Are you having a good day?" I think most expect the generic, "I'm good," response.


9. I forgot to turn down my headlights and blinded everyone at the gate. They then told my husband that "dude, your wife totally blinded us last night!"


Do embarrassing things happen to you?

46 comments:

  1. Bahaha! So many of these have happened to me. I hate when I accidentally fling the card somewhere and have to search like a maniac for it. My husband is an MP, so occasionally, the guys at the gate recognize me and will say the unit slogan thing. I ALWAYS mess up the response.

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  2. Hahaha! These are too funny. I haven't had anything funny happen to me (yet... I'm sure it's coming), but my husband has. He accidentally saluted a civilian working at the gate out of habit but tried to catch himself and just rub his hair in the process! ha!

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  3. Hahahahaha! Oh my yes, so many of these have happened to me.

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  4. Or the time you get saluted when your spouse isn't with you... and you both look at each other like "what just happened?"

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  6. haha! My favorite might be Pretty Fly for a White Guy.. and the cheese one. Clear winner.

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  7. LMFAO. I gave the guy my driver's license once. I was confused when he said, um what are you trying to do lady? Hahaha.

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    1. Oops! Yes, I've gotten the "what are you trying to do lady" look a lot.

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  8. I don't live on a base (we are a non-military family) but I visit Camp Lejeune on a regular basis and I have totally embarrassed myself by having to pull over because I can't find the proper registration form that I need to stay on base for a visit. Or I can't get my license out of my wallet.

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  9. I always manage to drop my ID between the seat and middle console. I've always managed to get it out before being asked to pull over though. In my scramble to reach it, I've scraped my hand up pretty badly a couple times on whatever metal pieces are under there.

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    1. It's a death trap in there! I do it all the time...

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  10. With the number of credit card mishaps I've had at the grocery store, it's probably a good thing I don't live on a military base.

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  11. I've done the window thing more times than I care to count!

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  12. That's funny! No experience with military gates, but can totally relate to thinking the window is down when it's not. Not the same thing but...one time I left a big grease spot on a jewelry store window because I forgot it was there and leaned down to look at something sparkly and smacked my forehead on it.

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  13. It was so much easier in the old days. We just had a bumper sticker that was Air Force speak for "Coming Through"!

    Funny the things that happen to us humans when we haven't had our coffee, isn't it!

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  14. I am so glad I am not the only person that has embarrassing things happen to them. It seems like it happens all the time. I fell down the steps at work once and sprained my ankle. I called my coworker to come help me up and it was literally a "I've fallen and can't get up" moment.

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  15. This is too funny! Our friends are in the Air Force and we've visited their bases that they've lived on everytime we visit them, and it can be nerve wracking with all the security! I'd probably throw my ID card in the back of the car too!

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  16. So funny. I don't think I've had to go through a military gate before.

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  17. I'm sure I would do the same...! I was rejected from entering B's base because I wasn't carrying my passport. Ho hum, I had to stand outside and wait till he picked up his friends...

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  18. um hell yeah! I once drove into a car park and dropped the ticket that they give you to allow entry on the floor. The barrier went up so I drove through, pulled over and got out my car to retrieve the ticket. I then went to pop back under the barrier to get back to my car (assuming the barrier would have some sort of sensor on it) It didn't. The barrier came down on my head. It hurt like hell - I had a bump for weeks!

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  19. Haha those are way worse than what I've experienced! I'm not married to my guy yet nor do I live on base so I gave him my drivers license and when asked how old I was I panicked and almost forgot and replied with "twenty....th...four!" Here’s just gave me a look :P

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  20. Hahahah I love this. My husband is an MP so I always know who's at the gate. Half the time, they don't even ask for my ID. I just pull over and we chat for 10 min. But I have had a few strange responses to bask questions like "how are you?" Simply because I was distracted doing something and wasn't thinking lol I've also lost my ID and had to beg my way back on base. Then realized the people at the gate knew my husband and were only giving me a hard time lol ive also handed over my debit card. so much "fun".

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  21. Just recently I gave them my son's ID instead of my own. And then I just didn't understand why the guard told me that this one wouldn't work.

    Yeah, my friend still laughs about it....

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  22. I am guilty of the headlights as well. I don't go on base much when it is dark so I always forget. I had one gate play an April Fool's trick on me, and I felt pretty stupid after it.

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  23. these all sound like something i would do!

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  24. I dropped my card out the window, we had just gotten a new car, so I had no decals. The MP then asked me to collect my own card, so I worked my way out after a recent knee surgery. I handed him my card, as he turned 5 sheets of white. I looked up to see my husband stoping traffic to walk over and see why I was getting out of my vehicle. My husband was currently a Major and was waiting to surprise me for lunch, I think the MP's got the bigger surprise. I had gotten several apologies and went on my way.

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  25. These are too funny! I'm not a military wife but I was a nanny for a military family and lived on base with them for a time. Before I had my sticker and had to go thru the visitors lane it always took me forever to find the button to pop the hood of my car. It was rather embarrassing haha

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  26. Hhmmm, I can't say anything was embarrassing since it's usually funny. But late in my pregnancy my son liked to give me good hard kicks, and once he did it just as I handed over my ID.I flinched so hard I almost dropped my ID and when I explained to the gate guard why, he freaked out asking if I needed medical assistance. My favorite was at Ft Stewart. The greeting at the time was "Rock of the Marne" and we were supposed to reply "Top of the Rock". Well, some o of us would respond "Top of the Co*k". One day the gate guard noticed I said something different, and especially as I was a spouse at that point, he had me repeat it, he just about died laughing and started telling everyone around him. We'd been saying that for a year!

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  27. Hhmmm, I can't say anything was embarrassing since it's usually funny. But late in my pregnancy my son liked to give me good hard kicks, and once he did it just as I handed over my ID.I flinched so hard I almost dropped my ID and when I explained to the gate guard why, he freaked out asking if I needed medical assistance. My favorite was at Ft Stewart. The greeting at the time was "Rock of the Marne" and we were supposed to reply "Top of the Rock". Well, some o of us would respond "Top of the Co*k". One day the gate guard noticed I said something different, and especially as I was a spouse at that point, he had me repeat it, he just about died laughing and started telling everyone around him. We'd been saying that for a year!

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  28. I think it's pretty common for everyone. I've been a military spouse for 17 years now and my most common occurrences are saying things that do not make sense at all, knocking my hand against the window because I think it is down, and dropping my ID between the seat and door which means I have to get out to look for it. LOL. I try not to go on post that much though, but when we lived on post, it was a daily occurrence with me. =) You're not alone!

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  29. I had a police dog search of my car (totally routine), but I was carrying 4 huge platters of cookies for an event. So the dogs were sniffing it really intently. I started blushing and apologizing thinking I was in trouble, but the handler just said, 'no problem, they just want the cookies." Don't forget, the police dogs may be trained, but their still dogs. And like food.

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    1. So true! My husband used to be a handler.

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  30. I was on my way to see my husband for chow at the MP station and was chosen for a random vehicle inspection at the gate. Before I could open all my doors, hood, and trunk, the dogs were already alerting the MPs to my trunk. They looked at me confused when I saw that and started laughing and all for a trunk full of cases of girl scout cookies I was also delivering to my husband's company... lol... We laughed and left them with a box of cookies 😊 lol

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    1. Ha!! How funny. Those are some great cookies.

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  31. When I first moved to Ft. Hood, I didn't have my car with me, so I told my husband that I wanted to keep tampons in his car for a "just in case" moment that I didn't have any in my purse. He looked at me confused, because he doesn't particularly get why, but anyway, wouldn't you know that directly after I put tampons in his middle console, he was chosen for a random car inspection the very next day. He said when the MP's were checking his car they checked the console and just gave him a look as to "why the hell do you have tampons in your console, weirdo..." my husband is a very shy person, so naturally he just smiled and immediately texted me about what happened and to how he panicked and couldn't get the words out to explain. At that time he was just a PFC and now he's in sergeant school- so hopefully he won't have to panic at the gate too often anymore.
    Also, I've been saluted by a private at the gate and just sat there smiling like an idiot because I didn't know what to do. The front gate is just naturally awkward at times. At least we can all look back and laugh.

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    1. Haha, yes, so awkward. I'm socially awkward to begin with so I always feel silly going up to the gate.

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  32. I handed over my card, took it back and started to put it in my open handbag, when I noticed my blouse was unbuttoned and gaping open under the seat belt.

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  33. I was a young airmen and just finished driving back from Ramstein AB to Aviano AB Italy. I did not arrive till 4 in the morning. I experience 2 flat tires, ran outta gas and money and extremely tired. I entered the gate, showed my ID just went through. After I parked about few blocks up, I was suddenly surrounded by SPs. Apparently he asked before my drivers license and thought I was DUI. After a brief and irritated rampage of my explanation one of them said thank you Airman Hodges, you can go to bed.

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  34. I don't know why but there is an incredible wind tunnel at the light right outside the gate. My ID was ready in hand as I hate to hold people up. Well the wind took it and who knows where. I hazardous parked the car in the green grass area where I got out in hopes I might see it. I was wrong and the baby stated crying bloody murder for no other reason than the car stopped. I can't leave the car to try a death defying mad dash to the middle of the highway cross section because that is not just crazy and irresponsible but it is suspicious. Now I realize the card is gone. While it had not hit me yet that my husband was deployed and has no friends to vouch for me, I was more concerned with crying. I cried like my dog got run over. Not because of the card, or the embarrassment, or that i was a terrible mom for letting the baby cry. I cried because that was my veteran card. The last piece of me. I had to switch to my husband's insurance and refused to surrender my veteran card because it was the one thing that maintained my identity as a non-dependa. I did my time for real, don't claim my husband's rank, and it made me less dad for not bring able to retire. You get to have that card for 2 years. But because I am married to an active duty member, I am stripped of all my street cred. I will not be issued another one. Every card from here on out would read DEPENDENT. I cried. That is when the guard came over and said miss (polite) you can't park here. What's going on? You couldn't understand anything I said with the breathtaking crying. The back up came behind him and said, she gives us coffee and Hash Browns let her go. I got in my car. Made it home, called pmo and expressed how important this card is. To which he said you can get a new one issued. I appreciated the lie and in my mind got discharged again.

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  35. I don't know why but there is an incredible wind tunnel at the light right outside the gate. My ID was ready in hand as I hate to hold people up. Well the wind took it and who knows where. I hazardous parked the car in the green grass area where I got out in hopes I might see it. I was wrong and the baby stated crying bloody murder for no other reason than the car stopped. I can't leave the car to try a death defying mad dash to the middle of the highway cross section because that is not just crazy and irresponsible but it is suspicious. Now I realize the card is gone. While it had not hit me yet that my husband was deployed and has no friends to vouch for me, I was more concerned with crying. I cried like my dog got run over. Not because of the card, or the embarrassment, or that i was a terrible mom for letting the baby cry. I cried because that was my veteran card. The last piece of me. I had to switch to my husband's insurance and refused to surrender my veteran card because it was the one thing that maintained my identity as a non-dependa. I did my time for real, don't claim my husband's rank, and it made me less dad for not bring able to retire. You get to have that card for 2 years. But because I am married to an active duty member, I am stripped of all my street cred. I will not be issued another one. Every card from here on out would read DEPENDENT. I cried. That is when the guard came over and said miss (polite) you can't park here. What's going on? You couldn't understand anything I said with the breathtaking crying. The back up came behind him and said, she gives us coffee and Hash Browns let her go. I got in my car. Made it home, called pmo and expressed how important this card is. To which he said you can get a new one issued. I appreciated the lie and in my mind got discharged again.

    ReplyDelete

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