Sunday, January 22, 2017

I'm A Butthole Wife (Sometimes)

Maybe you've seen that post floating around the Internet. You know, the one where a woman suggests that you not be a butthole wife ? I understood where she was coming from. I did. And maybe one reason why it didn't resonate with me is because I'm not religious. I don't believe in submitting to a man or that he's the head of the house. I don't serve anyone.

Sometimes I am a butthole wife.





Look, when I was first married, I was 19. There's a reason why it's suggested that people not marry until they are older because it was tough. There were lots of arguments. And yes, I would get annoyed with him for little things. He'd leave his dirty socks around the house and I'd complain. In the Stop Being A Butthole Wife post, it hints that this shouldn't bother me. That I should be grateful that he'd rather spend time with me than pick up his socks. He picked people over dirty socks. Yay me!


No. I'm sorry, but no. He's a grown man with hands. Socks belong in the hamper. It's not rocket science. So I would complain, and once I did this:




Was it immature. 100% yes.

But guess what? Eventually my husband got it.

Some people might say, "Well, do you think you're perfect?" Nope. My husband would nag me about things too and I'd work hard to change. For example, he'd ask why I kept making pot roast when I knew he hated it. I enjoyed it, so I'd make it every other week. But when he spoke up, I started making it once every few months.

Obviously you shouldn't spend most of your marriage whining about little things. But if something bothers you, you should feel comfortable enough to bring it up. If you expect everything to be perfect all the time, well, sorry, it's not how life works. Arguments have helped my husband and I improve our marriage. Again, I get where the woman was coming from, and it turns out, her husband unfortunately passed away. If my husband passed away, would I regret having spoken up about the dirty socks?

I don't think so. I'd have been happy that he respected me enough to change something small that irked me.

We've been married for sixteen years now, so the fact that I'm a butthole wife (sometimes)?



Works for us.

92 comments:

  1. Haha, you are FAR from a butthole wife. I know a few buttholes and they are horrible! Definitely not anything like you!!!

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  2. Ahaha I had never heard this term before but I'll go with what Mili Wifey says.. ;)

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  3. LOL Funny post! Hadn't you pointed out his flaws he would not have known what you didn't like. So that was a good thing to do! So glad to know that you and your husband stuck it out! Congrats on 16 years!

    www.travelbeautyblog.com

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  4. I did read that initial post. I can say I fall in that catergory and shouldn't have to be considered that just because I expect him to not reside on the lazy side.

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  5. This is a funny post I enjoyed reading this. You know what I nag to my husband on how he out his shoes just everywhere too lol, until one day I told.him.i had enough picking his shoes after him, I am not doing it anymore. I started doing same thing he was doing and that cut it off lol. And by the way you are not and way far from.being a butthole wife, I knew someone who are butthole wife and they really are butthole. Lol. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  6. Interesting post. As long as you and your husband are able to push through and have lasted 16 years, congrats! That's all that matters!

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  7. I'm not the nicest wife. We've been married for 33 years but together for 35.

    My husband leaves his socks wherever he takes them off. He leaves the mail wherever he decides is convenient (changes every day)! Paying bills is a challenge because I have to search for them. He leaves his shoes in walkways.

    I complain and his answer is, "You knew that about me when you married me!"

    Sometimes he can't find any clean socks (I save them for him in a bag...dirty).

    When he doesn't call to tell me he is going to be late for dinner, I put his hot dinner in the refrigerator (so it doesn't go bad!).

    He does all his own laundry (and sometimes, mine). He cooks dinner a couple of times a week. He loads and unloads the dishwasher though he doesn't wash pans (I can live with that). He touches my back until I fall asleep if I ask him to. He makes me laugh. So, I guess, I'm a butthole wife...but he knew that about me when he married me!

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  8. Really cute article :) I'm really happy for you guys, I have a friend who got married at close to that age, I bet she had similar problems thinking about it haha

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  9. Your post made me laugh, especially "dirty socks" sign:) I can't believe you've been married for 16 years! I never complain about my husband's socks, because I always make a bigger mess than him!:D

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  10. I haven't seen this post but omg talk about seeing everything positively - I am with you - we talk about things and let each other know about the little things. I think if you can't deal with those how are you going to handle the big things.

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  11. Aw, I think you're a good wife. Dave and I have been married 16 years too.

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  12. Having an open communication clears out everything. That's what I've learned to my relationship with my Dada. And am happy :)

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  13. What a great post! Communication is key when making a marriage work. I don't call it nagging lol I call it inspirational talk ๐Ÿ˜‰ congratulations on 16 years!

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  14. I'm on your side on this. While I don't complain about every little thing that kyle does, I do think that some things need to be corrected. Heck he gets on my case about things too. It's called marriage and it's ok.

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  15. I don't think you quite understand what biblical submission is. It sounds like you know the worldly version of it. I myself have been married 40 years and can be a jerk of a wife, but I am not perfect. I do see the potential and heart in the other post.

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  16. My husband drives me crazy with the toilet paper. It has to hang a certain way so we compromised, he gets it that way in the one bathroom that I don't use.

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  17. Kimberly Hsieh here :) I am not married but thanks for this post! No one is perfect, we just gotta live a little sometimes!

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  18. It is true that submitting to your husband is written, if it didn't violate our human rights, we just have to abide. But sometimes they were just too stubborn and you have to do some nasty things for them to realize. lol

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  19. I can't imagine the original post, since this one resonates with me. We're not religious at all, and I can't imagine that if we were - it would be a line of thinking of "submitting." holy crap.
    Anywho, all of this rocks! The dirty socks one is awesome. My friend wrote her husband a funny note that said, "I want to be all hot, wet and steamy. Do me. Love, The Dishes."
    I rolled!

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  20. We got together at 19 too.. Then we argued about the silliest stuff.
    He doesalmost all of the household chores because of my chronic back pain. In return I cook.. a lot!! A bunch of stuff every day. I also take care of the plants which he have a lot.. But besides that he does everything. I am grateful he takes such a good care ofus and I of them. .
    Not being a butthole is constant work on everyone's side..everything onesided seems ridiculous to me.

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  21. Ive not heard about being a butthole wife before! Im not married but I guess I'm a butthole girlfriend pretty often. But that's life - you can't see the good in everything and how on earth should he get away with leaving dirty socks around or my personal pet peeve - wet towels on the bed!

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  22. I definitely think that is important to be open with each other because then you can work hard on making the relationship work. Good work x

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  23. I've been a butthole wife for almost 24 years. My husband is a butthole husband at times so it evens out. We have no desire to be with anyone else and we both feel we got the better end of the deal. The longer we are married the less we argue, hell, who has the energy? We'd rather stuff our faces full of popcorn and watch House of Cards. A couple of real buttholes those two.

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  24. Haha funny post I enjoyed reading.I am not married yet but thanks for this post!No one is no perfect.

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  25. Haha! This was a great post. I am totally a butthole wife at times and I love my husband through his butthole moments.

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  26. Being married is hard. We always get the stories of the fairy tale up until the marriage and then they leave out the part that you have to compromise.

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  27. Communication is key! You can't expect someone to change something about themselves overnight if you're not willing to speak up and resolve things

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  28. One thing is for certain, that really brought a smile to my face. Thank you!

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  29. I think we are all butthole wives at some point. It is a normal healthy relationship no matter what. I know I nag my husband about the microwave. Like who cooks bacon in the microwave first off and second can he pleasssse clean out the grease that it leaves behind. #Men I love him still. We have been together since 8th grade 13 years old and now 21-22 years old and married with a kid.

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  30. Well we all have our butthole moments. Definitely, you're far from that. You're just being playful - AMER

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  31. You crack me up. I love the socks in the yard with the sign. Its great to laugh about the frustrating moments.

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  32. Haha I'm a bit of a butthole sometimes. I think feeling comfortable enough to tell someone what annoys you is an indicator that you have an open and trusting relationship.

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  33. I am big on doing what works for me in my life. I am not always perfect and I nag sometimes. My husband and I have been together for over 25 years. We both do things that irritate each other after all these years, lol.

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  34. I think being a bit of a butthole is necessary in husband and wife relationship. As both of them have to adjust a lot with each others flaws to balance their relationship!

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  35. Communication is key to a great relationship. If you don't tell him what your problem is there is now way he will be able to fix it.

    Beauty that walks
    http://www.beautythatwalks.com

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  36. Great post ,Your are a fabulous couple, I wish you all the best !!

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  37. I love the burying of the socks! I have to try that sometimes! Don't sweat the small stuff but I get you!

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  38. I love the title of this! I totally am abutthole wife and the other day I was s butthole mom. I'll admit it. My daughter trashed my room with toys and playing in my closet so I went into her room and threw her toys and clothes on the floor. Definitely not mature at all but I wanted to make a point about how it felt to walk into a room and be devastated by its condition. It worked!

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  39. Marriage is never perfect, you're definitely going to get on each other's nerves but that's not always the case. I think it's fine that each of you are buttholes sometimes, we're all only human after all.

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  40. None of us perfect1 I too nag.. most of the times, similar reasons as you stated :)

    Nisha
    www.learn2livefully.com

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  41. I'm also a bit butthole wife sometimes and it was really fun. Glad that you shared your marriage story.

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  42. Haha, I hear you girl! I totally am a butthole wife - and my husband is a butthole husband at times. I doubt we'd have it any other way - it totally works for us too :)
    Katja xxx
    www.katnapped.com

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  43. Sometimes being a butthole wife is really fun and unique! Love all your photos and your story.

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  44. What a great story!! I think we are all humans, and working to change our bad habits is only part of life, and it's important to always try to improve on ourselves.

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  45. If we are not a butthole sometimes, I personally think we would be miserable. We (both husband and wife) need to feel comfortable enough to be able to tell the other that something bothers us. I know that no one is perfect and I don't expect perfection either, but the little things can sometimes end up being big things if you don't deal with them now.

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  46. I can't imagine not being honest with my husband about the things that bug me; especially something as little as socks. If no one ever points out our faults, how can we ever change and improve?

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  47. This is such a funny post! My husband is bad about leaving clothing places too. Wherever he decides to change. I love that I am not the only one that would probably make a grave for them.

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  48. Ha, I've never heard this term before but I guess I am a butthole wife sometimes too. However, to be fair, my husband is a butthole husband at times so I guess we deserve each other! Great post!

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  49. I love this post!! I think being honest about the things that bother you is IMPORTANT. Communication, or lack thereof, is one of the main reasons marriages fail. You have got to be able to talk to the person you're spending the rest of your life with, or it will eat away at you. Thanks for sharing this! <3

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  50. LoL I love this. I am so guilty of being a butthole wife too. I will never admit it though!

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  51. Great post and very realistic! I think that everyone's marriage is different and that you know what to do with your husband when it comes to things that quirk you. I live with my fiance and we get into it about his dirty clothes all the time lol. I guess I am a butthole fiance sometimes.

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  52. Very cute post. Glad that being a 'butthole wife' works for you guys! Congrats on being together 16 years! :)

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  53. I can relate. Mu husband does lots of things that tick me off. I wind up either lecturing him or doing something to get the point across, like you did. I think he gets the message.

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  54. I just laughed so hard especially at the title. And RIP dirty socks ๐Ÿ˜‚

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  55. I had a good laugh! Marriage is not for everyone but if you learn to accept each other's quirks, you'll survive! Congrats on your 16 years...way to go! Thanks for sharing.
    www.gregdemcydias.com

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  56. Hahahaha too cute!!!!! I think we can all be butthole wives at times. Congrats of 16 years!

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  57. Early marriage is certainly not easy but you guys made it :) I wish you two many wonderful years to come!

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  58. When something is bothering people in a relationship, be it dirty socks or whatever else, it has to be expressed. Otherwise these tiny things can grow into monsters and blow up one day and nobody will like it, so whatever the original article was saying, I'll stick to honest communication about everything ;-)

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  59. I think marriage comes with a lot of ups and downs and you have to learn to give and take. We just have to learn how to appreciate all of the joys and trials.

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  60. I love the honesty in this post, and how much you just own up to who you are as a wide - not to mention the fact that husbands aren't always so perfect either. And it's true that disputes are a natural part of marriage - I love how you and your husband choose to embrace them and use them for growth.

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  61. What you did to his socks made me laugh so hard! I would do something like that.
    I feel that the wife and husband have every right to be a butthole sometimes and we should be told not to be. I will be a butthole when it is deserved :P

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  62. I had so much fun reading this :)) I will marry my babe this year, and we already argue about socks :)) He dosen't want to change them daily no mater what. I'm keep on buying him lots of socks so he will change them but I still dind't manage to make him do that. Do you have any advice?

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  63. you are far from a butthole wife. I know a few buttholes and they are horrible! Definitely not anything like you!!! :-)

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  64. ROFL. I read the post you're referring to also and thought, "Hmm." I think a new FB group, "BW- Butthole Wives" is needed. :)

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  65. I think you are quiet lucky enough to have such an amazing husband who is ready to change himself for anything that could upset you. That socks incident is quiet funny, but you did the right & he responded perfectly too!

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  66. So I must admit, I did not think the story would end, with you saying "we have been married for 16 years" lols. You sure do know how to give a good plot twist :-)

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  67. Everyone has their quirks, right? I think we need to work hard on embracing them and they will drive us less crazy.

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  68. What a fun post! I'm a butthole wife too sometimes. I think it's important to bring up the things that annoy us. Really like what you did with your husband's socks! LOL

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  69. Such a cute post! Everyone has their wya of doing things :)

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  70. Excellent and funny ~ I love the 'sock memorial' just priceless and yes sometimes you just have to be a butt hole!!!

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  71. You're hilarious! I wish I could find my families freaking socks. I never seem to have 1 pair. My husband went sockless for awhile when I couldn't get them to find the hamper.

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  72. I'm 25 years and I'm not married, I'm in long distance relationship but this post was more than hilarious to read and now I understand better why I haven't said I do yet, i just don't want to be that kind of wife lol

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  73. I might do that sock thing to my kids. That's a great idea.

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  74. I'm sure I'm a butthole wife at times. This post was hilarious!

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  75. I think it's absolutely necessary to be a butthole wife at times! I think being able to be open about issues to then find solutions or compromises is so important!

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  76. Love this! I loved the original post, but I love this one too. I'm just working on being better overall. "Butthole" or not haha

    Jasmine / www.jasminekeclipse.com

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  77. I read the original post and it hit home with me because my FIL died suddenly. I've been doing better at how I treat my husband for small things. I take time to tell me if something bothers me, but I do it more gently and loving than I used.

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  78. LOL, this is a brilliant post! I'm not a wife yet - I was engaged once though and I agree with you 100% - we should be comfortable enough with each other to talk about stuff. I will definitely be a butthole (sometimes) wife one day ;)

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  79. I love reading this post and sounds that you are really a good wife. My hubby and I are married for 4 years and we have a many struggles and argue

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  80. I love reading this post and sounds like you are a good wife, Me and my hubby was married for 4years and we have so many struggles and fighting

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  81. I never heard that term before. Marriage or any partnership is a learning process and never ends. I still leave my dirty socks on the floor but Morticia leaves her hot hair straighteners out on the bed for me to sit on. We've had our ups and downs but we're still here.

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  82. Marriage is so give and take and is such a reflection of the character we need to refine. I OVE it for that's,

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  83. We are humans and its in our natire to have a bad side (sometimes dark). If we don't have it, that will make us a total boring, like machines.

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  84. I think you are just being yourself and that's what is important. Marriage is about what both partners can give to eachother and that give and take needs to be equal.

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  85. marriage can be this way sometimes but at the end of the day, what matters is the fact that you both keeps things in check and the right vibe is shared.

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  86. Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard at what you did with his socks! I love and admire your honesty. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for ten years. We have definitely grown together and learned how to give each other constructive criticism and not get upset over the little things. It takes time and teamwork to get there! It doesn't hurt to be able to be silly and laugh at the end of the day with your significant other either :) You two make a beautiful couple!

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  87. I know What you mean and I know most guys are like that. But I'm lucky to have a husband that does everything. Sometimes I'm the messy one ๐Ÿ˜€

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  88. we are all like that sometimes, it's human nature. i could think of a few things i could do this to my husband. so funny

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  89. I like how you keep your husband on his toes!

    Leah

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  90. I write about relationships and honestly this whole idea has always baffled me and truth be told is that really what a man wants? Theres a reason they are called partners.

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