Sunday, May 21, 2017

When You Can't Find Your Kid

"Natalie, time to come in," I shouted out the back door.

I received no response. Normally I'd hear, "Okay, coming!" followed by Natalie telling her friends goodbye.

But now there was silence.

"Natalie?" I tried again.

Nothing.

Still, I didn't panic. Sometimes she was out front. So I walked out there.

"Natalie?"

I scanned the yard and didn't see her. I stared down the street where her friends live. Sometimes she's in their yard. But I didn't see her running around.

I felt a nervous fluttering begin in my chest. I went inside and texted some of the parents of her friends, asking if Natalie was there.

No.

Sometimes there have been brief moments in the past where I couldn't find her. But then she'd pop up before I could really panic.

"Sorry," she'd say. "I was chasing a bunny."

Or, "Sorry. I had a race someone real quick. I won."



But now? Now I didn't know where she was.

What if someone---

I pushed those thoughts aside. No. She was fine. She had to be.

I began to fast-walk down the streets. Maybe she found someone new to play with and forgot to tell me. But. She's normally good about telling me.

I felt sweat begin to form on my forehead. I'm sure I had a crazed look on my face. Weirdly, I thought of the scene in that book The Deep End Of The Ocean where Ben goes missing. The mom becomes hysterical shouting his name over and over again.

That would soon be me. I pictured myself tearing down the streets screaming, "Natalie! Natalie! Nat-a-leeeeeeeeeeee!" I'd be mentioned on that Next Door app where conversations about the neighborhood are started.

"Did anyone else see that bedraggled woman screeching?"

"Oh yes, why didn't she have real pants on? What's with those yoga pants with the bleach stains?"

"Natalie!" I yelled, startling a man walking past with his dog. He gave me a wide-eyed look and hurried past.

Where was she?

What if someone---

My heart went cold.

I let her play outside like I used to play outside. Some parents won't allow their kids to do this. But I do. I think it's important. There are rules though: she has to check in every hour. She has to tell me if she changes locations. I check on her often to make sure she's where she should be. I warn her of the Bad People.

What if one of the Bad People--

Stop. No.

A bead of sweat dropped on my bare foot. My bare foot. I didn't realize I forgot to put my shoes on. But I didn't think I'd be out for long. I thought I'd immediately find Natalie.

"Did anyone see that hysterical woman walking around without shoes? Is she homeless? Should I alert the authorities?"


I walked down more streets. I called out for Natalie. With each minute that passed, I know I looked more and more like Gary Busey.

I felt a pinch on my foot. I stepped on a sharp rock.

I needed help. I needed to tell my husband. I hurried into the house and yelped, "Natalie is GONE!"

"What do you mean, gone?" I could see his fists clench slightly. He probably thought of all the weapons he had in the house. He's a trained military man, he knows how to use them all.

"Gone! I can't find her." I put on my flip flops.

So Tom and I started pacing the neighborhood. We passed some people on the street.

"Have you seen Natalie?" I asked. I felt like a terrible mother. Maybe they were thinking, "Why can't you keep track of your kid?" I can, I can, normally. But Natalie is 10 now and is seeing how far she can go. How much she can get away with.

"She's grounded when we find her," Tom grumbled. He would not let his mind think that maybe we wouldn't. He's not hysterical like I am.

They hadn't seen Natalie. Tom and I went down another street. In between doing this I kept checking the back yard to see if Natalie would turn up. That's normally where she's at.

I peeked into the backyard, expecting not to find her, but there she was, bouncing on the trampoline with a friend, not a care in the world.



"Natalie!" I screamed.

She jumped. Stopped bouncing. She could hear the twinge of fear in my voice.

"What?" she asked.

"Where WERE you?"

She named a friend that I forgot to check with. This is because normally that friend sends everyone home by 630 to eat dinner. It was past 7.

"You didn't tell me YOU WERE GOING THERE!"

I know I resembled Shirley MaClaine from Terms Of Endearment where she's screeching at the nurse to GIVE HER DAUGHTER THE DRUGS!

"I for-got." Natalie stretched out the word and gave me a look like, "Ugh, parents."

This infuriated me. I had been searching the neighborhood in a panic for over 20 minutes. I cut my foot. My hair looked like Einstein's. And all she could say was she FOR-GOT?

No.

"Get INSIDE!" I bellowed, pointing to the house. "NOW! You're GROUNDED!"

Natalie scowled. "But why? I was with my friend. I was--"

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME! DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE STORY I TOLD YOU ABOUT ELIZABETH SMART?"

At this point, the friend she was with darted away. She probably told her mom, "Natalie's Mom has completely lost her mind. Also, her hair is like Einstein's."

"Geez, fine, you're not being fair," Natalie grumbled. She crossed her arms over her chest.

It was a strange feeling I had. I wanted to grab her and hug her. She was safe. Yay! But I also wanted to slap her. She had petrified me. Terrified me to the core. The saying that having kids is like your heart walking outside of your body is true. Plus her attitude wasn't helping.

"I'm sorry," Natalie added, walking past me.

"You scared me to death," I said. Then I remembered my husband was still out searching for Natalie. "I have to get your Dad. Go take your shower."

I went outside and found Tom before he went down another street.

"I FOUND HER!" I shouted, and he calmly walked over. He still wasn't hysterical. He doesn't always show many emotions. Maybe it's the military guy in him. I don't know.

Yes, he spoke to Natalie. Sternly. And this is when she started to cry. She hates to disappoint Daddy.

"Don't you ever do that to your mother again," Tom added. I thought it was odd that he didn't say US, but rather ME, but remember...no emotion.

Natalie said she was sorry and yes, she was grounded for a day. So far, she's remembered to tell me where she's going. But I have a feeling that she's going to keep me on my toes as she grows.




Has your kid ever terrified you? Or if you don't have kids yet, did you frighten your parents?

71 comments:

  1. Oh my god, mama! That must have been SO scary! Glad everything turned out ok!

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  2. I feel you. It's tough to have a daughter. If it's a baby boy, we could just let them wander off. But not our baby girl.

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  3. Straight up: my 3 1/2 year-old son – at the time – did this to my husband when he looked away for just a moment. He came inside and with terror in his eyes told me he couldn't find our son. I was in my nightgown, with pneumonia, and I ran outside… Into the street and yelled, my 3 1/2 year-old son – at the time – did this to my husband when he looked away for just a moment. He came inside and with terror in his eyes told me he couldn't find our son. I was in my nightgown, with pneumonia, and I ran outside… Into the street and yelled his full name at the TOP of my lungs. He froze, in the middle of the street, nearly a block down from our house and just began bawling. I heard him and ran straight to him. Scared 10 years off of my life.

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  4. Oh my gosh, that would have been frightening. When my daughter was tiny she thought it was funny to escape. I had to start locking the doors.

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  5. I can't even imagine how scary that must have been. My mom always made similar rules for my brother and I when we were younger. We loved to be outside with friends so we always listened because we didn't want to be grounded.

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  6. Omg I'm so glad she's ok. I feel like I know you guys!! I'd be so upset if something happened to her and your family!!

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  7. Sounds terrifying. Glad she was just fine!

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  8. It looks like you thrilled yourself for some time till you found her and your post thrilled me till your mention on finding her at the backyard..!

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  9. Great post. I have a 15 month old and the thought of losing site of him somewhere terrifies me. What is it about mothers that we always tend to think the worst and panic. i would have been just like you x

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  10. This is a parent's worse nightmare! I remember when my daughter was four. We were at the beach with friends. My husband was watching the kids play in the edge of the ocean. My daughter told my husband that she was going to sit with me. Somehow, she got her directions mixed up and walked down the beach instead of walking straight up towards me. That was the most terrifying 5 minutes I've ever endured. My mind kept thinking she had drowned. So glad you found your daughter!

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  11. OMG.. I really got terrified with your story! It could have been the worst nightmare, kids cannot understand a single emotion you would have gone through right now. What they need is enjoyment & they just Fo-r-get! Great you met her back , lots of hugs!

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  12. What a terrifying experience. We had a similar one on my daughter's first day of riding the school bus - they let her get on a completely different bus. I know that feeling when your heart drops to your toes.

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  13. We used to play outside for hours and hours. I want that for my kid too! I don't think I am going to make it though. And you were pretty cool in my book, you are a mom this is what it feels like!

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  14. I remember as kid we just to play outside all day. Great post it is tough to have a kid, but you seem like your doing a great job.

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  15. We grew in such close knit places that it was hard to runaway or even get lost (on purpose) because everyone knew everyone) glad you found her safe and sound

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  16. I can imagine how you feel when you didn't see her. Kids are fond of trying out new things on their own without informing whoever is watching after them for that period of time.

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  17. That happened to me once and talk about going into panic mode. Come to find out she was playing hide and seek in the clothes rack and could hear me calling the whole time.

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  18. How scary! I've had this happen with my kids, roaming our neighborhood. We have rules, too, and they usually follow them, but occasionally, it slips their minds to tell me that they're changing locations and once it was because new kids moved in the neighborhood and I didn't know it, so I didn't look there. It's scary and sometimes I second guess letting my kids play where I can't see them... but I figure I have to let them out of my sight sometimes.

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  19. My daughter once fell asleep in my parents room. The last time we all saw her, she was playing outside, no one saw her get in the house. So you can imagine our panic when we called out to her and she never answered. We all concentrated to search outside the house. Its a scary thing. Glad that everything is okay

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  20. Oh gosh I am dreading moments like this with E but I know it will happen. I did that to my parents a few times and I always felt guilty afterwards. I finally realized that I just couldn't do that.

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  21. Over Spring Break, we were at the zoo and my 3 year old was running around the splash pad. He thought it would be funny to hide in the changing area. I didn't think it was funny when I couldn't find him. He didn't think anything of it, but like you, I went through all those horrible thoughts.

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  22. As much as I hate to admit it, YES! We were at a park one day and I went to the restroom. When I came back, my mother was gone. She assumed I took my daughter with me to the restroom, so she walked to the nacho stand. Thankfully we found my daughter within a few minutes but it was the scariest day of my life.

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  23. My youngest son scared the living daylights out of me when he wandered away at the mall. I thought he was with his sister, while his sister thought that he was with me. Good thing he was smart enough to go to a sales clerk when he realized he was lost. I heard the customer service lady calling my name over the PA system informing me that my son was at the customer service booth. OMG. I was crying and running to get to the booth as fast as I can. That was the scariest day of my life!

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  24. It's so sad that there is so much mom shaming in social media that when our foucs should be on our child whole heartedly we find ourselves judging ourselves the way we know we will be blasted on FB when the story hits the headline of "daughter goes missing from backyard." The slew of comments that are posted the berate normal moms for doing normal parent things. Life is not perfect, we will not be perfect, but the social media standard has turned off the human factor of parenting expectations.

    My daughter has the pretty common febrile seizures, only hers wasn't a one and done it's an every time we get a little warm. I'm stressed by it, absolutely, it takes up about 80% of my daily thought time. I find ways to check her temperature on the regular, like asking for hugs, or offering spontaneous kisses on her forehead. I stay up at night, checking her temperature regularly in her sleep. My husband doesn't understand the stress, "if she has a seizure, she has a seizure." But I have that thought of what if she chokes on her tongue in our sleep?! It's terrifying, I don't understand how they don't see these things as terrifying.

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  25. I dont have kids and i cant remember scaring my parents. Im sure they will have a different story to tell ;)

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  26. I don't have kids, but I remember scaring my parents many times, one story that comes out a lot is me finding a crack in some rocks at the beach just child size even my tiny Mum couldn't get through. The tide was coming in and I was no where to be seen and no one could get to me. I came back after a few minutes, but my parents had, had a panic attack in the mean time.

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  27. It must be scary when you can't find your child but at the same time I like that you let her play alone providing she checks in every hour. At least you found her in your backyard in the end x

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  28. OH GOD YES ---- I only have the one kid he is 10 and he is beginning to venture outside hang with his friends and he has his cellphone and it was alittle past the time he was suppose to be home his cellphone kept going to voice mail I asked the neighbors have they seen him... sigh thank god he was running late and his battery died sigh thank goodness you found her

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  29. I am not a parent and not going to become one any time soon but I can guess how terrifying it is to lose sight of your kids. My parents had 5 kids so I can only imagine the level of stress! xx corinne

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  30. Oh yes, my daughter was 5 I think, we were in a supermarket with another kid and suddenly they disappear, his grandmother and I searched like crazy, inside the supermarket, outside in the parking lot, down the street, inside again, and finally there they were, hidden behind a pile of detergent boxes, terrifying indeed.

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  31. This is such a terrifying thought. Glad she was fine! I think most parents are afraid of this nightmare at one point or another.

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  32. OMG I can't even imagine. This is such a terrifying thought. Thank goodness she is ok and you found her in the backyard.

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  33. OMG that must have been absolutely terrifying! I am so glad you found her and she was safe and having fun! I was hooked as I was reading this, I could really feel your distress!

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  34. That can be such a terrifying minute when you think they are lost. I'm glad all is well!

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  35. I don't have a kid yet but a can feel how afraid and terrified are you during those moments. I hope I can cope up well with that situations when I become a mom. - ANOSA

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  36. I know how scary this situation is. I can remember when my brother went missing for two hours.

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  37. Still to this day, if i'm at the mall with my son and his phone dies or he doesn't have it on him and I'm unable to reach him, I really get in a panic.

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  38. Oh my gosh, i cant even imagine that fear! Im not a Mum but i panic sometimes if my Husband can't be reached, my anxiety kicks in and my brain starts with all the imaginings. Glad she was safe and content though!!

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  39. Great Post! I am glade nothing had happen to her. I can remember how frighten I was when I lost my sister in the mall. Thanks for posting.
    XOXO //SINCERELY OPHELIA | NYC Petite Fashion Blogger

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  40. I can imagine losing my mind in those moments. Especially if I felt like I could somehow blame myself for the actions. It wasn't your fault but you feel like it is. IT's such a hard place to be in. I got lost when I was a little kid. I can only imagine what my parents felt. I felt panicked.

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  41. My good friend here recently lost her kid when out shopping - luckily she was safe and sound as she's not even 2 years yet! But I can just imagine the panic that goes through you. I remember Elizabeth Smart and there was also Madeline McCain that was kidnapped in Portugal. Argh. I'm so glad Natalie was in the backyard!

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  43. I remember always running off and doing my own thing and my mother and father calling for me. When I was growing up I thought nothing of it. Nowadays with the world we have today it is a completely different story.

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  44. A parents worst nightmare and I hope this doesnt happen with my little one. Good post to read.

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  45. It's truly a scary world out there. That's hard for kids to understand. If it takes grounding her for her to understand that letting you know is a lot more important than she realizes, it's worth her being grounded for a couple of days rather than her disobedience resulting in something worse. SO glad she turned up.

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  46. I can imagine how worried you were. I would always panic the moment I lose sight of one of my girls after I told them not to run too far. It's a thing that mothers would always carry regardless of how old our kids are. You did a good job though.

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  47. Awww man, my heart was sinking the whole time I read this. Worrying like this must be the worst feeling ever... I don't have kids but I had a similar experience with my dog... even with my fur baby, it was so scary. I CANT IMAGINE THE WORRY with your child. Glad everything turned out okay

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  48. That must be so scary! Thank God! You found her at last safe in your backyard! When I was a kid, my brother also used to keep my mom on her toes!

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  49. I have an issue with kids playing outside for this reason exactly. There are too many crazies around for me not to worry. Good you found her okay.

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  50. This is the worst feeling in the world, I so can relate. I had a block party and asked everyone to watch my son who was 4 at the time. I came back outside and he was no where to be found. It was the worst 5 minutes of my life.

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  51. I was in a panic reading this whole post! This totally happened to me when we were at the Disney Store. My son had been standing next to me while I was looking for his size of clothing- I looked up and he was gone. I called out for him and nothing. Ran through the entire store screaming "I can't find my son, help me!" Next thing I know an older woman walks up to me and points behind her "Is this him?!" It was. The feeling you described - the relief, the anger, the fear all at once. One of the worst 5 minutes of my life.

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  52. I can relate! So glad that everything was okay and you found her in your backyard!

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  53. I have 5 kiddos and have definitely been in that situation one to many times. So scary.

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  54. The post brought back some childhood memories, remember as a kid I was out on a beach and walking through its waves, I forgot where were we sitting with our picnic basket.
    That's where I realized that, how much freaked out was I without my mom. though, she was more, as when security searched for them with me, I found her crying.

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  55. SO scary. And it does remind me of The Deep End Of The Ocean.
    I felt relief when you did!

    Also you'd have to really try hard to look like Gary Busey! And it still wouldn't happen!

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  56. Oh man I can only imagine how terrifying this can be. As someone who was a pretty good kid, I did once or twice wander a bit and I definitely gave my parents the worst 5 minutes of their lives.

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  57. Oh it's heart-stopping when they go missing isn't it? This has only happened us once with our eldest son, but it was in a busy supermarket and so many bad scenarios were going through my mind in the five minutes it took to find him.

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  58. Oh yes! I have three kids, and my older two were supposed to be with my youngest (9, 6, 2) watching a show while I was in the shower. Somehow she got the gates open and went upstairs, only she hid, and would not for anything say where she was. My older two were so engrossed in their show they didn't know where she was. I thought she may have somehow gotten the outside door open. Finally I found her under a large pile of bedding that I was going to wash that day...but I almost had a heart attack. It was awful! And that was in my own freaking house!

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  59. Wow, you had my heart racing as well! I don't have kids yet, but just reading this made me feel frantic. I'm just happy everything turned out alright!

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  60. YES! I'm still traumatized from the time my youngest wandered off when we went to see fireworks on 4th of July. She was 4 and I still remind her about it as a lesson. Last weekend at our synagogue, she wandered off during kiddush and I couldn't see her anywhere. When I found her, I told her how mad I was and she started crying. I felt bad about that, but she nearly gave me a panic attack. I always worry she'll be with someone else and wander off from them too. My younger son has pulled disappearing acts a couple of times. Usually by home, but he'll sometimes go off with a friend at a gathering. My oldest wandered off at FAO Schwarz in NYC when he was almost 3. That was another worst moment of my life. Thankfully, he knew where to look for us. He also got in trouble for that.

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  61. the panic that comes with this is massive, we all pray this doesnt happen to us all, nothing like a mothers love for her kids and the worst case is not knowing where they are. so painful in heart.

    leX.

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  62. It is the worst feeling in the world to "lose" your kid. The panic is something that can't be held back. I am so glad you found her safe and sound.

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  63. Oh My Goodness! I couldn't even imagine. I would be going crazy also.

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  64. Apparently I once ran off when a neighbour dogs was outside he house. I was 4-5 at the time and I apparently run out of the house and went to sit outside the dog house. My parents went MENTAL at me when they discovered I ran off and grounded me for a week. I can imagine how you felt - was how my parents felt. xx

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  65. Wow, I really felt for you there - this must have been terrifying! There was a woman on the bus this week who had the same issue and she was very upset. Glad it all turned out alright for you

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  66. Man I have bee there more than I would like to admit. So scary that feeling you get of abject terror. Glad she is home safely

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  67. I can only imagine the heartache! My mum tells a similar story of when I went missing once and I feel so bad!

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  68. OMG! I can imagine how terrifying that is. I don't have any kids and this wrecked my nerve while reading it.

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  69. I'm not a Mom but lord KNOWS that I got so scared reading this. I am so honored you shared these raw emotions with us.

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  70. THIS WOULD BE SO TERRIFYING! This hasn't happened to me .. yet.. but I know it could and I dread the day it does!

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  71. Randomly found you again, after reading you for years on OD. Glad things are going well, minus disappearing children! lol

    Do you still talk to your bestie from England? Jennifer, maybe? I used to love to read about your adventures.

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