The Return of Chad

So Chad stopped by today.

Remember Chad?

He's the UPS guy. The hot UPS guy.

I don't even know if his real name is Chad. Probably not. But he looks like a Chad.

For starters, he scared the living crap out of Max, who was sitting by the front door. Max was in the middle of a cat nap (haha) and his eyes flicked briefly to the screen door. He must've seen Chad strolling up because he immediately leaped on all fours and his fur stood up.

"MEEEOOOWW!" Max said towards the door before darting off behind the couch.

I leaped to my feet and brushed off my jeans, thankful that I was wearing jeans. Usually I'm in my sweatpants but I had just returned home from grocery shopping. I even tried to pat my hair down but it was useless, it was a mess thanks to these Wyoming winds.

Our weather makes no sense. Yesterday it got to 83. Today it's 32 with high winds that are currently rattling the windows.

I appeared at the screen and opened the door.

"Howdy," Chad said, heaving the heavy box up the one stair that leads to the front door. I noticed his muscles bulging as he did this and tried not to stare.

Stop it, Amber. Not appropriate..

"I have a big one for you," Chad said with a grin, thumping it down in front of me.

I bet you do, Chad. I bet you do..

AMBER! For shame. You're a married woman! came my Voice of Reason. The same voice that pipes up when I try to buy another outfit for my kids. It's the Voice of Reason that reminds me that the children have enough.

Remember, the Voice of Reason will say, The children's closets are stuffed. You're having to start folding things at the bottom of their closets. They have enough. So back away from the outfit. Yes it may be cute but they don't need it. Amber. AMBER, why are you bringing the outfit to the cashier? Do you not HEAR me??

I don't think my Voice of Reason likes me very much.

"Thank you," I said brightly. I'm sure I was blushing. I was about to add "Chad" but I imagine he'd have given me a confused look and say something like, "My name's not Chad. It's Brian.." or something like that.

Though it would amuse me greatly if he really was Chad.

"I hope you can stay warm," I said stupidly. "Because of the winds.."

Shut UP, Amber.

Chad gave me a bemused smile. "I'm used to it."

He still had on his expensive looking sunglasses and I noticed he had one of those Bluetooth things behind his ear. He had on his color of Poo uniform and was in the shorts, which is why I mentioned the weather. Especially because the truck has no side doors. I can imagine the winds must make that unpleasant.

"Well thank you again," I said and lifted up the vacuum.

Holy CRAP.

It was heavy.

I pretended that it was nothing, that I lifted things like this all the time.

"Have a nice day," Chad said politely and turned and hurried towards his rumbling UPS truck.

I huffed and puffed the thing inside.



Isn't it pretty? I ended up getting it for around three hundred or so. The original price was $569 or something like that but with the discounts, it knocked down the price.

Tom was actually awake and he set to putting the thing together.

It was really simple.

"It looks like a robot," I commented. "Hello new vacuum," I cooed, stroking the handle.

"You're weird," Tom told me.

I marveled at all the pieces that came with it. There's even a mattress attachment. I am so cleaning our mattress as soon as Tom wakes up. Because as soon as Tom put the thing together he announced that he was going back to bed. I was thisclose to pushing him out of bed and saying, "Excuse me, I'm cleaning off our mattress with my ultra powerful Dyson."

Of course I tried it out right away. I just vacuumed up a little patch of carpet. Then I switched it off and eagerly peeked in the filter.

And was promptly disgusted.

In just a small patch of carpet it picked up a lot of crap.

The thing was already half full!

I cannot believe we've lived in this filth for so long.

I'm appalled.

The thing is, I just vacuumed yesterday with our dippy old Bissel.

Gross, gross, gross!

"Tom!" I called, rushing up the stairs.

He was about to fall asleep when I threw open the door.

"HUH?" he grumbled, buring his face in his pillow.

"I just vacuumed a small patch of carpet," I said, throwing my arms around for emphasis, "and the filter is nearly HALF FULL with dust. I can't believe it."

"Mmmm," Tom said into the pillow.

"I can only imagine what the entire living room is going to pick up," I said, walking out the door.

"Mmmm," Tom repeated.

Clearly, he wasn't as impressed as I was.

But then again, his idea of fun is watching The Military Channel.

The other day we sat and watched this program on how Kevlar helmets are made.

Most.Boring-ist.Show.EVARRRRR.

I'm not kidding.

And the narrator was speaking in this slow voice.

"First..the..helmets...are..put..through...the..blah..blah..blah.."

I was bored out of my mind.

But because we have DVR my excuse of, "My show is coming on!" doesn't fly anymore.

Because Tom just says, "DVR it."

I did manage to watch Big Brother and I am hoping Natalie goes home today.

I'm embarrassed that my daughter shares a name with her.

I'm off to go finish vacuuming.

And see what other crap it picks up.