Thursday, April 2, 2009

Messages to Tom


I don't get it.

I just don't get it.

Why, for the love of God, can't you throw your boxers in the actual laundry basket?

Is there are reason why you drop them right beside the basket?

Is it because you enjoy upsetting me?


I'm confused.

When you use the last of the toilet paper it's common courtesy to replace it.

Did you miss that lesson growing up?

Have you mistaken me for a contortionist again and assume that I can dip and turn myself while on the commode in order to reach the toilet paper?

How many times do I have to tell you that I can't BEND like that? You can pray and wish for it to happen but I'm here to say THAT YOU MARRIED A NON-FLEXIBLE WOMAN.

The next time you use the last of the toilet paper please take a glance at the sign that hangs in our bathroom:

Seriously, Tom. It will not cause brain damage. I promise.


I am perplexed.

Why do you leave your empty soda cans RIGHT BY THE TRASH?

Do you have this compulsion to do things half way?

Do you think you're being helpful by placing your trash BESIDE the waste basket?

Is it so hard to lean over and deposit your garbage into the can?

I even measured the distance from the soda can to the trash.

And guess what?

It was a little over two feet.

Surely you can reach two feet?

Just pretend that you're reaching for Megan Fox or something. I really don't care. Just PLEASE throw away your mess. You are a GROWN man.


Don't be baffled.

I really did change your boring television program and put on mine:

Hey, you left to take a ten minute PIP. (Poop in peace.) That alone isn't fair. When was the last time that I got a PIP? Why do you get to casually walk into the bathroom and SHUT THE DOOR (which I haven't done in years because a kid usually just opens it right back up) and relax while doing your business and I have to rush through mine?

So yes.

I changed your military show and put it on mine.

Learn to pick up after yourself and take quick dumps and then maybe, perhaps, you'll get to watch your programs.

It really is that simple.


  1. I couldnt agree more. I havent been to the bathroom by myself in 4yrs!!!

  2. Oh I so wish I had to ovaries to post something like this. MY husband would kill me! Well maybe not kill me but he would be very unhappy that the truth was finally out! You nailed it. I love it!

  3. oh my god......I'm not alone? There are more men like my dp that don't understand any of those things???? Wow. I'm baffled.

    And a little worried that he'll never pick up those concepts. Crap.

  4. Hmmm, it appears we're married to the same man!

  5. love love love this post! i'm thinking about just removing my bathroom door from the hinges so it doesn't hit me in the knees everytime i am in the bathroom.

  6. Love it! My husband isn't that bad. He'll eventually throw it away. My kids on the other hand just let it sit.
    And the bathroom privacy never changes, my girls still interupt me when I am in the bathroom.

  7. The toilet paper issue is rediculous. Seriously.

    My husband lived alone when we met, and the TP always hung where it should.

    So I know HE KNOWS.

  8. Seriously, what is it with men?

    Maybe he thought he could get away with the boxers? They do sort of match the carpet!

    I would have changed the channel, too! And, I don't know what it is like to PIP, either!

  9. OMG this is HILARIOUS!!! I don't have a husband but I'm printing this out and giving it to my boyfriend to study before any of this "moving in" business happens ...

  10. lol! my hubs actually puts trash on the LID of the trash can!! rather than raising the lid and putting it in the actual can

  11. Oh my...I'm laughing so hard!!!!! That is so funny and SO true!!!!! LOVE that!!!

  12. This looks like what goes on at my house, only it's my kids that do these things! I love the toilet paper sign! :0)

  13. I think our husbands were separated at birth. Nothing bothers me more when he doesn't change the toliet paper roll.


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