Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Back Home Tomorrow

I return home tomorrow.

Of course I'm nervous about the flight. I'm always petrified to fly. I bring books and magazines to try and distract me but when you fly with children, it's doubtful that you'll even get to crack those open. So I'm left sitting there gripping my armrests in fear while leaning over and hissing at the kids to keep their voices down. Thankfully I do have a portable DVD player which came in handy on our way over here. I just popped in Yo Gabba Gabba and Natalie was nearly content. I say nearly because she had a love/hate relationship with her seatbelt and wanted it off most of the time. I'd buckle it back up and she'd scream right into my ear so then all I'd hear for a few minutes after was loud ringing.

I hope she's made up with the seatbelt. I really do.

I also hope that my husband Tom remembers to pick me up from the airport. I wrote down my flight information and he looked at it and shoved it in his pocket.

"Don't lose that," I said.

I could picture him losing it and then forgetting what time he had to pick me up. Then he'd try to call but of course my phone would be turned off since I'll be on the airplane.

"Don't worry. I'll be there," Tom promised.

He called a bunch of times yesterday.

"I just mowed the lawn," he said proudly.

Tom is the type of man who needs to be cheered on for every chore he does. Like when he actually remembers to take out the trash he expects me to do a dance and praise him for it. Even though it's his chore anyway. I mean, do I get praised when I do the dishes? Do people break out into song when I change Natalie's diaper?

I usually end up praising Tom only because on Oprah there was this expert who says that men don't do chores more often because they don't feel appreciated. So I try to assure Tom that I'm proud of him in hopes that he'll surprise me and mop the floors one day.

"That's great," I said to Tom, raising my voice a few octaves. I was speaking to him as I sometimes speak to the kids. Sometimes it's just how you have to communicate with husbands.

"Yes, and I'm about to spray on some weed killer next," Tom continued.


We hung up a few minutes later. I was actually in a store with my Mom and the kids.

Mom lives by this beautiful place called The Forum which is basically this huge area that has store after store after store. Basically it's my idea of Heaven. They need to build a Forum in Wyoming.

We were in PetSmart because the kids wanted to see the fish when Tom called again.

"You'd be proud of me. I made macaroni and cheese for lunch instead of going out like I wanted to," he said.

I immediately thought of the strainer that he burned the last time he made the macaroni and cheese on his own. I was tempted to ask if all the dishes came out safe but figured it would insult him.

"AND," Tom continued. "I did the dishes afterwards."


Do you know how rare it is for him to do the dishes?

"You...CLEANED?" I said incredulously.

"I cleaned," Tom echoed.

Then we hung up and I thought that was it for awhile. I'm not the type of girl who needs to talk to her man every hour. I never was.

But no.

My phone rang again.

"I just called housing about the broken upstairs toilet," Tom informed me.

"Great. Thanks!" We were in Target at that point and I was staring wistfully at a steamcleaner.

We hung up again and I'm not kidding, ten minutes later my phone was buzzing.

"Jesus. What?" I said into the phone. I didn't need an entire play by play of Tom's day. Soon he'd be calling to tell me that he took a crap and remembered to spray the air freshner afterwards.

"Housing already came and fixed the toilet! They were in the area," Tom said. Then his voice lowered and reminded me of a petulant child. "You don't have to YELL at me..."

Oh for..

"I'm sorry. Thank you for calling housing and having the toilet fixed," I said as I walked into the toy section. Natalie practically threw herself on a Yo Gabba Gabba toy.

"You're welcome," Tom said grandly as though he had just walked up Mount Everest or something.

"Are you going to wash the sheets?" I asked hopefully. I mean, they've been sitting on our bed for nearly two weeks and they are probably just screaming to be washed.

"No. The sheets don't bother me," Tom said. It's true. He liked to gross me out and say that when he was in Qatar for six months that he only washed his sheets three times the entire time he was there.

I gag just thinking about it.

I'm definately going to be washing all the sheets when I get home. I have to wash them at least once per week. Sometimes twice if it's particularily hot because then I picture sweat dripping onto them and that freaks me out all over again.

So yes. Tomorrow I will be home again.

And it's also the day Big Brother begins. I can't help it, I love the reality show.

"Remember that the remote is mine tomorrow," I said to Tom. When he hogs it he puts it on The Military Channel and I'm subjected to shows where the narrator about some old aircraft.

"You'll have to get it from my pants," Tom replied in a suggestive tone.

Oh geez.


  1. Take the batteries out of the remote! When my DH cleans, which is never, I always have to go back and clean it over! I suppose it's the thought!

  2. I hope you have a great flight!

    I fly to NYC next week, and I've developed some weird thing lately where I get lightheaded and a bit clausterphobic. It's been stressing me out.

  3. Oh yes! How familiar this story is! The need for a cookie and a pat on the head after every job done. Better yet if that cookie is in your pants. Geez indeed.

  4. My hubby is the same way except he expects me to notice it when I walk in the house...and if I dont he pouts like a baby.

    Yes! Big Brother comes on tomorrow night! Cant wait...I am a huge fan! Hope you have a safe trip back and Natalie makes up with the seat belt lol!

  5. I'm laughing my @$$ off right now. Love the final snap into the phone. I've done that with my husband a few times. The last time was when he took a day off work and I told him I had a writing deadline. I needed to be left alone. He promised...PROMISED, he would not be a nuisance. The first hour and a half went well, he went out for breakfast and then to the hardware store.

    Then he came home. He had to show me all the deals he got at the hardware store. His work called and stood right in front of me on the phone...did I mention he talks loud? Then he tried debating which wash machine to get (we did need this and I had already given my input, since I am the one who uses it), but he kept debating. I told him I didn't care anymore. He got the machine came home and started talking, AGAIN! I glared, I showed him my "THINKING" sign, he ignored it, I snapped. He did the same pout. Sheesh, I'm amazed he's still alive.

  6. Yay for Tom!!!


    I had to LMAO at the "You'll have to get it from my pants"... gee, what's it been? 2-3 days?

  7. It will be good to be home and have a working toilet.

  8. I am so WAY excited about Big Brother!!!

    Have a peeeeeaceful trip home!

  9. Funny how they need so much praise! I wonder what would happen if it were reversed.

    Good luck on the flight.

  10. I just love reading your posts! You and Tom remind me exactly of my guy and I. TOO FUNNY!
    I "praised" B this morning for remembering to take the lunch I packed for him. Btw, I also left a note on the counter reminding him to grab it out of the fridge, ha!
    I hope your trip home goes perfectly! ;)

  11. one time, i asked tommy to change someone's diaper (at that point, we had FOUR kids in diapers) and he actually said..."again, really? i already changed a diaper today." he's lucky he is still alive.

  12. oh! have a safe flight home!

  13. I once asked my husband to clean the toilet and he took it apart and soaked the nuts and bolts - two hours before company was due to arrive.

    I've never asked him to clean a toilet again.

  14. From my it! Sounds like my husband, too.

  15. Good luck with your flight.

    And excellent cheer leading.

  16. Fly safe!

    Good luck on that whole ah remote thing. *wink wink nudge nudge*

  17. hope your flight is good! i'm a terrible flyer, i just hate it.

  18. very funny post! It is very sweet when the husband species tries very hard to impress us. Very cute. And yes, the pat to the head is the perfect route to go. Keep up the great posts!

  19. I know - we have to keep stroking our men's, er, EGO, after they do a SIMPLE chore. If my husband cooks a meal, ok let's say he bbq's something - and I get the rest of the meal together - he puts the meat on the table. Granted - it's cooked fine and juicy. But I set the table, steamed the vegetables, made rice or potatoes, a salad, etc. And HE wants the compliments for dinner!

  20. I am terrified of flying with my son. I just picture the temper tantrums and not being able to hide from all the "will you shut that kid up" stares! I'll cross my fingers for your flight. My husband is the same way with the praise. All the little things that I think he should just do he expects a medal for and then he talks about his accomplishments for weeks. Enough to drive a person slightly know if I wasn't there already. And he's the same about the sheets.

  21. Have a safe trip! Can't wait for BB to start!

  22. Just make sure you wash the remote!

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  24. good for him!! maybe he should be home alone more often! and what is it with guys hiding things in their pants?!

  25. love it! I get the play by play chore list too! Safe travels!

  26. Oh yeah! Big Brother! Yes!!!

    My hubby is the same way-needs praise after every little thing. What kills me is I'm usually the one that does the stuff and I never get praise for it! Men..

  27. Horray for Tom! He mowed the lawn, he made himself lunch and even cleaned the dishes afterwards. He sprayed killer weed and got the upstairs toilet fixed. Whew, what an accomplishment. Seriously. For a man, that is freaking awesome!

  28. In his pants, lol. Its eerie really how similar our husbands are.

    Hope you have a safe flight!

  29. haha this is adorable! Men are so totally proud of themselves for the funniest things!

  30. That is so true, my husband always needs a cheer squad to celebrate the chores he has done! I shouldn't complain as he does help out but why does he have to tell me every little thing he has done???


  31. I'M BACK!!! My computer!! It's fixed!! Yes!!

    OK I've calmed down now.

    Well hell, it's been THREE FREAKIN' WEEKS.

    And just so you know? I'm gonna copy and paste this comment and post it on all the blogs I visit....:))))

  32. I love Tom's last line--typical! And hilarious. : )

  33. I hope your flight is smooth and as stress free as is humanly possible.

    And why does everything with men begin and end in their pants?!

  34. Great post! Just stopping by from SITS to say HELLO!!!!


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