Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Temperature Wars

The first thing I thought when I woke up was, “It’s freezing.”

Actually, the first thing I thought was, “Man I wish I could sleep in until noon.” But that’s just not in the cards when you have children.

I stumbled down the stairs with my kids at my heels. It seemed to get even colder. I could hear the whirl of the window air conditioner that we have and knew my answer: my husband had turned it all the way up.

Apparently we have different body temperature desires. Tom says that he has to crank the air conditioner all the way up or else he’s too hot. I prefer to have it at a 4 or 5 and Tom whines that the thing might as well not even be on because he can barely feel the cold air.

I think he forgets that we’re not in Texas anymore. The highs this week in Wyoming have only been in the 80s.

“Morning!” Tom said jovially from the couch.

I walked over to the air conditioner and turned it to a 4. “Morning,” I replied.

“Hey! Why did you turn that down?” Tom shouted, rushing over. He immediately turned it back up.

Maybe something is wrong with his body. Maybe he can’t feel the cold. They could make a movie on Lifetime about him and it could be titled The Man Who Couldn’t Freeze and it would be a tale about a man who has to learn to FEEL again. Of course a beautiful blond helps him achieve this.

I certainly could feel the cold though. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself.

“It’s too cold,” I complained.

“It feels great!” Tom responded.

Seriously. Something is wrong with him.

I was about to argue but then I heard a soft knock at the door. Huh? It was nearly nine. Much too early for company. I figured it was one of Tommy’s annoying friends who haven’t learned the concept of appropriate visiting hours. But no. When I opened the door one of our neighbors was standing there looking sheepish.

“I’m sorry to bother you so early,” he said. “But my wife is making a cake and she’s short one egg. She’s freaking out and...” he trailed off, looking petrified. I imagine that he probably ate an egg and forgot to let his wife know so when she started to cook and discovered she was short an egg she probably lashed out at him.

“We have an egg,” I said even though I wasn’t positive if we did or not. But I have this compulsion to please people so I sometimes spit out the answer that they want to hear before thinking things through.

I rushed in the kitchen and opened the fridge. Whew. There was an entire carton of eggs on the top shelf. I must’ve picked them up last week. Wait. DID I pick them up last week? I had to take both kids shopping with me and usually when that happens the trip becomes foggy in my mind because I spend most of the time going, “Please sit down. No, we don’t need dog biscuits. Please don’t throw kiwis at Mommy…”

I checked the expiration date to be sure. July 30th. Awesome. I just didn’t want to be known as the neighbor who passes out rotten eggs, you see.

I handed over the egg to the neighbor and he thanked me profusely before rushing off.

Then I marched over to the air conditioner and turned it down because Tom was....wait, where did Tom go?

“Hi,” Tom said, coming out of the bathroom.

Oh. He was enjoying a PIP (poop in peace.) That must be nice to do without children watching you and asking if you’re making a number one or two.

“Did you answer the door like that?” He gestured to my chest and I thought he meant did I answer the door while in my pajamas at first. It’s not like they were slinky pajamas or anything. They’re pink bottoms and a matching top that says, “Housework is evil. It must be stopped.”

“Yes,” I replied.

“I can see your nipples through your shirt!” Tom said in this shocked tone.

Okay. So my headlights were up when I talked to the male neighbor. But I don’t think he even noticed. All he was worried about was the egg so he could shut his wife up.

“Maybe if you didn’t keep the house so COLD…” I gave him a dirty look.

“It’s not too cold. It feels great,” Tom said. He passed by the air conditioner and looked down with a start. “Wait a minute. Did you lower this?”


“It must’ve been Natalie,” I lied. Natalie, who was busy playing with her blocks, looked up with a start. I thought she’d blow my cover but she just went back to building. Phew.

“Oh,” Tom said and turned it back up again.

Dang. I was just starting to feel comfortable again.

When Tom went into the garage I lowered it again. Ahhh. Relief. I no longer felt like I was in Antarctica.

I enjoyed the comfortable temperature until Tom came back in.

“Hey!” he said when he saw the air conditioner. What, is he in LOVE with it or something? Why does he always have to check it? “It’s lowered again!”

“Those darn kids!” I said lightly as I flipped through my Writer’s Digest magazine.

I tried to lower it again when I thought he was distracted by Spongebob. My fingers were right over the knob when…


Tom’s voice rang out and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Honestly, does he have to be so LOUD?

“I know you were the one turning it down,” Tom said acting as though he were a detective who just solved an important mystery.

“It’s cold,” I said. “I can see my breath!” Okay, so not really. But it felt like it.

“Fine. I’ll move it down to an 8,” Tom said grandly as though he was doing me an important favor. (It goes up to a 10 by the way.)

“A six,” I bartered.

“A SIX?” Tom squeaked and looked at me as though I had just performed the Can-Can in front of him.

“A six,” I repeated firmly.

“A seven. Final offer,” Tom said, crossing his arms over his chest and giving me his stubborn look.

I had things to do so I gave in. But when my husband went outside to water the lawn I went back to the air conditioner and lowered it back to a six.

“A six,” I said softly and giggled before rushing to the dishes.


  1. Okay. I just flip the GD thing off all together...tell DH that you are One in a Million. ( I say this to my DH, but he shakes his head and says, Uh uh, I know that.)

    I am a absentminded people pleaser too. Club!

  2. Same goes for us with the t.v.

    I turn it off. My husband insists on leaving it on. . . even when he's not watching it!

  3. Thank GAWD me and the hubs tend to run at the same temp. I'm sorry girl. I think you should tell him that since you actually live IN the house more than he does, that here you pull rank. What is that cliche' military wife thing... "Don't mistake your rank for my authority." Bwahaha!

  4. Why oh why did God make boys have such a hot temperature? My husband turns the air on so high I freeze my balls off!

  5. You know the real reason he does it don't you?

    He prefers the headlights on.

  6. Sounds like my house. I have to walk around in my bath robe all day to keep warm enough, even though it's almost 100 degrees outside!

  7. We have the opposite problem right now. Being hugely pregnant, I feel like I'm smothering all the time - so I'm the one that keeps the AC cranked. Our thermostat is set to 71 degrees right now. The kids haven't said anything, but Curtis complains. :)

  8. Yeah - I'm 'of a certain age' and I'm the one keeping it too cool. I figure it's easier for everyone else to put on a sweatshirt than it is for me to take anything else off...

  9. *chuckles* you make everyday stuff so funny! :)

    I kinda knew the perky headlights were coming. And I am sure neighbor man got a glimpse of it, and that could be why the PROFUSE thanks for a little tiny egg... Of course it wouldn't be conscious on his part or anything but ;-)

  10. my husband does the same thing!!! he's finally getting the hint that i set the temp in this house and he hasn't touched the dial as much... but it's been a battle of the wills! good for you....a six...ha!

  11. I hate being cold inside my house...especially in the middle of the summer!

  12. *Blink* It's actually hot enough to run an air conditioner? So far it's been chilly enough at night we have to shut our windows here in NY. I haven't even brought the fans up from the basement this summer. Hubby needs to get stationed in NY. Then we can hang out(winks). (Hugs)Indigo

  13. this is the same battle that I used to have with a roommate of mine. Thankfully my husband and I agree, the house should be cold.

  14. Too funny. You can be assured the next time your neighbor sends her husband out to borrow something from a neighbor, he is so going to your house first. And trust me, he did notice. They always notice.

  15. Just the laugh I needed this morning.

    Thank you

  16. Yeah we have a/c wars.
    And OHMIGOD PHOTOS OF YOU?????!?!?!?!? Woooooooooooot!!!

  17. Yeah we have a/c wars.
    And OHMIGOD PHOTOS OF YOU?????!?!?!?!? Woooooooooooot!!!

  18. You are so funny! I hate freezing cold air conditioning too!

  19. Me & Hubs argue over the temp ALL the time!!! LOL so glad to be folowing your blog & added your button!

  20. LOL. See, I'm actually always hot while Ben's always cold. We're reversed.

  21. *just sits here like a deer Trasnfixed by headlights*

    My Dad and Mom are "reversed to - He's always saying "It's cold!" (when it is 80F) and my Mom is saying, "It's over 75F, it CAN'T be cold!" I think its the heart medicine my dad takes. One of them is an A/C replacement pill - if I could only figure out which of the pills it is...

  22. Gah. I live with the human oven, so I get it. I walk around in sweats & a hoody year round.

  23. Do you have a hidden camera at my house? Cause you just described the air conditioned situation that I experience everyday too.

    Constantly up & down cause he's "hot" and I'm f'ing freezing. Just so know he looks at it all the time too just to make sure I haven't changed it.

    We compromised on 76 (I think?) but he whines all. the. time. I'm thinking it might be easier just to wear a parka all the time and just let him do what he wants.

    Well except that I pay the electric bill...bastard.

  24. Luckily, both the hubby and I agree being cold is a good thing!

    Who bakes cakes at 9am?

  25. Oh the temperature wars! They are alive and well in our house, too! I argue it with the hubs all the time. In the winter I am cold so I crank the heat...he thinks it is too hot in the house. In the summer I get hot so I prefer to have all the fans or the AC going. He says it is too cold in the house. WTF?!?

  26. It's funny, I think I'm the only non-pregnant woman who gets hot easily. My husband is always asking me why I look like I just ran a marathon because I have so much sweat on my forehead. Fortunately, his "office" is in our condo's loft, so we have to keep the AC cranked or else it would be 150 degrees in the loft. But I gotta wonder, who the heck is baking at 9 am? I am so NOT a morning person.

  27. This made me laugh! we do the same thing and if your husband is in a movie called THE MAN WHO WOULDNT FREEZE, please let my husband be a guest star. And the tv volume is the SAME thing. You can't hear that? It is BLARING.

  28. And this, my friend, is why Men are from MARS, and Women are from VENUS. Or better yet, why BOYS DROOL and GIRLS RULE! LOL!

    Welcome to the temperature wars! This has been going on since the beginning of time! I don't think I know any married couple who agree on the temperature!

    So you either have to suck up and dress warmly, or have your husband walk around naked. And you KNOW that will only cause problems. (que porno music). So ya better wear a sweater.

    But don't worry. When you start having hot flashes you can get back at him! It won't EVER be cold enough, believe me! LOL!

  29. with us it's the ceiling fan. he has it so high I'm sure it's going to snap off and decapitate us all.


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