Friday, August 28, 2009

The Right Ear

"Tom, remember to take the trash out," I reminded my husband the other day.

He was on his computer game, his eyes focused on the screen. He moved the mouse as if on autopilot and inwardly cursed when someone apparently took a shot at his soldier.

"Tom," I repeated. "You need to take the trash out."

Tom's fingers started flying across the keyboard as though he were writing his own blog entry. But instead he was quickly gathering ammunition for his soldier. While he was doing this he was muttering, "Take that, asshole."

I massaged my temples slowly. I was already feeling the first signs of a cold coming on. Since Tommy is back at school it means he's been bringing home germs and I'm due for a sickness since it's been awhile. My mouth already felt sore at the base of my throat and my left nostril was getting difficult to breathe out of. I didn't have the patience to deal with a husband who was ignoring me.

I do know there is a way to get Tom's attention when he's on the computer.

And that is why I did this:

"Tom! Breasts and tits! Miranda Kerr naked!" I shouted. (Don't worry. The kids were playing upstairs. I would never utter such a thing in front of Natalie, who repeats everything you say. I can just imagine her sweetly telling the Target cashier, "Breasts and tits!")

Tom's eyes swiveled from the screen. "Huh?" He looked baffled but I noticed he was scanning the room as though he expected the Victoria Secret model to be prancing around our living room clad in next to nothing.

I smiled. "Now that I have your attention, please take out the trash."

Tom looked a little deflated that there would be no nudity. "I will," he promised, returning back to his game.


I decided to give up and fix some lunch. As I was eating I was flipping through a Glamour magazine and I noticed some words at the bottom of the page.

It said something like: "A recent study has shown that men are more apt to listen if you talk into the RIGHT ear."


Right ear, eh?

After I ate I marched back over to Tom and leaned over to his right ear.

"Don't forget the trash," I hissed into it.

Tom shivered. "Why did you just hiss into my ear?" he demanded.

But look! It got his attention! I didn't have to mention boobs at all!

So...maybe it's true.

Later, Tom had still not taken out the trash. No, he had moved from the computer onto the Wii. He was busy playing his Wii Resort game and I decided that I better whisper into his right ear again.

But this proved harder than I thought. He kept bouncing around from one side of the room to the next and I'd sort of follow him around until he was like, "WHAT?" He paused the game, irritated that I was behaving like his shadow.

I stood on my tiptoes and said into his right ear, "Don't forget the trash."

Tom raised his shoulder to his ear to cover it. "Stop doing that! Why are you doing that?"

I just gave him a loving smile.

Later, I saw that our lawn needed to be mowed and I came inside and Tom was on the couch. I plopped down on his lap, leaned over to his right ear and said, "The lawn needs to be mowed."

Tom gave me a Look. "Okay. What's going on? Are you filming this or what?" He glanced around the room as though he expected to see a camera.

I batted my eyelashes at him. "I'm just trying something out."

Tom threw his hands in the air. "What? How to creep a man out?"

"No," I explained gently. "Apparently if you talk into a man's right ear, he listens better."

Tom rubbed his chin. "I don't think that's true," he said thoughtfully.

Well. Maybe not. But Tom DID end up taking out the trash and mowing the lawn.

So maybe, just maybe, talking into a man's right ear helps.

"I love you," I told Tom that night, into his right ear.

"You're crazy," he replied lightly.


  1. LMAO!! I'm totally trying that right ear thing tonight. And if he takes it as me flirting I'm going to be pissed.

  2. That is so cute!! One of my favorite posts! I'll have to try that right ear thing.. oh wait, I can't. I'm single. It almost seems like the right ear may be the channel for subliminal messages. Neat trick!

  3. I feel like I have learned something really useful from you. Thanks!

    Now, off to whisper in to my husband's right ear... I have a few chores for him.

  4. The right ear, eh? Gotta remember that one. It'd probably be even more effective if you yell.

  5. I'm gonna create a coalition so that the men of the world start to wear ear plugs, but only in their right ear . . . LOL! Hope you have a good weekend!

  6. Maybe it creeps them out, but at least they get the message. . .

  7. It totally just occurred to me . . . My comment SHOULD have been . . . "Well that's what happens when you talk into the wrong ear?" Get it? Get it?! ~snorts~ :)

  8. Tom would appear to be channelling my 13 year old stepson. Or it's the other way around.

    I think he may be deaf from all the computerised explosions by now, so I'm going with big flashcards instead of whispers.

  9. Thanks for the tip, my hubs is playing his game right now and the dishes need done!

  10. Right ear, left ear, I don't care! I'll do whatever. I know sign language and I'll even SIGN what I want him to do. Fortunately he knows the international sign. ;)

  11. Oh, Amber - I'm cracking up! My husband is sitting on the loveseat asking, "what?...what's so funny?" as I'm giggling out loud reading your post AND eating nachos, so he's all like, 'you'd better not spit refried beans on that brand new laptop.'

    I'm totally gonna try this out!

  12. The right ear, really? I'll have to try that. Nothing else seems to work. :)

  13. Thanks for the tip! Ryan has no idea how many demands he is going to be getting on his right ear tomorrow!!

  14. OMG you are too funny! I'm so trying that today cause my lawn needs mowing and trash needs gathering too. Have a great weekend.

  15. Brilliant post. One question: have you any idea what I do with a guy who's hard of hearing ... grins

  16. LOL! How many wives in blogland are going to be talking into their husbands' right ears today? I'll be trying it!

  17. OK so now you tell me what I've been doing wrong. The right ear. The right ear. The right ear.

  18. "Why are you hissing in my ear?" Too funny! I will definitely have to try this one. Maybe not with so much hissing.

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

  19. OMG..I need to try that!
    Happy Saturday sharefest!

  20. ha-ha!! Happy Saturday SITS sharefest!
    We call it "head in the box" when my hubby (or kids) is completely tuned into the computer or tv screen and not listening to anyone else in the room.
    I will have to remember your code wordsto get his attention! ; )

  21. I'd have started by whispering "give me money, honey"

    Great post! Stopped by from SITS :)

  22. Wow. I am soo going to try that. It has just occurred to me that The Best Husband In The World always has his LEFT ear facing me.. At dinner, on the couch.. maybe that's why he never remembers things I tell him. Although in bed he seems to manage well hearing out of his left ear...

    Maybe it's the subject matter??

    Great Post.

  23. Haha! I am definitely going to try this out. Maybe I can get Daddy Bear to do the dishes. I won't hold my breath though.

  24. That was great! I'm going to have to try that next time I want Ray to get something done.

  25. Damn! I wish I would have read this yesterday....I asked Perfect Husband to take the suitcases downstairs 52 times, and since I was apparently talking to the left ear, I decided to do it myself. I banged the thing into the wall twice. He heard that and leaped off the couch.

  26. Selective hearing, it's what they're all about. I'll try the right ear, but I think he has both of them set on 'mute'. Sadly, mute in this case does not mean he can't talk, it means he has turned off the hearing gene (which is on a weak chromosome anyway.) Why do we bother?

  27. LOL! You always make me laugh!

  28. I am SO trying the right ear thing!

  29. I am going to try this on my husband and two boys this week!! Wish me luck. I am tired of nagging.

  30. I will for sure be keeping this in mid....the whole right ear thing. My fiance hardly ever takes out the trash. I find it pointless to eveb ask....back to that sayinf, if you want it done just do it yourself....hehe....

    Hope your having a good weekend!!

  31. Haha!

    Sadly this is why I usually just do things myself instead of getting irritated repeatedly asking my husband to do stuff.

  32. Do boys KNOW this? Because I think my hubs ALWAYS sits with his left ear towards me...

  33. Oh this so hits home! My post today also mentions husbands and video games interfering with crap that really needs to be done! I will have to try the right ear thing.

  34. lol...heck it's worth a shot!! right ear ya say?? i'll let you know how it works!

  35. i am laughing so freaking hard right now... thing is.. i actually read that too... have yet to try it though!!! hilarious!!!!

  36. Haha! First, I have to say I love your profile picture. Absolutely love it. Second, I love this story! It made me laugh so much. I am going to have to try it out on my hubby, because it is true that once a man gets into doing something, they seem to be past the point of no return. Again, thanks for coming by my blog. I love visitors, and I love visiting new blogs, and yours is awesome!

  37. this is the funniest thing I think I have ever read. I was trying not to spray my computer with coffee, I hope you do get to finish that book, you're a great read.

  38. Perhaps if you pulled up your top and stuck your breasts in his face he might stop for a minute - I know I would

  39. Right ear, huh? Good to know. I've got a little experiment to run around this house, too.


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