“Oh no. Hide,” I said as she approached us. I searched frantically for a place to duck behind.
“Why?” Tommy wondered, eyes wide in confusion. “Mommy, what are you doing?”
I was crouched down beside the bleachers. A guy was sitting about a foot away and he glanced over with raised eyebrows.
“Good evening,” I said in a businesslike tone as though it were perfectly normal to be hunched over beside some bleachers.
The guy quickly looked away- don’t engage the crazy lady! -and I thought I was in the clear.
But then…
“Do you have hair in your armpit?”
She was back. Scab Girl was back.
You know Scab Girl, right? She’s the girl that told me all about her scabs right before Tommy’s swim lessons one night.
The week after telling me about every little mark on her body, she started gabbing about her hair and should she cut it or should she grow it out or should she curl it or should she keep it straight?
The girl is seven, by the way.
And she likes to talk. Oh, does she like to talk. And because I have a sign that only Strange Kids can see, she always wants to talk to me even though there are a handful of other parents around. It’s like, sweetheart, see that woman over there? She looks like she’d totally love to hear a speech about your hair.
But she won’t talk to anyone else. It’s just me.
“Do you have hair in your armpit?” Scab Girl repeated. She didn’t even look surprised that I was obviously hiding. Maybe she’s used to people hiding from her.
“Um,” I said, straightening up. The guy who had eyed me before now appeared to be positively shocked. He gave me a look like, Now I see why you were trying to hide. But at the same time he looked intrigued on what my response would be.
“I….I do,” I admitted. I wasn’t sure if I should lie. It would seem silly to lie but some parents are so anal about everything. (“How DARE you tell my daughter that she’s going to get hair under her armpit! She’s too YOUNG to hear news like that!”)
“I found a hair under my armpit,” Scab Girl said solemnly.
What do you say to that?
In the end I said, “Oh. That’s nice,” and hoped that she’d go away. But she didn’t. No, she hung around and started describing the hair that she found. Her Mom, as always, continued to read, oblivious to her child’s inappropriate conversation.
“When I’m a few years older, I’ll shave,” Scab/Hair girl said.
It was at this moment when their swim teacher was ready for them.
“I think swim class is about to start,” I said, pointing. I tried not to sound relieved.
“Shaving will probably be scary but I think I’ll be okay,” Scab/Hair/Won’t Go The Freak Away/ Girl continued.
“Er, your teacher is ready for you,” I tried again.
“How old were you when you started shaving?” Scab/Hair/If She Doesn’t Go Away In Five Seconds, I’m Going To Wack Her With My Purse/ Girl asked.
Her Mom seemed to come to at this point when she heard the teacher calling for her daughter.
“Get in the pool!” she ordered.
“I’ve got to go,” Scab/Hair/Someone Needs To Teach Her About Inappropriate Vs Appropriate conversation topics/ Girl told me.
Then she was gone.
Praise the chocolate Gods.
I settled down on the bleachers and watched Tommy. The teacher had them swim on their backs and my kid went quickly across the pool.
“Whose kid is that?” I heard a Mom whisper to another Mom.
My ears immediately peaked. Who are you and why are you talking about my kid?
“I’m not sure. Hers, I think,” the other Mom whispered, nodding her chin towards me.
“He’s really fast,” the first Mom said. Then she realized I was staring and turned to me. “He’s really good. Fast. Are you putting him on the swim team?”
I shrugged. “If he wants to.”
“Put him on the swim team!” she urged.
“If he wants to,” I repeated. I don’t put my kids in anything they don’t want to do.
Tommy has always been fast while doing the backstroke. If he does decide he wants to be on the swim team, I imagine that’ll be the stroke he’s best at. He’s still awkward while trying to do the butterfly and will calmly tell the teacher, “Let’s not do this one. Let’s do the backstroke.”
He still has to take another class before he can be on the swim team. They want the kids at a certain level before they come on the team, you see. He’ll be in the swim lessons for a bit longer just so he can understand the different strokes, how to breathe properly while doing them, etc….
When the lessons were over, I practically ran out of the room with Tommy.
Scab Girl looked like she wanted to continue our conversation about her armpit hair and I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I could have handled anymore hair talk.
There is only so much I can take.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
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Holy Early Puberty, Batman! SCAB GIRL has hair under her arms already? Freaky...
ReplyDeleteOMG! I feel you! I can't stand those kids that just don't get the freakin' hint! There's one in every family. I constantly, but discreetly, remind my niece that she's not a grown up and needs to mind her business and STFU (but nicely) when grown ups are trying to have a conversation.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like me.. wearing the Post-It note on your forehead that says "Crazy people come talk to me".
ReplyDeleteFirst - isn't it nice when strangers compliment your kid when they don't even know you're listening? Go Tommy!
ReplyDeleteSecond - pit hair. Wow.
God, how awkward.
ReplyDeleteSo's that word, "awkward"...I wonder if I spelled that right?
Jay-sus, I need a break.
And durn it all - I'm left hanging with the, it's keep me up late at night, wondering how old you were when you started shaving.
ReplyDelete..and then my thoughts turn to thinking that "Scab/Hair/Someone Needs To Teach Her About Inappropriate Vs Appropriate conversation topics/ Girl"'s name is getting a little unwieldy...
:) Go Tommy!
Happy Thanksgiving - I count "meeting" you as a blessing this year.
i am so GLAD that i don't know scab girl.. i'm afraid that it might really freak me out!!!
ReplyDeletehave a fabulous thanksgiving!!!!
Too funny.....Wear your Ipod next time and be all I'm sorry I can't hear you lalalalalalalala! Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteI have the same attraction to the crazy ones...
ReplyDeletePoor scab girl is never going to know the right age to start shaving now. LOL
ReplyDeleteGo, Tommy!!! That is so exciting! James does the backstroke now. He just up and did it. Took me by surprise at how well he did it.
ReplyDeleteWeird girl sounds like fun. Is she at least cute? Or just awkward?
I think she must be "special". obviously she has questions she needs answers to and you look really smart.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I put the stink eye on whenever I am in public
I always try to look totally unapproachable. Next time just slap on your beeotch face :)
ReplyDeleteOh wow waht a conversation to bring up...lol Sorry u had to sit and deal with that... And way to go tommy for being a fast swimmer!
ReplyDeleteBefore Tommy joins the team I would research if scab girl is going to join... that could be a deal breaker! ;) Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're not one of those moms who make their kids participate in activities that they don't want to be in. I always feel so sorry for those kids. By the way, I awarded you with a trophy a couple days ago! You can get it here if you'd like:
ReplyDeletehttp://nathanrising.com/2009/11/my-first-trophy/
-Jen
I'd tell scab girl that her mummy was calling her.
ReplyDeleteGood for Tommy. It's great for kids to excel in SOMETHING! And you have the right frame of mind, too. IF HE WANTS TO!
Oh.My.Goodness! I don't know what I would've said to Scab/Hair girl, but you handled it really well. She sounds a little interesting!
ReplyDeleteYour son the little fish sounds like he's a rock star in the pool, too.
Between the freaky Twihard lady and Scab girl, I'm starting to wonder what kind of neighbourhood you live in! lol.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear Tommy is still enjoying swimming.
I really believe that every word you write is the God's honest truth, because - honestly? - I don't think you could make stuff like this up! I'M AFRAID OF THIS CHICK and I've never even met her! Being the mother of a 2-year old, I have to ask - is there one in every crowd, or is she a random anomaly that happened to find you in this ONE class? Cuz' I don't think I'm gonna let my daughter enroll in activities if I have to deal with this kind of thing. . .
ReplyDeleteAwesome that Tommy rocks the backstroke! Olympia HERE WE COME!
I really believe that every word you write is the God's honest truth, because - honestly? - I don't think you could make stuff like this up! I'M AFRAID OF THIS CHICK and I've never even met her! Being the mother of a 2-year old, I have to ask - is there one in every crowd, or is she a random anomaly that happened to find you in this ONE class? Cuz' I don't think I'm gonna let my daughter enroll in activities if I have to deal with this kind of thing. . .
ReplyDeleteAwesome that Tommy rocks the backstroke! Olympia HERE WE COME!
next time maybe you should wear a beanie that covers the "strange kids here" written on your forehead. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is so strangely inappropriate - and it's the mom I can't quite figure out. I would be mortified if my kid did that. And the hair? Don't tell my son. He waited, anxiously, until he was almost 13 for his first armpit hair....
ReplyDelete***Ally
help her to pull her imaginary armpit hair out with a tweezer and pinch her extra hard!
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say is EWWW! What kind of hormones are they feeding scab girl? I didn't get hair in those kinda places til atleast 8th grade!
ReplyDeleteYou must be very friendly to attract such chatter from a little girl, glad she is talking to you and not some pervert hanging around the pool!
ReplyDeleteI think I have the same sign.. she is just odd. the poor thing when she gets to Jr High.
ReplyDeleteI think I might speak to her mother but the poor thing is probably just thrilled for the break.. or as weird.
Good luck at the next lesson