Friday, April 30, 2010

Those Texas Roadhouse Rolls

I love Texas Roadhouse.

I especially love their rolls.

So when we decided to dine there this week, I was excited. My mouth watered over the thought of the hot buttery rolls.

Imagine my surprise when we weren’t given any rolls after we were shown our booth.

“Where are the rolls? Are they coming? We need the rolls.” I tried not to panic as our hostess walked away. Where was she going? Was she bringing back rolls?

“Do you think the rolls are coming?” I hissed to Tom, who was calmly perusing the menu. How could he be so calm? Wasn’t he concerned about the rolls?

“Amber, the place just opened. The rolls aren’t ready yet,” Tom said patiently. He’s used to my freak outs. But he was probably right. The restaurant had just opened. We always get there at 4, right as the doors are unlocked because crowds freak Tom out. He says it’s a cop thing. He doesn’t like people behind him because he assumes they’re going to pull out a weapon. Sometimes for fun I’ll trail after him and he’ll abruptly stop and go, “Don’t do that. You know I don’t like that.”

Our waitress strolled over with a wide grin. “Hi, I’m Stacy and I’ll be your waitress today!” She chirped. Stacy had obviously been sampling the sweet tea.

“Hi Stacy, can we have some rolls?” I matched her tone and tried not to grasp the collar of her shirt while bellowing, “It was just AWFUL, Stacy. The hostess showed us to our booth and walked away WITHOUT GIVING US ANY ROLLS!”

“Of course you can get some rolls,” Stacy said. “What can I get you to drink?”

DRINK? Why wasn’t she getting the rolls first? Didn’t she see how much we needed the rolls?

I asked for a sweet tea and hoped she would return quickly with our rolls.

But then a big group settled down in Stacy’s section so she turned to greet them. Stacy, NO. Our ROLLS.

“Would you sit down?” Tom said.

Oh. I hadn’t realized I was halfway to a standing position. I plopped my butt down.

“I just....our rolls. Wait, here comes the hostess with a basket of rolls. Here they come! Here they—” But then the hostess plopped the rolls on the booth behind us for those people.

Excuse me?

What about US?

Stacy, hostess, SOMEONE!

“Calm down,” Tom said. “We’ll get some rolls.”

Stacy dropped our drinks off five minutes later. No rolls.

“What can I get for you?”

“Rolls,” I said.

Tom groaned into his palms.

Stacy’s eyes snapped open with recognition. “The rolls. I forgot. I’m so sorry.”

She took our orders and then went off to retrieve some rolls.

“Thank God. My body needs the carbs,” I said, sipping my sweet tea.

Tom made a face. “When was the last time you had some?”

“Well. Lunch. But still.”

I can’t believe there are people who don’t eat carbs. And those health nuts on the reality shows say to save calories, one should FORGO the rolls at the beginning of the meal.

FORGO the rolls?

Are they high?

The rolls are the best part.

Have these people TASTED the rolls at Texas Roadhouse? They arrive warm with cinnamon butter. I know. Cinnamon butter sounds weird. I thought so too. But then I tried it and I was in love. Now I can’t get enough cinnamon butter. I want to ask Texas Roadhouse if I can bring some home with me but Tom says that I better not ask that, and could I please stop embarrassing him?

Good news, though. Stacy came back with the rolls. Yes!

We all dove in.

Seriously. Four hands went towards the basket at once. Thankfully Texas Roadhouse gives you four rolls.

“We need more rolls,” I said, my mouth stuffed with, well, roll. I’m so glad that I’m married. I’d be an awful dater. My manners are pretty appalling.

“We’ll get some,” Tom said, shoving his roll into his mouth. His manners aren’t the greatest either. We’re a match made in filthy manners heaven.

Stacy came by a few minutes later to see if we needed anything else.

“Rolls, please,” I said.

“Wow, those went quick!” she giggled. Stacy looked as though she were the type that avoided carbs. She was rail thin. I wouldn’t mind losing a couple pounds but I think I’d be a very unhappy person indeed if I gave up my carbs.

When Stacy returned she didn’t have rolls. She just had our food. Which is a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but I was still craving rolls. There was no way I’d be able to enjoy my steak without getting a few more rolls in my system. No way in heck.

“Anything else I can get you?” Stacy wondered.

“Rolls, please.” She probably thought that was the only thing I knew how to say.

“Rolls.” Stacy snapped her fingers. “Right. You sure you want rolls since you have your dinner now?”

Um. Stacy? YES.

“Yes, please,” I said, moving Natalie’s hand away from my rice. That’s MY seasoned rice. But…crap, I’m teaching her how to share so I gave her some.

“I don’t YIKE this hot dog,” Natalie said, pushing her meal away. “I want dis rice.” And she tried to take all of my rice.

“Um, well you’re going to eat your hot dog because that’s what you said you wanted,” I said firmly, sticking her food back in front of her.

“No, hot dog is yucky. I want da rice and da potato,” she said, pointing to my baked potato.

I don’t think so.

“More rolls!” Stacy said, handing them over.

Four hands went into the basket.


“Stop hogging the butter!” I said to Tom.

“I’m not,” he argued, his cheeks puffed out from the bread.

“You are. Share!” I reached over to grab it. He lifted his arm up so I couldn’t reach.

“Stop being mean. Share!”

He eventually handed it over. I was about to rub some on my bread but Natalie tried to take my potato again so I got distracted. I set the butter down in the basket and grabbed my potato back. Look, I’m all for sharing but Natalie had a perfectly good meal in front of her. As I was busy trying to get her to eat the hot dog, Stacy came by and PICKED UP THE BASKET WHICH CONTAINED MY CINNAMON BUTTER.

“Stacy!” I called out, but she didn’t hear me.


“My cinnamon butter!”

“Jesus, just eat your steak,” Tom said.

But it just felt incomplete to not have the cinnamon butter. So when Stacy came back, I asked for more rolls.

Her eyes bugged out of her head. “More rolls?”

“We’re a carb loving family,” I explained. And plus, you took my cinnamon butter from me.

Stacy did bring us more rolls. So I got my cinnamon butter, two extra rolls, and like five extra pounds.

But still. Yum.

(And now I’m craving the rolls again.)


  1. Oh man ... if you and I ever meet in person, we should TOTALLY go to Texas Roadhouse and just gorge ourselves on rolls. I am a Texas Roadhouse roll FANATIC. It cracked me up when you described panicking at the lack of rolls because - hello - I've done that. It's ridiculous, but I can't help it.

    How anyone could pass up a nice warm soft roll with cinnamon butter is SO beyond me ...

  2. And PS - is it just my local Texas Roadhouse, or are all of them staffed by cute, stick-thin college girls?

  3. Dang it, I am craving rolls now too! And that is dangerous to do to a pregnant lady. And cinnamon butter sounds soo soo good!

  4. yummmm...and also, this post gave me a good giggle. I was starting to think I'm the only gal left on this planet who loves the rolls!

  5. No Tr in Vegas, so I can't comment on how good the rolls are. But that sure is a foregetfull waitress.

  6. I didn't know what was in that butter there. I just knew it was flavored. I like the rolls, but you can have that butter, ok?

  7. Ughhhhhh. I could choke you right now.

    My mouth is watering like a Saint Bernard. Jesus. Whywhywhy?

    It's 9:38AM here. I'm watching the clock tick down to 11 so I can bust out of here to pick up some bloggy friends at the airport and now all I want is ROLLLLLZZZZZZZ from TxR.

    Thanks, Amber. Thanks a lot.

    Three foods I couldn't live without:

  8. Thanks. We've already had dinner out three times this week, and now I'M craving Roadhouse Rolls. Which is the only reason I agree to go to our Roadhouse anymore.

    I also really like O'Charley's rolls, but they don't have cinnamon butter. If I could have some O'Chuck's rolls with Roadhouse butter, I'd be a happy girl. :)

    Have you tried telling Natalie that you don't yike it when she takes your food? (I've caught myself saying yike after reading your posts...yikes!)

  9. I lurve me some Texas Roadhouse rolls :) That's the only reason I ever go...the food is okay, but the rolls are heavenly.

  10. Love this blog!

    I am a carb lover and any time we go to a place that serves bread pre-meal, it seems like the waitresses/waiters are super forgetful when it comes to that bread. We ask for bread often during the meal as well :)

  11. bahahahah! I could picture this, and thus I laughed my ass off! How funny! :)

    Now I want me some yummy rolls! :) Poor stacy.. seems she got a good enough work out getting you the rolls, that she may be able to enjoy one herself! lol :)

  12. Those damn rolls are scrumptious, and don't even get me started on the butter lol.

  13. back when I was crazy enough AND childless enough to work-out with a personal trainer (which, incidentally, was the time in my life when I least NEEDED to work out with a personal trainer....REAL funny, life) he tried to get me to cut carbs out of my diet. I pretty much stopped him right there and told him that I was paying him to make it to where I COULD eat carbs. I also explained to him that the next time he wanted to come at me with such a stupid plan, I would not only drop him like a hot potato (carb joke...hehehhee), but I would ALSO lace his energy drinks with pure fat calories. Needless to say....cracked out "no carb" suggestions never exited his mouth again. Now pass me the rolls with extra butter....I'll deal with the aftermath later (probably by eating more carbs)

  14. I have to agree with you, the rolls are the best part of the meal. YUMMY, now i am craving the rolls.

  15. I could make out with those rolls. I understand.

  16. You made me laugh with that "Stacy had obviously been sampling the sweet tea." :-)

    I hope you got plenty of tea to wash down all those rolls! (I counted you having three of them - is that right?)

  17. If you had said Olive Garden and Alfredo Sauce, I would think you had just watched my family at dinner.

    My husband knows me so well, he hides snacks in the glovebox for long trips. He doesn't DARE leave me carbless and hungry.

  18. You crack me up the way you write.. very funny.

    I have eaten at The Roadhouse but don't remember the rolls. As we are a big carnivorous family we will go back soonish. The butter sounds yummy too..

    Manners smammers.. carbs rule..just ask my butt

  19. Ok, then you totally feel me when I say that I don't understand people that give up caffeine, right? RIGHT?! ;) :)

  20. This is a cute story! You do like yourself some rolls!!! No judging here... rolls are AWESOME!

  21. If I were a person who ROLFMAO, that's what I'd be doing right now. Instead I'm just sitting here in my big comfy chair laughing so hard the tears are streaming down my face.

    Are we related?

  22. This was too funny. We don't have this restaurant in my neck of the woods but now I'm wishing we did. I'd love to sample these rolls you speak of.

  23. I have never been to Texas Roadhouse, but now I might have to try it just for the rolls...

  24. My husband has the same freak out about crowds and having people behind him. I think he's just making it up. I love that you trail your husband just for fun! I may have to take that up.

  25. I just luv you. That was pretty great! Thanks for sharing!

  26. Oh I want to go there! And there isn't one that I know of in Northern California. I hope I don't have to go to Texas for those rolls. I have a similar obsession. There is a restaurant in SF called the Rotunda. It's at the top of the Neiman Marcus store. Okay, they start you off with popovers and strawberry butter. These popovers are warm right out of the oven, mainly air, and about 8 inches high. They give you ONE for each person. Uh huh. I finally caught on that if I sweet talked a bus boy (particularly a Mexican bus boy) I could get him to sneak me a bag with about 5 extra popovers in them. I told him I was Mexican too. I spoke to him in Spanish asking him "where are the black cats?" and told him I would give him my 15 year old blond daughter to do with as he wished if he would get me more popovers. It's a drastic measure but these were drastic times. (I'm not suggesting you give away Natalie, but I'm just sayin...)

  27. stacy just needs to recognize that the rolls are awesome and shut her judging trap

  28. yea... those really are the greatest rolls evah! and the ones at ryans ain't so shabby either...

    i try to do no/low carb.. and yea, it works for maybe a day.. then WHAM.. it's sooo over!!!

  29. i realize i cannot read your posts while i'm at work - i just busted out laughing. loudly. a lot. and couldn't stop. i don't even know you, but i feel like i do and i can totally picture this scene.

    mmmmmm, DELICIOUS!!!

  30. That story is hysterical ... I have a very clear mental picture of you almost freaking out about those rolls ha ha

    If I was Stacy, I would totally be laughing my ass off in the back room watching you squirm ...

    But I was told once by a very astute individual that I'm the kind of person who, if I saw someone hanging by their hands from a ledge ... I'd go stand on their fingertips ...

    Thanks for a great laugh today ... :))

  31. I've been to TX Roadhouse. And yes, I concur. The rolls and cinnamon butter are to die for. YUM!

  32. OMG I love it! I love my rolls too and bread and breadsticks!!!

    And honey butter - that stuff I could just eat!!

  33. I'm cracking up over here. This is hilarious. Those rolls are awesome though so I don't blame ya a bit. haha :) Why do they only bring four at a time anyway? Hello! Who eats just one of those rolls? Especially with the cinnamon butter. If they brought at least eight of 'em they would save themselves some legwork.

    btw - now you've got me craving those rolls. haha!

  34. LOL. That's what it's like for me at the Olive Garden. The garlic breadsticks are the whole incentive to wait in long lines :-)

  35. This is hilarious! There could be worse things to have a jones for!

    We have a Texas Roadhouse in the nest town... I'm thinking some nice hot rolls would taste pretty yummy tonight!

  36. Those rolls sound yummy! I am sitting her at 3 p.m. and could use a carb load! mmmmm!

  37. I love going to Texas Roadhouse except the music kills Paul's nerves. The one by us tends to blast it at uncomfortable decibels. Me? I can't hear so it's not a problem.

    After this we're going to need a trek out to eat this weekend. (Hugs)Indigo

  38. Oh my gosh. I really needed that cheering up. Thank you.

    And whatever this Texas Roadhouse business is, I need to get there!

  39. Anything involving cinnamon, butter and bread dough gets my vote.

  40. Gah! Now I'm starving and there is NO BREAD in my house!~~~

  41. Amen! I totally agree that people who starve themselves, aka don't eat carbs, are simply unhappy people. Now that being said I've never been to this Texas Roadhouse and now really want to try these damn rolls!!! Do they deliver? Do they ship? Can you ship? :)

    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner

  42. I want some rolls now, too! They are the best.

  43. This sounds just like my family: starving and then the rolls and butter comes around and we all leap in the basket at the same time. LOL Are'nt we all not the same? But cinnamon rolls with cinnamon butter? I think I would order nothing but those rolls. Great post!

  44. I would have just bitch slapped that waitress. She obviously didn't understand the importance of those rolls. I mean c'mon, if she's stick thin she ain't sticking those buns in HER mouth. Just saying!

    I love me some TR buns! And pass that cinnamon butter! Yum! Me yikes that!

  45. Oh my GOSH that was funny!!!!!!

    I can see myself getting just as worked up!

  46. This made me laugh out loud (my husband just asked what's so funny...)

    We don't have that chain here but I think I would love some rolls with cinnamon butter. Yes please!! I could never give up carbs.

  47. Funny! You would think that Stacy would have moved a little faster, seeing as there was about to be a crisis on her hands! Love it!

    Happy Saturday sharefest!

  48. I have to admit, I usually skim blog posts, but you kept me captivated this entire time. You are hilarious! I could imagine the scene and everything. Hahaha. They should sell your rolls in the store :)

  49. So yes, you need to get that book out. But I think perhaps you also need a camera crew for stuff like this! haha. Your descriptions are amazing. I felt like I was there... and am pretty disappointed that I can't seem to find any rolls around my studio.

  50. Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving a lovely comment on my blog ;)

    Have a blessed weekend !

  51. Those places with unlimited things like Olive Garden and their salad/breadsticks start to get snippy after the third request. What gives? Is it unlimited or not?

    At least you didn't embarrass Tom by pointing out to Stacy that if she wants a tip she'd better bring rolls!

  52. HILARIOUS!!! We live in northern michigan and there arent any Texas Roadhouse restaurants near us . But when we travel we always go there , and YES they have the best rolls on the planet!

  53. And now Im craving rolls!

    Ive never eaten there, but now I wanna! yummy!

  54. All I can say is those rolls must be good!

  55. those rolls sounds great. Cinnamon butter sounds awesome. thanks for stopping by.

  56. I read this the other day and had a complete carb attack. I could live on bread. And cheese. And probably chocolate chip cookies. We go to Olive Garden every now and then and always looked forward to the breadsticks. They weren't so good last time and left us...yearning for the real ones.

  57. I also come from a carb loving family! To us, a "good restaurant" is one that provides free carbs for us to munch on while we wait for our meals (Rolls, biscuits, bread sticks, tortilla chips, etc.), and when we don't get them we turn rampant - like zombies searching for brains.

    I just found your blog this week and I'm loving it! :)

  58. ROFL! You're so funny! I LOVE their rolls. Whenever we'd go to the Roadhouse in FL, "More rolls please." Was the only thing I could say too! But they didn't serve the cinnamon butter!!

  59. I'm a roll loving girl as well. When we go out we end up having like 4 baskets all from me! That was so funny loved the story.

  60. I miss rolls. Celiac can be a real pain in so many ways. But cinnamon butter, now that's something I could learn to love. And, FYI, I'm the same way with the fries at Red Robin. :) The staff thinks I'm a freak. I'll actually go and just get the fries for take out.

  61. Laughed my way through the whole post. Seriously good stuff. Just COMPLETELY jealous now that you have a Texas Roadhouse and I... do not.

  62. We just got a Texas Roadhouse up here in northern Minnesota and the rolls are the reason I order the kids cheeseburgers as I get my burger on delicious rolls!

    And yes, you Can ask for the butter to take home. We get extra rolls and butter right at the end of the meal to take home.

  63. I've never been to this restaurant before but now you have me so curious!!! What can be better than a nice steak and baked potato???

  64. Reminds me of my college years. We'd go to Olive Garden and get all the free breadsticks and then just get soup and salad. We'd go in a group of 5 or 6 of us and take turns asking for more breadsticks. THat way no one had to ask twice and be the bad guy....

  65. Love those rolls. I hate when you have to ask multiple times for the same thing...the waiter/waitress should figure out that what you are asking for is important to you...even if they don't agree!

  66. I felt the intensity of your craving in this, and can only say how strongly I can identify.

    Cinnamon butter is a gift from God that allows us to take the average piece of bread, potato, banana or chicken stir fry and improve it ten-fold.

    I feel the same way about Ruby Tuesday croutons. And nobody else seems to understand.

  67. I have never been to a texas roadhouse but after your description of the rolls, its next on my list! Sounds Yummy!

  68. I wish I could read your waitresses blog version of this encounter! Hysterical!

  69. Hilarious!

    Did you know you can just go in a buy a box of rolls for about $5? Mmm! I used to do this all the time. Now the closest TR to me is 45 minutes away!

  70. You fat fucking cunt... Your husband says he doesn't like people behind him and yet you do it just to bother him? You need to leave him alone and stop abusing his PTSD... And you treat a waitress like that?! I'm hoping you gave her a good tip for the way that you treated her. I'm sure your My 600lb Life ass can go 15 minutes without some fucking carbs... Seriously, lay off that carbs and you might lose some weight and your husband might actually be attracted to you again. You're trying to teach your child how to share but you can't practice what you preach? How are you going to teach her to share if you tell her it's YOUR rice and she has to eat the food that she doesn't like?... You are a shitty person and a terrible wife.

  71. YOU'RE one fat piece of fucking white trash dog shit.. I hope like fuck Texas Roadhouse bans you're greedy unfit ass (kid can't even get some rice??) from ever coming back.. You're husband makes it obvious too that you're a greedy fat fuck and need to calm down. Fat bitch was just there at lunch time eating up all the rolls. I hope you go to eat one and Stacy wasn't there to refill your drink and you choke and die. Stupid cunt... I bet by now you're dead or have had an episode on my 600lb life. Hog...


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