Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Huge Menus and Oversized Baggage

The menu was almost as big as a book.

Mom opened it gingerly, flipping one page at a time. "I'm not sure where to even begin," she admitted.

I opened my own menu and my stomach growled. Mmmm, just look at all the goodness. We were at The Cheesecake Factory, one of my favorite restaurants. Unfortunately there isn't one where I live, so since I'm visiting my Mom, I insisted that we go.

"I'm getting the white chili," I said, shutting my menu with a flourish. My tongue watered over the thought of the chili. It's perfectly seasoned, perfectly cooked, perfectly everything. "And of course, there is dessert."

Mom turned another menu page. "I don't know if I'll have room for dessert."

"There's always room for dessert!" I insisted. I always make room. When I'm at Olive Garden and have consumed more salad and bread sticks and pasta than I care to remember, I STILL order dessert.

Gosh, if I didn't love food so much, think about what my body could look like. I could be toned! I could wear bikinis! Only, even if I were toned, I imagine my stretch marks would still remain and kids would point and go, "What's wrong with that lady's toned stomach? Is it diseased?" and I'd be all, "No, this is what happens when you carry two human beings, you insensitive snit."

But oh well, so I'll never be toned. I'd rather be flabby and happy than toned and pissed off that all I can have is wheatgrass and cereal that looks like tree bark with a couple of nuts tossed in.

My white chili was fantastic and when I was halfway through, I leaned over and asked Mom if she would share a slice of cheesecake with me.

"No. I'm full," she said.

So I got a slice to go, because it's sort of a sin to go to The Cheesecake Factory and not get some cheesecake.

After we ate, we did some shopping since we were at the North Star Mall. Obviously I went into Gymboree mainly because they are having their Red Balloon Sale where they mark old lines really cheap....I look forward to this every year, and normally at home my store has a fairly good selection.

....but the Gymboree in Texas, did not have much left.

In fact, I circled the store three times, thinking I must've missed something. All I had were a pair of fish sandals for $4.99 in my hand I was all, "Yes, but, where is the rest?"

It turns out that a bunch of Mexicans came and took all the deals.

And I'm not being prejudiced, that's seriously what the worker told me when I asked where all the deals were.

And look, I get excited over deals as much as the next person, but I SHARE. I don't take it all. That's just...rude.

Oh well. At least I had fish sandals.

We went into The Disney Store, where Natalie proceeded to tell me that she wanted basically everything inside of it.

I let her get a tiny Mickey Mouse doll.

And..well, actually, I didn't get too much.

Then I came home and had to start packing, because I leave tomorrow. Well, technically today since I'm writing this a few minutes before midnight. I hate packing, as I've said before and now I really think my suitcase may be over 50 lbs. I thought that coming over here, and it turns out it was only 32 lbs, but now I'm for certain it's up there. But at least I can zip it closed and not have to sit on it. I've done this many times before while screaming, "Zip it, Tom, zip it now while we have a chance!"


Maybe the worker will be all, "Aww, since it's Christmas, we'll waive the fee."

But I doubt it, because airline workers seem cranky and ready to grope.

I also hope that the shuttle driver that's taking me home is sane. See, I fly into the Denver airport but my home is in Cheyenne, Wyoming, almost two hours away. I could fly into Cheyenne, but that means more money and one of those itty bitty planes that look as though they'd fall apart if they are looked at funny.

So Denver it is.

I called the shuttle company many times to confirm, and they don't seem totally organized even though I'm promised someone will be waiting.

In the 5th story parking garage.

Which sort of sounds like a set up to me, like the guy is going to whip out a gun as soon as I approach. If this happens, I'll use my oversized suitcase as a shield.

But just in case, I'm using Cowboy Shuttle and the drivers name is Sam.

If I don't update on Thursday, alert the authorities.

I'm kidding.

Sort of.

It's just, people are crazy these days and you never know.


  1. Living in Canada, I have never had the pleasure of eating at the Cheesecake Factory which makes me very sad because I have heard numerous times how delicious it is! And in our family, we say there is always room for dessert too... it goes to the dessert spot...as opposed to the dinner spot. Even if the dinner spot is full, there is always room in the dessert spot!

  2. You always get to eat at the fun places!

  3. Glad you had a great time at your mom's and got to enjoy another day at the Cheesecake Factory. I've NEVER been - weird I know, right? LOL Anyway, well make sure you post tomorrow so we all know you and your beautiful children made it home safe and sound. And, I'm really sorry that there weren't any good deals left at Gymboree for you my friend! Have a great day and travel safe! xoxoxo

  4. Love Cheesecake Factory....always get a slice to go! travel safe and good luck!

  5. The Cowboy Shuttle with a driver named Sam. Got it. I'll alert the authorities if I don't hear from you.

  6. I don't quite understand this concept of being too full to eat dessert.

    Even when you're mildly nauseous, you do some deep breathing, order the tiramisu and know that it might hurt later but you won't be sorry.

    You did the right thing.

  7. I live in Canada and we don't have a cheesecake factory but I did visit one in Vegas when I was completely obliterated with alcohol...I know my mom is proud...and it was the best cheesecake I had ever engulfed in a mere 30 seconds.
    PS. You're totally getting groped at the airport.

  8. good luck - hope to hear from you soon.

    Our across the street neighbors are moving out but all shady-like so I told my husband this story of the Missionaries that came by are actually assassins and the across the street neighbors had to flee.

  9. I bet the Mexicans would have room for dessert but never go to the Cheesecake Factory.

    Hope you had a good trip home.

  10. This post was so funny that I'm at a total loss to pick my favorite line. Thanks for the laugh out loud. Happy travels.

  11. I LOVE the Cheesecake Factory. Mainly I love cheesecake everything else is just an aside. And I live in Texas {in El Paso no less!} and our kids stores are ALWAYS picked over within an hour of any sale starting. I never get good bargains because I'm afraid of being crushed. True story.

  12. I've managed to make a little too much room for dessert every day this past week and now I can't breathe in my jeans. Oh well, it WAS yummy!

  13. You need to let your Mum know about the dessert stomach. Y'know the one we all have so that we can always eat dessert? I'm sure doctors have proved it. Probably.

  14. Hope you have a Good Travel day today!
    And that it is uneventful.

    Mmmm Cheesecake Factory.......we went in Vegas for my very first time and it was delicious!

  15. Cowboy Shuttle sounds adorable and trustworthy.

    I'm not sure I like the sound of Sam though... he could be one to watch!

  16. OK so apparently I'm a crazy person -- I don't like Cheesecake =/ therefore when we go the CCF, I NEVER get cheesecake. Luckily they don't throw me out because The Husband usually orders some =)

  17. Don't worry, Natalie will protect you.

  18. As much as your luggage weighs, I'm glad those Mexicans took all the deals so you didn't buy anymore stuff. I hope you are home tomorrow. If now, Cowboy should not be that hard to find.

  19. This post made me laugh! I love cheesecake factory. Luckily we have them everywhere in Boston. Good luck with your shuttle ride! And I totally agree about the tiny planes...

  20. Oh these poor Canadians with no Cheesecake factory...I know there are a few in Canada. In Edmonton, AB and Victoria, BC specifically (I know because I've been to each one...though it WAS a few years ago so maybe they closed)

    I hope you make it home safe and sound :)

  21. I live about 10 minutes from The Cheesecake Factory. I love me some Sweet Corn Tamale Cakes. I always just get an app and a Peach Bellini (or 2)so I have plenty of room for cheesecake.

  22. I saw on Lifehacker this week an app that tells you what airports are doing which types of security at specific gates (which is great for you and me, you know, the cheesecake loving types, but not so much since some terrorists probably subscribe to Lifehacker in their Google Reader)

  23. I took The Boy to Outback last week, where he told me he wanted an appetizer, Burger, fries, soup, AND a salad. I said, "JFC, I should have taken you to Cheesecake Factory. I DARE you to leave THERE hungry!!"


Thanks for the comment!

Share This

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...