With my husband being gone, I experience all kinds of emotions. These are some of them.
Sadness.
It’s lonely at night. Is that a ghost in the corner? Watching Family Guy isn’t the same without my husband. Making crude comments isn’t as enjoyable alone. Wahh. I need some Chocolate Therapy from Ben and Jerry's, stat. I’m going to gain weight but I don’t care. Food comforts me. Yes, Dr. Phil, I eat my feelings, what of it?
Anger.
Freaking military. Why do they send people with families away? Why not send the single ones? It’s not right to let small children go without their fathers for so long. It can be DAMAGING to their growing tiny minds. I swear, if my kids wind up in therapy because they missed their daddy, I’m not going to be happy.
At least you get down time, Tom. You get to watch movies and rest in your room without children racing around, demanding things. Yes, you’ll argue that some troops behave like children but at least they don’t follow you into the bathroom and demand things while you’re trying to have a wee. This is hard. Yes, I do get down time when the kids are in school but summer is here. That's gone now. They are with me ALL THE TIME.
Freak Outs.
Why hasn’t he called? Is he okay? What if he’s not okay? What if he’s hurt? What if he’s alone? If he’s missing a leg, I’ll love him anyway. If any part of him ever gets blasted off, I’ll love him anyway. Where is he though?
Sadness. (Again. This comes and goes.)
Alll by myself. Don’t wanna be…all by myself. Sorry to the family I stared at intently at the park. It’s just, I’m jealous that your husband is with you. Helping you. Laughing with you. I won’t see mine again for a long time. Sorry though. I’ll try not to stare next time.
Acceptance.
Well. At least it means I won’t have to shave for awhile. And I can watch whatever show I want. The remote control is mine. If I don’t want to cook, I don’t have to. I mean, I have to make something for the kids, but that’s simple. Kid Cuisines become my best friend. If I want a doughtnut for dinner, I can have it. I won’t have to worry about Tom going, “What am I going to eat then?” The house can stay dirty. I mean, not Hoarders dirty, but not as clean as it usually is when he’s home. I can read in bed. I can bend over and not have someone rush over and hump against my butt (I swear, men must sense when a woman is bending over…) (Although, to be honest, I’m even starting to miss that…)
Friday, May 24, 2013
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When will he be back?
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes sadness, freakout, and anger all at the same time with just a smidge of petty annoyance for good measure! lol
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine! I need to call in reinforcements when my husband travels for work....for, like, a few days. I don't know how you do it for months on end. You are pretty awesome!!
ReplyDeleteI have no sage words of advice or comfort...so I will simply offer my love and virtual hugs instead. <3
ReplyDeleteHang in there! You can do this. How much longer is this deployment?
ReplyDeleteI have a friend going through a similar thing. She has her hands full at home, and then every time he comes back, she gets to enjoy a long stretch of family time. This post helps me see into what she might be feeling.
ReplyDeleteBut Na is there to fill in most of the time. (I know, not the same)
ReplyDeleteI can relate a little bit. Mine is not military, but has to travel a lot for work throughout the year. He can be gone weeks at a time. His company has the nerve to send him away for our anniversary this year. Shame on them. While he is traveling and eating out, and dressing up. I will be cuddling with dog.
ReplyDeleteIt must just be so hard! Hugs to you! And go watch some trashy TV alone! ;)-The Dose Girls
ReplyDeleteDeployment stinks no matter how you slice it. The leg shaving and having the remote are about the only perks. Although, I imagine your kids take the remote too.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry your hubby's gone. That's no good at all!
ReplyDeleteIt does not sound like much fun - hugs from Belgium, not that that will help much either, I know :-)
ReplyDeleteAmen sister. I used to never run a single errand on the weekends because I did not want to see all of those stupid happy families with the stupid helpful dads! (Everything and everyone was stupid during this deployment.)
ReplyDeleteMy husband was extremely happy to read that your husband likes to enjoy your bending over as well. I keep saying my husband is the only one that does that!
ReplyDeleteAnd through it all you find humor. The acceptance part is the silver lining, right? Praying Tom will be safe wherever he is.
ReplyDeleteYou hang in there. You can do this!
That must be so hard. But I love that you can see some of the advantages of having the hubs gone for a time. Like a donut for dinner! Hopefully humor makes the time go by faster!
ReplyDeleteLove this post! I know I am going to hit all these emotions soon. I am not really looking forward to the summer without him. Last summer was all about bbq, eating outside and having fun with him at night and on the weekends. That is what I will miss the most.
ReplyDeleteBut I am looking forward to having the bed to myself :)
Thank you so much for the sacrifice you and your family make in our service. I could never live the military life. I don't know how you do it. You are incredibly strong and brave and wonderful. I hope his deployment passes quickly and you are back together soon. Thank you again.
ReplyDeleteHappy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
My dad was in the military from 1943 to 1970. He was deployed three times. I remember how it was for my mother. When he was gone, she did it all. When he got home, she was the good wife. That was a different time, but I'm sure deployments today are just as challenging.
ReplyDeleteI agree with this post. I've definitely seen a few ghosts in the corner and had a few mini freak outs.
ReplyDeleteI've been cycling through all the stages. Just when I've accepted and feel strong, it starts over.
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ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you. I know it must be incredibly difficult but your husband is a hero. Please know our country is super grateful to him for all of his hard work and sacrifices.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to following you and your blog. Stay strong, sister!
- Christine @ xtinedanielle.com
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ReplyDeletei'm sorry your hubby's gone..i can only say..hang in there.
ReplyDeletesending positive thoughts your way.
(((hugs)))
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ReplyDeleteOh ya I hate being away from my husband but my favorite part I have to admit- not having to shave my legs...Ahh the freedom!! :)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely reminds me of Brandon's deployment... stay strong!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a lovely, honest post! Such mixed emotions! I was with you through each darn one!
ReplyDeleteSums it up pretty perfectly.
ReplyDelete"I can bend over and not have someone rush over and hump against my butt"
ReplyDeleteI just snorted my pineapple juice up my nose. Not sure I'll ever miss that! Haha. You hit the nail on the head with this post. My husband is leaving in another couple of months too...not looking forward to it, except the part about bending over without someone humping me....