Friday, November 15, 2013

Things Most Mothers Do, But I Don't

I've noticed that I tend to do things differently from a lot of other mothers out there. And that's okay. I like being different. I like being friends with people who aren't the same as me. So I came up with a list of things that most mothers do, but I don't. And again, if you do these things, I am not poking fun. Many of my friends do many of these and we're still cool.


I just can't. I like my space too much. Actually we thought we might have to co-sleep with Natalie when she was born as she refused her crib. Or being set down period. So I'd have her on my chest as I tried to sleep. But then I'd worry I'd squish her. Luckily it worked out because Tom worked the night shift so he'd take her while I slept. She eventually caught on that she WOULD sleep in her crib. But Tom and I agree that our bedroom is OUR SPACE. Meaning no kids. We let Natalie come in during storms, but only for a little bit, and then one of us takes her back to her room. It's fantastic having a space of our own and we refuse to give it up. Ever.


I don't find enjoyment in gluing or putting stuff together. Not even a little bit. I figure the kids get their craft time in school. Or from my friends who enjoy crafting. Sometimes I'll get a small craft but I usually end up cursing through it when my fingers get glued together or when glitter winds up all over my floor. Also, I'm not good at crafting, as I don't have the patience, so my finished product never looks like the one on the package. "Yours looks sick!" Natalie once exclaimed as I tried to make a mini Rudolph.

Feel Guilty For Circumcising My Son

I've noticed other mothers express guilt for "cutting" their son. Some have said they'd never forgive themselves. Then I'm like, "I feel great with my decision. My son slept throughout his procedure. No issues!" And then the Scary Anti-Circumcising people begin to attack and are like, "Your son was just in shock!" or, "Why do you not feel guilty for putting him through an unnecessary procedure?" I don't know. Maybe because I did my research and felt OKAY with my decision. And then I go, "Did you create my son's penis? Did you grow it in your womb? No? Then respect my choice." This tends to shut them up. And then I'm promptly unfollowed on Facebook. (Sometimes.)

Getting Manicures/Pedicures

I pick my nails. I admit it. So a manicure would be a waste of money. Plus, the thought of paying someone like $30 to do my nails is absurd. I'd rather spend that at Target. Or on a book. I'll deal with my jagged unpainted nails. As for my feet, well, most of the time they're covered anyway. I'm also ticklish so I'd worry I'd kick the poor lady who attempts to make my toes pretty. She also might cringe at my toe hairs. Yes, I have toe hairs. I come from a hairy family.

Coo Over Channing Tatum. Gush Over Fifty Shades of Gray.

He seems like a nice guy but he's not my taste. My taste is John Krasinski or Elijah Wood. Channing Tatum is too much of a pretty boy for me. I was not turned on by Magic Mike. Instead I giggled like a maniac, especially when he'd gyrate all over the place. Fifty Shades of Gray actually irritated me. And grossed me out. I was not turned on. Ever. I was actually hoping Christian would die right away in his helicopter. He is not anyone I'd ever care to be around.

Care About The Purse I Use.

Most of my purses come from the clearance bin at Kohls or Target. A lot of women seem to want name brand purses or Vera Bradley, which, as I mentioned before, looks like you're walking around with a quilt. It's just not my taste. A purse is just something to hold my crap. But, as I also mentioned before, I would probably get excited over a Birkin bag. I don't know why. It would still be used to hold all my crap though.

Do Yoga

This doesn't seem or look fun. Also, some of the poses make me giggle. I am not mature enough for yoga. If someone were to fart, I'd die. Also, I am not flexible, much to my husband's disappointment.

Run Marathons

It seems like everyone around me wants to run. This is awesome for them. But then I'm asked if I want to do things like a mud run or a color run and that doesn't sound enjoyable at all. Why would I run and get filthy? Yes, many are for a good cause but I'd rather donate directly to said cause then get mud caked in my hair and be forced to run in a crowd. My friends can run. I'll be on the sidelines munching on a candy bar and cheering them on.

Buy Organic.

I buy what's on sale. I don't think an organic item lives in this house right now. When I talk about making Mac N Cheese someone will say, "Oh, Annie's?" and I'm like, "No. Kraft." Then it's like I said a foul word and farted from the look I'm given. I let it be known early on to people I meet that if you send your kid to my house to play, they will be given non-organic foods.


So that's me. I'm lucky to have a wide variety of friends. I love the ones who like to bake because they usually share their finished products with me.

Differences are fabulous in my eyes.


  1. I am horrified by 50 Shades of Gray. Not by the sex scenes-but by the horrific, kindergarten style writing. If I'd known all I had to do was repackage a Penthouse Letters as a preschooler book, I'd be a millionaire too.

  2. A lot of these are true for me too (co-sleeping, crafting, care about circ, coo over celebs) but I do care about my purse!

  3. I'm with you on so many of these - we never did the cosleeping and crafts were not my thing!!! I do like to run but that has been forever!!!
    And - I don't bake (unless one of my boys offers to help) and then it is usually a mess!

  4. I completely agree with you about 50 Shades. It was ok as far as fictional stories go, but I spent the whole series wondering why she was so ok with her boyfriend (one she'd only known like 3 weeks)stalking her. Where I live, people go to jail for that! Anyway, great list! Way to be you Momma!!!

  5. I have to say, I love this post. I do a few things here even with out kids, but I completely accept [and understand] what you don't do! High five woman!! I love a manicure once in a 5 year span, but I prefer to save that money and do it myself.

    P.S. I'm an age old nail biter.

  6. I'm with you on a lot. I don't craft, do Yoga, feel guilty over circumcision, run marathons, get manicures/pedicures (I got one once), care about purses, coo over Channing Tatum, or co-sleep! Well we did co-sleep a little but only for brief periods of time. I try to go organic with mac and cheese because my husband is revolted by the Kraft stuff! Lightweight.

  7. All of these except for running are true for me too!!

  8. You are my kind of girl, Amber!
    I am with you on 99% of these things. (I do enjoy a pedicure, though)
    I DO NOT UNDERSTAND CHANNING TATUM. His head is square and he waxes his eyebrows. What part of this is supposed to make me swoon? Blergh. -Lisa

  9. You're my kinda friend! :) I like kraft mac and cheese. The shells kind. I think anything organic tastes funny. I don't think there is anything magic about it. "regular" food may include pesticides and such, but thats there for a good reason. To kill the germs and bugs and disease that sometimes are on it before you eat it. I'm OK with that. So shoot me. If you like the germs and the bugs and the diseases that are on those organic fruit and veggies, then by gosh, go for it. Then when you get the plague, don't come crying to me. I will just say I told you so. I don't think organic will make you live longer.

  10. We share, we differ and I still think you rock - I will enjoy 50 Shades enough for the both of us :-)

  11. Except for that manicure/pedicure part...we just might be related.

    (And ok...the 50 Shades thing.)

    I only have a step 15-year old, but can't see myself doing crafts or sleeping with my kid or most of the other stuff you mentioned.

    Thank you for making me feel a little better. =)

  12. We never co-slept, I don't really craft, I don't have a son but if I did I would circumcise, I've never read any of the 50 Shades series, yoga is just meh and I don't buy organic on purpose.

    But I love my Coach purses, a good mani/pedi, Channing Tatum and running. But not marathons.

  13. I love that you are so easy-going and happy, and you always make us laugh.
    I don't understand why people are always trying to impose their views on others. As long as you don't hurt your kids, all options should be respected.

  14. I co-slept and I craft but none of the other stuff. I don't even carry a purse anymore.

  15. I don't even carry a purse. Everything I need goes in my back pocket. This horrifies my mother and evidently signals to her that I must be a lesbian.

  16. WOW. I'm fairly sure we were separated at birth because I agree with you on every single point!

  17. OK!
    You absolutely crack me up!!!!
    I guess I'm glad that I got old and had my kids raised before the internet and stuff. I never thought about all those things and having people judge me because I did/didn't do them.

    Yes to all of them.
    Circumcision....absolutely. I'm an ER nurse.....'nuff said.
    Crafts....I'm pathetic.

    Loved it. You rock.

  18. Amber, we would totally be friends!! And if we ever got stuck in a yoga class together, I would giggle with you when someone farted!

  19. circumcising- I have girls but I'd snip my son in a heartbeat, I think uncut is gross looking. I couldn't date an uncut guy
    50 shades of grey.channing tatum- not interested at all. I tried 50 shades and couldn't get past chapter 1. Its worse than twilight
    Organic- I had a hysterectomy and am not on hormone replacement. I joke I NEED the junk in unorganic. actually I just don't think its worth the extra $$$
    Marathon-Yoga- I would hate to see me even attempt to do either
    Mani/Pedi- I am a nail biter. I try not to be but I am. Also I like my polish better than what the salons here carry
    Purses I get mine on sale too, but I love the Nine West Brand because they have cool colors and pretty unique shapes.
    I did co sleep for awhile. I nursed and my husband worked nights so it was just easier...and I am lazy.

  20. I love how you are so real and comfortable with yourself and your choices.
    I'm totally with you on most of these and those I'm not, I'm confident enough about MY choices so - it's all good! =D

  21. You are so one of my people.
    My husband and I were very adamant that our bed, was OUR bed. There are times like storms or if one is very sick - but generally speaking: Get Out!
    I've always had a soft spot for Elijah. Have you seen Everything Is Illuminated? Love that movie.
    And he has awful nails you know - he's our people too. :)

  22. You are so one of my people.
    My husband and I were very adamant that our bed, was OUR bed. There are times like storms or if one is very sick - but generally speaking: Get Out!
    I've always had a soft spot for Elijah. Have you seen Everything Is Illuminated? Love that movie.
    And he has awful nails you know - he's our people too. :)

  23. I wholeheartedly agree with you about ALL of these...except the purses. I love my purses.

    Mmm. John Krasinski.

  24. Amber, You are so real.I laughed at so many things in this post.

    While I do like Channing Tatum,I'm not googoo gaga over him.I'm still a MCDreamy kind of girl.
    I don't feel guilty either for circumcising my son. I do like to do crafts but often get irritated and by often I mean always..

    I tried yoga out for a while but it wasn't me. I don't like paying people to do my nails so I trim them and maintain them myself and I don't paint them..And what's with the stupid nail art? I can't stand it..It's overdone.Where are the classic french manicures from back in the days?I get pedicures from time to time so they can massage my feet - other than that,I do it myself.

    And organic? Unless it's vegetables, I will NOT be a hippie..

    Visiting from #sharefest.

    Keep it Touched,

  25. I'm not a mom but I can definitely relate to this...even though I do care about what purse I use. LOL.

    Crafts? Meh. I'm indifferent. I don't have the patience nor the ability to whip up amazing crafts. I'm a craft dunce. And I'm okay with that.

    Manicures? Pfft. No thanks. They sound great in theory but I'm too much of a play in the dirt type to bother with manicures.

    The others (circumsion and co-sleeping) I obviously can't comment on. Regarding the circumsion though: Good for you for sticking up for yourself! I wish more would that.

    Thanks for sharing this post.

  26. As I was reading this, I kept mentally checking off each post. Yup. Yup. Yup. We must live the same life :) Great post- doesn't come off as "judgy" for the extra sensitive people (read: FB unfollowers) and makes me laugh. PS- I thought I was the only woman on the planet who doesn't like Channing Tatum.

  27. As a scientist, I HATE the "organic" movement. By the scientific definition, organic means that it contains carbon and nitrogen. All food contains carbon and nitrogen; therefore all food is organic. The FDA definition of organic food is food grown without the use of synthetic pesticides or fertilizers. Pesticide free I can totally get behind. Fertilizer free is actually environmentally unfriendly as you need more land to grown an equal amount of crops. OK, my rant is over. Hopefully this gives you an argument against organic. :)

    I agree with most things and disagree with a few. I applaud you for being true to yourself and your ideals!

  28. I agree with all - except the Channing Tatum & 50 shades - I am not turned on or anything - lol. But I think he is cute & I kinda liked those books :)

  29. Amen on so many levels, although I did craft a little and co-sleep a little (just because I was so tired and I don't move in my sleep so it was my laziness more than anything).

    Hairy toes are a sign of good health. No hair on your toes is a warning sign of diabetes. You ARE healthy.

    Happy Sharefest. Have a great weekend not being one of THOSE moms.

  30. Finally, someone who thinks the same way I do. I don't feel so alone in mommy world anymore.

    I don't find Channing Tatum cute at all. I have had no desire to read Fifty Shades of Grey. I don't care about the type of purse I carry either, only if I can get a good deal on it. Yoga, well you said it all. Running! I am not made to run.


  31. You make me smile!! And it's always nice to have people like that in your life. Even if it's only online, lol!

    So, thank you!

  32. The only thing I did as a young mother was get a pedicure. But I also lived in the southwest where the sun shines all but 2 days of the year! Love the post!

  33. I tried reading 50 Shades of Grey. Wasn't planning on reading it but I kept reading all these little articles saying "that you should not read this book" and I was like, well you're not going to tell me what not to read" so I downloaded it. Could not get into it. It just wasn't me. I love Elijah Wood too :o)
    Eric works for a big bread company now. He said that "organic" is not actually organic. He said there are still chemicals that go into it all (chemicals that you need special training in and that can burn your skin)

  34. You are so my people.

    I don't buy organic. I sometimes attempt crafts, but they have to be super simple. My boys are circumcised and I never really gave it a second thought. I do love a pedicure, but I rarely actually get one b/c I could paint my toes at home for free.

    50 Shades is when I discovered you could return a kindle book and get your money back.

    I don't run. Ever.

    I do have a pretty fabulous bag- but only b/c a friend sent it to me. Though most of the time, I just grab my car keys, wallet, and phone and I'm set.

    I do do yoga, though. Started over 10 years ago. :)

  35. Most definitely not crafty here, don't quite see the point in organic and it's expensive, there are other actors that float my boat far better than Channing Tatum, refused to read 50 Shades or Twilight, I run, but only for exercise and not nearly marathon length. Absolutely no guilt on the circumcision of either of my sons, and we didn't co-sleep after about six weeks. See, you're not so strange after all.

  36. Love this! I'm so with you on 50 shades of grey, it irritated the crap out of me. I'm not a runner and I don't do yoga and I could never co-sleep for all the same reasons you listed.

  37. Even though I'm not a mom, I don't do anything on this list, with the exception of manicures/pedicures and sometimes yoga...I don't have the patience for yoga.

  38. I didn't know I was supposed to feel guilty about my sons circumcision - oops! ;) Great list I feel the same way about most of these (I do love me a Vera Bradley though).

  39. Great list. I was a little surprised to see co-sleeping there. I am the only one of my friends/people I know that co-sleeps are a regular basis. It was the only way I got any sleep. Everyone I know looked at me weird because our kids are still in our bed (kinda). Just makes it more fun to figure out when/where to have sex! (it can't JUST be before you go to sleep in your own bed, how boring ;) )

  40. I never minded Lena climbing in with me every now and again, but co-sleep? Oh hell no!

  41. It's so nice to read a normal, relatable blog-mom. Seriously. I am with you on several of these - no judgement here, ever. I love and need my sleeping space, but I do kind of like when my youngest (8 years old) climbs in in the middle of the night - she knows better than to snuggle me too hard though, lol, and definitely gets in my husband's space, but it makes me feel like she's still little. Wah.

  42. I DO do yoga, but I've been doing it on and off since I was 19, so it's not a new "in" thing for me. And if I can get TMI, as someone who finds herself engaged in her mid thirties, well, I don't look like I did in my 20's but at least I'm flexible! :-)

    I don't discuss my son's penis with other moms, so the circumcision thing doesn't come up, but nope, don't feel guilty at all. He's fine... doesn't remember and looks like the grown up men in his life.

    Haven't read 50 shades, don't care who plays Christian Gray in the movie!

  43. I took a yoga class once in college. My room mate farted, I lost it, and got kicked out.


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