Things Most Mothers Do, But I Don't

I've noticed that I tend to do things differently from a lot of other mothers out there. And that's okay. I like being different. I like being friends with people who aren't the same as me. So I came up with a list of things that most mothers do, but I don't. And again, if you do these things, I am not poking fun. Many of my friends do many of these and we're still cool.




Co-Sleep.

I just can't. I like my space too much. Actually we thought we might have to co-sleep with Natalie when she was born as she refused her crib. Or being set down period. So I'd have her on my chest as I tried to sleep. But then I'd worry I'd squish her. Luckily it worked out because Tom worked the night shift so he'd take her while I slept. She eventually caught on that she WOULD sleep in her crib. But Tom and I agree that our bedroom is OUR SPACE. Meaning no kids. We let Natalie come in during storms, but only for a little bit, and then one of us takes her back to her room. It's fantastic having a space of our own and we refuse to give it up. Ever.



Craft.

I don't find enjoyment in gluing or putting stuff together. Not even a little bit. I figure the kids get their craft time in school. Or from my friends who enjoy crafting. Sometimes I'll get a small craft but I usually end up cursing through it when my fingers get glued together or when glitter winds up all over my floor. Also, I'm not good at crafting, as I don't have the patience, so my finished product never looks like the one on the package. "Yours looks sick!" Natalie once exclaimed as I tried to make a mini Rudolph.


Feel Guilty For Circumcising My Son


I've noticed other mothers express guilt for "cutting" their son. Some have said they'd never forgive themselves. Then I'm like, "I feel great with my decision. My son slept throughout his procedure. No issues!" And then the Scary Anti-Circumcising people begin to attack and are like, "Your son was just in shock!" or, "Why do you not feel guilty for putting him through an unnecessary procedure?" I don't know. Maybe because I did my research and felt OKAY with my decision. And then I go, "Did you create my son's penis? Did you grow it in your womb? No? Then respect my choice." This tends to shut them up. And then I'm promptly unfollowed on Facebook. (Sometimes.)



Getting Manicures/Pedicures


I pick my nails. I admit it. So a manicure would be a waste of money. Plus, the thought of paying someone like $30 to do my nails is absurd. I'd rather spend that at Target. Or on a book. I'll deal with my jagged unpainted nails. As for my feet, well, most of the time they're covered anyway. I'm also ticklish so I'd worry I'd kick the poor lady who attempts to make my toes pretty. She also might cringe at my toe hairs. Yes, I have toe hairs. I come from a hairy family.



Coo Over Channing Tatum. Gush Over Fifty Shades of Gray.


He seems like a nice guy but he's not my taste. My taste is John Krasinski or Elijah Wood. Channing Tatum is too much of a pretty boy for me. I was not turned on by Magic Mike. Instead I giggled like a maniac, especially when he'd gyrate all over the place. Fifty Shades of Gray actually irritated me. And grossed me out. I was not turned on. Ever. I was actually hoping Christian would die right away in his helicopter. He is not anyone I'd ever care to be around.



Care About The Purse I Use.


Most of my purses come from the clearance bin at Kohls or Target. A lot of women seem to want name brand purses or Vera Bradley, which, as I mentioned before, looks like you're walking around with a quilt. It's just not my taste. A purse is just something to hold my crap. But, as I also mentioned before, I would probably get excited over a Birkin bag. I don't know why. It would still be used to hold all my crap though.


Do Yoga

This doesn't seem or look fun. Also, some of the poses make me giggle. I am not mature enough for yoga. If someone were to fart, I'd die. Also, I am not flexible, much to my husband's disappointment.


Run Marathons


It seems like everyone around me wants to run. This is awesome for them. But then I'm asked if I want to do things like a mud run or a color run and that doesn't sound enjoyable at all. Why would I run and get filthy? Yes, many are for a good cause but I'd rather donate directly to said cause then get mud caked in my hair and be forced to run in a crowd. My friends can run. I'll be on the sidelines munching on a candy bar and cheering them on.


Buy Organic.


I buy what's on sale. I don't think an organic item lives in this house right now. When I talk about making Mac N Cheese someone will say, "Oh, Annie's?" and I'm like, "No. Kraft." Then it's like I said a foul word and farted from the look I'm given. I let it be known early on to people I meet that if you send your kid to my house to play, they will be given non-organic foods.


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So that's me. I'm lucky to have a wide variety of friends. I love the ones who like to bake because they usually share their finished products with me.

Differences are fabulous in my eyes.