"He has excellent eye contact," we were told by the military doctor.
But a mother knows when something isn't right with her child. Of course my husband was all, "You see? He's fine," because I think he was hoping it would be fine. When men find out they are having a son, a lot of them picture them in sports or as hunting buddies. But what if the child has terrible fine motor skills and breaks down at sudden noises? Then what? I wince whenever a father says, "My son is going to play all sports," and then I say, "But suppose he can't or doesn't want to?"
I'm met with blank looks.
Tommy was tested again for autism when he was in kindergarten. I began to dread whenever my phone rang because I knew it was his teacher.
"Tommy had another meltdown.."
"I had to take Tommy to the office again because I couldn't get him to calm down..."
"I can't get Tommy to stop crying.."
This time, it was determined that Tommy had autism.
"Your son has autism," I was told, and I already knew it. Still, I felt heartbroken, because I didn't know what it meant for my boy. Would he have friends? Would he be able to ever live on his own? Would the meltdowns ever stop?
He was already in speech and occupational therapy, so they continued. He also started to get extra help at school. The meltdowns still happened, but they were few and far between.
I might not have a typical son. He didn't ever care to play sports. He doesn't really talk to a lot of people. He's not in any clubs at school. Most of the people he considers to be friends are his teachers. He probably won't ever drive.
My son has autism.
But he also has a lot of intelligence. He's sweet. Right now he's saying he wants to be a video editor when he grows up. He's my Disney World buddy. It's one of his favorite places to go. If your son has autism, I know it'll feel like you're on a never ending roller coaster ride. Sometimes you'll feel good. Other days you'll feel lost. But autism means you get to celebrate the things that some people might take for granted, like when your son utters his first clear sentence at the age of three, or when he finally masters tying his shoe at ten.
My son has autism.
But it's not all he has. And I know he'll continue to make me proud. And your child with autism will too.
I know couple autism children who are now adults. They are living on their own. Neither drive but take the bus to work. They have many adult friends now. They are very much lived.
ReplyDeleteIt's really heartbreaking to have kids with autism. I saw my friends struggled and sacrificed a lot kust to see them live a normal life.. But parent struggling with these are tough and strong..You never see them give-up!
ReplyDeleteI love that you have this positive outlook for him, that will only help him. I am sure there are good days and bad days, and like you pointed out people react very differently to this as parents. We all want what is best for our kids and your son seems very lucky to have the Mom he does! All kids deserve to be celebrated!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your positive outlook for your child. But the parents of those kids are suffering the most.
ReplyDeleteMy son has ADHD and we went through a lot when he was younger. They can't diagnose them early with that, so he struggled for year before he got the diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteI know what seems like a metric ton of people who have children with autism, our area has become one where people actually moved to it for services. My youngest has special needs, I don't consider them to define who he is.
ReplyDeleteVery well said. There really is nothing better than a mother's instinct. I think it's awesome that you're posting this, because a lot of parents out there are clueless sometimes unsure of how to deal with the news and your post will definitely give them more confidence.
ReplyDeleteI love how you closed off: "It's not all he has." Absolutely! You have described him with so many wonderful characteristics. How inspiring that he wants to be a video editor! If only I had half the talent!
ReplyDeleteI had a dear friend whose daughter had autism. She struggled to comprehend what that might mean for her daughter as she became an adult. I really love your positive outlook, and you're right, it's not all he has!
ReplyDeleteAutism is not something that parents talk about openly and that's why I appreciate your post so much. It's good that you're sharing how you dealt with the news and how you supported your son through the years.
ReplyDeleteMy niece has autism and she was diagnosed when she was seven I think. She is now in her mid-20s and although she does need help with a lot of things she is doing some things on her own. Autism is definitely hard but as long as they get the support they need it can be something to live with.
ReplyDeleteNot many people talk about autism and it's nice to see you being open about it and also how you got to cope with it and handle it too.
ReplyDeleteI think autism is one of those things that some people have, but like you said it is not all there is to know about him. What a great post.
ReplyDeleteI love this so much and I will tell you why. Because you talk positively about it. You know that he will struggle but you don't let that define him and you aren't going to let him define himself that way.
ReplyDeleteThis was so beautifully written. I was the nanny for a beautiful little boy with autism and he had such a kind soul. I wish that the world could see things like mothers do. Sending you a big hug, because I know topics like this can sometimes be hard to put out there!
ReplyDeleteAw, I love this so much! I'm so glad you love and support him for exactly who he is. All kids need a mommy like you.
ReplyDeleteNot every parent will admit to this and I admire you for doing so and for sharing how special Tommy really is. He's a bright young man who knows what he wants and goes after it.
ReplyDeleteA big yes to this!
ReplyDeleteI have a cousin who has autism. He went through many therapy sessions, between speech and horse back riding. He is doing great and I couldn't be more proud of him.
ReplyDeleteThanks for spreading awareness to autism. Early detection is the key to seeing a child with special needs grow into their full potential. Great article.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you're going through but I can tell that you are doing a great job. He is lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteIt is very easy to see how ought it can be. I think what makes it easy is seeing how amazing he is, regardless.
ReplyDeleteYour story is a really inspiring one. Seeing him grow up is a really exciting story.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing your story with Autism. Your son is so driven! So rad that he wants to be a video editor!!
ReplyDeleteU r a great & inspirational mom to all mothers out there . God bless ur family .
ReplyDeleteIt is always a moment of reckoning when the truth is spelt out even when you know it. But you shown remarkable resilience and have a great hand in ensuring that your son is a rockstar in spite of Autism. Keep inspiring the rest of the world.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a real post! Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. It's so important.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an inspiring story. It's uplifting to know that he doesn't let autism define who he truly is!
ReplyDeleteChildren with autism might be a little different from other kids, but that doesn't mean they are weak or can't do anything. Your son is intelligent and can do more than other can.
ReplyDeleteMother's really know, don't they?
ReplyDeleteScarlet is friends with teachers too! And summer camp counselors.
No matter the diagnosis, Tommy is amazing!
Mother's really knows best and we are the one who can give unconditional love to our children. We appreciate you for sharing your journey with your son who has autism.
ReplyDeleteMother always knows best. I'm glad you were able to get him the help he needed early on. I know someone who was in denial and didn't get their child to speech therapy soon enough.
ReplyDeleteHe most definitely will continue to make you proud. Why? He has amazing parents and he will be just friend. Thanks for sharing his story!
ReplyDeleteA large number of my students have autism and other mental disorders. I am happy that you are willing to talk openly about it
ReplyDeleteThe doctor I worked for has a young son with autism. I know how wearing it can be but he's just the sweetest thing ever. I'm sure your son is too. I love his long hair.
ReplyDeleteWas such a moving post. People always forget to look beyond labels and appearances and miss out on so much! Thank you so much for sharing your story, it's inspiring and will be helpful to other parents in the same situation
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful post. My niece has autism and she is one of the most amazing people in the entire world.
ReplyDeleteMy mom went through many of the same things you went through with my brother in the late 80s and 90s. He is currently 30 years old with autism and he is an awesome person and your son will grow into an awesome man too.
ReplyDeleteI love your positive outlook. I have taught several autistic children as a teacher. And they were some of the smartest most insightful children I have had the pleasure to work with.
ReplyDeleteYour son is beautiful inside and out. Life is all on how you deal with things. xo, Suzanne
ReplyDeletehe is amazing because he has YOU as his mom. You're amazing friend.
ReplyDeleteIt is so great how much you love and care for your son. You emphasize his good qualities and minimize his problem areas. Heis lucky to have a mom like you.
ReplyDeleteI know there are hard days you face when raising a child with autism, but like you said, those good days always outweigh the hard ones. I think you are both so lucky to have each other!
ReplyDeleteYou have a wonderful attitude! We are all faced with challenges. You know how to deal with yours and no one should try to imagine what you deal with each day. Thank you for sharing how amazing your son is!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sweet post. I haven't dealt with autism personally but, I know my friends who have kids with autism and it doesn't define them. They are loving, caring, intelligent kids. Love this post.
ReplyDeleteYour posts are always so incredibly heartwarming. Yes, he has autism but that's not all he has - I absolutely LOVE this statement! You're a fantastic mama!
ReplyDeleteYou may not have a typical son, but he is special in his own way. And I admire your positive outlook. Life is all about the little things. And there is always something to be grateful for.
ReplyDelete-LYNNDEE
What a beautiful post this is too. You're an amazing mother and he sounds like a great son. I just love all the positive things you have said.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sweet post. We know a few families with autistic children. You are an amazing, inspiration mother indeed. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
ReplyDeleteI fully believe a mother knows her child better than any medical professional ever can. Good for you advocating for answers for your son. Your right. He might have autism, but autism isn't who he is..
ReplyDeleteI remember when my older son was having meltdowns and as a mom it was the worst feeling in the world. Like you, I took him to several military doctors and specialists, only to be told we don't know. Finally, a child psychologist helped me determine a solution. At this point I was thankful because I was going through a divorce and it was rough because I'd fight him for hours to go to sleep only for him to wake up when the son came up.
ReplyDeleteFinding out there is something wrong with your child is heartbreaking. But they are still amazing. My oldest was also born with a severe hearing loss in both ears. She is now 22 and is an amazing young lady.
You are such a great mom, and it is wonderful that you share your story about your son. I have enjoyed reading all your posts about autism.
ReplyDeleteI love reading about your kids. They both seem like amazing human beings, and your pride and love for them always shines through your posts.
ReplyDeleteI've been following your post about autism. I've learned a lot from you and your family.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been a tough journey. But yes, he will make you proud. I know he is an amazing kid!
ReplyDeleteMy nephew has Autism, but he is so smart in his own way! I'm sure the journey was tough but I'm sure your son is an awesome son and will always make you proud. Great story and thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI love this: "But that's not all he has." Bravo.
ReplyDeleteTommy is such a wonderful young man, I'm so excited about his college journey now.
ReplyDeleteI love how positive you kid is. Autism is a lifelong diagnosis, so I only have so much respect on the parents
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed watching Tommy grow up here on Airing My Laundry. His autism is a beautiful piece of him.
ReplyDeleteKids with autism doesn't stop there, they have a lot of capabilities that a normal person doesn't have.
ReplyDeleteThe sharing of your experiences is a great service that you are doing.It is really inspiring to see how you have faced challenges and emerged victorious.
ReplyDeleteI agree, that's not all he has. There is so much more to an individual then a condition they may have. It's important to celebrate all their achievements x
ReplyDeleteIt can overwhelming for many of us to deal with something like this but it is inspiring to know that you are doing such a wonderful job and sharing with others.
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed reading through this post. I have two nieces and one nephew with autism. I've already learned so much from them all.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your really inspirational story. I will share this to my friend who has a son with this condition too.
ReplyDeleteYou truly is a such a great mom. I can totally relate to this cause I have a niece who has autism. This is such a inspirational post.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing some of your experience as a mom. You have such a great outlook and you're clearly a wonderful mom.
ReplyDeleteUs mums know right? My brother also has autism and it took years to get a diagnosis. He's such a wonderful brother! Thanks for sharing your experience
ReplyDeleteMy sister has autism too. My parents were desperate at first. But then they managed it. Now she is okay by god grace.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree with the statement that autism is not all he has. Tommy really does look like a sweet young man and very fun to be around! You're an awesome mom.
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