Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Why I Didn't "Go Home" When My Husband Deployed




Whenever my husband had to deploy, I was asked by friends if I planned on going home until he returns. I know my parents would welcome me with open arms and I appreciate it. I appreciate them.




I remember when Tom went to Korea for a year, people were surprised to learn that I wasn't packing up my kids and going home.

So why is "going home" not for me?

Let me explain.





1. I feel like I am home.

My home is with my family--as in my husband and children. Maybe I feel this way because I was a military brat. We were always moving around so I didn't grow up in one home. Even when my husband is gone, it's still my home, with my belongings.



2. I like my own things.

As in, my television. Yes, I watch a lot of ridiculous shows on it. My father would not like these ridiculous shows. He has his own schedule of things he watches every night. There is no place for Real Housewives. There is a TV upstairs, but it's in the same room where my son sleeps, so I'd be missing a lot of my programs. Yes, I would watch them online but it's not the same. I also like having my books around me.


3. I need junk food.

My parents don't appreciate junk food as I do. Of course they indulge, but not as much as I do. They mean well, but I can imagine comments being made, "Another candy bar? How about I cut you up some carrots?"


4. I didn't have a baby.



Whenever my husband left, my kids were at least over the age of three. Maybe if I had a baby I'd have considered going home, but honestly, I doubt it. I just really like my possessions and space too much.


5. My kids would have to leave their schools and enter a new one.





Sometimes when my husband left my kids weren't always in school yet. But when they were, it didn't make sense to pull them out of a school and away from their friends. I'd want my kids to have stability.


6. I'm able to visit my family. 




I might not go live with them, but we do visit. So it's not like I'm completely without family.



7. I have my own schedule of how I like to do things.


If I moved in with my parents, this might be messed up. I would no longer be the only adult so I'd have to respect their wishes. When my husband is gone, I already have enough on my mind so I'd be irritated if I couldn't do things the way I wanted to do them.


8. I can manage.



With the help of friends, I'm always able to survive deployments. Of course I have moments when I feel like I can't do it--but my friends are the ones who help remind me that yes I CAN do it. Or they'll invite me over for chocolate and cake. Chocolate and cake can fix anything. (And a lovely cocktail can help as well..)








Did you go home when your husband deployed? Or if your husband is not in the military but has gone away due to work, would you go home? 





32 comments:


  1. Your article is really interesting, but I admit that although I don't have a husband or boyfriend in the army, I would have made the same decisions.

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  2. I would much rather live in my own house than with my parents!!

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  3. I've never been in this situation, but I would rather live in my own house as well. I don't blame you one bit!

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  4. I give military families so much credit for coping with every situation. We owe you all so much

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  5. If I was in your situation I wouldn't go home either. I mean, I left home when I was 19 and I don't think I will ever go back to living with my parents. You've built a life, why going back?

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  6. That is so great that you are able to manage so well! To be honest I think going home would be even more of a disruption so sounds like you are doing the right thing.

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  7. I never was married to someone that was in the service before. I’m not sure if I would go if they were deployed.

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  8. I always stayed put when my hubby deployed. The thought of packing up my life to go somewhere else was just an added source of stress on top of the deployment.

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  9. Being a soldier's wife must be hard at times! You seem to do really well and I'm happy to her you are satisfied with your lifestyle. :)

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  10. I don't think I would go home either. I feel like that would be a lot for the kids. I also love that junk food was a reason. lol

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  11. This makes 1000% perfect sense to me. I might head back to the region of the country where I grew up, if there were flexibility to do that, but to my hometown? No way no how!!!

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  12. I have always wondered if I would move closer to family if my husband traveled for work or ever had to deploy. I think the distance is actually healthy for us right now. And like you said, you can manage. It's ok to have the distance and enjoy relatives when able.

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  13. This is totally reasonable. I get what you're saying about being in your home with your family and your stuff. And if nothing else, you can't go somewhere that you can't watch the Real Housewives!

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  14. I can't relate, but this makes sense! It sounds like you had a good plan in place for deployments.

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  15. Oh I understand you. You are home. Your place is to stay with your family and you need to have your own life.

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  16. My husband is not in a military but when he got deployed due to work I decided to stayed at our home because like you even without my husband beside me I still feel at home because I am with my kids.

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  17. I completely get where you are coming from, as you said that is your home and you are surrounded by your things so why not stay in an environment that is homely and means something to you? Great perspective into being a soldiers wife.

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  18. I'm a Batt Brat myself and my mum always kept us at our own house rather than stay with our grandparents. I would do the same if I had married army. But if I didn't have kids, I'd probably try and climb into my hubby's backpack to go travelling with him :D

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  19. If I'm already settled and like how things are going, I don't think I would go home too. -LYNNDEE

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  20. I don't think I would go home either, especially if I had kids older than 3.

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  21. I could completely understand this too. I probably would be the same way. It would be hard to keep changing things up.

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  22. this is really very deep and inspiring indeed..am glad i haven't suffer from this but truly can understand it...it is indeed much hard situation to suffer through..

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  23. I loved your blog. Super interesting and informative, I think I would've chosen the same thing as you!

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  24. Home is where the heart is. And we all have our reasons for being where we are.

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  25. I don't think you always have to go home. There are different situations. I don't think I would have gone, even with babies, just so long as we were secure. I like having my own space and place.

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  26. As you said, your house is your home - you've put together your own space with your own things the way that you like them, your own routine, etc. It makes complete sense to me not to want to disrupt that any more than necessary. Especially when you're already dealing with on big change, holding onto to some sense of 'normal' can be comforting.

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  27. I will stay at home as I did, when he gone for one month India to visit his father. It is difficult with two kids and our home is always our home.

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  28. I totally understand how you feel! My sister is married to a marine, and where they live together (wherever that may be) is "home" to her. Even when he is deployed!

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  29. Its strange that folks would expect you to home. You are home, already.

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  30. I understand you. My home is my home - here where I live, where I have my freedom to do what I want. I have caring parents too, but after a week living with them, or near them, I would probably go totally crazy.

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  31. I think even if my husband is not in the army I wouldn't go home if I was in your place. I also like my independence and my freedom to do anything as I wanted in my own place.

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Thanks for the comment!

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