Getting Married As Teenagers: 20 Years Later

 "Don't take dating seriously in high school," I told Natalie right before she started her freshman year. "The odds of you staying with that person is rare."

Natalie blinked at me. "Well. You did."

She had me there.

I met my husband in high school. I was a senior. He was a junior. But he was older than me. He had been held back in first grade. We met in Belgium. His Dad was in the Army. My Mom was in the Air Force. We were friends at first. I had always thought he was attractive in his ROTC uniform. His blue eyes just popped. And then during a fire drill he had his friend come over and ask if I liked him. 

I did. 

After I graduated high school I moved with my parents to Massachusetts to start college. Tom had to stay back and finish high school. We were long distance. This was before Skype, so communicating wasn't as easy as it is today. We mostly emailed and bought phone cards so we could talk. I went back to Belgium to watch him graduate high school.

Then I got pregnant with my son Tommy. 

Of course we were scared. We were teenagers. But Tom was joining the Air Force. He said he'd take care of us. 

And, you know, he has. On December 10th, 2001 we got married. 

On December 10th, 2021, we will have been married 20 years. 

I tell my kids it's rare. Teenagers should not get married for many reasons. We had very little money. Neither of us had fully formed brains so our decision making skills weren't the greatest. We didn't know what we were doing. But you know, we had each other. We figured it out along the way. 

Yes there were tears. Arguments. More tears. But there was also love. Lots of love. We are different people. I can be silly. He can be serious. I love Target. He loves Lowe's. He can watch WW2 shows for hours. I can watch the Real Housewives for hours. 

But, you know, we both laugh at a lot of the same things. And he's incredibly sweet. On our 10 year anniversary we renewed our vows. Tom surprised me by doing it at the Titanic museum at the grand staircase.

20 years. As we've grown, we've learned to work through things. And sometimes it's not an easy fix. Sometimes it takes a lot of work. We are not the same people who we were when we got married. We're nearly 40 now. Not children playing house. We have more money. Not a ton more, but enough to not have to eat ramen and Hamburger Helper for 2 weeks straight. 

It will still take lots of work. Marriages are like that. You think in high school that everything is simple. You don't think of things like bills, sickness and health, and laundry. You realize marriage is a completely different thing when you grow up and have responsibilities. 

So yes. I do tell my kids it's not wise to get married when you're a teenager. That the odds of them staying with the person they meet in high school is slim. But sometimes. Through all the tears. And arguing. And growing. There's love. And if two people really want it to, it can work. 

It can last.