Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Puffed Out Hair

Tom is working on this base so he stopped by the house this morning.

I was crying.


Because I was watching the graduation episode of Dawson's Creek. Mock me if you must, but I enjoy the show. Plus Joshua Jackson (Pacey) is nice to look at.

Tom saw me on the couch, tears pouring down my cheeks and right away looked alarmed.

"What happened?" he asked. His eyes darted to Tommy, who was busy building a lego house. "Is Tommy--"

I cut him off. "No. Tommy is fine. It's...just...they're GRADUATING. And Pacey and Joey aren't together anymore." I dabbed at my eyes with a wadded piece of tissue.

Tom looked at me like I should be placed in an insane asylum. His eyes darted to the TV, where Joey was giving a speech and then back to me. "Um.." he said in a way that he couldn't possibly understand why I was tearing up over a silly angst ridden teenage show. "Are you going to be okay?" he finally asked.

I waved a hand in the air. "I'll be fine." I sniffed. "Could you run to the shoppette and bring me back a chocolate though?"

And, sweet husband that he is, he did. He handed me a Twix a few minutes later and kissed the top of my head. "You SURE you're going to be okay?"

I unwrapped the candy bar and pulled out a delicious chocolate, caramel and wafer stick. "I'll be fine."

Tom still looked a bit uneasy as he left. It startles him whenever I cry over something on the television.


The other day I washed my hair. So it could dry faster, I sat outside while Tommy ran through his Elmo sprinkler. It's the only time I can read a book in peace. If I try to crack one open in Tommy's presence he'll suddenly need something. Or he'll want me to play. It's like he hears the pages opening because the minute I reach for the book he's at my side. (I usually read when he's outside or asleep.)

I was busy reading my book while Tommy shrieked and jumped in the water when all of a sudden I hear a deep voice.

"Hey Tommy, what's shaking?"

My neighbor. The cop guy that Tom works with. He's friendly, he really is, but...well overly nice I guess. Whenever he hears us outside he'll lean over the fence and start talking. Which isn't a problem but then his son (DevilBoy) will start asking bazillions of questions and really, I just want to READ.

I hate how these houses are shoved together. It's awful. Houses should be separated but I noticed in England a lot of the homes are within feet of each other, if not connected. Who wants to be that close to their neighbors??

Anyhow, the neighbor asked Tommy what he was doing, Tommy shrieked and laughed in response and then his son, right on cue, leaned up beside his Dad and went, "Can I go over there Dad?"

I pretended I didn't hear. I all of a sudden became interested in my hand while the Dad went, "No.." Then he added, "But I can set up your pool. How's that?"

DevilBoy looked pleased. "YEAH!"

I thought he might leave me alone then. But no. He went, "Can Tommy come play in my pool?"

And Tommy heard and went, "POOL YEAH!"

So I had no choice but to say, "Yes.." even though I really wanted to get back to my book.

We walked over to their house. And the Dad had his shirt off! He seems to really enjoy his chest because I see him topless 90% of the time. As far as chests go, it's a nice one, but it's a little hard to talk to someone you don't know well when most of their flesh is smiling right back at you.

It took awhile for the pool to fill. The water pressure here is nonexistant. So the boys ran around and Tommy copied what the older kid did. He grew frustrated when DevilBoy climbed up on the fence because he wanted to try and couldn't quite do it. DevilBoy chattered on and on while they played, asking me questions, wondering what Tommy's Dad did, what I did, what Tommy liked to do, why he liked to do them...

It almost made me thankful that Tommy didn't talk all that much.

I forgot to mention that I looked awful. After I wash my hair it puffs out. Like an afro, almost. Except ten times worse. It's like I have two extra heads. I had on PJ bottoms and a mismatched top. Thankfully I had taken off my slippers and put on flip flops but other than that, I looked as though I had just rolled out of bed. I kept trying to keep my hair down and the Dad kept trying not to notice that I resembled Cousin It.

I had no idea what to say to the Dad. I made small talk but there were a lot of silences. Plus he smokes, and when the smoke blew in my direction I held my breath because hello, secondhand smoke kills and I like my lungs.

Finally the pool was filled. DevilBoy dragged his trampoline by it and announced that he would bounce from the trampoline into the pool. He did it and Tommy clapped and went, "My turn!" It made me a little nervous but he did it perfectly. And again. And again. He loved it.

Then the Dad let their dog out. It's this tiny thing of a dog. I don't know the breed. It's small. And annoying.

Like all dogs are to me.

Yes, it's true, I don't like dogs. They're cute and all, from a distance, and in pictures, but they seem to sense I don't like them so they always gravitate towards me as if to say, "Aw come on, like me, like me, I'm a good dog.." and I'm trying to get away, trying to silently send them the message to buzz off, go disturb someone who actually likes you.

(I love cats though. I am a total cat person.)

The dog, of course, came to me. Puffing and huffing and jumping up against my leg. Over and over again. I always politely pet a dog that approaches me, I mean I'm not a total meanie. But after a few pats I expect the dog to leave me alone.

That never happens.

They think, "Oh she pets, must come back, must come back!" And that's what this dog did. At one point I was trying to push it away from me, softly of course, but at that point I had had it with jumping up against my leg.

"Why don't you play over there?" I'd mutter to the dog, pointing to the other side of the yard.

The dog responding by panting and jumping up again. Her paws were leaving muddy marks all over my pants and her breath reeked. How people can kiss dogs full on their mouths is beyond me. Yes I know studies have shown that inside a dog mouth is actually quite clean but I will never ever kiss a dog.

The dog left me alone for a few blissful minutes and went to check out Tommy...who immediately screamed and ran away. The dog, thinking Tommy was playing, chased him and Tommy screeched even louder.

"GO AWAY DOG!" Tommy shouted at the top of his lungs.

That's my boy.

And Tom always says, "Me and Tommy are going to convince you to have a dog. We will.."

Hah. Good luck with that Tom.

I tried to show Tommy that the dog wasn't scary. I gritted my teeth and pretended that I loved the dog. I petted it and said to Tommy, "The dog is nice, you don't need to be afraid.." But Tommy, he wanted nothing to do with it.

Thankfully the Dad put the dog inside when he saw it was giving Tommy an anxiety attack.

Then, if things couldn't get worse, friends of the Dad showed up.

And remember, I was there with my puffed up hair, my now muddy pants thanks to the dog and a mismatched shirt. So I stood there, feeling awkward, while these people showed up, darting curious looks as to who the character with the funny looking hair was.

"This is my neighbor and her son," the Dad introduced. Then he offered me a drink. I declined and said that Tommy and I should be heading off home.

"He can stay if you want," the Dad offered.

Which was nice and all. But I read horror stories where kids wind up drowned in a kiddie pool so I said that Tommy had to come home. I had Tommy tell him thank you and then we were off.

Tommy had a good time (minus the dog) and I would have been more at ease had my hair not have been going in all sorts of directions.

I hate my hair.


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