Mom's Bugs

Hmm.

I may be one of the few people who think Dancing with the Stars is a complete load of junk.

They keep talking about the season finale over here and it's like, "Okay, they're dancing and....???" Seriously, I don't see the point in the show. Granted they can dance better than I ever could (I have two left feet and am always stumbling over them. I'm a bit of a klutz I suppose you can say) but I really don't care to see Mario Lopez do the tango. Or whatever they do on there.

Mario Lopez scares me, to be perfectly honest. It's the dimples I think. Most of the time I like dimples on men (I mean after all, my own son has a set) but on him it's like he constantly smiles so that he can flash women his dimples and then watch them sigh with pleasure.

Look, if Mario Lopez flashed his dimples at me I'd flash mine right back and say, "Neener neener, mine are better!"

But enough about that show.

Last night we had Chinese food for dinner. In the middle of chewing Mom suddenly said,

"Oh a friend of mine is dropping off a giant millpede and some hissing cochroaches."

She said this as though she were announcing that a friend was dropping off something as basic as pie.

I nearly choked on my sesame chicken as Mom casually spooned some fried rice onto her plate. Dad didn't even flinch, he just nodded his head.

"You know they eat those on Fear Factor," I spoke up. I didn't know what else to say. (Ew? Yuck?)

Mom nodded. "Yes they do. But these aren't for eating they're for a class I'm teaching next week."

I gulped. "And where will these bugs be staying?" I shuddered.

"On the kitchen counter in their cages," came the reply.

"Ew!" I finally said.

Even Tom looked a little grossed out.

Tommy just went on eating his food like it was nothing.

Mom has other pet bugs too.

Right now on the kitchen counter is a leaf bug. It's disgusting. That's for her class too. She was telling me how he sucks the juices from the plants and isn't it cool?

"It's um..interesting," I said, trying to be polite. (But inside I was thinking, "Oh ew oh ew oh ew if that thing gets loose I am so jumping on top of the chairs.")

Then she showed me her pet spider.

That lives outside at least. She was all, "Now don't destroy it you two." She looked pointedly at Tom, because Tom has been known to take his shoe and squish spiders. "This spider has been around since October and your father and I have grown fond of it. Isn't it neat?"

She gestured to a disgusting black spider, nearly as big as my palm.

I shuddered.

"Neat isn't the word I'd use," I squeaked out, backing away.

Then she told me about this box turtle that lives in the bushes.

"We call him Boxter," she said cheerfully.

Turtles I can handle. Spiders as big as my palm I cannot.

"And here's a praying mantis," she added, showing me another container. "Aren't they cool?"

"I, um, suppose," I said when she looked at me expectantly.

She gave a sigh. "Now I never told you bugs were bad. Why don't you like bugs? They're amazing.."

"They're yucky," I responded.

That's my Mom for you though. She loves all bugs.

Tomorrow we're going to the outlet malls. Mom, Tommy and I. My Dad and Tom are going to this huge gun store that just opened up. Bonds? I can't recall the name but it's huge. Tom has to wipe the drool from his chin just thinking about it.

Outlet malls for me though!

Yay.

And they sell chocolate apples there and I am so getting one.

Today we went to the mall and I was going to get cookies--from Great American Cookies--but then I thought a cinnamon pretzel sounded tasty.

"Which one would you prefer?" Mom asked.

"BOTH!" I said happily.

She pulled a face and looked disgusted. "Now Amber..both? Have some carrots when we get home.."

And she made me feel guilty so I just had the pretzel.

She says she doesn't understand how food excites me.

"You didn't learn that from me," she said.

"I learned on my own," I responded with a nod.

Maybe healthy eating skips a generation. Or two I suppose, because my Nana Jo is also a health nut.

Food rocks, what can I say?