Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Kids go to the Dentist

Yesterday morning I took the kids in for their dentist appointments.

We checked in and took a seat in the waiting room. At least, I did. The kids obviously don't comprehend the concept of sitting. Tommy stood in front of me and started doing Jumping Jacks. His limbs flew all over the place and Natalie giggled and tried to copy him.

"Hey Tommy?" I said, dodging his arm that narrowly missed hitting my nose. "How about we sit?" I patted a seat beside me. Thankfully, there weren't any other patients in the room yet.

"I'm too EXCITED to sit," Tommy informed me, continuing on with his morning exercise.

I wish I had his energy. As it was, I was half asleep since it was so early. I made the appointment at 8 in the morning so Tommy wouldn't miss much school. This meant that we had to leave the house by 7:30. Which meant I had to wake up. Early. So I was sitting in my chair trying to do the Mom thing but really, I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep.

And plus, how can Tommy be excited to see a dentist? They terrify me. My pulse starts to race whenever I see one. When I see dentist, I think OUCH and EVIL.

Tommy was mercifully called back a few minutes later. As soon as the dental hygentist called him back he immediately ceased in exercising. His hands fell to his sides and he boldly marched into the back to get his X-Rays done.

I had my fingers crossed that they would go well.

The past few times that we've gone, he's been unable to shut his mouth properly for X-Rays. Because they put these square things in different areas of your mouth and then you have to hold still. Tommy would always push them out with his tongue and whine that he was choking.

"Where BROTHER?" Natalie shouted when Tommy disappeared into the X-Ray room. "WHERE BROTHER?"

"He's getting X-Rays," I explained, even though this would mean nothing to her. All she wanted was her BROTHER.

I distracted her with my cell phone. This immediately got her attention and she started punching buttons.

Then I heard a beep and when I glanced at the screen it said: "DOWNLOADING."


Downloading WHAT?

I took the phone from her, which immediately insulted her, which in turn made her give an ear-piercing screech.

I pressed a button on the phone and the message went away. I'm still wondering if Natalie downloaded something? Hrm.

"MINE!" Natalie welped and took the phone back. She gave me a dirty look and went back to punching numbers. Then she'd put it to her ear and go, "Ummmmm....yeah.....ummmmm..."

She was probably talking to creepy Brobee or something.


Another dental hygenist cut off Natalie's conversation. Natalie, who is going through a "Who the crap are YOU?" stage looked stunned.

Who are you? And why are you speaking to me?

"Come on, Natalie," I said, scooping her up. "You're going to get your teeth checked."

She quickly shut her mouth.

Like Hell was what her expression said.

We were brought back into a tiny room just as Tommy was being led into the back for his teeth cleaning.

"Mommy! I did it!" Tommy informed me, giving me a thumbs up.

The dental hygenist who was with him nodded. "He did a great job with his X-Rays."


I was just hoping for no cavities at that point. Tommy has a book about dentists where a character in the book has a cavity and Tommy was horrified when he saw there was a shot involved.

"A SHOT? In my MOUTH?" he screeched.

Which is why he makes sure to brush well. He'll sometimes mumble, "I don't want a shot in MY mouth," as he squeezes toothpaste on his brush.

Natalie and I took a seat in a chair as the dentist walked in. He said hello to Natalie, who buried her face in my chest.

The dentist brought up Tommy's X-Rays on his computer and basically, it was discovered that Tommy is missing one of his permanent teeth on his lower jaw. The dentist said that there was a chance that he could have one--it just may not be evident yet. But if he doesn't, he'll have to get some teeth pulled. Ouch.

My own teeth throbbed when he said that.

Also, Tommy's mouth looks like that of a four-year-old. Which is why he hasn't lost any teeth yet.

"It looks like he probably won't lose any teeth until he's 7 or 8. Sometimes it just happens like that. So he'll probably still be losing teeth in Junior High," the dentist continued.

Oh great.

So not only is Tommy going to be mocked for his arm flapping and his imperfect speech, but now the kids are going to taunt him for still losing teeth when he's twelve or thirteen.

"As I told you last time, he will definately need braces. You can see how his permanent teeth are coming in crooked," the dentist added.

I figured. I had braces. Though I was stupid and didn't wear my retainer afterward so a lot of my teeth went crooked again.

Tom needs braces. But refuses to get them.

After the dentist basically told me that we'd be forking out a lot of dough for Tommy's teeth in the future, he said he'd look in Natalie's mouth.

Natalie, obviously, was not pleased when I leaned her back.

So she screamed.

And my daughter, she has a set of lungs.

My best friend Jennifer heard it when she called me the other night. She thought it was Tommy crying in the background.

Nope. That was my little girl.

The dentist still went about his business as though Natalie weren't screaming out a lung. He just went to counting and using dentist-speak to the dental hygenist in the room who was writing information down on Natalie's chart.

Natalie has 12 teeth.

With two growing in at the moment.

Then he showed me how to wrap floss around my fingers so I could floss the kid's teeth. Basically he had it wrapped around his two middle fingers.

"So, like this?" I asked and then basically flipped the dentist the bird. Twice.

I immediately felt warm after I did that. "I wasn't--I mean, I didn't-" I said, flustered. I didn't want him to think that I flipped him off.

He laughed. "It's fine. But yes, like that. That way, you can easily get into their mouth." Then he demonstrated on a pissed off Natalie.

Tommy walked in while the dentist was putting the flouride on Natalie's teeth.

"Natalie. I could hear you from way back THERE!" Tommy chastised, covering his ears.

Natalie paused for a brief second--brother is BACK--but then carried on.

"Mommy! I got no cavities!" Tommy flashed me a smile.

"Awesome!" I replied over Natalie's wails.

"Mommy! I got to pick out a TOY!" Tommy continued. He dug into his pocket and showed me a plastic car.

"NEAT!" I practically had to screech to be heard over Natalie.

Finally, the dentist was finished. I scooped Natalie up and she stopped with the crying. She just sniffled into my shoulder as the dentist told me that her teeth looked good.

"Just keep doing what you're doing," he said, before leaving. "The teeth look great!"


We made another appointment before leaving and then I asked Tommy if he wanted McDonalds for breakfast.

"Is it healthy for my teeth?" he asked primly.

"Er. Yes?" I answered.

"Then okay."

So we drove there and I got a sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle. Mmmm. I haven't had one in ages.

Tommy just wanted a sausage McGriddle.

I got the same for Natalie even though she was practically going into convulsions because she was all, "Fries? FRIES?"

"Natalie. There are no fries. It's breakfast," I explained.

"FRIES!" she yelped when I got our food.

"There are no fries. You can have some of my hash brown," I said and broke her off a piece.


That was my precious hash brown being tossed ON THE CAR FLOOR. (I'm not gonna lie, I totally picked it up and ate it when we got home. I mean, dude, a hash brown is a hash brown.)


"Natalie. There ARE no fries!" Tommy said for me. He took a bite out of the apple slices that came with his Happy Meal.

"MINES?" Natalie shouted.

"Tommy? Can she have an apple slice?" I asked hopefully.

Tommy groaned. "Oh. Fine."

And Natalie ate that.

I drove to Tommy's school and signed him in at the office. I tried to give him a kiss but he dodged it.

"Mommy," he hissed, eyes wide with horror.

Oh. Oops.

"Sorry," I said. "Do you want me to walk you to your class."

Tommy shook his head. "I can do it. I'm nearly seven," he reminded me.


He started walking away and Natalie screeched, "BROTHER!"

Which totally echoed down the halls.


Sorry teachers.

Tommy paused and waved at Natalie one last time.

"BROTHER! Where ARE you?" Natalie continued. So I quickly rushed her out of the building so as not to disturb class.

Then we came home and I cut up her McGriddle. She only ate a few pieces and was all, "Fries?"


It would be great if McDonalds would serve fries in the morning for the wailing toddlers who expect fries when they see those golden arches.

I have some pictures of Tommy. He actually agreed to let me take photos (for a Nutter Butter.)

I can't help it, I love this hat. I think they look adorable on children. When grown men wear them (*coughs Brad Pitt*) it makes me giggle. Old men can pull them off. But between the ages of 20-70, it's best that they avoid such a hat.


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