Remember how I wrote about my crazy weekend?
I have more to moan about.
At around 8:30 on Sunday morning the phone rang. I thought it was my husband at first. He’s in Texas until June and I know he has a tendency to get bored easily. So he calls me. But when he does phone me up he doesn’t contribute much to the conversation. It’s like talking to a teenager. I’ll ask him about his day and he’ll tell me that it was fine and I’ll ask him to elaborate and he’ll get all smart alecky and say something like, “It was REALLY fine.” Then he’ll chuckle at his awful joke and I’ll remind him that HE called ME and that if he didn’t really have anything to say, then to please not call because I have two kids to look after.
I’m really not a phone person. Can you tell?
Anyhow, when the phone rang I cursed Tom because I assumed it was him. I was actually still in bed which rarely happens. But the kids were actually entertaining themselves in their rooms which meant that I was allowed to SLEEP IN. I realize that 830 is not sleeping in to a lot of people but it is to me. Anything over 7 is sleeping in when you become a parent.
So after the shrill ringing of the phone woke me out of my blissful sleep I rolled over and picked it up.
“TOM! How many times do I have to tell you NOT to call me before 10?” I barked into the receiver.
There was a silence and for a brief second I felt bad. All Tom wanted to do was talk to his wife. It wasn’t nice of me to snap at him like that. I was all set to apologize but then an unfamiliar woman’s voice said,
“Hi. This is Jodi calling from Sears.”
She sounded a little afraid. I suppose I would be if someone had just screamed into my ear.
But honestly. Who calls at 8:30 in the morning?
I didn’t know what to say. Truth to be told, I think I briefly fell back to sleep contemplating this. But then Jodi’s voice woke me back up.
“I’m calling because I see that you purchased a warranty plan for your new Samsung TV. How are you liking that TV?” she asked breezily.
“I like the fact that it turns on,” I grumbled out, my eyes still closed.
Did I ever mention that our old TV died the very day that Mom came to visit? Well it did. It suddenly wouldn’t turn on anymore. I tried everything I could think of to fix it. I unplugged and replugged in all the cords. I cursed at it. It still refused to turn on. So Mom offered to buy us a new TV but it just meant that we wouldn’t get any birthday or Christmas money and that I’d have to pay for the tax and the warranty plan.
I agreed because I NEED a TV in order to survive. Hi, I’m Amber and I’m addicted to the television. I can’t HELP it. When the old TV was broken it was too quiet for me. I’d walk into the room and instinctively press the remote on towards the TV and then remember, duh, the TV doesn’t work. So I sat there in silence and truth be told, it freaked me out. I kept hearing strange noises and I swore someone was trying to break in and murder me and steal all my books or something.
The kids were fine without the TV. They went on playing happily because to be honest, I don’t put a lot of children’s TV on for them. If I had to sit and listen to Noggin all day I think I’d shoot myself. I can only handle an hour of it each day and the only reason why I can handle it is because I’m usually off cleaning or making dinner. So I really don’t have to endure any of the programs.
Anyhow, I was thrilled when the new TV was up and running. It took Mom and I a few tries to figure out how to put it together. See, you had to screw in the TV stand and something wasn’t right and the screws weren’t going in. If Mom hadn’t been there I’d have probably burst into tears and thrown the parts across the room. But since she was there I had to silently curse the screws and imagine myself taking a baseball bat and smashing the pieces to bits.
We actually had to take the stand into Sears the next day because we had NO IDEA WHAT WE WERE DOING.
I was a little embarrassed when we went up to the salesman who had sold us the TV. He looked amused over the fact that we came bearing the TV stand. He had it put together in less than five minutes.
An hour after that the new TV was working. I was quite proud of myself for figuring out all the plugs. I mean, okay, I think any idiot could figure them out because all the plugs are labeled and color coded but still….I did it.
But back to the annoying early phone call.
After I had told Jodi the Sears worker that I was thrilled that the TV actually turned on she basically pretended I hadn’t said that at all and went on with her sales pitch.
“I see you also bought a washer and dryer from us and that warranty expires in December. Would you like to purchase the same plan for those so they’ll expire the same time as the TV?”
She wanted me to BUY something at 8:30 in the morning?
Did she not realize that BUYING something meant that I would have to get out of bed, stumble downstairs and riffle through my bog of eternal stuff that is also known as my purse for my credit card?
“No thank you,” I croaked out. I just wanted to go back to sleep.
Jodi seemed taken aback. “No?” she repeated as though she had never heard the word before.
“No,” I repeated. “Not interested.” I felt like I needed to emphasize my point.
“Are you sure? Because I can offer you a low rate now but if you decide to continue with the warranty when it runs out it’ll be even more expensive,” she continued in a solemn you-better-do-this-or-you’ll-be-sorry voice.
“No thank you,” I said tersely.
“Oh. Okay then. Have a FABULOUS day,” Jodi said in a saccharine sweet tone and then hung up. She was obviously pissed. She was probably one of those chicks who freak out if their man so much as glances at a member of the opposite sex.
I thought I’d be able to roll over and get at least a half hour of sleep.
Natalie had heard me talking and she started to shout out, “Mom? MOM?”
“Mommy’s sleeping!” I yelled back. Which made no sense because hello, if I were sleeping, how would I be TALKING? I was hoping Natalie wouldn’t catch this because she’s only two and believes that her creepy Brobee doll actually goes on vacation for a few days a couple times per month. (He has to! Otherwise I’d go insane from the song he sings.)
However, Natalie DID catch that wasn’t really sleeping and started to whine and cry.
“MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMMM---EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
You’d think someone was dying or something.
I gave a sigh and pushed back the covers. So long, comfortable bed.
Next time I’m totally unplugging the phone until it’s a decent hour.