Monday, October 26, 2009

The Taste of Defeat?

So it’s no secret that my husband Tom prefers Duncan Hines brownies above all others. He’s always been like this.

I even tried to trick him not too long ago. I made Betty Crocker brownies and told him that they were Duncan Hines. But he figured it out.

I decided to make brownies on Friday. They were Betty Crocker. And they had delicious chocolate chunks in them.

Tom was instantly repulsed. “What’s this?” he demanded, staring at the Betty Crocker box in horror as it sat on the counter. “What’s this?”

He was seriously disgusted. You’d have thought that I put a fart jar on the counter or something.

“Brownies. I felt like brownies tonight,” I explained simply.

Tom immediately started going through the cabinets. “Do we have Duncan Hines?” He pushed aside boxes and frowned when he couldn’t find what he was looking for.

“These are all we have. So if you want some, you’ll have to deal,” I said with a shrug. Usually I do get Duncan Hines. But this box was on sale. And plus, I’m not always in the mood to cater to Tom’s picky eating.

“You know that all I want is Duncan Hines! Didn’t you see their commercials? The commercial even says, “It’s not just—” Tom started to recite.

“I know. I know. The commercial says that it’s not just a brownie,” I finished, rubbing my temples. I had been dealing with a headache for a few hours and I couldn’t seem to shake it. Tom’s complaining wasn’t helping it any.

“So if you know that, why would you bring these,” Tom flicked the Betty Crocker box, “into the house?”

“Maybe sometimes I get tired of Duncan Hines,” I replied.

Tom placed a hand over his heart. “You’re just cruel.”

I rolled my eyes and started making the brownies. I offered Tom the extra batter and he sniffed the bowl for a few seconds. Then he timidly stuck his finger in, sniffed his finger and finally placed it in his mouth.

“It tastes funny,” he finally said. “It’s the taste of…defeat.”

I ignored him.

I thought the batter was delicious.

“And why do these brownies have chocolate chunks in them? That’s too much chocolate!” Tom continued to rant.

Too much chocolate? There is no such thing. But Tom has said the too much chocolate thing before. We went out to Chilis for the 2 for $20 deal and got that chocolate molten lava cake for dessert and Tom took one bite and went, “This is too much chocolate.”

Sometimes I swear that he had to have been dropped as a baby.

When the brownies were ready, I happily dug into them.

Tom even had one.

“Aha!” I shouted, pointing at him.

Tom shrugged. “I want brownies. These will have to do.” Then he sniffed it. “They smell funny too. It’s the smell of defeat.” He nibbled on it and sighed. “Blech.” He made a face but ate it anyway.

A few minutes later he was all, “They have a weird aftertaste, don’t they?”

I sighed. “No, Tom. They don’t.”

“What am I tasting then?”

“I don’t know, Tom. The taste of defeat?” I asked in a mocking tone.

Tom made a face at me. “Actually, that probably is what it is.”

I was about to argue with him but then my stomach lurched.

“Oh no,” I moaned.

“I know! You agree with me, right? They taste weird,” Tom said.

I shook my head. “No, you idiot. It’s not the brownies. I think I’m getting sick.”

“Because of the brownies!” Tom insisted.

“NO TOM!” I practically yelled. Then my head started pounding to the point where I had to lie down on the couch.

Tom covered me with a blanket. “Next time you’ll get Duncan Hines, right?” he said sweetly, tucking the covers under my chin.

“It’s not the brownies, Tom. I’ve been feeling off all day,” I argued weakly.

“Next time, get Duncan Hines and everything will be okay,” Tom assured me.

I didn’t even bother to correct him. All I kept thinking was, “I can’t get sick. I don’t have TIME to be sick…Moms don’t get a sick day…”

56 comments:

  1. You have an award on my blog Amber. Been a long time coming I know.....

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  2. Maybe he should make his own damn brownies!

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  3. Humph. I agree with Kristina P. Next time put the Duncan Hines in the Betty Crocker box and see if he knows the difference then...

    Too much chocolate indeed!!! Any woman knows there is NO such DAMN thing! Too much chocolate....humph!

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  4. Damn right there's no such thing as too much chocolate! Sheesh!

    I mistakenly bought Aunt Jemima Pancake mix once and I thought my fiance was going to have a hissy fit! LOL "I ONLY use Bisquick! You can't make pancakes with anything but Bisquick!" LMAO!!!!!

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  5. Hope you feel better. Sick momma's are sadder 'n sick babies. It must be a man and chocolate thing. Too much chocolate my a**. :D

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  6. A fart jar. I want a fart jar on the counter!

    Take care of yourself and feel better. And if that requires chocolate - even TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE - so be it.

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  7. Yeah I think from here on out you should buy nothing but Betty Crocker brownies just to punish him

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  8. I hope you're feeling better Amber. Tom needs to take a chocolate chill pill.

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  9. I say just buy the DH ones from now on...a brownie is a brownie and if it makes him happy...well its a small sacrifice!

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  10. i hope you are feeling better and i would take a brownie from any available box anytime and molten lava cakes are my fav and never have too much chocolate!

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  11. More brownies for you, then. Too much chocolate? That's crazy talk.

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  12. Chocolate brownie with chocolate bits?!?

    I don't care who makes them, them's some good eats!

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  13. Amber, the Duncan V Betty saga is hysterical.
    I'm on Team Betty.
    Betty deserves a break.

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  14. OH geez, I hope you're feeling better today!

    I actually bought Duncan Hines the other day when I needed to get a brownie mix. I couldn't believe I was doing it, but I did.

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  15. Dang girl your making me crave some brownies.....so NOT on my diet. I just got back from the gym and now I want to go bake some brownies!!

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  16. I think at that point, I would have bought the Duncan Hines and bashed him in the head with it!

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  17. It totally is NOT the brownies. And I hope you feel better soon.

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  18. On what planet is there such a thing as "too much chocolate?" Cut off his brownie supply until he apologizes to the chocolate gods.

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  19. Wow, I so want a brownie right now. Duncan hines or betty crocker, doesn't matter!

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  20. Tom is a little obsessed with the DH brownies huh? Blaming the yummy BC brownies for your sickness is crazy.

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  21. How are you feeling? I'm sorry you got sick! :(

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  22. You should have HIM make YOU Duncan Hines brownies! Hope you're feeling better.

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  23. I agree with Kristina P. - he should make his own damn brownies! haha! Hope you are feeling better soon!

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  24. Sorry you were sick. I hope you're feeling better. I love those brownies with the chunks in them. I agree with whoever above me said to tell him to make his own damn brownies.

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  25. There is NO such thing as too much chocolate!!!

    What's up with him and his brownies? Chocolate is chocolate!! He's such a brownie snob! HAHA!

    -Jen

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  26. oh but how sweet was he though.. covering and tucking you into the blanket.. lol!

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  27. The molten chocolate cake at Chili's is not too much chocolate, that thing is yummy. I wish I had one right now.

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  28. No! it's not "defeat" its de feet... you don't miz brownies with smelly, sweaty feet!!!!! Even I know that!

    Ack - I hope you feel better ASAP (and without requiring "the" Duncan Hines antidote~)

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  29. There is no such thing as too much chocolate - that's just crazy talk.

    Hope you feel better soon.

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  30. "Too much chocolate!"? There's no such thing.

    If you try Ghirardelli's brownie mix (be sure to add nuts) and he doesn't like those? Well, then I'd start to suspect he's an alien.

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  31. Oh NO! Quick, look in the mirror - do you have a SNOUT?!?!?

    Brownies don't make people sick, people make people sick. Just remember that.

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  32. Haha, we have a similar phrase in our house. We say that certain things, even people, who are kind of distasteful and sinister though we can't put a finger on way, have the "stench of death."

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  33. Finger on why, not way. Sorry.

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  34. a good friend is a legitimate pastry chef. She said hands down best recipe is duncan hines brownies. She said don't F with a classic. wise.

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  35. He should buy you a lifetime supple of Dunkin and then he won't have to worry what kind you make:) hehe.

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  36. OMG and I thought MY husband was picky when it comes to "name brand" foods! LOL His ONLY Duncan Hines really cracks me up! I'm sorry you aren't feeling well - I hope your better and up and around soon! Big hugs! :o)

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  37. oh lord, he's gonna hold that over your head forever.

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  38. I love this one! I'd have kicked him for touching my brownies after that!

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  39. Oh my god, what a freaking baby. I wouldn't share with him. Tell him to make his own freaking brownies and leave yours alone. (Sorry, I don't put up with whining at the daycare, I despise it in adults.)

    I hope you aren't sick, or if you are, that Tom stays home and takes care of you and the kids. I'll think healthy thoughts for you!

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  40. ok, seriously, I'm gonna go buy some Duncan Hines to see what all Tom's fuss is about??!! They must be pretty awesome.
    Hope you're feeling better!!

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  41. I hope you aren't really sick!

    all brownies are yummy know matter what the box looks like!

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  42. Sorry to perpetuate sexist stereotypes, but men don't know Jack about good chocolate. Too much chocolate? Then push it over my way. But if you'd have told him you were sick because of the Agony of Defeat Brownies, you might have been able to finagle some pampering. Not that I'm condoning that sort of deceit of anything, but he is a bit of a brownie baby...

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  43. That's all I want to know is, did you get the fart jar on sale?

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  44. Amazing once again! You always manage to make me laugh!

    On a serious note- I really do hope you feel better!

    I left you a feel good on my blog! ;)
    Maybe it will brighten your day.

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  45. Tell me: Do you think it's possible to love brownies.... just a..... bittoomuch?

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  46. hope you're feeling better! and i think it's hysterical that even while tom was tucking you in on the couch, he was still arguing his case. very man-like of him. get well!

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  47. He needs an intervention.

    You, I hope got to put your feet up & relax. Feeling sick is not fun.

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  48. A fart jar on the counter? Giggling...

    Hope you feel better, though!

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  49. if you really want to stir things up, bring home Ghiardelli brownie mix next time :)

    love, a fellow SITSta

    p.s. hope you're feeling better!

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  50. Did they smell like Da Feet, too?

    PS There is no such thing as too much chocolate. I have evidence to back this up. I have been testing this theory for years.

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  51. Too much chocolate? I don't even know what that means!

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  52. LOL I TOTALLY feel your pain. Hence why my WEDDING CAKE was Duncan Hines. It looked like a pretty wedding cake but thanks to my freaky husband, it had to be Duncan Hines. Men are weird. Seriously.

    Kim (kimca01)

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