I don’t think I’ve mentioned it, but when we got home from our stay at the Denver Children’s Hospital, there was a message from UPS on the answering machine.
“Hi there! You had quite a bit of packages sitting outside your front door that didn’t get picked up. I was worried that someone might take them so I took them back to the building!”
So fine, I admit I had done some shopping before I knew we were going to have to go to the hospital. But it wasn’t my fault. Amazon was having a killer sale and I would have been a fool not to shop it. That’s not an excuse either. I would have been a fool not to take advantage of the wagon that was originally $169 that went on sale for $10. That’s not a typo. The wagon went to $10 for about ten minutes and I managed to score one. Among other things.
Tom and I were planning on picking up dinner anyhow. So I asked if we could stop by the UPS building because I had a few things waiting for me.
“Define a few,” Tom said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Er...well, you know that cheap wagon I got? That’s waiting for me. With some other things,” I said vaguely.
“What other things?”
“Um. You know. Things.”
To be honest, I couldn’t exactly remember what all I ordered. The night the wagon went dirt cheap there were all sorts of deals popping up. It was like Amazon.com’s goal was exciting shopaholics everywhere. They’d have a deal for a few minutes, take it away and then put up another one. Some people would have found this irritating but it was like this huge rush for me. I’d find a deal, buy it, then another one would appear and I’d buy that too. Thank God for Amazon Prime, I have to say.
But anyhow, because of all the deals it was kind of a blur on what all I ordered. I knew I got the wagon...and that cheap Kai-Lan doll. And...crap...what else? I did know that nothing I ordered was over $15 so Tom couldn’t accuse me of overspending.
We drove to the UPS building and I went in. I gave the female worker behind the counter my name and her face brightened with recognition.
“Ahh yes. The one with all the packages,” she said, typing something into her machine.
“Um. Exactly how many packages?” I asked lightly.
“Six,” the woman said, wrinkling her nose.
“Eight,” a man from the back called. “Two more came for her this morning.”
Shit! And my husband was out front.
“Eight?” I repeated dazedly.
“Eight,” the woman said as the man from the back started wheeling my packages out to me.
“What did you do?” he joked. “Buy all of Amazon.com?”
“There was a sale,” I said weakly. “A really good sale.
The woman handed me something to sign. “Do you need help getting this out?”
Tom was going to freak out when he saw all these boxes. And the thing was, I really didn’t get that much. Amazon.com is notorious for stuffing one thing into a box and then sending it. So really, I only had eight things. But Tom would take one look at all the boxes and throw a fit. Then I’d get a lecture on my ordering habits and I’d undoubtedly remind him that he spends just as much money on eating out when we had perfectly good food at home and that my things at least lasted while he just pooped his out. And yes, that’s a little grotesque but honestly, at least I have something to show for what I spend money on. What does Tom have? Trips to the bathroom, that’s what.
“Could you help me distract my husband?” I said as I scribbled my name.
The woman looked up with a start. “Excuse me?”
“I’ll do a dance and you can shove all of these into the back. If he sees all of this he might freak out,” I said. Surely she’d understand. Women share a bond after all.
“I’m not following,” she said, frowning. “Why are we dancing?”
And did she not hear me? I would be doing the dancing. She’d be doing the loading.
Where was the female bonding??!
“Just...nevermind. Thank you,” I said and grabbed a few boxes. I headed outside with two of them and Tom came out of the truck.
“Is this it?” he asked, opening the trunk.
Then the UPS lady came out with the rest of the boxes on one of those dolly things.
“Amber! What the hell?” Tom barked out.
“This isn’t as bad as it seems! I didn’t order that much, Amazon just stuffed in one toy per box!” I shouted as the UPS lady smirked. What was so funny? This wasn’t funny! She thought it was funny because she hasn’t had to sit through one of Tom’s lectures.
“Most of the things were under $10,” I explained.
“Jesus!” Tom grumbled. “And you bug me about buying food...”
Here it comes...the lecture...
“Thank you,” I said to the bemused UPS lady before I got into the truck.
“What other stuff did you order? We have enough stuff,” Tom complained as we drove away.
“Birthday presents! Remember, the children's birthdays are in March! It really wasn’t my fault, Amazon went nuts and put all these things on sale,” I argued.
“You know, here’s an idea, but you don’t have to buy every sale item,” Tom said thinly.
“I didn’t!” I said proudly. “If you only knew how many things I wanted to buy and didn’t. At least give me some credit.”
Tom rolled his eyes. “Fine. Just....no stuff for awhile, okay?”
Then I got home and went through everything when the kids got to bed.
Here are some of the deals I got:
(The most expensive thing was that Kai-Lan doll at $14.99. Everything else was $6.99 and below. And not just everything pictured here, but everything in all the boxes total. I find it amusing that Kai-Lan was more expensive than the wagon..)
And who could resist this inchworm thing for $7.99? I think it was originally $39 or something.
“Who do you think is putting together the wagon?” Tom asked.
“Guess again,” Tom said.
Well. Okay. I might have to put together the wagon. But surely it can’t be difficult. Isn’t it basically put together already? Please say yes.