First off, I fixed my blog button! I’m not sure what happened with the last one. I paid someone to make it and I’m assuming their Photobucket account was erased so I put it on mine. It took longer than I care to admit. I suck at HTML. So, if you had it on your sidebar and it turned into a black X, please use the new code. Thank you!
I’ve decided to create a weekly post called Things That Annoy Me every Thursday.
Pizza. That doesn’t sound too bad.
Entertainment for the kids in the form of games and mechanical horses. Okay. I can deal.
A giant rat walking around. Um. What?
These are just some of the things a person can encounter at Chuck E. Cheese.
Needless to say, it is not my favorite place in the world.
For starters, there are parents who don’t feel the need to teach their child to wait their turn for the aforementioned games and mechanical horse. There have been moments when kids have breezed past us in line to the point where I wanted to yank on the child’s pigtail and hiss, “It’s not your turn, sweetheart. Wait in the line like the rest of us.”
Sometimes a parent allows their kid to play the game or ride the toy multiple times even though there is a line forming beside it.
“Go ahead, Lauren. These people can wait. After all, we paid an obscene amount of money to be here, therefore, if you want to ride the horse 5 times then you have that right,” the parent might say.
First of all. Yes, it can cost a lot of money to eat there. But that’s why God invented coupons. Check the Sunday paper. There are Chuck E Cheese coupons all the time. Newspapers scare you? Well, it’s 2012, check the website.
Second of all. Remove your child after their ride is over or I will do it for you.
There have been moments when Natalie doesn’t want to give up her beloved horse. I once had to physically pry her fingers from around the horse’s neck so the child next in line could ride.
“But I love it!” Natalie yelped. “I want to go again!”
“Fine. Wait in line again. You aren’t Jim Carrey’s daughter, in real life, people have to wait in line to get what they want.”
Yeah, your kid might cry. But the beautiful Chuck E Cheese soundtrack that plays at the front of the room usually drowns most of it out.
Want to know what else irks me about that place?
The games are rigged.
Or maybe I just suck at video games.
No, they’re rigged. Tom rocks at video games and the most he’s ever won was like 20 tickets.
Normally I drag Natalie off to get a Chuck E Cheese ID card done because she tends to get offended if she plays a game and one ticket pops out.
“This is it?” she’ll bellow, looking at the paper rectangle in disgust. “THIS IS IT?” So then I’m like, “Let’s get your Chuck E Cheese card!” and she’s happy for about six seconds. Then she wants to play a video game THAT SHE’S TOO LITTLE FOR and as I mentioned before, I stink at video games, so we get one ticket all over again. She’s offended. All over again. So I drag her to the machine that sketches a picture of us. Only I can never get her to hold still in the circle that hovers on the screen so the sketching thingy inside can capture a picture. Most of the time it winds up catching a bit of Natalie’s cheek and my pissed off expression. The last time my mouth was open and I was in the middle of saying, “For God’s sake, hold still!”
And then there’s the giant rat that walks around. Most kids bellow, “Chuck E!” and rush over to him with excitement.
I press myself up against a video game and duck down, willing the thing to go away. One time it approached me and waved its right hand.
“Er. Hello,” I said.
Could it even hear me inside? What did it smell like in there?
“Um. Goodbye,” I tried again. It would not leave even though kids were surrounding it. I think it saw I was petrified and was like, “Hey, my job consists of walking around the room dressed as a rat and being attacked by a bunch of unruly brats. I’m going to torture the parents.”
Yeah. Scary. I’d rank Chuck E. Cheese right up there with Chucky the satanic doll. It’s no coincidence that they both have the name ‘Chuck’ in their names.
Do you want to know what once made Chuck E. Cheese bearable? The ball pit. But there are no ball pits anymore because it was found that germs and fecal matter gathered against the colorful spheres, this freaked people out so…no more ball pits. And okay, jumping around with someone else’s poo around me was disgusting but isn’t that what showers are for?
Whenever I leave Chuck E. Cheese I always vow that I won’t ever come back again.
The other day Tom was like, “We should go to Chuck E Cheese this weekend!” because he’s like a big kid and even though he claims the video games are rigged, he loves them.
The kids practically shat themselves with excitement.
I meekly said, “But what about the scary giant rat?” and was promptly ignored.
So. I guess it’s back to Chuck E Cheese. (Yes, with a coupon.)