Monday, May 18, 2015

7 Reasons Why I Stay At Home When The Kids Go To School

Sometimes I used to start up a conversation when waiting for the bell to ring at my daughter's school before it flooded.

Or rather, sometimes someone would start a conversation with me because honestly, I'm usually half asleep when I'm standing there. But there are those who are Morning People and they are ready to converse.

I join in, so I'm not rude.

A few weeks ago, a mother was asking what I did for a living. I said I wrote and stayed at home and she went, "Oh, still? Aren't your kids in school now? Or do you have a smaller kid?"

I don't think she was trying to be mean. My brain wasn't awake enough to really form a proper response. I said something like, "Well, my husband's schedule is insane, and if I had a job we'd worry we'd never see each other."

She went, "Oh, I have to work. I have to be independent."

Her words hung in the air. I said nothing. The bell mercifully rang, I kissed Natalie goodbye, and hurried my non-independent self home.

I do get what she meant, and I don't think she meant it in a mean way. At least I hope not. But here are the reasons why I do stay home.




1. My husband seems to deploy every year. If I had a job, I'd have to figure out child care. I would not want my kids to miss out on time with me when they are already missing time with their father.


2. We are not in debt. We paid off my car. We have no credit card debt. We don't live paycheck to paycheck. We budget. Well, actually, I budget. I'm in charge of the account. I pay the bills and I know if we have extra to do fun stuff.


3. My son has Autism. He doesn't deal with change well. If I worked for 8 hours a day, it would mess up his schedule and he could have a meltdown. I think he'd be okay in the end, but I don't want to put him through that.


4. My husband has a crazy schedule when he's home. He's in Security Forces. His schedule can change weekly. One week he'll be on the day shift. Then they might change him to the night shift. Sometimes the days he thought he'd have off are no longer off. We worry we'd never see each other if I worked. It's not worth it to our marriage.


5. I like eating my bon bons. I'm kidding. I eat Little Debbie snacks! No, really, what I mean is that I enjoy having time to write. My goal is to get a book published "the real way." (I do have one self published called The Swimmer's Assistant.) I sometimes get paid to write blog posts, review items, or write articles on websites. Writing is what I love to do.


6. I want to be available if the school calls. Sometimes Tommy is having a rough day and they need my advice. If I were working, I might not be able to take that call. I'd miss school performances as well. I wouldn't be able to go to class parties or have lunch with my daughter. My daughter is a kid who needs attention.


7. I'm never bored. Some people who stay at home say they get bored and I'm like, "How?" If I'm not running errands, cleaning, parenting, or cooking, I read. Or I write.



And yes, I am fully aware that there are women who feel the same as that lady at the school: they want to be independent. But again, I feel independent in my own way. I can manage a home when my husband is away for months on a time. I mow myself. I fix toilets myself. I can sort of build things myself.  If we ever needed the extra money, I would get a job in a heartbeat. I also understand that there are single parents out there who do it all without a partner all the time. You guys are my heroes.

But my story is this: I stay home, because it's where I need to be.






29 comments:

  1. I hope you didn't let her get to you. You do what you know you need/want to do, and it doesn't matter the reasons or if anyone else does things differently. Good for you!

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  2. I doubt she was being rude. I miss working some days...others ehh not so much. It is hard to stay home when it's all you've known for years. And the first time I didn't have my own money was weird; I mean it's our money (my husband repeats over and over), but I was used to seeing my business name on a check and Idk it just felt different. I might go back to law eventually, but for now, there's plenty I can do to stay busy to help my family and my elderly parents. Being a mom is a lot of work. Truth be told, I wish mine could have stayed home with me more!

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  3. I can not stand when people give unsolicited rude opinions. Mean spirited or not, she should not make you feel defensive which is what that comment did. You do you and what's right for your family.

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  4. My step daughter is 11 and we only have her every other week but I swear IF we could afford for me to stay home, I would. We can't, my salary is higher. If I could afford my husband to stay home, I would have him just so some of the stuff that never seems to get done, would get done. Nobody asked me but my personal opinion is that as long as you can, you should stay home. Mothers who are engaged with their kids probably have kids who are more communicative and less likely to get involved in bad things. For being engaged and putting your kids first, you owe nobody an reason. Tell them to politely MTOB! :)

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  5. Hopefully she didn't mean it to be rude or offensive to you. I think everyone has to make the decision for themselves and works for them. No way is the wrong way if it works for your family.

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  6. Sheesh, even #1 is so powerful. Your husband is deployed a lot! You ARE independent. Very much so. You care for two kids and your passions every single day.
    That aside, I'm with you. I work like crazy but I work at home.

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  7. Totally get where you're coming from. My husband's schedule is the same way and when I had a full time job our marriage suffered. It was a miserable time for us.

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  8. My mom stayed home when I was a kid and I have such wonderful memories from that time! You're kids are so lucky to have you! xoxo

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  9. I am a big supporter of doing what works best for our families and truthfully could care less what others think about our decisions when doing so!

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  10. I love this! It's not rude or demeaning, it's simply why staying at home works for you. I still have little ones at home so I haven't even thought about what to do then and I totally agree, it should be whatever works best for your family!

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  11. Do whatever is best for you and yours is my motto. I love your reasons but never feel like you need to justify your decision to anyone. I like that you left the rude comment hanging... even if not on purpose. You rock!

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  12. I wonder what she'd say to me? I have one child-a 3rd grader at that. As long as it works for your family, that's all that matters.

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  13. As I like to say, you do you! I currently stay home and I can honestly say that I have never felt dependent since choosing to do so. I do plan on returning to the workforce at some point but until then, I am going to enjoy the hell out of staying home. :)

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  14. This is brilliant. My kids are teenagers and I'm still a stay at home mom, although I do work from home a bit now. I had friends who thought I was crazy, and they could never imagine not going back to work. Everyone just needs to do what's best for them and their family - which you are clearly doing.

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  15. Those are all a great list of reasons to stay home with the kids. I doubt the lady was being mean about it, but I don't see why there needs to be a great divide between stay-at-home and working moms. Parenting is a rewarding, yet challenging, job no matter how you decide to raise the kids or take care of them.

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  16. I'm a stay at home Mom to my only child who is in third grade. I volunteer at her school almost daily. One of her classmates said to me, "My Mom wants to know what you do all day since you don't have a job. How do you have money for food?" If you want to know something, ask. Don't send your kid to ask.

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  17. When people tell me they have to work to feel fulfilled, it puzzles me. But to each their own... yet, why can't they get the sahm side of things? I don't get asked this quite as much since I started working from home a few years ago, though when people hear that, they usually say something along the lines of "that must be fun." Uh... I do actually really like the work that I do, but it is work, not a party.

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  18. I can totally understand that. Whenever I think about getting a job outside the house I think about Drew & the fact that Ben sometimes has drill on a weekday plus his two weeks. Also, I still have a 4 year old who is only in preschool. I am not sure I will be able to always stay home in some form but I hope so. My mom pretty much stayed home until we were in high school and even then she just subbed part-time. I loved always having her thee.

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  19. Good for you! I think sometimes people don't think before they speak - she probably meant nothing by it.

    I agree with your reasoning and you shouldn't have to justify being there for your kids and hubby.

    Thanks for sharing.
    xoxo

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  20. A FREAKING MEN! I hate when other women judge women....BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE!!!!

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  21. A FREAKING MEN! I hate when other women judge women....BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE!!!!

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  22. I don't think she meant to be rude but she was!!! I would have been highly irritated with that question!!!!!!

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  23. umm AMEN! I can not believe she asked that!

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  24. Honestly, I never want to work outside the home. Because that would mean I would have to work 8 hours at a job and then come home and still do ALL the stuff I do in the 8 hours I'm home, but I'd have to do it in 2 hours or on the weekend, when I'm tired. Ugh. No thanks.

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  25. I worked outside of the home when the girls were born, 60 plus hours a week. We own our own Photography Studio and when we felt that I was needed at home and we could afford for it, we did. It was the best thing we ever did. I say we a lot as I am independent, when I married my husband it became we... Yes he runs the studio, and I run the house but he and I are a WE :) I love being at home even though we have a 17 and 12 y/o, yep they need you more as they get older... Their lives get really busy and you are needed. I do work at home, writing and as a Virtual Office manager, but I get to choose my hours :)

    Thank you for your families SERVICE, thank you to you and your children and your husband for all of your sacrifices. :)

    PS being an at home mom of any kind is flipping HARD WORK!!!!! Harder than working that 60 hour plus job for sure :)

    xoxoxo

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  26. SAHM is the best job ever!!!

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