My husband has been in the Air Force for nearly 15 years now. We've gone through multiple deployments, TDYs, and a year long Korea tour. I've said some pretty ridiculous things throughout the years.
Here are just some of them.
1. "Tell them you can't deploy. We have plans." Surprisingly, this doesn't work.
2. "We have to explain to housing that we need a four bedroom home because we have a lot of stuff." I once asked just to see. I was laughed at.
3. "No. You can't go." When he told me he had to deploy. He still went.
4. "Why is the gate closed? I have places to go!" My husband is security forces and hates people who complain like this. Sorry, Tom. I know everyone is doing their job. But this usually always happens when I have an appointment to get to, and you know I HATE to be late.
5. "Do you think I should go be best friends with the base commander's wife like on Army Wives?" I don't even know who the base commander's wife IS.
6. "Before combat, do you all sing One Day More from Les Miserables?" Tom said WTF?
7. "I'm not cooking dinner tonight. Have a MRE." Met by a blank expression.
8. "When you deploy, don't talk to women. At all. Mime your responses." Unrealistic. Many strong women are in the military. Many don't care about your husbands. But there are a select few with loose morals. It's these women that make spouses suspicious. (I also know there are men with loose morals. See: Duggar, Josh.)
9. "Do you stand up and go 'expert, bitches!' when you get expert when you fire your weapon?" Tom said WTF?
10. "Do you listen to the Rocky theme while doing your PT test?" Answer? Sometimes. Sweet!
11. "Have you ever farted during the sit up portion of the PT test?" Tom said WTF?
12. "If you fail your PT test, blame it on me. Say I keep buying Little Debbie snacks and you can't help yourself." Tom suggested I just not buy junk food. Asked him if he wanted me to curl in a ball and shout expletives, because I would turn into a moody MOFO without my treats.
13. "Why aren't you getting paid millions of dollars for risking your life?" Tom said, I signed up to defend my country because I love her. Not for the money. (Still. If you're risking your life you should get millions. Not football players who run around in tight pants. They might get concussions, but at least they have millions to fall back on. You get wounded and you're left with bills and a VA hospital who could give a rat's ass.)
Have you said anything crazy to your spouse?