Monday, August 15, 2016

Why I Won't Co-Sleep

"I wanna sleep with you, Mommy."

"Well, I want to weight 20 pounds less but I like food too much and it's not going to happen. We don't always get what we want."

I was always blunt with my kids when they asked to sleep with me. My son Tommy never really had much interest. He was the easiest baby and was in his crib the first night he was home. He always understood that his room was where he'd sleep.

But then I had my daughter Natalie. And she was NOT an easy baby. She'd shriek if someone tried to set her down in her crib.

For the first two months of her life, someone had to be holding her or else she would not sleep. So I shouldn't have been surprised when she wanted to sleep in my bed. (I say MY bed, but I do share it with my husband..)

There are reasons why I never co-slept:

1. I like my space. I want to be able to stretch out in my area and not have to worry about a kid.

2. My daughter sleeps like this.

3. I'd be kicked throughout the night. I know because I had to share a bed with Natalie when we were at Disney World, and it was horrible. I also let her sleep with me ONCE when her daddy was deployed because I felt bad and I vowed never again.

4. I want to spend time with my husband. Alone. I don't want to have to keep my voice down because a kid is sleeping. I don't want to have to censor myself because a child is nearby. There has to be a place where I can be myself.

5. I have enough trouble sharing the bed with my husband so I can't imagine someone else in it. Seriously. My husband can snore, and it drives me up the wall. If we were rich, we might actually have our own bedrooms.

6. I like my space. Oh. I already said that. But I do. Very much.

7. Natalie needs to learn that her room is there for a reason. We paid $400 for a bed and more for sheets. That's where she belongs at night.

I know some people co-sleep and love it. But I am not one of those people. Some might argue that I'll regret not spending that time with her and I completely disagree. I won't miss getting kicked at night. I won't miss getting shoved off the bed. I spend time with my daughter in other ways. We shop together. We see movies. We go out to eat often.

But we do not share a bed. And that's okay.

Do you co-sleep? Or if you don't have kids, do you let your pets on your bed? We don't allow that either.


  1. We co-sleep... not really on purpose, but out of force and laziness ;) My daughter starts the night in her room, that's our rule, but sometime after we go to bed (I would guess around midnight) she wakes up and makes her way to our room, crawls over me, and climbs in between us! I don't even notice her coming in anymore to be honest. I just wake up and there she is. We've tried bribes, treats, threatening, taking away things, bringing her back to her room... well at this point, I'm just riding it out ;) She won't be sleeping with us forever. Right? Right?? (And normally I sleep fine with her in the bed, she just likes to cuddle up on my arm, which I'm not a fan of but used to at this point... and she doesn't kick unless she has a bad dream, like last night!)

  2. Yeah I'm not doing that so thank you for this post! My mom didn't do it with me either. It doesn't seem like a good habit to take up for all the reasons you mentioned and more in my opinion.

  3. Our dog does sleep in the bed with us (but she also weighs 9 pounds and sleeps in between Kyle's feet haha) but we will not co-sleep with Emersyn. I refuse.

  4. I never really did. I did once with Scarlet as a newborn and she was turned over and I was petrified I had suffocated her. So never again. When they're older it's nice for occasional snuggles. Scarlet is such a kicker/blanket taker, though! And Des never seems interested.

  5. I'm with you! We have never co-slept yet except when traveling, and she's too noisy in a hotel room or something... but that's only for extreme cases because we don't want to be the people with a screaming baby keeping everyone up all night! haha. But at home? No way. I can see myself letting her in bed with me when she's a bit older when my husband is deployed or something, but I guess we'll see what happens.

  6. We co-sleep, but only because we are too tired to put her back in bed at night when she sneaks in. She doesn't do it as much anymore, but yes I understand all of your reasons and wish we had never let her in the first place!

  7. I slept with my babies when they were little. Now I don't let them in my bed even if we're awake!

  8. We are kindred spirits! I do not co-sleep (unless we are in a hotel for the evening on a trip) and don't plan to!

  9. I don't have children, so I can't speak for one way or the other, but I LOVE your upfront-ness about it. You don't want to, you have your reasons, and that's that. I dig it.

    -Clarissa @ The View From Here

  10. Ooo I like Clarissa's comment above. You don't want to, you have your reasons, and that's that.

    What is it with kids sleeping sideways in a bed all cockamamie? Did our parents have to teach us that and we forgot? Or do you just grow up and figure it out?

  11. I like my space, too, but I do let my cat sleep at the foot of the bed :)

  12. My daughter slept with me up until she was three. I couldn't stand having her on the other side of the house. She is 22 now and a nurse. I think she turned out fine. For some people it works, others it doesn't.

  13. No kids for me, but am guilty of letting George the Dog Cat sleep in the bed. It's probably why I am so damn tired every morning...!

  14. I co-sleep with my 3-year-old. I usually put her in bed in her room at around 9pm each not but by midnight she finds her way back in my room. And the fact that she's a wild sleeper doesn't help either ;(

  15. I think it's great that you have clear boundaries with your kids--I totally get the needing your own space and not wanting to censor yourself with your hubby. I do let my dogs sleep with me--but I don't need to censor myself and they keep my feet warm. :)

  16. Not at our house except for a few occasions. We need our own bed.

  17. From time to time we occasionally find a kid in our bed (usually we were so tired we never woke up when they crawled in after a nightmare or whatever.) But in general I don't sleep well with kids in bed, and I don't think they sleep as well either because they wake up too early (their rooms have blackout curtains for a reason!) This baby has been more of a co-sleeper than any of the other kids because even though he always starts out in his bed, I am physically incapable of not falling asleep when he gets up to nurse in the middle of the night. So co-sleeping it is, I guess.

  18. I coslept with my first baby - not at all with my second. Now, no way! I have been known to snuggle my youngest in bed if it's 6am and I'm not ready to get up, but most of the time "Go back to bed kid!"
    Co sleeping was a tough habit to break for my firstborn, but if I didn't do it I would have been up every 2 hours (on a good night.) I like to think co sleeping saved my sanity in the early "new mom" days.


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