Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Hospital is Fun

It's hot.

The "I'm melting" kind of hot.

It doesn't help that the house doesn't have A/C. I don't care if it only gets this hot during the summer, houses should be equiped with A/C.

Fans help a little bit but by the time the air gets to you it's already hot. I want to walk around naked but all my windows and blinds are open and I might get arrested.


Yesterday I called the hospital to see what I needed to do in order to get an OB/GYN appointment. I know each hospital does it differently and when you live on a military base, you never know what it's going to be like. I was told I could come in that afternoon and take a pregnancy test at the hospital. That way it could be put in the computer and I could get a consult to OB/GYN.

Tom was at training but he didn't need the car. So I decided to just get it done. I told Tommy that we had to go to the hospital and his eyes got big and he went, "Mommy SICK?" I tried to explain that no, Mommy just had to pee into a cup for the nice doctors but whenever Tommy hears hospital he assumes someone is sick. Or hurt.

When I got Tommy all strapped into his carseat he looked a little panicked and went, "Mommy driving?"

I nodded. "Yes, Mommy is..."

But I couldn't finish because Tommy had already squeezed his eyes shut in terror.

I'm slightly insulted, as I've never gotten into a wreck. He's probably just feeding off my "I hate driving, oh my God, I hate driving" vibes.

When we got to the hospital I plopped Tommy in his umbrella stroller. Yes, he's getting a bit big for a stroller but if he's not strapped in he runs. And truthfully, it was much too hot yesterday for me to be chasing after him, telling him to hold my hand. Even when he holds my hand he sometimes finds it hilarious to drag his feet on the ground making me look like an abusive mother as I pull him along the linoleum floors.

So yes, into the stroller he went. He didn't mind he just clipped the seatbelt closed on his own and announced, "Seatbelts. So we can be safe!"

Thank you, Dora.

I went to the Family Practice Clinic and realized I had to admit to a perfect stranger that I needed a pregnancy test. And look, I realize I appear to be sixteen. I realize when someone sees me wheeling around Tommy that they figure I had him at thirteen and am on food stamps and can't possibly afford to clothe my child, let alone myself.

"Er, I'm here for a," I lowered my voice some, "pregnancy test."

The person behind the counter just nodded, as though this were the simpliest thing. She found a form, put it on a clipboard and handed it to me.

"Fill this out, bring it back," she said mechanically.

I wheeled Tommy over to a chair and sat down. I explained to Tommy that I had to fill out a form and he nodded. I thought he might unclasp himself from the stroller, because he gets upset when I stop. But he only sat and watched me fill out the form. At one point he grew excited when he saw a Real Live doctor walk past, complete in a white lab coat and he called out, "Doctor. Hello DOCTOR!"

He got some chuckles for that.

(He loves the show Scrubs by the way.)

The form asked the basic questions. How many pregnancies have I had? Miscarriages? Abortions? Vaginal or C-section?

Then came the famous question: "When was the first day of your last period?" Or something like that. I always get confused when I hear that because it's like some complicated math question that caused my mind to boggle in high school. That caused me to want to shout outload, "Say WHAT??"

I knew the answer this time. June 15th.

With Tommy, I had no idea. I'd get asked the same question each and every time I went in and I think I had a new response each time.

I handed the form back to the lady and she glanced over it and went, "Ok, just go to the lab, pee into a cup and someone will call you tomorrow with the results."

Then she was back flipping through other papers.


I wheeled Tommy to the lab and noticed there was a man working there.

And not just any man.

An attractive man.

And I had to tell him that I needed a pregnancy test.

I know my cheeks were pink when I got up there and explained what I needed.

"Can you use the bathroom?" he asked me.

Can I...

Use the bathroom??

Look, man, I know I appear to be young but I have mastered toileting skills.

I figure what he meant was, "Can you pee right now?"


I just went, "Er, yes.."

Then he printed out a label for a plastic cup he had grabbed underneath the desk and handed it to me.

I was thinking, "Oh please oh please tell me I don't have to hand this cup filled with my urine to the cute man who thinks I can't use the bathroom."

Thankfully he told me when I was finished to just put it in the metal door inside the bathroom.


Luckily I did have to pee.

Tommy looked a little horrified to see Mommy squating over a cup.

I finished what I needed to do and put the cup into the metal door for collection.

Then I announced to Tommy that we were all done.

"Mommy all better," Tommy said cheerfully.

Since he had been so patient and had sat like a big boy I said we could walk to the shoppette and he could pick up some books.

Then I figured we could pop into the BX to see if anything was new.

I was surprised when I noticed they actually were selling Color Wonder products so I scooped some up.

We went home after that.

And soon after, the phone rang.

The hospital.

The guy on the other end asked for me. Then he went, "Your results were positive."

Then he said I could call OB/GYN and see when I could get an appointment. I'll be calling them after I finish this.

I better go ring the hospital and find out when they can see me.


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