Christmas Crazies

Happy Halloween!

CANDY!

Sorry.

Got a little excited there.

Of course the candy belongs to my son.

But what five-year-old needs Reeses peanut butter cups?

I'm pretending he doesn't like them.

When I go through his candy I'll pick those out and when he's all, "What are you doing, Mommy?" I'll calmly say, "Oh you don't like these. Remember?"

I'm hoping he'll be distracted and be all, "Oh okay."

What can I say?

Mommy loves Reeses peanut butter cups.

Good news!

Tom liked the pork chops that I made. In fact when he walked in from his taser class he announced, "That smells good!"

Which is a nice change from, "What's that weird smell?"

I'm not kidding.

I get that a lot.

But when he took his first bite of the pork chop (I held my breath a little bit) he chewed, swallowed and went, "This is really good. The soup on top gives it an added kick."

So yes. If Tom liked it, that says something.

As I mentioned, Tom was in a taser class all day yesterday. It was a day off but the Air Force feels that spouses aren't really necissary in a marriage. So they always seem to take them away. On their days off. But I won't go into that.

Tom was actually tasered at the end. He said it was voluntary but he wanted to do it.

(Why? WHY??)

"Because," Tom replied when I asked him why in the world he would want to be tasered, "if I ever had to use it on someone I'd like to know what they were feeling."

Oh.

I guess that makes sense.

Though I would never volunteer to be tasered.

Sorry, I'm a wimp I guess.

Tom said it was the worst feeling that he had ever felt.

"It was awful," Tom admitted. "The worst feeling that I've ever felt."

"Probably not worse than giving birth. Try pushing a human being out of your crotch," I responded.

Tom gave me a Look.

What?

As we were finishing up with dinner he asked if I had written a Christmas list yet.

He's one of those people who likes to get their shopping done early. So he can avoid the Christmas Crazies.

(Doesn't he realize that he's married to a Christmas Crazy? Of course I don't take it to the extreme. Like I wouldn't go insane for a toy. It didn't make sense to me when people were going crazy over Tickle Me Elmo. I mean why? If I were a child the toy would frighten me. I don't want my toy to convulse.)

One of the reason why Tom wants to get his shopping done early is because he used to work at Toys R Us and has seen the horror.

His Mom used to be manager so he'd volunteer to help.

"Amber," he's told me. "People scare me at Christmas. I've seen women fight over a Barbie before. I've been cursed at before because we didn't have a toy in stock. I think one lady even tried to throw a toy at me. And when I'd dress up as Geoffrey--"

"Wait a minute," I interuppted. "You dressed up as Geoffrey the Giraffe?"

"Um yes. Can I continue with my--"

"YOU were dressed as Geoffrey the Giraffe. Hold on. I'm getting a mental picture here. Tom as Geoffrey the Giraffe."

Then I burst into a fit of laughter while Tom scowled at me.

Then a small smile appeared on his face. "It wasn't easy to wear by the way. Very top heavy. I nearly fell over a few times and I remember one kid asked if Geoffrey is sick."

So yeah, Tom was forever scarred and wants to shop early.

I finally scribbled down a list and handed it over.

This is what it said:

The Office season 1, 2 and 3.

Scrubs (the latest season, I think it's season 5?)

Lost season 3 (comes out in December)

Gift certificate to Target (I mean I go there a lot)

George Foreman Grill

Elijah Wood

Chocolate fondue set

A husband who throws his dirty clothes in the hamper and dirty dishes in the sink.

-------

When I handed it to Tom he went, "AMBER? Elijah Wood? How many times do I have to tell you that you can't have a person?"

Then he saw the one about the husband and sighed, "Amber? I'm not that bad."

Not that bad?

Why did I find his soda can on the counter then? When the trash was seriously a few inches away??

I told him I'd come up with other things eventually.

"No more people requests," Tom said with a frown.

(I think he's slightly jealous.)

This afternoon Tommy has a Halloween party that I'll be attending. Tom is coming too since it's right before he has to go to work.

I told him to not sit there looking pissed off.

He has this habit of looking..I don't know...MIFFED and it drives me insane.

He's all, "I'm not going to sit there smiling. That'll look even creepier."

I told him to just sit with a pleasant expression on his face.

And to smile at Tommy when he sings. Apparently the kids are going to sing a few songs.

"I hope he doesn't jump around like a fool," Tom grumbled.

Tommy has a habit of dancing around when everyone sings. He loves music.

I'm excited on seeing my boy. I hope I remember the camera.

Maybe they'll give out Reeses Peanut Butter cups.