Wednesday, July 23, 2008

There Goes My Mind...

Reason 489543987 why I believe I'm losing my damn mind.

Last night I set up the DVR to record Wife Swap while I would watch Big Brother live.

Before I watch those programs I have to get the children their baths.

After I do that we head down the stairs and I get Tommy a snack (or try to, sometimes he insists that he's full even though he only had two bites of dinner. I try not to panic but the kid is seriously skin and bones) and I get Natalie her nightly bowl of rice cereal. I know. My baby is a strange one. She does eat a few bites of table food for dinner but it's not enough to fill her up. So I give her the rice cereal and she eats most of that.

For some reason I put the TV on Wife Swap because my warped brain told me that Big Brother came ..wards.

I didn't realize my mistake until after watching Wife Swap.

(Which, by the way, irritated me. Did you see that husband who was all, "You have tits. Breasts. You should be in the home. You're a woman." Are you KIDDING me? That lady had more restraint than I do. She was eating cereal as he was taunting her. I'd have totally hurled my bowl at his smug hick face. There is only so much I can take. But I imagine before you go on the show you have to sign things that basically say, "Thou shall not hit and if thou does thou shall be sued muchly..")

I switched the channel to good old CBS and was stunned when one of those CSI type shows started. Maybe it was CSI? I dunno. All I know is I did NOT want to watch it. I wanted Big Brother!

Then an icy feeling went through me and I realized what I had done.

"OH NOES!" I shrieked.

Then I felt foolish for getting upset over missing a silly reality show.

(And ew, did you know what that April and Ollie have already had sex? That's so disgusting. April looks like the easy type so I can't say I'm surprised. But look at this link:

You see them going at it under a blanket. I mean..hasn't it only been like two weeks? And they're already having sex? I'm sure their parents must be so proud. Especially Ollie's. Isn't he like the preacher's son or something?)

But I just wanted to know who won HOH. I think it was Keesha, right? I went on some websites that like to prattle on and on about nothing and I think I came across that she won, only she didn't really want to win? So now I'm confused.

And I wanted to know if they were still mad at Libra for starting all the drama?

Look, my life is basically drama-free, this type of show amuses me. I mean to watch grown adults behave like children? Priceless! And having couples have sex under blankets after knowing each other for less than a month? Sheer entertainment, I tell you!

I do feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.

I mean, I can't even tell you how many times that I've put laundry in the washer and forgotten to close the lid.

I'll walk back in there and see the wet clothes staring back up at me.

If I actually remember to close the lid then I forget to switch the clothes into the dryer.

I'll walk in with another load that needs to be washed and groan when I open the lid and see a bunch of wadded up clothes in there.

"Not AGAIN, Amber," I'll mutter to myself.

Because being a SAHM has caused me to start speaking to myself. There's only so much child talk a person can muster. And when your husband is either A) sleeping or B) at work (or C on the computer totally ignoring you) you have to resort to having conversations with yourself. Even though it does probably mean you're slightly crazy.

I'll walk into a room and completely forget why I walked in there in the first place.

I'll just stand there, blinking in confusion and then leave the room and do something else.

Then an hour later I'll remember that I went in there to get the tape. Or the glue. Or SOMETHING.

I forget things at the grocery store all the time.

Big things that a normal person wouldn't forget.

Like diapers.

Oh I toss in the Little Debbie snacks.

And the apples.

And those new Ritz crackers with the sprinkles frosting in the middle.

But I'll forget about diapers which is the one thing I TRULY need. Unless I went feces and urine all over the house.

So then I have to waste gas and run BACK to the grocery store.

Yes, I've made lists.

And I somehow forget things on those lists too.

I'm losing my mind, I tell ya!


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