Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I Won! and Checkup Fun!

First off, look what I won!

Jiggity Jigg was hosting a giveaway and I, of course, entered.

The giveaway was for a beautiful necklace from Kristen's Custom Creations. Kristen makes beautiful stuff and I was so hoping that I'd win.

I tried not to get my hopes up too much because I rarely ever win. I mean, I enter giveaways that magazines do all the time and I've never won a single thing.

But then Jiggity Jigg contacted me and told me that I was the winner!

I went, "WOOHOO!" and my husband was all, "What in the WORLD?" because he was all engrosed in some boring old World War 2 program where the narrator talks. like. this. and I probably startled him because I was actually speaking in normal tones.

But anyhow, isn't the necklace beautiful? I love that it says Lucky because it is so true. I was lucky to win the necklace. And I'm lucky to have a husband who puts up with my weirdness and two kids who accept that fact that I will never be one of those crafty moms who can make leaves turn into paper dolls.

So thank you again to Kristen's Custom Creations and to Jiggity Jigg!

And believe me, it's a good thing that I cropped my face out in the picture. I was having a bad face day. People can have bad hair days and bad face days, you see.

And yes, those are The Beatles on my shirt. Because The Beatles rock.

Anyhow, Natalie and Tommy had their checkups yesterday.

At 7:30 in the morning.

When I called to make the appointment I asked if I could possibly combine them. Then the lady on the other end of the phone went, "Sure. That's 7:30 and 8:10 then," and I thought she was giving me an option of which time to show up.

"Oh gosh. 8:10, definately," I said quickly.

I mean 7:30!

I usually wake up at 7. And at the base clinic they like you there fifteen minutes prior. So that would mean I'd have to wake up at 6:30 so I wasn't running around like a crazed lunatic.

Waking up at 7 is hard enough for me. When the alarm goes off I'm always half tempted to throw it against the wall. I have never been a morning person. Well, I guess I was when I was little. But I was a kid and didn't comprehend the beauty of Sleeping In.

But then the lady on the other end of the phone chuckled and went, "No, I've set you up with two appointments. The first one starts at 7:30."


And with the base clinic you don't argue. Because getting an appointment at the base clinic is like getting Nadya Suleman to stop having babies.

So I accepted the horrible 7:30 appointment.

When my alarm went off at 6:30 yesterday I was in the middle of a fantastic dream where I had won the lottery. For some reason I purchased a pile of candy and was jumping into it, flinging pieces in the air and shouting, "I'm Queen of the CANDY!"

I really have bizarre dreams sometimes.

But then the shrill ringing of my alarm clock interrupted that and I angrily cracked open one eye and uttered a naughty word.

Well, a string of naughty words, really.

I forced myself out of bed and trudged into Tommy's room. I always wake him up by rubbing his back so I started to do that and then my eyes started to close.

"Mommy?" Tommy's voice cut through my blissful sleep. "MOMMY!"

My eyes popped open in surprise. Huh? What? CANDY?


Then I realized where I was.

"It's time to wake up. Please get dressed," I muttered and headed for Natalie's room.

Natalie, well, she doesn't like being disturbed when she's sleeping. Which is ironic because she doesn't have any qualms in disturbing me when I'M trying to sleep.

She whined at me and tried to kick my face.

"That's not nice," I told her firmly and scooped her up. She immediately went limp and I don't have much strength first thing in the morning so it was a little awkward carrying her down the stairs.

"Natalie. Please stand up," I said in my best Mom voice. Which didn't sound very stern because I was still half asleep.

Which is probably why Natalie didn't take me seriously and continued to behave like a wet noodle. I tried to set her on the ground and she crumpled to the floor, balled herself up and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

I managed to get breakfast for Tommy and asked Natalie if she wanted to eat.

"NOT UH!" she screamed at me from her ball-form.

I was shocked that we actually made it out the door on time.

When we got to the base clinic I was given some paperwork to fill out. I was trying to do that and prevent Natalie from leaving the waiting room area. At one point she went, "Bye" and started walking off.

It's no wonder that I had only answered three questions by the time we were called back.

Tommy was weighed and measured first.

He is now 44 lbs. And he's 47 and a half inches.

Then they gave him an eye exam down the hall. I could hear him shouting what he saw. I guess they did the picture exam because I could hear Tommy going,

"That's a star! A tree. A cup! Hey, do you want a cup of tea? Tea is good!"

Man my kid is loud. His voice seriously echoed down the hall.

Then I could hear the nurse go, "You don't need to elaborate on the pictures. Just call it a cup and that's fine."

"But tea is good!" Tommy explained. "A cup of tea!"

Having a kid with ADHD is always an exciting adventure.

Then I could hear him go, "A dog. That's a circle. A square. A cat! Do you know I have a cat named Max?!"

The eye exam probably took longer than usual since my kid had to ramble about some of the objects.

But his vision is perfect. Tommy didn't seem thrilled though. He sort of stomped back in the room and said, "This means I don't get glasses!"

He's been wanting glasses since a friend of his wears them now.

After Tommy was finished being looked over then it was Natalie's turn. I had to get her naked to be weighed and she always looks startled that I'm removing her clothes in front of a perfect stranger. I always half expect her to shield her crotch or something.

It turns out that she's 32.5 inches long. And she only weighs 20.2 pounds. Which is in the ZERO percentile.

Oh well.

At least her clothes last longer, you know. People are always all, "Why bother buying new clothes when the kid is going to outgrow them in a week!"

Um. Not MY kids. My kids can wear clothes for a few years before they finally outgrow them.

Natalie actually didn't scream or try to bite the doctor this time.

The bottom line is that both kids are healthy albeit on the skinny side.

I was given a piece of paper that listed a few facts about the two-year-old before I left.

Some of them made me giggle.

I decided to write some responses to some of the statements.

PAPER SAYS: Use picture books to enrich your child's vocabulary. Reading books to your child will help with language development.

MY RESPONSE: So, er, does reading catalogues outloud to the kid count? Because I'll sometimes flip through a clothing magazine and read the description to Natalie.

"Natalie! Listen to this. Beautiful red and white striped dress with buttons accenting the front and OH! OH! look at this darling denim skirt with an adjustable waist!"

I even branch out to the food magazines that constantly stuff my mailbox. I think companies have caught wind that I like to eat.

I recently got a magazine from The Popcorn Factory and I read the following outloud to Natalie:

"This elegant basket is exceptionally impressing with its commanding presence and superior snacks: Easter jellybeans, foil-wrapped chocolate eggs, tortilla chips and salsa, honey roast peanuts, chocolate chips cookies...."

I mean, now she gets excited when I mention the word jellybeans. So I'd say that catalogues count.


PAPER SAYS: Limit television viewing. Do not use the TV as a babysitter or as a substitute for interaction with your child.

MY RESPONSE: Erm. I'm currently writing this and Natalie is watching Yo Gabba Gabba. Is that bad? In my defense, the characters are teaching Natalie that's it's not okay to bite her friends.


PAPER SAYS: Do not worry if your child becomes curious about body parts. This is normal at this age. It is best to use the correct terms for genitals.

MY RESPONSE: So calling a vagina a cahootie and a penis a peen is probably a no-no?


PAPER SAYS: Discipline should be firm and consistent, but loving and understanding. Praise your child for his or her good behavior and accomplishments.

MY RESPONSE: "Good job, Natalie! Thank you so much for not ripping my hair out of its roots when you insisted on brushing it."


PAPER SAYS: Use the two I's of discipline (ignore and isolate) rather than the two S's (shouting and spanking.) When disciplining, try to make a verbal separation between the child and their behavior. ("I love you but I do not like it when you touch the VCR.")

MY RESPONSE: First of all, who has a VCR anymore? Second of all, oops, I may have shouted when Natalie pushed a button on the remote and caused my DVRed Grey's Anatomy to become erased. Was that wrong? Should I have said, "I love you but I do not like that I now don't know how that guy whose face was half gone fared.")


PAPER SAYS: Provide alternatives. "No, you cannot play with the telephone, but you can play with these blocks."

MY RESPONSE: "No, you cannot play with my makeup but you may pretend that my tampons are rockets."


PAPER SAYS: Avoid power struggles. No one wins!

MY RESPONSE: Everyone wins when chocolate is involved. "Want some chocolate? Then please get down from the entertainment center."


PAPER SAYS: The 2-year-old may adopt a security object that he or she keeps with him or her most of the time. This is normal and the youngster will give it up when he or she is ready.

MY RESPONSE: I hope so. Because if Natalie heads off to middle school gripping her creepy Brobee doll then there could be some problems.


PAPER SAYS: Parents should continue to take some time to themselves. Show affection in the family.

MY RESPONSE: But whenever I try to kiss my husband Natalie becomes insanely jealous and throws a tantrum. I feel sorry for her future boyfriend. I can see him talking to another girl and Natalie going off and throwing her Brobee at him.


PAPER SAYS: The 2-year-old will eat barely enough to keep a bird alive. Appetite is finicky and will vary from meal to meal and day to day.

MY RESPONSE: Natalie has always eaten like a bird. It's why she's only twenty pounds.


PAPER SAYS: The child can name foods and tell parents his or her likes and dislikes.

MY RESPONSE: Natalie has been doing this from a young age. She once threw her peas at my head and nearly went into convulsions when I tried to get her to eat some green beans.


Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing this whole parenting thing all wrong. Hrm.


  1. I am so glad you like your necklace, I never win anything either so maybe your luck will rub off on me :)

  2. Absolutely hilarious!

    And um, my 8 month old outweighs your 2 year old. Clearly I should stop feeding him. ;)

  3. you mean "bird" and "peepee" aren't the correct terms? with the amount of times i hear those words thrown around in a given day, i don't care what anyone says, i'm sticking with them!

  4. Abi has her own percentile going on. She'll be four this June and weighs 26 lbs and is 34 inches tall. Her two year old brother has already passed her in weight.

  5. I love your termonolgy! Absoulutely hilarious! My words "tutu" and "tete" wont work either. Hmmm....

  6. Congrats on the necklace..I love those stamped necklaces. my husband watches the history channel too and it drives me nuts, sometimes he is so into it that he wouldn't know if the house was on fire!


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