Thursday, June 11, 2009

My Son, Optimus Prime

Tommy has been out of school for about a week now.

It’s been fantastic having him home. Really it has. I mean, sure he likes to follow me around the house and ask me what I’m doing every few minutes. He’s just curious is all. It’s pretty cool to know that he thinks so highly of me.

Usually I would look forward to putting Natalie down for her nap so I could have some privacy. Isn’t it precious that Tommy still trails behind me even after I put her down? Who needs privacy anyway? It’s just so lovely always being with my son and always---

Oh, who am I kidding?

I need my space!

Why won’t Tommy give me my space?

He has a room FILLED with toys and yet he insists on always being around me. I’m not that interesting! I clean and I clean and I clean some more. Sometimes when I’m feeling extra feisty I may even cook.

It was flattering at first having Tommy always wanting to be near me. But then it got old. I’d politely ask if he wanted to go play with his toys.

“No!” he’d say brightly.

So I’d start to do the dishes and he’d just be standing there...watching...I cannot stand to be watched.

Then Tommy decided to make things extra exciting and started following me wearing this:

The mask also allows him to sound like a robot. So the entire day I have someone at my heels with a voice that sort of resembles C3PO.

This was cute at the beginning. But after a few hours I started to get annoyed. I'd be bending down scrubbing the latest stain out of the carpet. I'd turn around and I'd see this:

And I don't care if I know that he'll be there. It still startles me each time. It's not normal to turn and see an Optimus Prime head staring back at you. It's just not!

I headed off to scrub the toilet.

"What are you doing?" Tommy asked in his robotic voice.

What does it LOOK like I'm doing? was what I wanted to snap back with.

Instead I said, "Well, I'm cleaning the toilets, Tommy."

"It's Optimus Prime," was his response.

I went to mop the floor. I accidentally ran into this:

"Hey Tommy?" I said lightly. "How about you go outside?"

"It's Optimus Prime. And no, I don't want to go outside. I want to clean with you," Tommy--I mean, Optimus Prime answered.

I COULD have pointed out that he wasn't even cleaning. He was just WATCHING. But I didn't. I just bent down to scrub off a mystery stain off the kitchen floor that the mop wasn't getting. Tom squatted down beside me. I looked up and saw this:

Holy CRAP.

When I finished cleaning I had a few minutes before Natalie woke up. So I went to the computer to check my e-mail. Optimus Prime followed me and gazed over my shoulder.

I HATE when people read over my shoulder.

"Tomm--I mean, Optimus Prime? Could I please have some privacy?" I asked nicely.

"What is privacy?" Optimus Prime teased.

"Something that YOU'LL never be getting as a teenager if you keep this up," I muttered.

Eventually--blissfully--I got him to leave me alone for a little bit.


I told Tommy that he needed to save being Optimus Prime for when his Daddy came home. Because surely Daddy would LOVE being followed.

"He would?" Tommy wondered excitedly.

I nodded. "Oh definately. He was just telling me on the phone that he can't WAIT for you to observe him."

Okay, so it's slightly mean. But Tom deserves it. Even though I know he's working hard at military dog training school he gets to have downtime when it's all over. He's talked about going to the Rainforest Cafe and to Sonic and to TGI Fridays....

So really, I don't feel guilty at all.

Have fun with Optimus Prime, Tom.


  1. Yeah, I think that would scare me too!

  2. LOL! That's too funny!

    And I just printed my book through Check it out!

  3. oh, that optimus prime voice is so annoying. sometime optimus prime head and stormtrooper head have battles in my house. that's a lot of fun, too. not.

  4. Privacy? I've never heard that before? Today I took a shower...while my dogs sat and stared at me the whole time...kinda weird

  5. I started to giggle.... and now it's just an outright burst of laughter. I love your blog, I just do.

    I am curious about something. Does Tom read your blog?

  6. When he's 14 and slamming doors screaming "I hate you!", you'll look back fondly on the days when he was just happy to mop with you.

  7. Sounds like he's old enough to start doing chores....

  8. Hand him a dustrag or a broom or something and tell him that Optimus Prime LOVES to clean. He'll help you or he'll steer clear ... either way, you'll benefit! :)

  9. Can't you send him over to that boys house? You know the one at is annoying. Wouldn't they be perfect together?

  10. I think I love you. Way to shove it off on your husband! Optimus Prime will be counting the days. :)

    I work from home full time and I cannot get the two of them out of my office. One week in...we are so close to SUMMER FAIL.

  11. Now I'm looking fwd to the posts you write when Optimus is a teenager seeking privacy. Ha!

  12. That's hilarious.. at least he wants to be with you! That's sweet.. even if he is a robot. :)

  13. So funny! But what I can't get over is the fact that you clean! I'm a stay at home I supposed to be cleaning throughout the day too? ;)

    I've got a fun tag over at my place if you are interested...

  14. Privacy! What is that? I can't remember the last time I was able to be in the bathroom with some animal coming in to smell what is going on or a child busting through the door.

    School gets out today so thank you for the preview of what I will probably be experiencing sometime in the near future.

    Wishing you a scent-sational weekend!

  15. You are a very patient Mom. You know, patience is a virtue, not one that I hold very close, but it is!
    I think it is clearly a funny way to have Tommy save that Optimus Prime stalking for Father and Son time! What a great way to work it out!

  16. That is too funny!! I know the feeling of getting scared even though you know something is right still for some reason don't expect it. My husband says I'm the easiest person in the world to scare!! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and visiting! Double thanks for the prayers for Tink.

  17. LOL!

    I'm just thankful your sake that it wasn't a Cylon helmet (from Battlestar Galactica) complete with the red light "eyeball" going back and forth and voice synthesis device repeating with a most annoying gravelly voice "By your command" over and over...

  18. I agree, he needs to experience everything that you do while he's gone. And while he is experiencing the things that come with being a "single" parent, you should go out and experience everything he has. Like the rain forest cafe and TGI Fridays right?

  19. OMG!! I giggled through the whole post! Love how you posted pics in between your thoughts. Definitely felt like he was stalking me too!!!

    YOU NEED TO FIND THAT BOY A FRIEND!!! I know it's tough to find a free child. They are all in some kind of over priced day care/camp.

    Your writing style is excellent. If you have a minute and remember, email me how the heck you put the pictures into the middle of the post!!

  20. lol. too funny! We're having the same thing over here...except I told my son that if he followed me around he had to cleaned. He cleaned a little bit and then went off to play with toys! Whew!

  21. My son has a Darth Vader Helmet that makes heavy breathing noises! It's really nice too!

    Sorry for the olives again! :0)

  22. Tomitus Prime. It could be worse. He could be Dora or boots.

  23. The end of the story took a slightly evil turn.

  24. Check out this must have for the Optimus Prime mother

  25. Oh that's too funny, makes me think of my boys.

  26. There's just something about moms that is so interesting. I remember doing this with my mom. Except that she threw sandles at us to get us to go away. My personal favorite when I would try to watch her cook: "The kitchen is no place for a boy." Yea, yea . . . She's really, really old school. Funny thing? I'm the only one of her kids that enjoys cooking! LOL

  27. Yikes...definitely only one of those "funny the first time" things.


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