Monday, August 17, 2009

On Fancy Restaurants

My husband and I don’t get out a lot together. We just don’t have babysitters around us. I mean, I guess I could find a local teenager but I just wouldn’t trust her thanks to cell phones and iPods and other electronic devices that seem to take over their worlds. Suppose my daughter escapes the house and is walking into traffic and teenaged Suzy doesn’t even notice because she’s too busy texting, desperate to find out if Chad likes her and ohmigod, should she dye her hair pink?

So it just means we don’t get dates. Which is fine, really. It’s hard to figure out a movie that we agree on anyway. He prefers movies where things blow up and I prefer movies where people fall in love and music swells in the background.

The good news is, when we were at the beach for our mini family reunion last week we had two opportunities to go out on a date.

The first one we got to go out to lunch and see a movie. Granted, my cousin and her husband were with us but we didn’t care. We were KIDS FREE!

This meant that I could eat my food the minute it arrived instead of worrying about cutting up someone’s meat first. This meant I could have an ADULT CONVERSATION that wouldn’t be interrupted by a tiny person’s voice informing me that they have a booger wedged in their nose.

It was bliss.

Then we decided to see the new Adam Sandler movie Funny People which was pretty good but talked about penises a lot. Oh, and there seemed to be a curse word every few minutes. But that’s okay.

The next day we were able to go out to dinner with my cousins. Without kids. We went to this Italian restaurant and our waiter was named John but I really wanted to call him Guiseppe.

It was sort of fancy so I kept inwardly reminding myself to sit up straight and to chew with my mouth closed. Not that I chew with my mouth OPEN but I admit there are times when I probably show more than I should. It’s just, sometimes I get inspired to say something and I have to blurt it out or else I forget since my memory is shot these days.

The restaurant served this delicious warm bread with a dipping sauce that I was in love with. I couldn’t stop eating the bread. I’d take a bite and say that this was my final bite but then a few seconds later I’d reach and grab another piece.

“Hide this from me,” I told Tom, shoving the basket towards him.

“Um where? We’re at a table,” he replied.

Gee Tom, get inventive. Build a tower with the salt and pepper shakers! Cover it with the napkin. Just GET IT OUT OF MY SIGHT!

I also had to remember to fan out the cloth napkin neatly across my lap. I have a bad habit of bunching it in my lap which doesn’t exactly look nice.

I ordered this fabulous pasta but when it arrived, I had to remind myself that I had to eat it politely. I couldn’t slurp up the noodles like I do at home.

So I cut them up neatly and tried to take ladylike bites. If someone asked me a question I’d cock my head to the side thoughtfully as I chewed and would wait until I swallowed to answer. I made sure I didn’t put my elbows on the table. I sipped my diet Coke in a dainty way.

I would have ordered wine but I’m a weird one and I don’t like wine.

My cousin ordered some Chianti and I said something like, “Oh, wasn’t that what the psycho on The Silence of the Lambs wanted?” and a silence fell over the table for a few seconds.

Apparently you’re not supposed to mention psychos who eat people in fancy restaurants.

“This is just SCRUMPTIOUS,” I told the table, gesturing to my pasta. I never use the word scrumptious but saying, “This is kick ass” didn’t seem like a fancy restaurant thing to say.

Tom raised his eyebrow at my usage of the word scrumptious though. “Scrumptious?” he repeated in a baffled tone.

I ignored him.

After we ate, my cousin Anna and I wanted dessert. The men were being strange and were saying they didn’t want any.

How can a person NOT want dessert?

We called Guiseppe over and asked him what the choices were.

He listed off a bunch of things and we both settled on the blueberry pie with cinnamon ice cream.

Guiseppe had mentioned a chocolate cake that had piqued my interest but I was worried that it would arrive all decorated with chocolate syrup swirled around the plate. I HATE when places do that because I’m always tempted to run my finger along the syrup and eat it. But it’s just not the proper thing to do. It’s just meant for decoration which means you’re supposed to LEAVE IT.

That’s like a total waste of food. Who can leave perfectly good chocolate syrup?

I certainly can’t which is why I went with the blueberry pie.

The pie, by the way, was delicious.

“Scrumptious again,” I said. The cinnamon ice cream was also amazing. If I had been at home I’d have picked up the bowl and licked it clean.

“I want Dairy Queen,” Tom said as I finished up.

DAIRY QUEEN? We’re in a fancy restaurant and he wants DAIRY QUEEN?

Actually, a blizzard sounded really good

“Okay,” I said with a shrug. There was one nearby so we stopped on the way home.

Blizzards rock. I think my cousins were surprised over all that I ate.

“How can you eat that?” they asked, gesturing to my second dessert of the night.

“Er....I have a large stomach?” I replied, plopping my elbows on the table. It felt so nice not to have to be all FANCY. I also slouched back in my seat and slurped up my ice cream. I am not ladylike. I can pretend to be for a few hours but that’s it.

“Is it scrumptious?” Tom teased.

I grinned. “Of course.”

You can never go wrong with Dairy Queen after all.


  1. I think I prefer non-fancy food, too. Usually they give you those teeny-tiny little portions. That's how come you had room for two desserts!

  2. I think I prefer non-fancy food, too. Usually they give you those teeny-tiny little portions. That's how come you had room for two desserts!

  3. "How can you eat all that? " I vote them off the island your next yummy meal. Do this non foodies also have children?? And....

    now I need to make an apple pie to top with cinnamon graeters home town ice cream!! I'll take a pic of it for you.

  4. Darn it Kathy beat me!! I thought I would be first :-(

  5. Well the meal does sound scrumptious and you go girl eating two desserts. I'm not that much a dessert person. I would have asked for another basket of bread and that tasty dipping stuff for my dessert.

  6. The wasting chocolate syrup bugs me too. That is some good stuff!

    So glad you got two date nights. Even the teen that lives with us is untrustworthy for more than an hour or so and I usually have a "helper" there, just in case. She's not called ED (Easily Distracted) for nothing.

  7. You're supposed to leave it? I didn't know that. Wow. Now that explains some of the dirty looks I get...

    I guess adult conversation consists of the word penis alot... and swear words every few minutes...

    Seems a bit overrated to me... :)

  8. We're non-fancy food people too, but I'll take any opportunity to eat out kid free.

    Glad you had fun.

  9. I'm a Small Heath Blizzard with Extra Stuff. Now.

  10. Scrumptious? I've gotta use that one.

    You don't like wine? Wait, you don't like wine?

    Okay, you need to go to a wine tasting and learn a bit about wine first and then maybe you'll think differently. I am determined to turn every non-wine drinker into a wine drinker because I used to HATE wine and now (as you may have guessed by my passionate plea) I LOVE wine!

    And blizzards too of course!

  11. Dude, pie and blizzards are mandatory for date night.

  12. i like non-fancy food and feeling comfortable in a resturant as well!
    i think i still amaze my fiance with how much food i can eat, more than him...that's for sure ;)

  13. I have the worst craving for ice cream now!
    Sounds like two very lovely kid-free outings...I love the part where you realize you can eat right away without having to cut up someone else's food...

  14. Okay, I'm really hungry now! I'm off to get a Blizzard.

  15. I swear - didn't Dairy Queen use 'Scrump-dilly-icious' in an ad campaign once? It is stuck in my head after reading this post and it won't go away. "Let's all go, hand in hand, to the Dairy Queen in that scrump-dilly-icious land..."

    I like less fancy, too. I like to put my elbows on the table.

    My husband doesn't understand the concept of saving room for dessert. He's weird. He does like wine, though...

  16. I like fancy every now and then. We ate at a fancy place for Valentine's Day, that cost about $100. It wasn't that great. I wish we had gone to the KFC buffet.

  17. My DH can turn the best food evening into a mess with a treat from DQ! Glad to know my DH is not the only one! LOL

  18. The swirls on the plate are so that you can take your dessert fork and run the pie or cake through it for added flavor. . . .however, it is tempting when you know it's gonna be yummy to lean down and lick it off the plate. ::))

  19. Uh, hello? Wasted syrup? Why I never! You just take a piece of the cake and RUB IT IN the dripped syrup. C'mon! Short of picking up the plate and licking it, this is a close second!

    Dairy Queen Rocks! And if I don't stop going to one, I'm going to be the size of a Dairy Queen!

  20. I love me some fancy food but there is nothing like a hot dog, beer and ice cream in your sweats at home.

  21. Fancy food once in a while, but DQ anytime:)

  22. Mmmm all that does sound scrumptious! And if I pay $8 for a slice of cake, you better believe I'm somehow making sure that chocolate syrup on the plate gets digested whether I have to sponge it up with the cake or scoop it up with the spoon!

  23. But you gotta admit, going to a fancy ass restaurant and pretending to be all posh was fun! I know it is for me! :)

  24. wasn't that adam sandler movie LONG? I liked parts of it but it was just too long.

    anywho, nice date ;)

  25. So true and no there putting girl scout cookies in the blizzard. Have mercy!! Great post as always sweetie!

  26. Yeah thanks for I have a craving for cinnamon ice cream. And it's 10.30pm. And it's cold. And I'm meant to be asleep. Dammit.

  27. Sounds delish....I want some ice cream too! Glad you had some dates without the kiddos! Have a great week!

  28. you can totally use the chocolate sauce on the plate to drag your dessert through and sop up all that extra chocolateyness! i went the the french culinary institute, so i know! hehe!

  29. I could NEVER remember those manners at a restaurant!! I'm impressed you got through it lady-like! ;) And a blizzard is always heavenly...

  30. Wow! To have a kid free date. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. The best kid free dates we get revolve around birthday or Christmas shopping FOR the kids. Sounds like you had a great time.


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