Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Diaper Emergency

“Tom! We have a diaper emergency! I repeat: a diaper emergency!” I yelled into the phone.

“Amber, can you say hello first like normal people?” came my husband’s irritated voice.

“Not during an emergency,” I answered.

“What’s a diaper emergency?” Tom sighed. He was at work and was not pleased on having been disturbed.

“I was going to get diapers for Natalie today but it’s snowing like mad outside and you know how I get when I drive in the snow. So can you pick up some diapers?” I asked sweetly.

“Now?” Tom said in an incredulous tone.

Sometimes I think my husband is a half-wit.

“Yes, now! Why else would I be calling about a diaper emergency?” I said impatiently.

“I’m at work now.” Tom was speaking to me as though I were a complete idiot.

“I get that. But can you, I don’t know, run into the commissary really quick?”

“No! I’m not allowed to go shopping while on duty. You know this.” I pictured Tom rubbing his temples. He says sometimes when he talks to me that he gets a headache.

“Yes, but surely your boss would understand a diaper emergency,” I pointed out.

“No,” Tom said. “He wouldn’t. I can go after work.”

“But Natalie has two diapers left! She might not make it till the end of the day!” I shrieked. “Just..nevermind. I’ll get the diapers myself. I just hope we don’t crash.”

“No!” Tom shouted. “The roads are bad out there. I’ll pick up diapers after work. That’s all I can do.”


After I hung up, I looked at Natalie.

Then I had an idea. I went and dusted off her potty and held it over my head as though it were trophy.

“Do you know what this is?” I said to Natalie, my voice high-pitched. I had to make it seem like this potty was the most exciting thing in the world. I was trying to channel Steve from Blue’s Clues. The man gets excited over a freaking spoon. Surely I could get excited over a hunk of plastic.

“This is a potty. A fantastic potty! And do you know what? You get to go in it today!” Then I set it down and clapped my hands manically.

Natalie stared at me with eyes as big as saucers. This did not compute.

“Natalie,” I tried again. “You’re two. You’ll be three in March. I think it’s time that we ditch the diapers. What do you think?”

Natalie frowned. “I yike diapers!”

I made a face as though she had just announced that she liked brussel sprouts. “How can you like diapers? They look like they’re terribly uncomfortable. Underwear is soft and comfortable.”

“I yike DIAPERS!”


I rushed upstairs and brought down the various packs of underwear that I’ve bought.

“Here are some Yo Gabba Gabba underwear! And oh look, Princess underwear!” I gushed, holding them up.

“Yo Gabba Gabba,” Natalie said and took a pair.

“Do you want to take off your diaper and put these on?” I tried to make it seem like I didn’t care one way or another. If you get too hopeful, she senses it and will abruptly run off.

“Yes!” Natalie agreed.

I wanted to click my heels with joy. But I composed myself and calmly helped her put on the underwear. I thought, “This is it! This is the day when she’s going to use the potty. I’ll get to call Tom back and tell him that he doesn’t need to pick up diapers because Natalie is potty trained. I can—”


A tinkling sound caught my attention.

Natalie was totally taking a piss in the middle of the carpet.

“Natalie! The potty! The potty!” I picked her up mid flow and plopped her on her throne.

“I NO YIKE POTTY!” she bellowed, kicking her legs. “I NO YIKE POTTY!”

“Why don’t you like it? It’s tiny and white and…has green armrests,” I began to flounder, unsure of what else to say about it.

“NO!” Natalie screeched, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Do you want to use the potty that we use? Is that the problem?” I asked.

“!” Natalie answered, staring me right in the eye.

“What, do you expect to be in diapers forever?” I boomed, losing my patience.

“Yes,” Natalie said primly.

So the diaper went back on. I know some people say to toss out the diapers and refuse to buy them anymore. But you have to understand, I have a really, REALLY stubborn daughter. She’d probably urinate all over the house.

Thankfully Tom got home a little early. I rushed out when I saw him pull up.

“The diapers?” I said, holding my hands out. I nearly slipped on some snow.

“You know, I thought my wife was being all sweet greeting me and all you want are the diapers?” Tom said with a mock hurt expression on his face.


“Here,” Tom said and handed the package to me.

“Thank you. I love you!” I said and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

When Natalie saw the diapers she clapped her hands. “Yay. I yike diapers!”

“You like diapers and not the potty? You’d rather sit in your filth then?” I said, not understanding my daughter’s logic.

Natalie took the package from me. “I yike diapers.”

Fine. So she’ll be the only college bound kid in Pampers, I guess.


  1. I know how that goes. I just went through it. My youngest was so stubborn about going #2 on the potty. He would rather do #2 in his diaper than in the potty. I couldn't understand how that could be comfortable. But he recently got over it and is now fully potty trained.

  2. she won't - i promise! my son decided at 3 yrs and 4 mths that he was no longer wearing diapers and my son is HUGE so at this point they were PULL UPS and they were EXPENSIVE and that was it. no more. he had like 2 accidents. this was after numerous head-banging attempts to potty train him. the head ache isn't worth it - stock up on diapers!

  3. I am right there with you. My daughter is 2 1/2 and I know that I will see a lot of resistance. Very smart with the Yo Gabba Gabba underwear. I bought pull ups thinking I was ready - and I don't know if its much her as it is me. potty training scares me.

    i yike diapers too.

  4. I couldn't get my son to do the potty thing till he was 3. One day i said thats it no more diapers "well only at night" That night i forgot to put a diaper on him and he didn't pee the bed and never has since i put him in undies!
    My daughter on the other hand was a peeing queen and took forever to potty train her fully! It was tireing.. so let her go when she is ready.. Just pull the potty out everyonce in a while! You could also put it in the bathroom and while ur in there with her start with putting make up on and having her copy you and tell her she's a big girl like mommy and then maybe take a pee and see if she copies!

  5. Ha! I kiked this post. My husband does not seem to understand 'diaper emergencies' and the like either. Although we call them nappies over here!

  6. I am going to be in the same boat as you. Maybe my kids and Natalie can go to the same college where they all wear diapers. The only thing is, its got to be cheap. B/c after buying diapers for that many years there is no money for college.

  7. Hahaha- I know it's not funny but honestly, I've never seen a kid walk into kindergarten wearing diapers. She'll get it eventually.

  8. Haha, despite the cute speech impediment, this girl is clearly wise beyond her years and knows herself very well.

    I wish you luck. And I recommend bribes. They did wonders with me.

  9. She won't be the only kid in college still in diapers, my almost 3 and a half year old will be right there with her. I've tried to put him on the potty, but all he does run around naked yelling "BUTT!" and then pee on the carpet. Fun times.

  10. She's not ready....! And she's your baby... so I say, College, it is!

  11. I've been there. My kids were both over 3 years old before I got them trained. It was a hassle to try before they were ready.

  12. I wonder what Lindsey Lohan would advise?

    I YIKE your blog! :)

  13. I yike you, you are so funny...Tom must yike you a whole bunch more than green armrests because my honey would have called me a nasty name and then brought home the diapers.

  14. My oldest was stubborn too! I bought her the Once Upon a Potty video for girls and started a sticker chart and it took no time at all for her to decide she didnt yike diapers no more!

  15. Ah, the joy of potty training. Two of my kids started 3-year-old preschool in diapers. I guess they yiked diapers too.

  16. Cameron has the fantastic habit of saying, "Peepee, Mommy, peepee" ... AFTER he has taken off his diaper and pissed all over the place.

    Look on the bright side: Natalie may not be potty trained yet, but at least you've only got ONE in diapers. :)

  17. Cameron has the fantastic habit of saying, "Peepee, Mommy, peepee" ... AFTER he has taken off his diaper and pissed all over the place.

    Look on the bright side: Natalie may not be potty trained yet, but at least you've only got ONE in diapers. :)

  18. Diaper Emergencies are the worst!

  19. Jesse was over three before she decided she was ready for the potty. One day she decided she was done with diapers. *shrugs shoulders* Go with the flow on these stubborn little ones.

    I never had a diaper emergency. Just "I need ingredients for cookies cause the kids are driving me crazy" emergencies.

  20. I SO feel you. My son turned three last month and has ZERO interest in the potty. NONE. He won't even tell me when he has a dirty diaper. I figure I'll pay for diapers until he's big enough for Depends. Then hes on his own.

  21. Victory will be yours soon enough! I can't wait to read the post about the celebration of her potty training. My nephew didn't get fully potty trained until he was nearly three. Took my sis-in-law an entire summer . . . They used the "big boys don't wear diapers" approach. Worked like a charm. :)

  22. and yet, there are moments where I wish I still used them...

  23. Sometimes it's a longer battle than other times. But soon enough I'm sure she'll begin to yike the potty.

  24. Wow..that was funny to read, but not so fun for mom I bet. How was the rest of your day, lol!


  25. Oh how I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am to be past the potty training/diaper stage! Though, I am attached to them not pronouncing things correctly, I yike it when they can't say something's cute!

  26. You have to wait until THEY are ready otherwise it is a waste of time. Seriously, they are all hard headed like that.

  27. you guys will get there eventually... i have faith in her.. lol!!!!

  28. On the happy side, that pee on the carpet saved you one diaper. Without it you *might* not have made it until Tom got home!

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  30. With three in diapers all at the same time, once I had to get creative with a what mommy calls her, "monthly diapers,". Stash a few of these they may come in handy for you one day too.

  31. That will help when she's 90 and need them again anyway :)

  32. at least you wont have to worry about her dating... relief!

  33. College in diapers could have saved a million hours in bathroom lines in the bars. We could patent that!! I yike Natalie stories. That kid cracks me up.

  34. My stubborn girl-child is still in night nappies and she's 3½!

    Sometimes I think I'll be buying night nappies until the teenage boys start teasing her. She'll probably just wallop them for takin' the piss outta her.

    Every child is different.

    Her sister threw away all her nappies at 2.

    I don't understand it either.

  35. That is not such a bad idea after all she is a pretty girl that might keep the boys away for awhile. Or atleast have her home in time for curfew!

  36. OH I KNOW. Our girls are the same age, and I've got a stubborn one too. She says she's 'scared' to go poop on the potty, and only intermittently will pee on it. We've tried everything- reverse psychology, candy rewards, now we're trying a sticker chart with only marginal success. I give up! heh

  37. I YIKE the idea of Yo Gabba Gabba pants! Do they do adult sizes?

  38. Stopping by from SITS. Great post, you are a great writer. My oldest son was just like that, and was 3.5 years old before he was trained. *sigh*

  39. Nope, my kid will be sitting right next to her, in the college dorm, sporting Pull-Ups.

  40. I am totally dreading the whole potty training ordeal. Granted, my son is just an infant right now, but everyone has told me how hard it can be to potty train... especially boys!! Well, I think you're doing a great job! She'll be using the potty when she's ready, I'm sure :-)

  41. I will see a lot of resistance. Very smart with the Yo Gabba Gabba underwear. I bought pull ups thinking I was ready - and I don't know if its much her as it is me. potty training scares me.

    Work from home India

  42. I don't know why but it amazes me how Nathan has more interest in the potty then Natalie does. LOL... He'll follow me into the bathroom and sit on his potty after lifting up his shirt... LOL... it's so cute. I wish I could start potty training him, but not until after his next surgery.

  43. Don't worry. She'll yike underwear sometime soon. No kid goes to kindergarten in a diaper. Although I think in Natalie's case, she's having a control issue with you. She is one tough cookie. Good luck with her in the teenage years!


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